Success After A Huge Loss: Rising Above Failure

Have you been struggling to move on from your last failure in your life? I know a lot about that. I’ve been stuck on my last failure a lot of my life and today I’m finally free of that. I hope I can share with you how I’m able to move on from my failures today and how I’m not stuck on my previous failure. I’m grateful to have received this as a question in my productivity course on Udemy:

Hi Jerry, I find I’m constantly stuck on my last failure in life and I don’t do anything after that, what do I do?

Here’s what I do. I spend a lot of time every day trying to do good in my life. I try to be of service. I pray consistently. Every morning I get down on my knees and pray for help and then throughout the day I continue praying for help. I pray to make a podcast or a video if you’re listening to it that way that’s useful for you. That’s a big help for me to move on from my last failure.

I was especially bad with dating in my life. All my dating for years was pretty much a reflection of the last failure. Whatever I did wrong before I would  date a different kind of girl so I wouldn’t make the same mistake. I would try to date a new girl so I would forget about the last failure. The problem was that the harder I ran from my last failure, I kept making new failures.

I would run into the arms of a new woman and then I’d have a new failure and I’d run again and again. It was amazing how many times it went on. I would stick to that frustration that the failure was so prevalent in everything I did. I couldn’t date without thinking about how it related to how I messed up before. A lot of the girls ran into the same place. It was as if they were trying to make up for things that happened with their ex when they were dating me. They would over compensate in one way or another and so would I. I would be too pushy with one girl and be a total pushover with another girl.

Dating was one of the most frustrating things I did in my life and I couldn’t get through from that cycle. I couldn’t break through the cycle of trying to run from the last failure and making a new failure. I finally got into a new peaceful and loving and understanding place. I’m grateful that happened with my wife. I almost did the same thing with her that I had done in every relationship. I had acted so bad that she only said she didn’t want to date me anymore. By some miracle the cycle finally broke and I said I’m not going to be the one that ruins this again. To do that is to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself completely. I know it’s hard.

I did a confession with the father at the local church and it was easy to think that god forgives me. It’s easy to think other people forgive me, but when he said I had to forgive myself I broke down crying. That’s when I broke down and sobbed and decided to forgive myself. I finally could forgive myself for things that had happened when I was three or four years old. All those shameful memories and all those failures I had piled up. These are my failures and this is who I am. If you want to get over your failures you have to forgive yourself for all those failures. You wouldn’t be here today without all those failures.

I wouldn’t have this beautiful little girl. I wouldn’t be with my wife if it weren’t for all those failures.  The relationship I had with my wife from the beginning was better than any other relationship I had before. Now it’s so better it’s hard to even believe sometimes.

I was so miserable and so frustrated up until the moment I met my wife. I faced the prospect that I either was going to do the same thing or I had to forgive myself. I was good enough to be loved. I deserved to be loved. The cycle in dating finally broke. A cycle that had dated as early back as I can remember. Even back to having friends in preschool I would get so up and down and I wouldn’t even talk to a girl. I had decided I failed at it by second grade.

My whole life I had the same behavior. Even though the cycle is broken in dating, it happens everywhere else still. I go to a support group every day for an hour to work on loving myself and forgiving myself, taking care of this body and being a good person. Between prayer and going to my support group, I put a significant amount of time every day into taking care of myself. I know the most core thing I need to do is forgive myself.

Even if I have a thought that’s disgusting and shameful. I will beat myself up about it. Instead of having that cycle of beating myself up, I could forgive myself and say it was okay that I had that thought. Why wouldn’t I have had that thought. It could’ve been a reasonable thought to have in this situation. It doesn’t mean I have to act on it and I never acted on that thought. Yet, forgiving myself is at the core of it. It’s important to say it is okay to have that thought. Then I would pray for God to give me better thoughts. I pray for thoughts that are peaceful and helpful for making a good video right now. I pray for thoughts that are helpful for making a good video right now because those thoughts will come autopilot straight out of my mouth.

You can pray for forgiveness. It’s being forgiving of yourself that won’t allow you to go past failures. Other people forgive you or if you believe in God of any sort, you can pray and do an affirmation. You can ask for thoughts that will help you forgive yourself.

I pray today that you have the chance to forgive yourself for anything and everything you’ve done. You deserve to be forgiven. You were placed in whatever situation that you’re frustrated about to begin with even if you just look at it like you were born that way. You were born and carried up to where you were. The only place you have any freedom and opportunity is right now. Everything else is already done. The future you don’t know what’s going to happen. Right now you can get full forgiveness for everything you’ve done and it may take some help. It might take a lot of help to help you get down in there to that forgiveness. You may need to share with other people with exactly what you need to be forgiven for. I know my support group has been a big part of helping me get connected with people I could talk to. I could talk about the most shameful failures I’ve had my whole life.

I did that and have continued doing that when the time is right. You kind of know when it’s right. You have this intuition that this is the right time and the right person and the right place to talk about this. Through getting help from other people and loving me and me sharing what I’ve done. When you share with other people that can help get the process going of helping you forgive yourself.

I has a friend that had a beautiful girl, a perfect job, everything was great and then he got arrested and it all went away. He’s still beating himself up over it and it happened a while ago. He’s convinced he can never have that life back.

If you want, anything can happen when you forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself you can have so much more than you’ve ever had before. I’m proof. I’ve forgiven myself over and over because there’s always new things I can beat myself up over it. Now it’s just one thought. I’ve forgotten my behavior is just one with what’s useful most days most of the time. Usually the main thing I beat myself up about is thoughts and that’s a good place to be.

I have to ask for forgiveness and help all the time. Thoughts come all the time. I’m grateful that I have a lot more positive thoughts than before and I still have shameful thoughts and I have to ask for forgiveness. The act of asking yourself and you can ask for help forgiving yourself.

The miracle is when you pray and ask for forgiveness for yourself and work on forgiving yourself. Then you can forgive other people. My little girl just had a little bit of crying and I can look down at her and say it’s okay. It’s so much easier to forgive other people.

I used to go nuts over the guy that used to cut me off. Now it’s so fast that as soon as someone has cut me off I have forgiven them. I forgive them for driving the way I’ve driven for most of my life. I forgive them for being a lot like me. That’s a miracle.

I pray you have the chance to have the miracle of forgiveness in your life today. It’s amazing to live free of the shame of your past failures. It’s amazing. I love it. I love it so much I’m here to give it to your for free. I want you to have it I pray today that I continue to be willing to forgive myself every time the opportunity comes up. Creating videos is a big part of my practice. It helps me continue to teach and learn myself. If I can share with you what helps me to teach and learn myself then I can remember what works for me to forgive myself. At the deepest level, I’ve made this post myself. I’ve made it because I need it. Thank you for being here with me. I hope this is useful for you. I hope you have the chance to have a wonderful day today where you can forgive yourself.