It’s possible to have fun without consequences in life. This might seem obvious, but we often think consequences and frustration are a result of having fun. Why is it that so many of the things we do are set up on having that good time? I knew when I was a kid, I could have fun without there being any consequences. There weren’t going to be any hangover or criminal penalties for me playing basketball.
By the time I was a young man, I took for granted that the price of having fun was paying the consequences. Sometimes you had to pay the price for having a good time and that’s just how life worked. You have fun and you pay the price for it.
This is easy to see with addictions. For example, if you go out and get drunk, obviously you’re going to have a hangover. That’s my definition of paying the price.
You go out, get drunk, and have fun and then the next day you’re going to be miserable and have a hangover. You may barely feel decent and tell everyone how happy you are. It’s easy to see those kinds of things on other people.
It’s challenging to look inside and see the assumptions that are being made. Relationships are often taken for granted. People think you have to go through pain and frustration to get the good out of a relationship. I have a friend that’s dating a girl and she treats him like crap. He takes it for granted that to have a girlfriend, he has to pay the price of getting treated like crap. That’s typically not the case.
I just saw a thing that they gave to me in college that I didn’t pay any attention to. It said the difference between healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships. is that in unhealthy relationships, everything comes with a set of consequences. Every time you talk to or spend time with someone, there’s potential for consequences to come up.
To have fun at work you might have to do something that’s not allowed. You could be browsing Facebook all day or trying to play a game on your phone and it’s not allowed. I took for granted that if I wanted to have fun at work I had to break the rules a little bit and I had to pay the consequences. I didn’t lose my job, but I’d get in trouble or I’d pay the guaranteed consequence of anxiety. I’d suffer from the fear that I might get in trouble some day. Often I never got in trouble, but I paid the guaranteed price of fear. I knew that someday I was liable to get caught.
In driving, I often sped 10 – 20 miles over the speed limit and I would be so anxious and afraid of getting pulled over. I’ve been pulled over about 10 times for speeding violations and I’m only 31. I averaged getting pulled over once a year. Most of the time I got away with it.
I just took for granted that in order to drive fast to get where I was going and then sometimes you had to get pulled over. Today, I see that I can have a good time without the need to have consequences. That is how I was programmed as a kid. I didn’t think I had to pay the price to have fun when I was a kid.
At some point, I had to pay the price of guilt, shame, remorse, or being mistreated. At some point, I thought life was give and take. You can’t have a relationship without being with someone that treats you like crap sometimes. That’s not true. You are never going to have a relationship where there’s no pain and suffering. You can have a relationship where 99.9% of the time things are great. You can have a relationship where they say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time they are there. You don’t have to put up with a person who’s lying cheating and stealing from you. You deserve to be loved and that’s the foundation behind having fun without consequences. You deserve to be loved.
Today, sometimes I still get in the same situation. I want to stay up gaming with my friends past my normal bed time. The next day I don’t get much sleep because I get woken up and there’s a price in terms of discomfort – being tired. It’s annoying being tired all day. There’s some of you watching this that having spent a day in the last year or two where you weren’t tired. I’ve had whole years in my life where I was tired every single day.
Now, I am rarely tired. I am 100% most days from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. I get a little tired when it’s time to go to bed, but I am roaring full of energy. That’s because I’m not paying that fatigue price of staying up too late playing video games. A lot of these things might sound pretty minor. Yet, all the big problems that I have in my life start with lots of little problems.
The big problems start seeming difficult to solve like poverty education. These things start sounding difficult to solve. We don’t need to solve any of those big problems. All the problems you see in life are collections of little problems. If you solve all the little problems, the big problems disappear. If I stay on top of all the problems I have. People ask me why do I talk about my problems all the time? It’s because it motivates me to look at them and solve them. If I don’t talk about my problems then I can act in denial where I don’t have any problems and my life is perfect. I’m in a position where I can say my life is perfect and I don’t have any problems.
Most people in the world will look at my life and ask what problems could I have? I have a wife, a child, I work at home, I don’t have a boss. I’m healthy and in good shape. Everything is great for me, I have no problems. Yet, I have just as many small problems as anyone else does. Taking care of all the little small problems doesn’t keep them from coming up. It does eliminate a lot of the big problems from coming up. This one problem has been a consistent thing for me to deal with lately and it’s one I’ve been dealing with a long time. The idea that my fun comes with consequences, even if they’re minor consequences. Today I tackle small problems so that’s why I’m talking about it.
Today I pray that I don’t have to pay a price for having fun as long as I’m having fun in the right way. I pray that if I’m paying the price to have fun, I’m willing to look for ways to have the fun without paying the price. And I’m willing to give up having the fun and give up having to pay the price in favor of finding a better way of living. I pray that you have the same opportunity today to get the willingness that I have to solve my problems. I pray that you are motivated to look at all the areas of your life where there’s room for improvement. I hope you have a great day today and thanks for spending time with me.