I have been in a lot of these situations because I spend so much time online. I’ve been online for 18 years. I’ve spent tens of thousands of hours online. I’ve gotten into situations where I’ve been bullied and I’ve learned a lot from that today. I rarely get into situations where I’m bullied or insulted today because of what I’ve learned. I respond to all the negative things online with forgiveness and love.
First, it helps to understand that if you’re getting bullied, you’ve put yourself there. 80% of the time I’ve been insulted or bullied or in a bad situation online, I was the one who initiated or escalated it. 99% of the situations I’ve been in are one’s where I put myself there. For example, in Call of Duty, if I have my headset on and I’m doing a good job, I’m likely to get insulted. Someone is likely to try and bully me and say something mean.
I chose to play the game. I chose to put the headset on and to have the audio on. I chose that. This helps me avoid most situations to start with. It’s a lot easier to avoid the situation then to have the situation given to you and try and deal with it. Now I avoid those interactions by avoiding places it happens a lot.
For example, I stick to chatting with friends on Xbox now. If you choose not to put the headset on, that also makes it easier to not be put in a bad situation. There are situations you can’t avoid, especially when thousands of people are watching my videos daily. I can’t help but to get in situations where someone tries to bully me. I deal with those situations with love and forgiveness.
In the Call of Duty example, I often will start the negative interaction by trash talking. Then other people would say something about how bad I was at the game or the strategy I was using.
If you pay attention to what you’re putting out, you can avoid negative situations. That said, sometimes you still can’t avoid it. Sometimes someone’s having a bad day and just lays it on you.
I was collaborating with other instructors on Udemy and Udemy emailed me about a policy. I contacted the instructors to leave myself off the course and just leave them on it. Both instructors sent me negative messages, upset, and frustrated. I created the situation to start with. If you can see what you did to create a situation, it’s easy to respond with love. Rarely will you be in a situation where you did nothing to earn it somehow. About 1% of the time I get random responses on my video where people just go off on me. For those it’s pretty easy, I can either ignore those or thank them for sharing their feedback. Even if someone didn’t like it, it’s still nice they watched and shared their feedback. If the 1% you don’t deserve it at all, you don’t need to come back with an emotional response or reaction. Most of the time you did something in it, and then it’s easy to respond with love and forgiveness. In the case I’m using now, I did something.
I got involved with instructors that I shouldn’t have gotten involved with to start with. Then I was worried about how Udemy would look at what I was doing, being on a course without contributing to it. I deleted it off, thinking only of myself, only explaining to them what I did and why I did it. Of course, they were mad and tried to bully me saying I had to pay them money even though there was no arrangement. They asked me to be on the course, which I did and they both tried to bully me to give them money for leaving the course. I found myself in a situation where I was in a negative messaging situation. The nice thing is I have learned that with love, it will end the situation and I can feel good about how things went.
At first, in my response, I escalated the situation by denying it and being negative. They both sent me more negative messages back and that woke me up. I saw what I was doing wrong and I didn’t want to be in that pain. I wanted to fix it. Understand that you can only do your part, you cannot do someone else’s part to fix anything. You can only do your part and that’s what I did. I responded with love both with myself and the other instructors. I offered to fix what I did.
I agreed that I should not have done that. I should not have deleted myself off the course. I apologized for hurting their feelings and not fulfilling what I would do. Finally, I offered to fulfill the promise of what I was going to do. I forgave myself and I forgave them for reacting the way they did. I offered to fix the problem and respond to what they said they had a problem with.
When I responded that way I did not get back an immediate loving and caring response. I got back another response except this one was helpful. They both sent back messages saying that my response was not good enough. They want to trust me, they were still hurt and did not want me to fix it doing what I thought was the right thing. What they wanted was to bully me to get money out of me. They did not want to fix the original problem of me deleting myself from the course. They just wanted me to give them money.
I offered, again, to fix what I did wrong. I wanted to re-establish our trust. I notice the best relationships I have with people don’t come from having everything go well. They come from having everything go bad and fixing them at some point. My wife, my family my friends, all of us have had bad things happen to us. The great relationships I have all came from having things good and when things go bad, you fix them with love. I would not allow them to bully me into giving them money.
When I was selfish with my wife, I would fix that with forgiveness and love. When I had an issue with my friend a few years ago where I was selfish, I would fix that out of love. I was practicing the principles I believe in. When you do that, you’ll find that people who are trying to have a negative interaction with you are hurting. They’re mad and frustrated. If you give them pain back, they will give you more. If you do not give them more pain back, they will either drop out of their pain and meet you in love or they will avoid you. If you’re in pain and you’re suffering, you don’t want to feel better. When someone is in peace and serenity, you will want to not be around them because you’ll feel better if you do . I notice that when I attract people who are suffering, they only will stay around me if they want to feel better.
If they want to keep suffering and feel worse, they will go away. I have the choice to stay where I’m at in love and serenity or I have the choice to be in pain with them. When you stand in peace and serenity and work from there, you don’t go down to someone else’s level. You go with whatever you can do to make it right. When you’ve done something wrong, focus on what you can do to make it right.
You apologize and don’t go on being mean. You give them compliments and do what you can do. That allows the other person to meet you in a peaceful healing place. If they won’t meet you, they will go away. If you keep being nice, they will go away or they will meet you in being nice. Today, I’m grateful to have a solution, especially when I cause a problem. I have solutions to fix that problem out of forgiveness. I do something wrong, I’m able to figure out what I can do to make this right.
If I’m working with someone that won’t accept what I can do best to make this right then I don’t have to do anything else. I can see what the best thing to do to make it right is. If you want to bully me into doing something else, I have the right to ignore that. I have the right to allow myself not to be pushed around and manipulated and to honor what I said I was going to do. If I’m loving and respecting myself, I can respect that sometimes people in pain will say things they don’t mean. I know because I have done that in the past. I’ve pushed people around, I’ve been a big bully. I can accept that when people are in pain, that’s what they will do. If I don’t give that back to them, they will either join me in peace and serenity or go away.
I hope this helps you in handling negative interactions, insulting messages and getting bullied. I’ve been through a lot of it, most of it I was somehow responsible. In 99%, I either didn’t need to be there in the first place or 80% of the time, I made it worse. Whatever bullying was there, I made it worse, or I started it to begin with. It’s nice to be able to see that today. I pray that I remember throughout my day what I just shared with you here. I always have the opportunity to make things better through love and forgiveness.
I pray that I remember that 99% of the time I have done something to be in whatever situation I am in. It’s safe for me to assume that I’m not an innocent victim that hasn’t contributed to the situation. As long as I remember to practice love in that situation, I can stand where I am in peace and serenity. I can allow people to do whatever they want to. If they want to join me in a peaceful place where everything is okay, I pray that I remember that. I pray that I don’t need to go join them in hell. I can stay where I am and enjoy life. I pray that you have the same opportunity. Thank you for being here with me. I appreciate that you’ve continued to watch this and I hope you have a great day today.