You have to be ready to find someone to date and they have to be ready for you before you can hope to accomplish more.
If you try really hard to find someone to date but never are ready to be a good date yourself, you end up suffering a lot like I did on the way to being able to find someone to date and have it be successful. If you meet thousands of people, one of them is bound to be right for you. Imagine or remember the effort you put in trying to find someone to date repeated over thousands of times only to realize you are not ready to be worth dating.
For much of my life, I was not ready to find someone to date let alone be a good lover. Most girls tended to notice this right away. What would have made it easier is knowing that about myself and just looking to learn instead of trying to skip straight to happily ever after. Lots of my friends were smarter than me about this when they were younger and they took dating a lot less seriously than I did.
How do you figure out if you are ready to find someone to date?
There are three questions you can ask yourself to see if you are ready to find someone to date.
- Am I happy with who I am now?
- Am I ready to place a relationship with another person above everything else in my life?
- Am I ready to completely share my most intimate problems and suffering with someone while taking on their most intimate problems and suffering?
If the answers to all of these questions are not yes, then now is not the right time to be taking dating seriously. You have to be happy with yourself first and be willing to be selfless in a relationship if you want to experience true love. Why? True love requires absolute faith in the relationship and a spiritual bonding together. I like to say that my wife and I are one soul in two bodies. The problem is that while I had heard of soul mates before, without having experienced it myself, I was not a believer. I always thought before that a relationship was just two people together and that’s why my relationships always failed.
If you know you are ready, the next step to finding someone to date is to be single.
Unlike getting a better job, being in a relationship is the worst place to find another relationship simply because of trust. How can you trust the person you are with if they found you while they were in a relationship? The same goes for you. When you are single, you are free to move forward with any opportunity you have to find someone to date. You also are forced to handle the question of am I happy with who I am? Many people cannot take this part of being single and bounce from one relationship to another all the while trying to find someone to date.
Once you are single, you need to begin looking for what you want and saying no to everyone else.
You should only look for other singles for the reasons we just talked about and you should take a position on the continuum of these two extremes. You want to be somewhere between ruthless with your standards and focused on learning more about people as well as dating. If you are too ruthless with your standards, you will not gain any experience. As with anything else, dating is a skill. You have to go on some dates just to get confidence and get used to playing the get to know each other game. At the same time, too much experience can be a bad thing by souring you on dating and making bad habits.
Think of eating and food poisoning. You can eat a lot of great food but it only takes one meal to make you sick. You can be sick for a little while or it can kill you. The more you eat, the better you will get at figuring out what you can eat and what you like. Dating is the same. Thus, if you are just getting started and have not dated much, going out with someone that is a bit below your standards can help you work your way up. If you have done a lot of dating below your standards already, it is time to be ruthless. My wife and I both had relationships before us characterized by always feeling that we were better than the person we were with. For us, this is the first time we are in a relationship where we feel we are equals. It makes all the difference in the world!
How did I finally find someone to date that ended up being my wife and that I am truly happy with?
It was a long journey filled with struggle, suffering, challenges, and finally success. Reading the dating and love categories on my website will give you everything I have written so far. The most concrete step I took was to join match.com. Within a month of joining match.com, I met my wife. We were married just over two years from when I subscribed for six months on match.com. After using damn near every popular online dating service that existed since 2002, I was really happy to finally find one that worked! If you subscribe to match.com using any of the links in this post, match.com will give me a few dollars as thank you for telling you my success story. These dollars will help me show more loving and inspirational posts to the world on my quest to spread love, hope, and faith.