It is never anyone else or anything else that’s causing the problem in life. It’s always my reaction to whatever happens. This is good news and bad news. Last night, I played League of Legends game where I did not pick Smite as the jungle. Basically I didn’t choose the critical spell I need to do my role in the game. It’s about the biggest mistake you could make pre-game.
This is a good example of a background for what I’m saying here. I messed up picking Smite in the beginning of the game. How many times do we do little things like that? All I needed to do was a quick spell change. That was an easy error to miss up front and yet very costly moving forward. It’s difficult to perform well going forward after that. It’s shameful looking mistake where anyone on both teams can see what an idiot you are.
Yet, it has nothing to do with anyone else. It all has to do with how I reacted to it. This is an exact kind of thing I call a shame trigger. This hits me all the way down to the bottom of my problems. This left me feeling like I’m not good enough. That hurts because that’s my shame trigger. I feel like I’m not good enough as a member of the human race. This comes up in all kinds of human life. Sometimes I can get fooled into thinking someone else is doing something to me.
What do most of us do in this kind of situation?
We don’t look inward and say I made that mistake because I was doing too many things. If I was focusing completely on the game, I wouldn’t have made that mistake. I was off in another window in League of Legends coaching, trying to make my game better in the future. I messed up the current game I was playing.
I was trying to do too many things because of feeling like the game is boring and not enough to get started. I made the mistake of not picking Smite. It’s not a critical mistake. It made things difficult, but the irony is playing in this game I did better than I would have if I had Smite on. I felt so bad that I paid more attention to how I was playing.
What I’m getting at here is when we made the mistake, most of us are programmed to go after other people.
Since my friend is better at the game, he should’ve been looking out because he’s better at the game. He should’ve noticed that I didn’t pick Smite.
Is that true? No, that’s ridiculous. If I’m having a problem, it’s because of how I’m reacting to it. I could’ve been cool about it and said I’m fine without it. In that scenario, it doesn’t matter if anyone said anything or not, does it?
If I’m reacting badly, why does it matter what other people do? The same things happened when another friend was talking on a call. I tried to say something like it’s hard to function when you’re distracting us. I put it much nicer than I would have most of my life then I guess he didn’t pick up on it. He just kept going. I guess I was subtle enough that it didn’t come across directly. Yet, I still ended up doing complaining about someone else.
That’s completely different from what I used to do. I would complain about everyone and everything else to cover up my mistake. Who was I interested in covering it up for? I was interested in covering up my mistake for me. Then that comes out in the urge to fight with other people whenever someone on our team calls me out on my mistake. I would argue that I’m still playing better than they are.
I know today that it’s never about someone else, it’s all about my reaction. A lot that happens is independent of my judgments of it. Just because I think something should happen one way, it has nothing to do with whether it happens or not. The only control I have is how I react to it. I thought for most of my life that I could control other people’s driving. Now I see how foolish that is. I realize that if I’m lucky and pay full attention to my own driving then I have some control over my own driving. I can make room for people who feel the desire to feel powerful like they’re controlling my driving. Today, I’m able to make space for other people who used to behave how I did.
It takes a lot of good people to make space for a few sick people who are blaming everyone else for their problems. I’m grateful to have the chance to share this with you today after being one of the sick people most of my life. I was one of the people who’d play a video game and then complain about the game most of the time. I couldn’t see that I made the choice to play the game in the first place. I couldn’t see that I was trying to use the game to make me feel a certain way about myself. Nothing out there is going to make me feel a certain way about who I am. That gives great peace and serenity when you realize it’s not your significant other, your family, or coworkers that can make you feel a certain way about yourself. That is up to you independent of them.
Of course other people can have an influence on you. If someone else is having a bad day, that can be in your field of awareness. However, it doesn’t mean you have to have a bad day with it. I know even if I mess up my spells at the beginning of the game, it doesn’t mean my teammates have to flip out and play badly. If they choose to play poorly, that’s not up to me. I can only control how I’m playing in any given aspect of life from the game to my relationships.
This makes life simple today. There are 7 billion people in the world that I don’t have to worry about controlling now. I used to want to try to control everyone in the world. If you have world domination fantasies like I did, that often comes from a lack of control of yourself.
If you find yourself trying to assert control on anyone and feeling frustrated that they aren’t doing what you want them to that comes back to not feeling in control of yourself. The other day I was bossing my dogs around more than usual. Then I saw what I was doing. I was trying to play God with these dogs. Why? Because I’m feeling a little uncomfortable myself. Then I see that I’m feeling a little uncomfortable and I blame it on the dog not being a “good dog” today.
We’re programmed to look around at the world and cry about it. As a baby, that’s the only way you can communicate. The trick is to grow out of that and see that you have the ability to solve all your problems. In fact, the problem is weighted with the solution. When I have a negative reaction, I see the problem is weighted with the solution, all I have to do is ask for it. If I can’t feel good about a situation I react badly to things all the time as my default response. Now I ask to have a better reaction when I feel like I have no choice I pray for a better reaction today.
Today I pray to be at peace with the things that happen in the world. The only way they’re important to me is how I react to them. I pray to see today that whatever’s going on in the world has nothing to do with other people. It has everything to do with me and how I’m looking at it. I hope that this gives me the ability to see where I need to pray for help. I pray that you have the same opportunity to look at the world and see what’s your responsibility. Thank you and have a great day today.