What If You Had to Know the Ending First?
Imagine playing a game where you demanded to know exactly how it would end before you would play it. That sounds crazy, right? But that's what a lot of us do with our approach to life. We demand to know how everything's going to work out before we can be happy. We refuse to even play games if we can't get some kind of guarantee that they're going to work out. There are so many people saying that all these parts of life are broken, but to me it's a game. And if you knew exactly how everything would go — whether you'd get that job or whether the person would like you — that would make it so boring, wouldn't it? And yet a lot of us operate as if we'd prefer a boring life where there's no adventure.
I'm grateful I've been really leaning into playing the game and accepting that I want to really enjoy it. I want to really enjoy life. And especially to me, that means opening my heart up.
Six Days In and All In
I just met a woman six days ago, and I'm crazy about her. I feel so much for her, and I've opened my heart up. I'm going all in on whatever this is. I'm perfectly happy to just enjoy what it is today. I should be seeing her within the next hour, and I'm perfectly happy to enjoy exactly what it is today and enjoy our time together without knowing how it's going to work out in the long term. Now, I certainly know how I'd like it to work out — I'd love for us to be together the rest of my life.
And yet, as I've expressed how excited I am about this woman, so many people have said, "Well, I hope that works out for you." And I've said, well, if I'm really happy and I'm enjoying life today, isn't that working out right now? What more is there to really loving and enjoying your life and being very grateful and happy for what you do have? What more is there than that? I'm just so thrilled for this new relationship after being on my own all year. This is just awesome, and this is just a beautiful day. I don't need to know how the game is going to end in order to enjoy playing it. I don't know how it's going to end. I don't know how far I'm going to get in it. But what I do know is that I'm really happy to have a chance to play this game today. I'm really happy to just get a chance to play. It doesn't matter how long it lasts — I'm enjoying being here, playing the game now.
That's why I do these gaming videos on Jerry Banfield Games. They're inspirational vlogs to give you authentic, heartfelt information that can help you really enjoy your life and enjoy the game of life — and play every game as if it's going to be all that you're going to do, because you might not get to play it again. So many times when I played games in my life, I didn't know it would be the last time I played them. I'd played a ton and leveled up and ranked up super high, and I didn't realize that was going to be the last time I played. Why? Because I'd moved on to other games. Gaming is a great example of how often we're playing for later. We're playing just to grind, or we're playing to get a reward, or we're playing to get validation for later. But my question is: is the game fun right now? Is the game fun now, as it is, without anything happening in the future needing to validate it?
The "I'll Be Happy When" Trap
One of the biggest traps in life is "I'll be happy when." I've seen some people respond to my new relationship with this idea that you can't be happy yet — you've only known this woman for six days, it's too early to be happy. And I say, well, when is long enough? When we've applied a clear label? We've already agreed to just see each other. Do I need a label to be happy? Do I need to propose and make a legal arrangement before I can be happy? We want to have kids — so do I need to wait until we have kids to be happy? You can see how silly this starts to sound, right? Once you have kids, do they have to be 18 until you can be happy and feel like your work's really done?
The lesson is this: if I can't be happy today and enjoy the game I'm getting to play today — really play with everything I've got, with all my heart and my enthusiasm — if I can't love the game I'm playing today as it is, without needing something in the future to validate it, then there's nothing better I can look forward to. The real advantage comes once I realize this. And I'm trying to remember this just as much as you are. I'm praying to remember — my mind future-trips as much as anyone else's. I just pray to remember: this is good enough. I'm extremely happy with where I'm at today. Thank you for where I am. Thank you for this opportunity today. Thank you. And please let me just continue saying thank you instead of anything else. Please let me enjoy life exactly as it is today. It ends up becoming an affirmation, a constant one.
With this woman I've met, I've basically been going between saying thank you all day and then getting afraid. I think, this is too soon, it's not real, she's going to decide she doesn't like me — what am I thinking? That's the part where a lot of us believe the fear. But what I've done in the last few days that has been really helpful is I don't believe it. That's not true. What's true is that I'm really happy where I am now. I'm really happy I have her number. I'm really happy she's coming over in a little while. I'm really happy. That's what's true. Anything else is just fear — fear that I might lose something I have later.
Everything We Have Is on Loan
If we acknowledge reality, everything we've got today is just temporary. Everything we've got today is just a gift. It's kind of on loan to us — all the people, all the material things we have in our life. Everything is very temporary, just like a game is very temporary. Soon enough, the game I'm playing will be over. And yet I will continue on and play another game afterwards. Maybe I'll play the same game, or maybe I'll play a different one. But I will continue on no matter what. I'm going to keep gaming. I'm going to keep enjoying life. And I'm mainly making this as a message to myself: please remember this stuff. Please don't forget. Please don't lose your way again in "I'll be happy when," getting stuck in fear, feeling like everything's not good enough, thinking if things were just a different way, then I could be happy. It's such a trap.
When Someone Leaves, It Makes Space
Just yesterday, a friend I've been working with for about a year said he didn't want to work with me anymore. Did I feel sad about that? Absolutely. But at the same time, I realize I'm going to get a new friend. I'm going to find someone else who does want to work with me in the same capacity, and that's okay. You can think of it the same way with anyone. When someone leaves our lives, it hurts — we really only have enough time and space for a pretty limited number of people, and I know how hard it is when people leave us, however it happens. But what I know today that's just magical is that I have an infinite capacity to keep loving people, to keep filling my space with someone new who loves me in whatever capacity — whether it's a family member, a partner, a business, a client.
I talk in these videos, and when people schedule calls with me on my website, those calls are mainly for me to listen to you, because I already know what I have to say. I find I can make the best videos for you when I know you better, and in order to know you better, I need to be able to listen to you. Lots of people have scheduled over the years — hundreds of people all around the world — and most of them have stopped scheduling. But that's okay. That makes space for new people, because I only have so much time to talk to people.
Every friendship is priceless to me. I love keeping friends for the longest term I can, because one of the hardest things to replicate is people who have known you for a long time. My mom was in the military, so I grew up all over the world, and I really treasure having people who really know me. I try to keep friends and keep people in my life that I have a history with as much as I can, as long as we're continuing to help each other. Sometimes your walk with somebody comes to an end, and that's okay, because it makes space for someone new. Like the guy who has worked with me for years saying he can't handle working with me anymore — I didn't get upset. I simply accepted it. I understand our time has come to an end, and that's fine. I accept that somebody new will take his place. I talk about this in more detail in my vlogs on my Jerry Banfield channel — I try to make these gaming videos more relatable to everybody, and then on the vlog channel I talk in more detail specifically about everything.
Obedient to a Higher Power, Not to Human Beings
The first guy I talked to, when I asked to see if I could get some help from him, said, "Look, I don't think we can. I'm happy to be your friend, but I can't work with you in a capacity more than that, because you don't take direction. You don't want to do what you're told." And I said yes — since my father had me in the military. He had me write lines thousands of times saying "obedience: to obey." Now, I'm not big on obedience and obeying. I'm big on my own discernment and following the path of love and joy and connection and service with others. That's what I'm obedient to. You could say I'm obedient to a higher power — obedient to however I may serve humanity. That's what I'm obedient to. I don't make myself obedient to human beings. And thus, I'll take suggestions, and I'm happy for advice, but I'm not just going to do what I'm told.
Surrender and the Beauty of Not Knowing
I accepted what he told me, and that's the surrender part of it. A lot of playing the game is realizing you're not going to know the outcome. It's a surrender. What's fun is getting a chance to play the game at all. I don't know how the game's going to work out. For example, I've lasted ten minutes on this level — I think my record's twelve and a half. I don't know how long I'm going to last on this level, but I'm just grateful for a chance to play this game. When it comes to love, especially finding a partner, I'm just so grateful — so grateful for the chance to play the game. I'm so open-hearted now, and I didn't used to be. What really makes the game enjoyable is being open-hearted, and that requires leaning into the game — leaning into loving the chance to play, being grateful for another chance.
I have a friend — the same one I was talking about — who has a lot more life experience than me. I asked him, what keeps you going? And he said, it's curiosity. It's just wondering how my day is going to unfold. That's what I've been leaning into: realizing the beauty of not knowing. This new relationship — I don't know how it's going to go. It could go amazing. It could be so hurtful for both of us, or for one of us. I'm praying, and I'll do everything I can to make it a beautiful experience. But part of the excitement is that I don't know how this is going to go. A lot of us try to avoid the unknown as much as we can, but really, the unknown is where the fun is, where the adventure is. The unknown is not boring. The unknown is wild and unpredictable. The game I've never played before — I don't know how it works, I don't know what the rules are — it's fun. On that run I lasted 12 minutes and 20 seconds, just below my record, after trying a different build.
Play With Your Whole Heart
What I hope to communicate to you today is this: really play the game with your whole heart, whatever game it is you're playing. Play it with your whole heart, like you mean it, like you love it, like there's nothing you'd rather do today. I invite you to see what life gives you when you approach it with this sense of awe and wonder and joy — and with thankfulness. Thank you. Thank you for the chance to play this game today. Thank you for making it fun and exciting that I don't know how things are going to work out. And I trust that I'm going to have fun no matter what.
I'm putting out videos like this every day. If you enjoyed this one, these videos are collected on my Life playlist, and they're also on my website if you'd rather read them — you can even use auto-translate there to read them in your own language. Thank you.