A Survival Guide To Living With Your Parents

One of the unhappiest times in my life was when I lived at home as a teenager with my parents. Here are some things you can do so it doesn’t have to be one of the unhappiest times of your life. Here’s  some of the things I’ve learned that you can apply to your situation. I know this works because I’ve heard lots of what wise people have learned and it helps me to live a better life today.

When I was a teenager especially 13 – 18 years old I was happy with the idea that I could get away from home. I could get out on my own and have a job and a wife and have money. I just thought it sucked to live at home with your parents. I tried to play video games as much as possible to forget about living at home. My parents were fighting and almost got divorced. They were having a hard time themselves. This might be something you have experienced or will experience or are experiencing. Your parents are having a hard time and it turns into your hard time and you wish you could get away from it all.

Here’s what might help. Regardless of what’s going on and how insaneor mad your parents might be, you still do love them. Some day you’re likely going to deal with their death. My dad died last year and that helps me a lot to be a good son to my mother. You don’t actually have to have your parents die before you can learn this and that’s the miracle.

Every time I talk to my mom or listen to, or hang out with my mom, I’m doing it with the idea that this is a sacred moment. Every time I get to talk to my mother it’s a sacred moment. More than likely someday, my mother will be dead and I will not have the chance to listen to what she has to say. Even if she’s having a bad day, it’s still nice to just listen to her. Mom says she’d give anything for even a bad day with dad. I remember that now.

When I got moved back home at 25, I was lucky. That was a wonderful time in my life I enjoyed spending time with my parents more than when I was a teenager. I got to spend time with my dad and my mom and that turns out to have been a wonderful opportunity because I would never get the chance to spend that time with my dad again.  So while you’ve got your parents even if you just have one or who you’re living with as a teenager or as a young adult is a great gift. There’s so many things that you can’t even imagine that are nice living at home. If you can see some of those nice things, then you can appreciate the life you have going forward. The problem with me was I thought life would be so great when I was 18 and could go do whatever I wanted to.

The problem was I was unhappy with the life I had. When the life I had changed from living at home to living on a college campus, I was still unhappy with the life I had. If you can figure out how to be happy with the life you have right now, then you don’t have to keep going through life being unhappy with the life you have. If you’re unhappy with the life you have as a teenager, having a different life will not change that. Having different life circumstances will not change how you feel about life. It was weird for me to experience that life on my own was worse than living at home.

There were a lot of things I took for granted that it took me a long time to realize I didn’t have those anymore.  Dad went to the store and got everything we needed. I didn’t have to think about food or anything. For money, I didn’t have a lot of it, but I had all that I needed, I never had to worry about it. Mom went to work and brought money home for us and dad divided it all up so we all had what we needed. I never had to worry when I lived at home about not having the money that I needed. That was something I didn’t see about getting married either. The worry there all the time about not having the money I needed. I never had that with my parents. When I got married I had this worry all the time that we wouldn’t have the money we needed. That was something I had to deal with. I had to get to the point where I felt like when I was living at home before where we had all the money we need today.

I thought life would be great when I had a wife and money and a place to live, but life is the same as when I was with my parents. There are different good and bad things but the fact is life is just about the same. When I lived at home my parents provided all the money, all the love, support, and food all the time. They provided a safe environment to live in and they provided structure. Now,  when I’m living with my wife on my own my wife and I both have to be responsible for our money. There’s no one else providing us with money to live. we both have to be responsible for structuring our home. That takes a lot of time and energy.

I don’t have as much time to do things like play video games or hang out with my friends. I used to fantasize when I was a teenager. I would fantasize about having a job and being important and having my own money. I would get resentful when mom and dad wouldn’t buy me a new video game and I had to wait until my birthday. Now I have the opposite problem. I can have any video game I want and I don’t have much time to play them. I’ll have ten video games sitting there right behind me that I don’t play. I think about how I went and spent all this money on these video games and don’t even use them. It’s the exact opposite of the situation before, except I’m at peace with how things are today.

I used to think my life would’ve been better if I just went out and bought that video game immediately. The thing is, it doesn’t matter about buying that video game immediately. There’s lots of nice things about living at home with your parents. For example, when you’re married, it gets more difficult to take care of yourself. You start to mix and intertwine who you are with the other person. When you’re living at home with your parents, it’s the perfect time to work on yourself. It’s the perfect time to fix what’s wrong with you, to heal yourself. I got a miracle living at home with my parents for a year as an adult.

I didn’t even want to live right before I moved in with them and I went off into the world healed. I didn’t work on myself much when I lived with my parents I still lived under their structure. Their structure was loving. Their structure was simple. I had nothing I had to do every day.  Think about that and I compare that with my life now. Living with my wife, I have a lot of things I have to do every day. There’s not a ton, but I need to feed the dogs, plan out how I’m going to do my work, think bout my wife. Think about taking care of myself.

Living at home with my parents was easy. When life is easy, it’s a good opportunity to get to know yourself, to take care of yourself. To make good habits that you can carry out when you are on your own because no matter who you are, more than likely you will be the head of the household someday. It could be as a parent or grandparent or as a young person out on their own and the better you can do to make yourself as good as possible before you go out on your own is a great gift.

If you think that leaving where you are now will solve your problems, you’re likely to be surprised at how you get new problems wherever you go next. I got surprised a lot. How is it that every new place I go to I had the same problems? It was because the problems were all inside me. The problems still are all inside me. That’s great because I don’t have to go anywhere to solve my problems. I can work on being a better person right where I am.

I know some of the worst suffering in my life was 13 – 16 living at home with my parents. The suffering came from thinking somewhere else will be better. It’s not better. Life will always similar no matter where you’re at or what you’re doing. The trap is to think that somewhere else is better than where you are now. Either the past or the future.

You can break out of that living at home with your parents or wherever you are. It’s a great place to get out of that trap. You will have to break out of that trap someday because you will keep suffering if you stay in that trap. Things might be better for a few hours or a few days and then they’ll go right back to how they were before.

The best lessons I’ve gotten in life is when I got those things I said I wanted and. When I went to college I thought things will be so great and soon things were worse than they were with my parents. Absent of structure, I discovered a new level of loneliness. I discovered how sick I could be. I got to experience it. Then I started to appreciate my life as it is.

People ask how do you talk to your mom so long and how do you listen and enjoy it. Often my mom will talk about 80 – 90 percent of the time and I will just talk when she pauses. I talk with the understanding that my mom will die someday. That gives me the vision to listen to her with that understanding now. If you can bring that understanding into all your relationships now, you will find beauty in all your relationships that’s better than Disney.

I pray today that I remember this throughout my day. There’s nothing more important I’m saying here than me remembering it. These are videos for myself to remember and be grateful for the life I have today. I pray to be grateful for the life I have today and to be of service to you in the life you have if you want to learn the easy way. I don’t want to learn anything the hard way again if I can help it. If you want to learn the easy way , I hope that this is easy for you. I thank you for every minute you’ve spent with me.