How do we bounce back quickly from rejection? What works to deal with rejection and how do we get back into the game faster after we get told no without being in the middle of self pity and depression? If you want answers to some of these questions you’re going to love this video here with me, Jerry Banfield, an expert at getting rejected and failing. I have failed so many times that I can’t possibly tell you about it.
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Let me start with an overview of my dating career. I’ve been told no hundreds, maybe thousands of times. I used to be ridiculous, I would ask a girl out anywhere, in the grocery store, at the gym, I’ve got fake phone numbers, I’ve got boyfriends answering the phone, I’ve got girls wanting to come over but I was busy playing video games and didn’t even realize it, I would call them back and then they would reject me. I suffered and struggled, I was mad and I hated rejection and yet I kept going. I’ve kept going and now I have a wife and family of my dreams.
I remember right before I met my wife, another rejection. I went on a first date and the girl was all like, “Oh, I just want to be friends.” I was thinking, “Good, friends split the bill. Have a nice life.”
After that I was thinking am I ever going to find a girl that just really wants to be with me and I remember thinking, maybe I don’t deserve to be with someone who was amazing and I said screw all those thoughts, I’m going back in and I sent another barrage of winks on match.com and a whole bunch of messages and I met my wife right after that.
Rejection is often simply a test of faith. I have a beautiful wife and beautiful family because I relentlessly worked through rejection. In fact, what might be worse than rejection is saying yes when you should have said no and rejected or been rejected. I am grateful today for every girl who rejected me because I was available for my wife. If some of the girls had said alright, then I probably wouldn’t be in a very good position today, if I were here at all. My wife is an absolute angel, just what I needed and I am so grateful for her.
What I see today is an opportunity to practice patience in the face of rejection. Rejection is truly nothing personal. I reject people almost every day. I get asked, “Jerry, can I post on your website?” “No,” “Jerry, can you make a video for me?” “No,” “Jerry, can I talk to you?” “No”. “Jerry, will you reply to my email?” “No”.
What I see is that being nice and rejecting people, but also not just giving myself to everyone who says “Hey, can I ask you a question”, allows me to handle rejection better. I am about to look at some venues for the Jerry Banfield show. I am taking maybe the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my business and 8 years online. I’m about to go try and find a place that will let me film there for free in exchange for me promoting a whole bunch of it. I’m going to be asking for consistent times at night, potentially bringing hundreds of people and guess what, I’m likely somewhere to get told no.
Today I recognize that is just divine guidance in the right direction, that often I don’t know exactly what I need until I’m in the right position. I see today that in my business my persistence is one of my best qualities. If I had stopped with all the rejections in my business I would have been out of business and yet here I am.
I’ve made millions of dollars online and I got rejected an obscene amount in the beginning of my business. I literally message 10+ thousands of people online, on Facebook and anywhere else I can message, to try and get clients. I got rejected or no response at 99% of the time. If you do the math I have hundreds of clients in 20 + countries doing that.
I don’t recommend doing it that way. I remember one night in grad school as I was starting my business and sending all these Facebook messages, just about to drop out of my PhD program, and this one guy says “F… you” in response to my “Hey, your website doesn’t look very nice. Do you want me to help out?” I remember getting into a thing with some random Facebook page over getting rejected. There’s a better way to do it.
Today I take rejection really well, most of the time, in fact, it’s kind of funny or entertaining. The first three times, as I’ve applied for loans this year to build up my business and have some capital as I build the next big thing, I’ve got rejected, I’m not even sure how many times, but 20 to 50 times I’ve got rejected from business loans and credit. It’s kind of funny when I get a letter in the mail at this point, like “Oh, really, you don’t want to offer me anything either? Well, I wouldn’t offer me anything if I were you either. Good call on that.” or “Thank god, that will be one last loan I have to pay later. I imagine that money will manifest in a different way.” Sure, I got a little hurt on a couple of business loans I got rejected from and what is amazing is I got better terms then the loans I got rejected from.
I remember getting rejected just a few months ago on 17% business loan and I was a little bit hurt by it. Then a few months later I got a 5% business loan, and then an 11% business loan so averaging those two together is about 8% business loan for the same amount of money for two years longer on the terms than the one I got rejected for. Today I’m very grateful I got rejected for those inferior loan offers because I was available to finally go down the street to the bank that I literally drive by every single day and get really good loans from them. In fact, today it’s nice to see that my odds for loan rejections are so high that the thing to do is to get to work making some money and quit fooling around borrowing money.
Rejection is a very helpful tool for us. It shows us the right direction to go and it tests our faith.
Dating was absolutely relentless and certain that I would find a beautiful woman who loves me until death do us part and wants to have a family that I love being with and I will not stop until I do that and I did that.
With my business I say I will do my business, I will turn it from a side hustle to full time, to something I can do all the time sustainably, I will do that, I don’t care how many people say no, I will do that. Today I now reject more people than I get rejected and what I try and do this: I try and reject with kindness. I try and reject with a “No, thank you” or “I love you, no”. This will often turn rejection into something good. I see that saying yes when I should’ve said no is worse then say no in the first place. The best outcome is to say no with kindness: “No, thank you”, “I respect your offer, however I’m not available for it”.
I imagine this will give you the opportunity to do something else, for example being fired from a job can be a big rejection. I quickly ended the contract with a guy on Upwork who did a very poor job on a job I hired him, he charged 50% to twice as much as others were charging and they were doing a better job. I immediately ended the contract and I did it nicely: “Thank you for trying this. I appreciate you giving this a shot. You’ve got a lot of great skills and I think you could use them to work with somebody else.” The more I reject people nicely today, the more I am able to process nice rejections.
If you take a look at yourself, you often see how you reject or fail to reject other people, it goes around the other way. If you have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no, you just say yes and try and weasel out of things or if you’re really nasty to people and you say no, you’ll generally take rejection hard also.
I think you are probably getting ready to reject this story so I will wrap it up.
Thank you very much for learning my tips on how to deal with rejection and how to bounce back from rejection. I imagine this will make it a little bit easier for you when you go out there. My vision is for you to courageously go after your life’s purpose and not be easily deterred by being told no.
Now if it is a sex situation and you are told no, then please do be deterred by that. You can try again later but please do be deterred by that. In any other situation -- patience, even in that situation.
Sometimes and by no means not right now, maybe yes in an hour or yes tomorrow or yes next week. Remember that a no right now can often change into a yes when you deal with rejection well. I was a master of terrible dealing with rejection. When a girl said no I would go, “Oh no, you didn’t, I’m never talking to you again because you’re trash.” That left me getting a lot more noes.
What I’ve learnt is to be nice, “Oh, you said no today? Well, maybe if I’m still interested in asking you again I’ll ask again tomorrow and see if it’s still not. Still no tomorrow? I’ll try next week or next month, whatever.”
I know I’m stalling now, if you get better at dealing with rejection you will also be more willing to put yourself in a position to get rejected, which is essential for success. If you want to say yes to Jerry Banfield’s YouTube channel, I trust you will smash that subscribe button for more incredible stories like this. Turn those notifications on and/or check your subscription feed if you want to see the videos. You can also follow up on Facebook, hit See First and turn those notifications on again if you want to see the videos.
Thank you very much for reading this.
I love you, you’re awesome.
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