Do you want to have a happy marriage? Do you want to know how to be a great wife, a great husband? This works for girlfriend or boyfriend or fiancé also. This is a really good exercise that works for me and that helps me to not be mad at my wife and it helps me to love her no matter what.
I’m sharing this with you because I want you to have the best chance right now to be a better spouse. Relationships are the biggest part of happiness in life. Relationships are crucial. It’s really hard for me to do anything else if my relationship is not happy. I want you to have that happiness. I want you to feel the love, happiness, and joy I feel every day and to know you can have a marriage that is just amazing; that you can have a relationship that is just amazing.
Here’s the one exercise that’s fantastically helpful for me, that I do whenever I find myself being mad at my wife or not being a good husband. All of this is based on the idea that you can only be your best self. You can’t change or control anything about that other person. If you want to be a good husband, wife, fiancé, girlfriend, or boyfriend all you have to do is focus on you and trust the other person to be the best version of themselves or trust the other person that they won’t want to be around you anymore if they’re not right for you.
Here’s the exercise I use that works fantastically well. Whenever I’m not grateful that I’m with my wife. Whenever I’m not happy, whenever I’m out of sorts, this is what I do. The key to a happy marriage is maximizing the good and having some kind of exercise or technique that reminds you when you’re not doing good.
Here’s what I do. First I have to notice, I must first notice that I’m not being a good husband. This happens whenever I’m angry, resentful, upset, not loving and caring, not listening. Therefore, it happens often enough. All I have to do is recognize I’m not being a good husband because if I don’t know I’m being a bad husband, if I’m not even aware of it, then I’m completely powerless to change it.
If I’m just in a rage and I’m not even realizing I’m being a bad husband. If I’m just ignoring my wife for being really rude and inconsiderate, then I am powerless to change that and that often will look from my point of view as if she’s doing something wrong. If I ever think my wife is doing something wrong, the fact is I’m doing something wrong because the fact is if I can’t be loving and understanding with my wife no matter how she acts, then I’m not being a good husband.
No matter what she does, if I’m loving and understanding, of that, then I’m being a good husband. Here’s what I use when I’m out of being a good husband. when I’m judging her, when I’m not being nice to her, when I’m being inconsiderate of her or anytime when I’m not in a place where I feel peaceful.
When I’m being a loving good husband, I feel peaceful. I feel like everything’s okay. I know you know what that feeling is. The key is to have some kind of exercise you uses when you realize you’re not feeling loving and peaceful. When you’re feeling violent, when you’re feeling hatred, when you’re feeling anger, resentment, hurt. When you’re feeling hurt as if the other person did something wrong you are the one doing something wrong. When I’m feeling hurt it has nothing to do with my wife. It has to do with me, poor me.
When I’m feeling hurt it’s because I’m not being loving and understanding or her behavior. If I’m loving and understanding of her behavior, nothing she does hurts me. It is okay. Whatever she does is okay. That’s what love is.
If you have parents, which I would guess you do. You probably can see love and understanding there because you went through your life acting however you wanted. I went through this with my parents. They were loving and understanding with me and they still are regardless of how I behaved. That’s the key.
If you’re hurt, if you’re angry. It’s always your fault. It is always your fault. In other words, if I’m angry, if I’m hurt, if anything I’m thinking my wife did wrong. I’m always in a place where I’m not being a good husband because ultimately how I’m feeling is completely up to me. How I behaving is completely up to me it doesn’t depend on what she’s done or what she’s doing that victim mindset I used for a lot of my life led to a lot of unhappiness so if you want to be happy in your marriage you’ve got to take absolute responsibility for your feelings and your behavior.
This one exercise helps me get out of hurt, self pity, or anger, whatever it is, this exercise helps and Eckhart Tolle mentions this in one of his recent readings I listened to and I got this from my mom. My mom lost my dad last year, he passed away and she often has said I would do anything to have another day with your dad, even a bad day.
The more I thought about that, that has the secret to a happy marriage in it, right there. I would give anything to have another day with your dad even a bad day. Mom had to go through and get that the hard way. After being married thirty years, and after often struggling to have a happy marriage, I’m grateful they somehow made it through all of the challenges till the point that they did till death do us part. It’s incredible to me and all of their sacrifice all of their suffering is there to help me have it a little bit easier.
I don’t have to wait until my wife dies to get the same knowledge my mom has right now. My mom already knows the secret to a happy marriage. “I would give anything to have another day with your dad even a bad day.” That’s it. That’s all you have to focus on and think about to be a great husband, great wife, and any other relationship.
Here’s how I run that through in my head. If I’m angry at my wife. I pull that thought up. I’d give anything to have this moment with my wife. My wife’s here. I’m grateful for that. I have this moment already with her, the same as my mom’s wishing for another moment with my dad, I have that moment right now. That’s a miracle.
That means whatever kind of day I might call it. That’s what I need to remember: I’d give anything to have this moment. Sometimes the necessary thing to do is fast forward a little bit. Often in life we think time travel is going from not to another moment. Time travel is real if you do it the opposite way. If you go from the past into now or the future into now it’s real. I remember all the times where I would’ve given anything just to be with the girl of my dreams.
From about the first memories I have, when I thought Minnie mouse was just the best thing in the world up until right before I met my wife. I would’ve given anything so many times just to be in a great relationship. That is something I must remember at all times and that helps me whenever I’m a little bit off or angry, whenever I’m not being a good husband. I remember how miserable I was when I was 15 and I thought I would never find a wife. Hey I have a wife right now! Isn’t that awesome? Yes, it is. Does it matter what she just said? No, it doesn’t. When I was 15 I said I’d put up with anything a hot girl did to me, this includes anything. Whatever you wife just said, that’s anything.
Apologizing is how you get out of being in a bad place. I always have to start with I’m sorry because I always did something wrong. If I’m feeling angry with my wife, if I’m feeling hurt, If I’m feeling anything negative, I always did something wrong. That’s how I get back to it, I go into the past and I go into the future.
In the past, I’m in my dreams right now, this is what I wanted for my whole life. I’m sorry I’m not appreciating it. It works even better going to the future, I usually go to the future first because this is very certain that wonderful woman that is my wife along with me, if I fast forward far enough into the future, I turn into an old corpse an then a rotting dead burned up corps. I’m dead, my wife’s dead, too and it’s not certain who will go first, but if I go far enough into the future, one or both of us is dead.
It is easier to do looking at my mom. Dad’s already gone in her present right now. Dad already died so I can see into my own future, I’m not sure if it’s from my point of view or from my wife’s point of view, but I can see very clearly into my own future where one of us has died and that is a place most married people don’t want to go. I see a lot of couples that are just unhappy, but they don’t want to think into the future, either.
I had a guy yesterday I talked to and I shared this with and he just got uncomfortable with the idea of thinking into death like that. Do you want to be miserable right now? Do you want to have a hard time in your marriage right now? Do you want to waste the beautiful moment you have together being pissed off, hurt, or in some kind of pain? Think far enough into the future and you’ll find some kind of miracle right now. You’ll find the miracle in that your husband or wife is not dead right now. That’s a miracle because that’s a certainty in the future. One of you will leave the other one way or another. Hopefully not divorced, although that’s about as likely or more likely than death. You will leave each other at some point, at least in the physical form.
Ultimately, as Eckhart Tulle shares and I love, we are all one. In that sense you are not ever really leaving each other, but your form will leave each other at some point. One of you will die or get a divorce. Isn’t right now a miracle in comparison to that? That helps me the most, whenever I’m mad at my wife and I had a week or two ago, I was really mad at my wife one morning, she hadn’t done anything wrong, I just was mad at her and I laid on the couch for two hours being mad. I kept trying to do this, but my mind kept resisting so I kept doing it again and again and again.
Finally my mind gave up and surrendered and I apologized. I would do anything to not feel like this anymore. I’m sorry I was angry at my wife. If you don’t want to be angry anymore, that’s all you have to do. Apologize from the core of your being; surrender. This worked great for me. Then, I let it all out. I let all that emotion out. Men were programmed don’t cry. If you watch movies and you see people are acting anytime someone cried. It’s like oh my gosh, what’s wrong?
Crying is like throwing up for the emotions. You just throw all of that negative emotion out and it’s purged and then I can be pure again. I got mad, I thought of all these things I’m telling you. Then I felt utterly miserable and then I surrendered.
I cried, I called my wife, she was still mad. She didn’t answer, she let it go to voicemail. I left a very heartfelt, loving voicemail. “I’m sorry I was mad at you. I’m sorry I gave you a hard time this morning before you went to work. I love you I hope you’re going good.” That’s it.
She listened to the voicemail, it took her some time to do the same kind of thing, she called me back, it was fixed. We spent a couple hours being mad at each other instead of days, weeks, months, years. That’s the miracle of doing this.
If you want to be a good wife, a good husband, if you want to have a happy marriage, you’ve got to be grateful for what you have through the understanding you haven’t had this all your life and you’re not going to have this necessarily, one of you is not, at least. Going to have it the rest of your life. Right now is a miracle. Right now is a time that at some point in the past you’d have given anything to be right here. At some point in the future, you would give anything to be right back here. You’ve got to see that at all times if you want to be happy. You must never lose that as soon as that slips from my consciousness, I slide into unhappy. The nice thing is, as I said earlier in this, all I have to do is notice I let it slip and then I can get it back.
From what I’ve shared with the past and the future is a helpful exercise to get it back. Now if you aren’t’ comfortable going to these places in your mind, you can try something different. However, if you’re not comfortable thinking about what you wanted before or what you want in the future, you probably shouldn’t be comfortable thinking about why you’re mad at something your spouse just said or why you might be afraid of what will happen in the future. If you want to go into the past and the future in your mind, go where it helps to go.
Go into that point where your spouse has died and you’d give anything to have them back or that point in the past where you thought you were hopeless and miserable and would never would find the right person. This isn’t so bad, this isn’t nearly that bad. Have absolute complete, utter responsibility for yourself. You can’t do anything more to change me than you can to change your spouse.
I’m grateful people come to me now and ask me things after most of my life, I asked other people for help and no one wanted my opinion. when you have a wonderful, happy marriage, people want to know about it. I’ve just shared with you exactly how I have a happy marriage and it’s been work getting there. Mainly work on me. I’ve had to get myself to the place I’m sharing from now. And I want you to be able to go there. I am grateful that I’m in a place to share this with you and I share this with you to help myself I don’t want to ever forget these things I’m sharing with you.
I do this to help be a better husband myself. Thank you for watching this, I hope this has been helpful for you because I think you have the chance to have an exceptional relationship where you are loved and that starts with having an exceptional relationship where you are loved inside yourself. I appreciate each minute you spend watching this and hope this has been helpful.
I’d love to hear what you think of this, please share with me what you think. If you want me to make more of these please let me know that I should. Thank you.