When is practicing patience and trust most difficult for me? For me, it’s most challenging when I’m playing video games with my friends. Things like playing League of Legends or Call of Duty or Heroes of the Storm.
I practice patience and trust in my marriage, relationships, and work. Yet, I sit down to play video games with my friends and that’s one of the fastest ways I can go unconscious. I go out of patience and trust and into self and annoyance, trying to lead and annoying other people. Then I don’t ask for help there either.
If my wife and I are having a moment of pain, I will pray to be a good husband. I pray to be free of self. If I’m having trouble listening to someone, I will pray to be a good person. I will pray to be of service. If I’m having trouble with my work, I will pray to be useful. If I’m having trouble with my mom, I pray to be a good son, I pray to listen to her, I pray to do the best I can for her. In most interactions with my friends if the same things come up I pray to be a good friend. I try and listen to them and be understanding.
It’s funny to me that I sit down to play video games and everything just goes out the window. I’m criticizing other people. I’m talking down to other people. I’m trying to control other people. I’m trying to not accept the blame for whatever I’ve done wrong.
For playing against the computer, it’s not usually an issue where this sense of me comes out. I’ve been miserable playing video games with my friends because I stopped practicing patience and understanding. I’m grateful to have the chance to play with them and have time with them. For some reason I’m stopping practicing a good thing that works throughout my life. I think I often feel like I don’t need to pray for help to be a good friend and a good gamer. I pray for help for everything else so why wouldn’t I do that the whole self thing comes in and it’s nice. The self went around all the time trying to control, trying to fight, trying to manipulate and the self was there with my family. The self was there in my relationships, the self was there in my work and it was hell.
For most of us trying to do better and practice patience, there are areas in our lives that baffle us. Why can I be a good person in all these areas and in this one area, I back into all these habits and routines? The question is what to do about it. This moment is worth thinking about.
For the future, I don’t know what to do about it. I have the choice to not play videos games any more. I chose to stop playing League of Legends. That was the worst areas for me for getting frustrated and self inflated ego. I sensed that I had a great opportunity to build on my spiritual practice there. In theory, it shouldn’t matter what I’m doing if I’m taking care of myself. I should be able to be where I’m supposed to be without frustration. As long as I’m practicing patience and trust, there’s no reason I can’t be the same person I am in the rest of my life in video games. In most of my life, I’m much of a giving person now. I still have a little bit of self, but compared to the self I used to have it’s about 5 percent. When I went to play video games it starts to balloon back into the old self. I could choose not to do that anymore.
I have a feeling that it seems like the right things to do to use that as an opportunity to do more on my spiritual power. In the past I’ve been good with that. In Battlefield and Call of Duty, I often will incorporate a breathing technique in the middle of frustration. For example, I will die and then take a deep breath. That’s cool because then I become a little more conscious and not trying to use the game as a means to an end. Life is full of interesting challenges and it’s an honor to be able to learn something new each day and to not make the same mistakes.
The gaming self mistake is one I’ve made most and it’s one of the mistakes I make a bit more often now that I made before. This is an opportunity to look at it and see how much better can I do here. There’s nothing wrong with gaming with my friends in itself that should pull me out of the rest of my life.
I’m honored to have the chance to do a little bit better and to understand how I lived before was good enough. I understand that my friends might all see that as normal. Sometimes, especially when you’re taking better care of yourself, people will be reassured that you have a hard time also.
You complain about things and that you aren’t the perfect person. Often, it can be helpful to be honest with everyone around you and sometimes to have a bit of a hard time with everyone around you. I’m trying to be a better friend, I’m trying to be a better family member, I’m trying to be a better part of this organization. I’m trying to be a better co-worker. It’s nice to be human and to at the same time realize that I’m not limited to what I think of as human, that the spiritual or the divine is real.
I have the chance to bring that into my life, into my work each moment and I’m grateful for the chance to have an opportunity to do that. I’m honored you’re here today and you’ve spent his time with me. I’d like your feedback about this.
I wasn’t sure about what to make a video on and I prayed to make a video that’s useful. It seems that the best feedback I get is when I make a video about something I’m struggling with recently. That’s the same kind of thing you’re liable to be struggling with.
I love and trust and have patience with myself today and it’s nice so I do my best in sharing that with you. I pray that in sharing this, that I have the chance to be aware now of what I’m doing and what I’m practicing. I pray to bring that awareness with me in everything I do and every place I go. I will listen to that awareness. I pray that in sharing this with you, you have the same opportunity today. I hope you have a great day.