How To Handle Not Getting Your Way

Sometimes not having things go my way is the best thing that could happen to me. What you can see here in the video is I just got slapped around on level 12 and I died. Often that’s the kind of situation that I would’ve flipped out on in the past. I would’ve got upset because I would’ve thought I didn’t deserve to die in the game. I would be debating why I didn’t get my way.

Here’s how crazy that is.

If the universe is saying that this is how things are then it’s pretty crazy to debate with that. Often not getting my way in life has been some of the best things that have happened to me.

For example, I dated a girl and I thought at one point we would get married. My way was to be with her for the rest of our lives. At one point, that was considered “my way.” When she broke up with me I felt like I wasn’t getting my way. I felt victimized like she did something bad to me and I thought the world was all against me. I was frustrated and I was in a lot of pain over that. I never considered until 6 months later that maybe her breaking up with me was a good thing. Maybe me not getting my way was the best thing that could’ve happened.

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Now I’m grateful I’m happily married. I have a wonderful life with a different girl. I have a much better relationship with my wife than I ever had with the girl I dated in college. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would guess that the girl has a much better relationship with whoever she’s with than she did with me.

In other words, me not getting my way was the best thing that could’ve happened for everyone involved. No one benefits from having a mediocre relationship. While hurtful at first, it was not hurtful in the long term. I hope that’s a good example you can see of me not getting my way being one of the best things that could happen to me.

If that’s not a good enough example, I’ll give you another one. I had a job as a police officer and “my way” was to work there and have a career there. The day my boss sat me down and took all my weapons, I thought I wasn’t getting my way. I thought that they were all doing something to me. I thought I should get to keep that job forever.

At the time, I was upset and frustrated. How dare they put me in a position where the only thing I could do was quit? How dare they do that to me? 

I had no idea that the next day I would experience one of the greatest days of relief in my life. It was such a weight all the time to know I had these court cases coming up with people that I had arrested. I had all this stress from the job I was not doing well. That didn’t go well with my personality. I thought my way was to get to do whatever I wanted as a police officer. I wanted to be there and tolerate that and then be stressed and suffer through all that.

When I didn’t get my way and I had to do something else, I felt gigantic relief. I could see that this is a great opportunity. This was a wonderful gift. They had done a huge favor by helping me see that stopping that line of work was the best thing for everyone.

Related: How To Deal With Uncertainty When You Don’t Know

Another example of that is I used to want to get my way all the time in video games. When I played a game, I expected that every game should go my way. When I ran into someone I should just be able to kill them in a game and they shouldn’t be able to kill me. In every game I play, I should be able to give the max kill streak in the game. Every game that didn’t happen I was frustrated and in anger and pain. I expected to have my way including having a higher KD ratio.

When I had a game where I didn’t have at least a 1 KD ratio, I was mad. I was raging, screaming, blaming the other team, keeping my parents up at night, cursing at the game. I was saying the game was lagged and all kinds of things.

I’m thankful I’ve gotten my way so many times in my life to see through the lie. The lie looks like this. Getting my way will make me happy. If I’m not getting my way, I cannot be happy. Therefore, I must get my way. I will expect to get my way because I want to be happy. If I don’t get my way, like a baby, I will cry and scream until people give me my way out of sheer annoyance and aggravation.

You can see what a long journey it’s been from that to understanding that often getting my way does not make me happy. In fact, some of the best days of my life have been right after I completely didn’t get my way at all.

Today, I try to keep this in mind which is why I’m talking with you. It’s easy for me to forget these things I’ve learned. In talking about them with you, I remember them. I’m grateful that you’ve listened to me talk about this here. When I don’t get my way the next time, I can accept it and be okay with it.

Related: How Do You Deal With Accepting Uncertainty In Life?

I pray that I remember that getting my way doesn’t always make me happy. I pray to remember all the times where I didn’t get my way and everything was okay. In fact, everything worked out better than if I had gotten my way. I pray to remember that often the best thing that can happen to me is for me to not get my way. I pray that you have the same chance today to be happy not getting your way. They say it’s better to be happy than right and I believe that today. Thank you for reading this. I hope you have a wonderful day today.

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