Arguing with reality is completely insane. To disagree with how things are at this moment is crazy. It’s crazy because it’s a fact. Things are at this moment is exactly how they are. Arguing with it only makes you miserable. I know, I’ve done it a lot in my life.
My daughter just went through an hour long screaming bout. I changed her diaper and her mom fed her just an hour before and she just seemed unhappy. I tried some of the normal things and they didn’t work. She just screamed and screamed. To argue with that is to get annoyed that she’s screaming. It’s easier to see how not to argue when things are quiet and peaceful.
For example, there’s a plane flying overhead right now and I used to argue with it. I would be upset that the plane was interrupting my video. I would argue and fight with it. I would try and film over it most of the time now. You can hear it in the background a little bit and it’s not that big of a distraction. I used to argue with the plane and get mad that it was ruining my video.
It’s the same way with my daughter. That’s what she does. If she feels something she doesn’t like, she just screams and yells. She is arguing with how things are and she’s only a week and a half old. She screams and yells about how she feels and she goes into a towering rage. It’s a miracle if any of us can ever get over living like that. If you can deal with how things are without screaming like an infant. There’s nothing wrong with how she is, she’s just perfect. She suffers a lot when she’s hungry or has to go to the bathroom because she tenses up and she argues. She screams, fights, and thrashes because she hates how things are. She could communicate to us a lot easier. she wouldn’t have to put her whole body into hating it because that’s all she knows how to do now.
That’s all I knew how to do most of my life. I didn’t actually show it , but I learned how to keep that same energy in my mind. It would often come out in various forms like anger. How many people do you know of that act like an infant, getting their hands and fists and whole body tense? The words they say communicate the same emotion as an infant crying and screaming. Sometimes the body will actually match the same language. There will be the eyes closing and the fists pounding and legs flailing. To me, it’s a miracle to ever get passed that in your whole life. If you have purpose in your life it’s to live with peace and grace and acceptance and to not live arguing with what is.
When you argue with what is you create a reality that’s worse than what is. That’s even more worth arguing with. Acceptance often looks like just adapting to the moment. If I’m creating a video and my daughter goes into a full screaming towering rage, I stop filming the video. When she’s done, I get to pick up. She got to sleep about 10 minutes before and I thought it would be a good time to give videos a try. I thought I would be able to make lots of videos this morning, but with my daughter in a screaming rage and my wife needing sleep, it did not work.
Now, I could’ve got pissed off and said I need to make these videos. People need this. People need for me to do what’s needed every moment. What I need to do is not project what I think should be done on top of what is because that’s crazy. It’s amazing to see how many different forms it takes. As you get older it will take the form of complaints.
That’s how life often gets. It’s the same functionality of being an infant. It’s that rejection of what is because somehow you know better than what actually exist. This video has provided me with great opportunities to mean what I’m saying. I’m not acting, but there was a siren in the background and a plane over head. If I projected what I thought was perfect, I would say that all background noise should be completely quiet while I’m filming.
I have a student in one of my courses struggling with the same thing I did when I was filming on a more regular basis. There’s a frustration associated with any background noises that came in. Whatever background noise was the universe saying “F you” to my videos. I had something important to do, I was trying to film. Every time I did that it hurt. I was so used to that hurt for most of my life, I accepted that as how you felt being alive. But to be live was to be in pain. The pain of being alive is that resistance. That something is always wrong with how it is. My hair doesn’t look quite how it should. My body doesn’t look how it should.
There’s always something wrong. There’s always something to crazy about. There’s always something to be frustrated with. I’m grateful today I don’t have to live like that. I have this gift that I can accept how things are pretty most of the time.
I was talking to my mom last night and I got a little depressed and mopy which is much better than the anger I used to have. I would often get upset after talking to my parents especially if my parents were suffering. It seems pretty easy to deal when my daughter crying but when your mom’s crying it’s often harder to accept.
My wife pointed that out and I was able to accept the resistance. If you can accept the thing itself, you can accept the resistance to the thing itself. She’s doing well, but she was a little sad last night and I was a little sad last night so I couldn’t be there for her. I got a little anxious trying to run into the future. I was trying to run from the non-acceptance. My wife asked if I was okay and she helped me see that I was a little mopy after talking to my mom. I didn’t react well to that. I could see the non-acceptance now that’s happening this moment. I can accept that I’m not doing well and then the non-acceptance disappears.
When my daughter starts screaming or crying and I can’t handle it, I can at least accept that I am fighting how things are. The issue itself will disappear. It often helps to take a deep breath. That’s the easiest way to accept how things are and feel gratitude for what you’re feeling right now.
The difference between arguing about how things are and accepting it is to realize what is happening and asking yourself is there anything you can do to help the problem. I don’t have to resist the problem by kicking and screaming. The basic thing about life is that you do what you can and then you just make space for life to exist. When you start trying to do more than you can and you start trying to dictate what should happen life becomes miserable.
I thank god that I’ve got the chance to be a father like this and not how I was before. I was not fit to be a father most of my life. I was impatient, quick to be upset and I resisted anything all the time. I remember being pissed off about the soap dispenser in the bathroom at the office. I was pissed off because I didn’t think it should be broken. I got like that and I said to my wife that I realized it was stupid, but I was upset over it. I was upset over it because that’s what I was doing across the board. I was always upset when I thought things were not how they should be. I was thinking things like the house I live in is fine now, but we’re going to have a better house in the future.
Life is miserable like that and my daughter is a good example. She get’s miserable, but she’s honest at this point. She doesn’t hide her feelings or try and manipulate things. She either loves how things are or hates how things are and screams and yells and cries. There’s not all that in between that we learned. Yet, no matter how much you try to hide your pain and misery, it still is there at the foundation of what’s going on until you look at how you feel about life. An infant may not have any choice, but my mom and my grandma say that I was one of the worst babies they’d ever seen.
I’m grateful today to have the chance to live a life where I accept how things are. I pray today to make space for things to exist, a space where I can take the right action and not action out of resistance. I pray that you have the same chance today that you can accept how things are instead of fighting against them. I pray that you can take right action from a peaceful place where you’re not trying to punch back at life. You see how life is, you accept how life is, and you do the next right thing based on how it is right now. If your child is crying then figure out why their crying. If you can’t figure out why their crying then you may just have to sit there with them and give them space to cry. If your wife, boss, coworker, or family member is doing things like being angry or hostile you can accept that they’re having a hard time and you don’t have to have a hard time with them. You can give them space to hurt. You can lead by example. You can show them the peaceful place they can come to if they want to. Thank you for being here with me. I value your feedback, I love to know what you think of this and I hope you have a great day today.