Thanks Google: 50 Reasons I Appreciate You!

These are 50 of the reasons I can say thanks Google for all you have done in my life!

If you get a good laugh out of me saying thanks Google, my mission has been accomplished!

  1. You gave me the images and videos I needed to help fall asleep.
  2. You eliminated the need for me to ever buy a dirty magazine or DVD.
  3. You hid 1,500 offers for me to share my bank account info in exchange for a large sum of cash I somehow inherited.
  4. You showed me where to meet girls and my wife online.
  5. You believe I am the best Jerry Banfield in this world.
  6. You indexed the syllabus when I was a teaching assistant which my wife used to verify my identity prior to our third date.
  7. You allowed me to self diagnose a sore throat every illness ever.
  8. You found my only bumper sticker which reads “Wear your seat-belt.  It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.”
  9. You encouraged me to throw out recycle my phone books.
  10. You proved Adolf Hitler is more popular than most of our politicians.
  11. You told me which graduate school I should attend and which I should not attend.
  12. You never judged me for looking up my exes an old friend or two.
  13. You found more than five places for me to live.
  14. You located the house my wife and I now own.
  15. You helped me rescue two dogs.
  16. You saved me from my blackberry.
  17. You made sure I knew about all of the personal injury attorneys in Sarasota.
  18. You saved me from Yahoo mail’s inbox limit.
  19. You inspired me to start my company after I read Steven Levy’s book In the Plex.
  20. You knew where all of the fart jokes were hidden.
  21. You let me repeat “Fack” by Eminem on my phone ten times in a row.
  22. You killed encyclopedias as we knew them.
  23. You came in like a wrecking ball on YouTube.
  24. You didn’t buy Instagram or what’s the name of that other stupid app I have never used?
  25. You won me all of the arguments with my friends and family.
  26. You pinpointed all of the liquor stores near me.
  27. You pinpointed all of the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings near me just close enough for me to pull into the ABC store parking lot nearby.
  28. You guided me to the best file sharing programs.
  29. You stopped me from downloading a bunch of viruses.
  30. You gave me a backrub.
  31. You pledged not to be evil.
  32. You found me cheap plane tickets to Vegas.
  33. You got my friend just lost enough not to get a DUI.
  34. You helped my Mom find a great dressage rap video on YouTube.
  35. You fought communism.
  36. You hosted my first successful business website.
  37. You got me several new customers.
  38. You somehow showed my Google+ page to over a hundred thousand people?
  39. You called me maybe.
  40. You listed people other than “Doc Love” that could give me dating advice.
  41. You sent me one of the earliest invites to Gmail.
  42. You shared alternatives to dying by PowerPoint presentation.
  43. You eliminated my need for GoToMeeting with Google+ hangouts.
  44. You paid for commercials that were worth sitting through at Carmike cinemas.
  45. You gave my Dad an email address even though he only used the computer a few times.
  46. You showed me where an author featured me in his book.
  47. You let me listen to every song for free on YouTube.
  48. You encouraged me to go to another restaurant in Miami when I wasn’t dressed nice enough for the first one.
  49. You gave me the incognito window.
  50. You found people in nearly every country in the world that would watch my YouTube videos.

Thanks Google to everyone at your headquarters and offices around the world for making my life better!