If you're a divorced dad in your 40s who wants to date and have another family with more kids, I'm on that exact journey right now, and I'll share what I've learned over the last six months. It's been challenging — it's brought me to my limits — but I've learned a lot.
How I got here
I'm 41 with two kids, divorced after meeting my ex-wife 15 years ago and 13 years of marriage. We grew apart largely over one issue: I wanted more than two kids, and she didn't. When we divorced, it became an opportunity to find a woman to have more kids with — and that's been a real challenge to navigate.
What works: matchmaking and in person
Dating apps have been draining and are stacked against dads who want kids — you're competing against guys with no kids, and people are very superficial. I tested it: removing "wants kids" from my profile got me a match with an attractive woman within two hours, after hours of nothing while filtering for kids. So my best results come from matchmaking (I use Tawkify, which consistently finds women who want kids and are happy to date a divorced dad) and meeting women in person at sober and community events. I also wear a shirt stating I'm a sober YouTuber with two kids who wants more, so women pre-qualify themselves — because if you really want another family, you do what it takes.
The mindset
Get crystal clear on your non-negotiables and state them up front — for me: I'm sober, I have two kids, I want at least two more, and you have to be okay with my public work. The worst thing is wasting time where it's not right. Watch out for coming off as desperate; after a long marriage I was so eager and emotionally available that it read as desperation to the very women who might be great matches. The fix is leaning into a single life you genuinely love — I have time for my kids, gaming, and five new YouTube channels — so you meet the right woman from a grounded place. And drop the idea that the next family has to "validate" the divorce; I'd rather be single than settle, and I have plenty of time and love to be there for a second family when the right woman comes along. If you want help, watch my dating playlist here.