Be the change you want to see in the world. This is a new concept to me over the last few years of my life. When I was younger, I mostly wanted the world to change according to how I wanted the world to be. I could sit back and wait for that to happen. I could just keep being I was and shouting for the world to change and maybe it would change.
Today I see that I should be the change I want to see in the world because this is my universe. If the reality I see is messed up then there’s something in me that needs to change. I’ll give you an example of something that happened today.
This morning, I woke up and I was aggravated. I was aggravated over something I thought was someone else’s fault. I was aggravated specifically because the baby was in the bed. She woke up in the middle of the night and my wife got her and brought her in the bed. It was a perfectly reasonable thing that most often happens when you’ve got a new baby.
She’s 6 months old and the problem was that I couldn’t sleep well from 4:30 – 6:30 in the morning. Then I ended up getting up at 9. I slept too long and woke up feeling like the day was already wasted. I was mad that the baby shouldn’t have been in the bed. I woke up with this messed up point of view that it was my wife’s fault. She did something bad to me and I was the victim and she needed to fix it.
Thankfully, that point of view is so miserable today that it bothers me and motivates me to get help. I realize that when I’m in that point of view, I can’t even see my wife’s point of view. I’m stuck in my point of view feeling like I’m the victim. In reality, I’m spreading anger and frustration to my wife and daughter.
I was trying to make breakfast today. For me, the stakes are really high. I can’t make breakfast or make videos in a bad mood. I can’t do any good work if I am in a bad attitude. If I’m in resentment feeling like someone did me wrong, I can’t do any of this because that just pours through it.
I’ve done things in moods like that and the results are consistent. People give a lot of negative feedback. When I’m in a bad mood, I just can’t work through it. I have to get relief from it. I was cooking tacos for the day. I got so miserable and I could see that I could get more miserable. This is the beginning of how the worst times in life happen.
For every terrible time, there are hundreds or thousands of times that were the beginning of that. Today, i felt so miserable that I prayed. I pray to god because that works for me. Even if you do the same thoughts and phrases absent of the word god, that can work also.
I said please help me, I can’t help myself. I want to be more miserable right now and you can see i’m here praying because I don’t want to be more miserable. I do want to feel better. Please help me feel better and forgive everyone else. Please help me to stop doing what I’m doing. I see that I’m angry. I see that I’m frustrated. I see that I’m waiting for someone else to fix the problem I’m having. You can fix the problem I’m having. Please fix the problem I’m having for the good of everyone around me. Please help me to remember my purpose is salvation. My purpose is not to be right, it’s not to do anything else. I’m open to any help you will provide and I’m ready to feel better. I don’t want to feel this way. I see that I do feel this way and that’s okay. I’m here, I don’t deserve to be punished. I’m a good person, I’m a son of God, please help.
Almost instantly, I felt the forgiveness come in and I remembered some of what I’ve done recently. I visited a priest in my neighborhood and we went through this healing process. I’ve had a lot of people show me how to go through this process and now I can do it by myself.
I remember this working for me before. When I was obsessed with wanting another drink, I prayed that it be lifted and it took weeks of constant prayer. If that obsession could go away, can’t this little frustration go away? This obsession with being a victim and being angry went away almost immediately.
I remembered who I am and why I am here. I’m here for salvation. I’m here to help and love other people. I remembered that and I felt complete and total relief. The amazing thing is I went to the bathroom and my wife called me over. She apologized for this morning and said that she was having a hard time, too. She needed the space to have her own mood and to fix it. The amazing thing is it’s as if our minds are one. As soon as I opened up to being the solution I wanted to see, that happened for her too.
I don’t know what she was going through, but it was likely the same as me. We had other days that started out as trivial as this, but the whole week was difficult. We’d have arguments go on and lots of feelings hurt and I’d have to reach out to family. Today, to see that come in, it makes it easier next time because I know I can do that again. I know all I have to do is remember to ask for help and the help will come if I’m open to it and I listen to it.
I learned I can’t just ask and ask for help with out stopping to then listen to the help that is available. If I’m talking the whole time, I’m not listening. If I’m not talking, I have an opportunity to listen and absorb the information that’s around me.
This is something drastically different from what I knew most of my life. Knowing that this kind of instant relief from anything is possible motivated me to do it myself. My drinking problem had always been a mental obsession. I’d never before found relief from a mental obsession. Every one of them at some point had took me in some form. The first time I knew this was possible, then I was motivated to try it when I needed it. I heard this way before I needed it. Then when I needed it, I tried it and I tried it. As soon as it works, then I know it works first hand and I go to it repeatedly.
I share this with you so that if you haven’t done this before, you’re motivated to try. If you have done it before, you already have seen this change in your life. It’s a daily exercise in remembering to be the change you want to see and remembering to never wait for anyone else to change.
I pray today to be the change I want to see in the world. I pray that I am willing to look at how I’m feeling. I pray that I see when there needs to be change. I pray to ask for the change to be made, and to remain open to it being made through me. I pray to be open to listening as the world tells me how to achieve the change I want. I pray that you have the same opportunity today to see that instant relief possible.
Thank you for reading this. Your comments encourage me to do more. I’m here to accept anything you have to give. Thank you. Have a great day today.