I just had an amazing experience that I will share with you that might be really helpful if you’re struggling with something like an addiction, compulsive thinking, frustration, fear, or just plain pissed off, or angry, or annoyed.
I’m going to share with you the way I found to get out of it and appreciate life and live in the moment. You can use this whenever you’re ready including right now. I wouldn’t use it while you’re driving or doing something else, it’s pretty crazy.
Here’s what happened to me. The last few days I’ve been struggling with compulsive thinking, getting into negative thoughts and fear and wondering what if this happens, what if that happens. I’ve noticed that I’ve been struggling to appreciate the moment.
I’ve been doing things like sitting with my wife in the morning and noticing why am I not appreciating this? This is a great moment, this is a beautiful thing having time with my wife. I notice I also do it in my work, and I’ve noticed several times the last few days that I’m not appreciating, I’m not here. Why am I stuck in my head with all these crazy thoughts? Why can’t I appreciate what I have right now?
If you’re struggling with this and these things come out in all kinds of ways. They came out for me before in addictions, in bad behavior, acting out, being mean to people, being a bad employee, being a bad friend, being a bad son, husband all these things come out in the same way and it’s all the same basic frustration.
Here’s what just happened to me today and if you could let this happen to you or find your own way of doing it, it provides absolute complete total relief, but it required confrontation of the most thing you might be afraid of and that’s death.
Here’s what happened: I went to the gym, I’ve been going along with my day with anxiety frustration, fear hanging over me a little bit and I’ve been listening to an Eckhart Tolle retreat series. Eckhart Tolle has been really inspirational for me in my spiritual journey.
I was listening to his book and I was eating a sandwich and he was talking about appreciating ad noticing the form now takes. I was looking at the sandwich. I was looking at the half sandwich, I had already eaten the other half, and I looked at it and I thought how cool this is right here. I just made this, I normally just make a sandwich and eat it and don’t even hardly think about it. I looked at it. I thought “How cool is this?” It’s right here, it’s right now, and it’s about to be gone. I’m about to eat this and then it’s gone.
Sure, I can go and make another one, but this one sandwich in this exact form I made it is here and it’s going to be gone so I eat the sandwich and then I walk into the shower and then I got this moment of clarity.
I went into something my mom said that was really helpful for me. My dad passed away last year and it’s been really hard on my mom, they were married thirty years and the thought mom said to me came to me.
I’d give anything to have another day with your dad, even a bad one. I thought about that and I remembered what my wife said this morning.
She said this time with you we sit on the couch quietly for like ten or twenty minutes now, each morning. This time with you is one of my favorite parts of the day. I really felt that compliment right when she said it, but I had my armor up. I was still in that frustration anxiety annoyed. I saw it was a beautiful thing she said and it couldn’t quite sink in. That compliment, what my mom said about my dad and the sandwich all collided.
Let me explain exactly how that can happen in the mind. I looked at it and realized and looked at everything around me and I went into not being here. The certainty that this form, this body, this face, everything I do, everything whatever is here in my life that I call my life, including my wife, my mom, my family, everyone will die for sure. At some point, none of us were here to start with.
I went deeper into that and thought exactly the place of nothing where that is the place where this form is gone or my wife is gone. Where everything I care about my dogs, my brothers and sisters, my cousins my nieces and nephews, everyone’s all gone and dead and no none even remembers there’s no trace left, absolute nothing. I went deep and deep and deep into that.
At first, it was awful. It was awful to think from an eagle point of view to think and to see everything just disappear, but I kept going into it and I focused on what my mom said and the compliment my wife gave me and the sandwich.
I’m just like the sandwich. I’ve been put together. My mom’s very generous to raise me and my dad to have me and raise me for so many years. I’ve been put together just like I put together that sandwich and at some point, life is just going to eat me and that’s it.
This form is gone forever and that’s okay. I went deep into that thought and understanding and knowledge of death and understanding that beyond nothing, beyond all these forms is eternal life. That eternal life that Jesus talked about that I idea of nirvana. That is all right here, right now.
That’s the awareness and noticing everything and it’s tough to explain this. I’ll just tell you what happened. I went deep into that.
At first, I pictured my wife being gone. When I looked from a place where everyone was dead. When I looked from that place, the place of looking as if my wife’s already gone and burned up and cremated which is easier for me to see now that my dad’s gone.
When I looked from that place, at first, it was awful. I immediately started crying and the tears came and then seeing that for myself too. This body gone, deteriorating, burned, not even remembered. When I went into that place, all of the spinning thoughts in my head stopped. All of the thinking about what if, everything was just shattered.
All of these compulsive thoughts that I’ve had almost all of my life wondering what do I need to do next? What time is it? Where am I going? Who’s doing this? What’s happening to me? How do I feel? What do I want? All those compulsive thoughts shattered because in the place of death, there is nothing. There are no worries, no concerns, nothing to care about, nothing to be afraid of. When I went to that place and then came down to look at my body again, and by this point, I was in the shower just sobbing, picturing my wife being gone.
When I came back to that place, something ridiculous happened, then I could see the miracle of being here right now.
Going to a place of death and nonexistence and coming back into this moment. I’m here and it was as if I had been dead and dropped back into my body again and I was blown away. I went from crying to laughing hysterically, I don’t know how long I was in there. I just started laughing, it’s ridiculous.
I looked down at my hands like I had never seen them before. The way you would feel if you’d died and got stuck back in a body again. You’d feel like it was a miracle, you’d look down at everything for the first time like wow! The same way you’d see a little baby looking at the world. That sense of wonder, that unconstrained, undefined looking, where you just watch and see the world and look around at it like what is going on here.
I was in the shower and I had been crying going into the thought of death and losing my wife and that whole stream of thoughts and losing my consciousness shattered and there was peace and quiet. The piece of death, the piece of God, the stillness where everything is okay.
Once I came back into that I looked around and realized my body’s here, this is so cool, as if I just got issued a new one, not regarding what I just did or what I might do but it’s here, it’s right now, it’s so cool!
Then I started laughing hysterically and wiping the mist off this shower and looking at the water like I had just came back from death and got stuck in my body again. How cool is that?
The miracle is to see from death, see this life from a place of nothing. It’s so cool! Everything is so cool from a point of view of nothing. It’s cool, it’s here. I was in the shower like I never showered before. I was standing under the water. I turned it up hotter and I’m like cool. I turned it down real cold and I’m like wow that’s cold. Then, I turned it back to where it was nice and pleasant, just a child-like fresh look on life.
This has never happened to me before, this was weird and it was so cool. I had been on a spiritual journey. I struggled with a lot of problems in my life, addictions, a lot of acting out and negative behavior, rude, selfish, a lot of things like that and discovering not taking this form so seriously, but looking from a place of nothing, looking from a place of death, it helps me appreciate everything. I feel alive!
I am here right now, it’s so cool and nothing else matters. Not what happened yester, not what’s going to happen tomorrow, not what’s going to happen in ten minutes or what you’re going to think of this video. It doesn’t matter.
I felt compelled to share this with you because of how much I’ve struggled in my life. I felt compelled to share this with you because I would love for you to have access to this infinite spiritual power that I and millions of other more people on the planet are starting to wake up to.
To me, one way to go into it is through seeing through death. When your eyes see through someone who’s dead, look as if you are dead. Look as if the people you care about are dead, the things you care about are dead and gone. When you can look from that point of view, there’s infinite power and peace and you can come back into being aware of the body as if you just got issues a new one.
I understand if this might not make sense at all. I’m doing my best to put into words something that was incredibly powerful and is still powerful. It helps me to be free from addictions, from a compulsive thinking, from nasty, rude, selfish, behavior that plagued me my whole life. I can go, I am always in that place of stillness. That is where I am, that is my soul if you want to call it that.
God, that is where ultimate reality is and this form is something cool. It’s something to have fun with to be played around with and it’s something that’s here now and gone soon enough.
I hope sharing this with you has given you the ability to know that you can go into this place anytime you want to and that fundamentally you are not your body or your thoughts or what you’ve done or what you’re going to do, you are simply that which is aware of all of this, that’s here to experience life.
You are that little kid that’s just looking around at their body like what is this? That’s you. You are sitting on everything you ever need.
I saw this lady that was homeless today out begging on the corner and I usually would avert my eyes from her because I go I don’t want to see that it’s unpleasant, but today I looked at her and the thought that came was, she doesn’t even realize she’s out here all day trying to get things given to her and she already has everything she needs.
She looked utterly miserable. and she eventually couldn’t look at me as I just starred at her like wow, she’s out here and she’s just like me. The only difference might be that she doesn’t know she has everything inside she’s hoping people will give her. She doesn’t need to ask for money, she already has all of the wealth and power and beauty in her life that she wants and you do, too and I do and we all do.
There’s nothing you can get that will satisfy you forever. You have everything right now, right at this moment, that can satisfy you forever. There is no then and there is no was, all of life is now, there is nothing else.
All of eternity, eternal life is simply realizing now. The past and the future are constructions of the mind they’re helpful for practical things like paying bills. They’re helpful for things like realizing I should make this video and that maybe it will be useful for you, but ultimately there is only now. Now is what’s real and the past and the future are imaginations. That always plagued me reading history books. Why does the past seem so muddy and the future so unclear it’s because it’s imaginary. It’s not real.
Now is all that is real and now will take many different forms, including one where this body is not a part of it anymore. That’s okay, when I look from a place of death, I can see life.
When I’m stuck in everyday rush and hurrying and anxiety and thinking I have to get this done, when I’m stuck in that’s utter misery and suffering, the liberation I found, I can leave that anytime I want to and the first step is to notice. I’m in that, even if you just realized, I’m really anxious today or I’m really having a hard time with this today you’re never upset for the reason you think you are.
the only reason there ever is to be upset is that you’re not connected with reality, with now. For me, a practical tool is I try and look from death. If my wife’s giving me a hard time, I look from what mom said about dad. I would give anything to have another day with him.
I’ve got today with my wife, I’m grateful for it. I’ve got today with this body, I’m grateful for that. If you want to get out of your pain and suffering, that’s all you have to do is go to a place of death and hopefully you don’t have to take your body to death, but go mentally there where you mind’s afraid to go.
I am amazed. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a laughing fit quite like this before, it was as if I’m crazy and yet it was ultimate complete utter joy, complete relief from all the pain and suffering, utter beauty and peace. The peace that you would think of when you would leave your body and come back into it – beautiful.
You have that. You have everything you need right now, you can do this right now. Even just hearing this, when now is right, you’ll know it.
I’m grateful you spent this time with me, I hope this has been useful for you. You are all I care about because you are me, we are all one life. I made this because it felt like the right thing to do and that’s how I live my life.
I do what feels right. The easiest way to see what’s right is to look from a place of death because when there is nothing, it seems to be very clear what is and holding on and appreciating what I have now – that’s the right thing to do.
To share that with you with the hope that I communicated to you what I felt.
Thank you for being here with me and thank you for sharing this time with me and if this has been helpful for you, please let me know that I should keep making these videos. This is something new. Please let me know to keep doing this, whether it’s a comment or a like or however this appears for you and if you want to do something good and you felt positive you felt this, share this with someone who needs this. Share this with your friend or your parent or your sister, your wife, your son. Share it with someone who may be able to use it.