Yesterday brought me to tears of gratitude. It was a day filled with challenges that showed me all the love in my life. For most of my life I would’ve called yesterday a bad day. It was filled with bad things and challenges. It’s amazing to see the gratitude and all the beautiful things you have in your life. The best I can do is share what happened yesterday and let you decide. Maybe you’ll see the same thing when the time is right.
I am honored to be here with you and have so much gratitude. I have this because other people gave it to me and helped me see it in myself. I hope I can do the same for you. Here’s what happened yesterday.
It was a beautiful day, I woke up at [4:30] in the morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. The dog was chewing himself. My wife is 8 months pregnant and she was having a hard time sleeping. I started the day off by being thankful I had that time to spend with my wife.
Most of my life, I would’ve counted that as big annoyance. I woke up way too early and I couldn’t go back to sleep and it sucked. Yesterday I was happy to start the day early. I was happy to lay there and appreciate being in bed with my wife.
My dad passed away last year and my mom says she’d give anything to have even a bad day with my dad again. My mom gave me the ability to see my wife from that point of view. In lots of our marriage, I saw my wife as more of an object who’s here and has these issues. Now, it’s beautiful to see our life together. I started my day out like that which helped because I had a lot more challenges thrown at me. Again, I understand these are still pretty good in comparison to what’s possible. These are all pretty relative and more challenging day than I’m used to.
I woke up at [5:30] and had breakfast. I prayed, and was grateful. I asked for another day to take care of myself and to do the next right thing. Then I made a lot of videos that went well and I took the dogs for a walk. One dog stayed at home and barked because he was not happy and sick. That was a little traumatic. That would’ve been enough to set me off earlier in my life.
Half way through our thirty minute walk, it poured on us. The dog pooped when it was pouring. I had to change clothes in the middle of the day between doing my lectures. Again, this is not a big deal, but for most of my life these things would’ve driven me crazy. Then I went to the vet and the dog that was sick yelled and was not happy to be at the vet. Usually the dog getting upset like that would have been enough to get me upset. I continued to look at gratitude and be grateful that my dog was here.
The vet bill was twice as high as anything I’ve had before. The vet bill was more than I’ve made in two weeks for lots of my life. I’m grateful I thought about all the people that have been generous with me. I’m grateful I can afford to pay this bill, that I have the money to pay it right now. Chase lends it to me on a credit card and I will pay it next month. I am thankful that I could get everything I needed. Even though I had the money and was in debt, I was able to pay for it. I was thankful instead of flipping out about how high the vet bill was and going crazy about it.
Then I came home, went and worked out, dealt with my dog having a new comb. Again, these things don’t sound like much, but all these things tend to build up. I went to the gym and did some work. I went to my support group and listened to a guy talk for an hour. That’s the best time to meditate by listening well. If I’m a good listener, I can’t be thinking about what I’m going to say next. I have to completely be silent and listen.
Then I came home. My wife said she was leaving around that time from work. It usually takes my wife 50 minutes to get home. Over an hour and twenty minutes later, I checked the traffic. There was an accident right around where she was driving. I called and she didn’t answer her phone which is a little unusual. I started to picture what kind of life or what I would be doing if something happened to my wife. It made me miserable.
I talked to my mom last night and she said even as dad was dying, she didn’t think about that. I thought about what I would do if my wife didn’t come home and I started praying. I know I can’t be afraid and trust God. You can’t worry and have fear if you trust the universe to take care of you. I just kept praying and then my wife pulled into the driveway.
When she pulled in the driveway, I was overwhelmed with gratitude. From looking at what my life would be like if she didn’t come home, to see her pull in the driveway, it felt like a miracle. I started sobbing. She had been listening to an emotional CD on the way home. She walked in and I’m crying, the dog’s in his crate with his cone of shame on. She immediately asked what happened here. I’m was just happy she was home and she got to feel that too. Then we watched a romantic movie and I cried some more. Then my mom called and we had a good talk and I cried some more.
This is remarkable in me because I’ve had lots of years where bad things happened. I wouldn’t cry at all. I was an emotional, angry rock. Only two emotions I had were excitement and anger or boredom. I would get angry at everything. It was amazing that even though I was brought up to respond to things with anger, I responded with gratitude. I could’ve called it a bad day, I could’ve gotten mad.
That’s what I did a lot of times in my life. A few little challenges would come along and I would be mad at them and then I’d make it worse. I would drink or I would be in a horrible angry mood. It’s a miracle to see the tears of gratitude that are possible. and how good it is to experience that.
I find it easy to remember times like that when I seem to get out of sync with things. When I start getting in a nasty, reactive, negative place. The first thing I do is apologize and say no. Then I pray for help. When I pray for help, I get memories back. Next time I’m mad at my wife, I’ll see the memory of her pulling into the driveway. Whatever stupid thing I’m angry at will just disappear. It’s put in a space of gratitude.
This is a miracle I’ve seen in my life to go through a day with grace, gratitude and happiness. It’s overwhelming to see the gratitude and the service that other people have done. All that my friends and family have done to be helpful to me, that’s overwhelming.
I had tears of gratitude, I got to see that in a quick way with rapid fire memories. It’s amazing. That gives me the energy and passion to do my absolute best to give what has been given to me. I have that love, peace, and gratitude and I give that always, everywhere I’m at. Whether I’m walking my dogs and see someone of the street or I woke up early or stay up late with my wife.
I’m honored you’re here, you’ve spent so much time with me. I pray today that I will think to ask for help anytime as I’ve done before. I pray that I will ask for help. In asking for help I will remember all the love and gratitude in my life. I pray that I don’t need to get to a place to suffering to remember that love and gratitude. I can stay in that state and notice when I slip and pray to return. I pray that I get what I’m supposed to out of the suffering. I pray that you have the same opportunity. There’s still some question marks in my mind the same way you’re listening to this. Thank you for being here. I love your feedback, comments, and shares. Thank you and have a great day.
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