How To Succeed at Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt

Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt

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Roosevelt quote

This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt inspires me to do things that seem impossible. I learned that often my idea of what I can and cannot do is completely wrong. When I’m willing to go forward and try doing things I cannot do, sometimes I am able to have amazing break through.

For example, for me, one of the things I thought I could not do was to not take a drink when I felt like I had to. I thought I could not do that. I tried so many times and I was sure that if I felt the urge to drink I had to give into it at some point.

The first time the urge was so bad I thought I was going to die, I didn’t take that drink. I stayed away from it. The first time that happened I started to believe there was a bigger world possible. The world gets miserable when you think you know everything that can and cannot happen. When you do the things you think you cannot do, you break out of the prison that many of us have put ourselves in. The prison consists of what we can do and what we cannot do. I am amazed to see what other people think they can’t do because I see so much potential in everyone.

What I’m doing right now, a few years ago I would’ve thought would be impossible. If you would’ve asked me if I could have almost 2 million people like my Facebook page, I would’ve said I can’t do that. Can you make a couple thousand videos online and upload them? I would say I can’t do that. I remember seeing someone with twenty Udemy courses and thinking if I had that I’d have it made, but I can’t do that. Today, I have 46 courses on Udemy.

The only way I’ve been able to do that is that I’ve done the things I thought I could not do. A lot of them are not monumental accomplishments like climbing Mount Everest. They are things like not forgiving someone for what they said. Someone posted a nasty comment to my Facebook page and my first response to that was that I can’t forgive them. That gives me the chance to work and say I can try to do the things I think I cannot do.

I hear people say “I can’t do that”, especially when it comes to relationships with other people. For example, some people will refuse to forgive their mom for what she did. People will say they can’t eat healthy. They can’t stop taking the drugs. They can’t be a better person in this situation. They can’t do more at work, they can’t rest more, they can’t stop drinking or doing bad habits. If you respect everything you think you can’t do then you are in a prison. You have a small set of thing you can do, which often become repetitive and obsessive. They become the only safe things you can do.

I can go back and check the door three times to make sure it’s locked. I can go back and check the door three times to make sure it’s shut. I can go back and make sure I unplug the curling iron. When you get OCD habits they’re often a reflection of all the things you can’t do. They will have stuck you in a place where you only have a few things you can do. I fought for a long time in my life that I can’t lose weight. I can’t maintain an ideal body weight. I can’t have muscles. I can’t be in shape. I can’t look good. I can’t have a good girlfriend or a good wife.

I saw the Facebook awards and I thought I can’t possibly win one of those awards, so what’s the point of even trying. I am going to try because you must do the things you think you can’t do especially the things that have a good motivation behind them. For example, I can’t help a million people online, but I’m willing to try to help a million people online a little bit. I’m not saying it will be a gigantic earth shaking thing. I’m willing to try to help one person at a time with what I do because I can’t honestly know what I can and cannot do.

I hear a lot of people in my support group meeting for alcohol (AA) and they say they can’t take a drink and I realize that I can. I realize the things I can do are wide and that encourages me to pick out what is the right thing for me to do. When you set something up that you can’t do and it’s a bad habit it often makes it more attractive. When you say I can’t do this bad thing I’m thinking about doing, it makes it more attractive and you want to do it. If you set things up where you are in a world where you can do almost anything, it encourages praying for guidance in doing the right thing. Then you see you’re in a world full of possibilities.

I have a friend that used to come to my support group and I don’t know what happened to him. He went out and got into all kinds of alcohol and he’s been to jail. When he talked to me, he was filled with all the things he couldn’t do. When I talked to him, he wanted to do amazing things online but he kept thinking of the things he couldn’t do. I can’t do that. I can’t learn how to do that. He went back to seeing and doing the few things he thought he could do. He got high, drunk, and lived a life that’s full of sickness and suffering.

I can love and accept anyone’s life today. I used to think that I can’t accept the people who are in this political party. I can’t accept people who think differently than I do. I can’t have a friend who’s ugly or fat. I can’t be a good person in a relationship. I can’t respect a woman. I used to have a lot of ridiculous things I thought I can’t do. The more I try to do the things I think I can’t do, the more amazing things that happened in my inner life. I have a life of peace where I realize there’s a lot I can do and I need help being guided to do what’s best.

When you see there’s a million things you can do right now, it’s pretty overwhelming. It’s way overwhelming to comprehend the full scope of what you can do. Most helpful things for me to get through are often things I can’t do. When I am mad and frustrated with my wife, I think I can’t forgive her, I can’t be nice to her. I can’t keep doing what she thinks I should do. I can’t go to bed every night with her because I’ll miss out on gaming with my friends. I’m willing to try.

Every day that we have is special and holy and worth doing the best you can. You are doing the best you can each moment. For me, a big way to get better has been to see if I think I can’t do something, I better look at it more closely. Now, of course a few limited things are helpful, but even then I can say I can’t jump off a building. That’s not true. I know I can go jump off a building and I pray that that’s not what I do today.

I realize I can do almost anything. It’s thought when you have all these things you can do it promotes fear. Once you see all the things you can do, you might be afraid of missing out on opportunities. Well, I could travel to almost any country in the world, but then the fear comes in that I’m going to miss out. I have to get started, I have to get going. When you think you can do something, it’s a lot more likely that you can actually do it. Some of the connection and challenges in my life is when I thought I couldn’t do something that I needed to do. I need to stop eating so bad, but I can’t. I need to stop drinking, but I can’t. I need to stop shaming myself, but I can’t.

Those are the most important “cant’s” I ever got to do in my life. At some point in each day I had to say I don’t know if I can do this or not. I would have to try it just enough to say I can eat better. I don’t have to have 3 – 4k calories today. Maybe I can get through today without drinking. Maybe I can get through today without getting in an argument or screaming at someone. Maybe I can get through today without lying to someone or trying to cheat someone. I can get through today and feel like I’m a good person that’s worthy of loving and understanding.

I pray today to be willing to do the things I think I can’t do when I think I can’t do things that I need to do. I pray to have an open mind about what I can do and what I can’t do. I pray to receive guidance about doing the things I can’t do that I need to do that are right, kind, and helpful. I pray that you have the same chance today to have the courage to try doing things you think you can’t do. I hope this gives you the courage to try those things. A lot of people gave me courage to try and I’m paying it forward as best I can. Thank you for reading this. Have a great day.