I am not responsible for the first thought I have today. I am responsible for the second thought I have. This is useful for me because I don’t have to feel ashamed of that first thought I have.
I used to feel bad if I’d think some stupid thought as if that dumb thought was the truth about me. I felt like the dumb thought that came into my mind was my fault and I produced that thought. For example, when I’m driving and a guy crosses the street in front of me, the first thought I have is often a curse word. It’s a curse word about the person and now that’s better than it used to be, but I still think like that often today.
Now, the difference is when that first thought comes into my head. I realize I didn’t control that. I didn’t decide to have that thought. That thought just came there without me doing anything. That thought appeared out of nowhere in my head. That thought is not the truth about me. That thought has no power over me.
I’ve realized I am not responsible for the first thought today, but I am responsible for the second. If something comes into my head and then I attack it, I am responsible for that.
Sometimes I’ll have some D-12 song lyric and it’s raunchy and obscene. I used to feel bad about that about those thoughts. I would try to attack those thoughts under that belief that this isn’t the truth about me. Now, the less I run from those thoughts, the less I get stuck with repetitive thoughts.
Today I have a lot of original thoughts because I realize my second thought is my responsibility. I don’t ever need to feel bad about whatever stupid initial thought I have. This gives me a lot of peace.
I can do a video like this because I’m not critiquing and judging all my thoughts. Whatever thought comes into my head, I share it and I put myself in the position where I know I can do that. This gives me the ability to do something like play Zombies and talk to you because my mind is free. It’s not fighting the thoughts that come into my head. I trust myself.
I trust that I’m thinking things for the right reason. I trust that these words will come out of my mouth in a way that’s acceptable. I don’t have to go back and edit my videos. If I say anything that’s offensive or stupid, I’ll realize I just said something that’s a lie. I’ll ask myself why I said that, but I don’t attack it. If I say something that’s a lie then I get curious about why I said that. I don’t know why I lie about certain things. That gives me a simple way of living today.
Most human beings are capable of a lot of things. It’s just that we hold ourselves back. We get in our own way so much that we can’t function. The only thing that allows me to do what you see me here doing is that I get out of my own way.
I’m not fighting with myself right now, you could see I’m at peace. I’m not hurting myself or fighting myself and that gives me a lot of energy, it gives me a lot of free time. It gives me a lot of peace and serenity. When I make a little mistake, I don’t have to fight with myself. When I have stupid thought or I do something like tell a white lie I can forgive it. I don’t have to go after it like that’s the truth about me. When I used to have things like that come up, I’d fight it.
That takes a ton of energy. Having responsibility for that second though is exhausting and time consuming. It takes a ton of energy and full attention to work with that second thought. I spent lot of my life on autopilot. I tied my second thoughts up with attacking my first thought. My entire thinking consisted of action-reaction. I would have the first thought I thought I couldn’t control and then an attack on that thought.
I often have thoughts come up today that are some of the toughest thoughts I’ve ever had. I think things like I’m a bad father. That comes up in a lot of different ways. Today, I realize I didn’t create that thought. That thought just came up. When I don’t fight with it, that thought goes away.
Sometimes, when you don’t fight with things it will change forms. When you don’t fight with things there’s a certain predictability about it that’s nice. For example, when someone said something and you always fight back there’s a certain predictability about it. You know where things are, you know what to expect.
When you don’t fight with your thoughts you’ll get a lot of original thoughts. If you want to be a creative person and be a fun person to be around, you need original thoughts. That’s what I think people like about the videos I make. They’re original in a sense of they don’t feel copy and pasted (at least that’s what I’ve heard). They don’t feel like the same old stuff you’ve heard everywhere else all the time. That is the secret to creativity. It’s just not fighting with yourself.
If you fight with yourself when that first thought comes up, you’ll insist you didn’t think that. Denial is the funniest way of fighting it because you will have a thought, but you’ll insist you didn’t. Denial takes a lot of work.
I was taking the dogs for a walk and this thought came up that a guy would kill me. Normally, that’s a thought I would’ve fought with. Today, my next thought was “that’s fine.” That’s an example of having an acceptance of that first thought. I laughed after that because being peaceful and not fighting with life is new to me. Having a thought like that made me laugh because I’ve come a long way and made some noticeable progress in my life.
I can see proof that I’ve made some amazing progress in my life and I’m grateful for that. I’m talking about this with you because I want you to have that same chance too. When your next shameful thought comes up telling you you’re worthless, you cannot take it seriously. You can think that’s fine. A thought comes up and you can accept it. That’s a peaceful way to live today. I work each day to remember it.
Today I pray to remember that I’m not responsible for my first thought. I am responsible for my second thought. I pray that I remember why I do it. I pray to remember that judging that first thought takes a lot of work and hurts me a lot when I attack the thoughts I have. I pray that you have the same opportunity today to accept the thoughts you have. You can choose to fight with them or you can choose to accept them. Thank you for reading this, have a great day today.
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