How To Have A Happy Marriage: Honesty and Appreciation

What works for me today to have a happy relationship with my wife? I’m honored to have the chance to share this with you because for most of my life I was frustrated and single. Most of my life I thought that if I had a relationship, if I had a wife, then that would fix all my problems. When I started dating my wife it became obvious that I had to be willing to be the best version of myself every day.

A good relationship acts as a mirror. If my wife is giving me emotion it’s often because I’ve already given that to her. If she’s giving me a negative emotion I know often I gave it to her first. If I was mean to her then I will see it come back to me. The best things that’s happened with our relationship is she has helped me see where I can do better. She has acted as a mirror so I could see what I’m doing. She’s given me space to grow and be motivated every day. We’ve had lots of fights but since we’ve started the amounts of fights and the intensity has went down.  We’ve worked to be better each day.

We both understand marriage is not forever, one of us will have to deal with the other one dying unless we both go at once. More than likely almost every marriage ends with one person dealing with the other dying. We have a finite amount of time together. We don’t have forever to continue treating each other like crap and hoping that one day it will be better. We have to work on our marriage today. We have to do our best today. One day today will be the last day we get to spend together.

Seeing my mom go through my dad dying a few years ago helped me do better in my marriage. I see that if my wife and I are lucky we might have 60 years together, but that’s it. That encourages me to work today. It encourages me to not waste time being mad at my wife. It encourages me to look and see what can I do to do a better job. It encourages me to pray at the beginning of each day and throughout each day to do anything to be a good husband.

The first thing I ask for is to take care of myself because no one can take care of me. If I’m willing to bring more pain and suffering to myself, that makes everything easier. I pray, I ask, and I say I’ll do anything to stay sober emotionally, physically, and mentally. That means living a life that is peaceful and doesn’t create pain and suffering for anyone else. The second thing I ask for every day is I say I’m willing to do anything to be a good husband or a good father.

I ask to have the willingness to do what it takes to do them well. My wife and I don’t have forever. Every relationship ends in either death or neglect. That’s a certainty. My mom talks about how I should be so happy because my wife and I have something that doesn’t end like her and dad. My dad’s body might be gone, but the love doesn’t end. It’s the most precious part of the relationship.

I’m motivated today to do whatever it takes to be a good husband. If that means to apologize when I’ve said something rude, then I do it. My wife and I used to spend days, weeks, or months mad about something, now it’s usually minutes. For example, I was headed to my meeting yesterday. We were both aggravated because she was trying to take a nap, and everyone was conspiring to wake her up. The Post Office, UPS, and FedEx all came by within a 30-minute window while she was trying to nap. Both of us realized we were aggravated.

All we need to do is not make things worse and they will get better. All I need to do is say I’m aggravated right now and I don’t put any responsibility on her. I’m aggravated. I’m annoyed. I’m frustrated and I’m uncomfortable. I admit when there’s something going on from my end so she understands what I’m experiencing. It encourages us to give each other space.

Yesterday, we gave each other enough space. I asked her if she could open the door for the Verizon guy when he came over. She was aggravated because she wanted a nap. I was aggravated because I wanted to go to my meeting, and she said yes. I went to my meeting and she took a nap. We came back home and we talked a little more and everything was okay. That could’ve easily turned into a big fight years ago and it could’ve easily been a big deal.

In my marriage today I don’t give my wife anything I don’t want to get back. If I don’t want to get yelled at, I better not yell. If I don’t want to get cursed at, I better not curse. I’ve learned these things the hard way watching my parents do it and the hard way in the beginning of our marriage. If we remember the things we’ve done wrong, we use them as lessons. We are grateful for the things we’ve done today and not repeating our mistakes over and over. We see the mistakes we made before, we talk about them, and we move forward.

I’m honored to be in a relationship that’s better than anything I could’ve imagined was possible. I thought relationships had to be frustrating. Relationships can be filled with love and minor discomfort. I share that with you because I want you to experience the best relationship you can have today. A lot of people have helped me get to where I am today so it’s my duty to tell you about what’s working for me.

I’m amazed that when I ask to be a good husband each day, I’m willing to back out of any position. For example, if I take one position and my wife’s taken another, I am willing to back out of mine completely. I will try things out her way as our way. I seek to not have a separate position from my wife. What’s amazing is that If I’m not willing to back out of a position, she will back out of her position. Often we will switch positions just to see how it feels. We don’t ask what do I want or what does she want, we focus on what’s right for us.

It’s simple, but it’s not always easy. When it’s not easy, I pray for help with it. When my wife and I are having a hard time, the go-to I use is I’ll do anything to be a good husband. It’s a simple prayer that doesn’t have to be directed at anything in particular. Sometimes I use my parent’s relationship to guide my interactions with my wife. Often when I pray to be a good husband, I know what to do next. Often, I ask to be quiet and listen because usually I’ve done too much by the time I’m hurting and praying. Sometimes, I have to say I’m sorry. Sometimes I have to give her a little space an wait. I’m thankful today that I have these tools and that’s why I share them with you.

I pray today that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be a good husband. Marriage is one of the biggest relationships I have in my life and it’s important to do a good job with it. I pray today that I’m willing to not make it worse whenever it’s challenging. I’m willing to always work on making it better when everything’s peaceful. I pray to continue doing things that are good for us and to have one unified life together. I pray that in sharing this with you, you have all the same opportunity to have the same love and joy that I have today. Thank you for reading this. I value your feedback on it and I hope you have a great day today.