How do you solve productivity problems with things like procrastination and feeling like a loser? I’m grateful these questions have been asked several times in my productivity course. I’m sharing these with you out of the hope that you can have a chance to overcome these common productivity problems.
I know because I’ve experienced all these problems. I had lots of points where I would procrastinate. I would put off doing what I knew I should do or what was the right thing to do. I wanted to go to graduate school back in 2009 and I delayed and didn’t study. Finally, I crammed and did it all at the last moment. I had to lose my job before I actually would go and do it. I didn’t feel motivated to do it while I had a job.
I felt like a loser a lot in my life. I remember working in prison as a corrections officer. I was making a little over 20,000 a year. Which in the USA is barely enough to feed yourself and to have a place on your own to live. I felt like I borrowed thousands of dollars to go to college, I have a bachelor’s degree, people told me I’m smart. I had a lot of abilities and I’m in prison, working night shift, taking prisoners to breakfast. That’s what I’m doing. I felt like a big loser then, believe me. I thought it was a waste to be here. I’m not contributing more to life. I felt like anyone could go and make a good prison guard and I was barely able to do that. I also felt like a loser when I lost my job a few years later as a police officer. It was my dream job and then I lost it. Now, I’m grateful I have a lot more perspective on life.
In this video, I will explain how I’ve gotten out of these traps of looking at my life as if I don’t have enough achievements. I looked at life and said I need to do other things before I can be happy and I haven’t accomplished anything. I did that a lot in my life, especially throughout my teens and twenty’s I said I didn’t have enough. I didn’t have a wife and a family. I don’t have a great job. I don’t have any money. I was frustrated with those things. I felt like I couldn’t be myself as long as I haven’t accomplished anything.
Here’s the thing with accomplishment. You can’t do anything outside of this moment. All these ideas of achievements they all fade in enough time. I’m grateful lots of people look at what I’ve done on Udemy and what I’ve done online and they’re so thankful. You might be one of those people. In a few thousand years I won’t be remembered more than anyone else would be remembered. If a thousand years are not enough, give it a hundred thousand or a million or billion years. We all will be quite memorable only to ourselves at that point. No one anywhere will have any idea about any of us.
Think of it another way. A billion years before, who were we then? You are the same being you’ve always been for all eternity. You can’t add anything to who you are with accomplishments. That’s the purpose of all accomplishments. This idea that somehow someday you will become your real self in the future. I get around this by looking farther because accomplishments are based on a limited look into the future.
In ten years, I can be this great figure with so much! What about in 20 years? Well, maybe I’ll have even more. What about 30, 40, or 50 years? I’ll be an old person, no one would care about me then and then I’ll be dead shortly after that. These ideas that we have to accomplish something ignore the basic foundation of life that we have to enjoy in being alive. I’ve ran on a treadmill or a hamster wheel. I ran around a lot trying to accomplish things in my life. That’s why I have a bachelors degree which indicates 16 years of schooling. Then I got a master’s degree – more years of schooling. I have student loans for all those because I wanted to accomplish things. You know what you get by accomplishing things? Nothing.
You don’t get anything out of accomplishing things that you can take with you. Everything you accomplish fades at some point. One of my biggest goals was to go out with a girl that was hot. That would validate me that I was good looking, that I was hot. I went out with her and did everything you could want to do and I felt miserable. I didn’t want to live anymore shortly after that.
Do you know why? I accomplished something that I thought about since I was a teenager and ten years later – being with a good looking girl. I thought somehow that would allow me to be the real me and it didn’t. I was still the same old me and I was depressed after that. I thought if I’ve wanted this for ten years and it didn’t make me happy, what is there to live for? What is there to live for?
Achievement and all these ideas are ways we make ourselves miserable. It puts us in a place where we are expecting validation in the future. These things like lack of achievement and getting bored come from wanting some validation. They come from wanting some existence in the future; to say that in the future you will be your real self. You will be the real you, the true you.
When you do that you make now miserable. You make now not good enough. I know I’ve done it so much in my life that I didn’t want to live anymore lots of times. I finally got to a place where I could see I was going to lose everything I valued or I was going to live a better life. I’m grateful I got that insight. That was given to me through suffering.
Now I see there only is now and you never need anything in the future or anything in the past to validate what you’re doing now. If you can find the love and happiness in what you’re doing now, you won’t delay. You won’t procrastinate. You won’t be held back by lack of achievement because you’re doing what you’re doing now because you love doing it.
I’m making this video because I love doing it. I don’t need anything out of it in the future to make it worth doing. I did these videos long before anyone watched them. I made stupid videos to start with and then I made less stupid videos that I love. I love being here and talking from the heart. Now people are watching these videos. When I first made videos, you weren’t watching my videos. I know because I can tell you everyone that did watch them. My friends are the only ones that watched them. Now, you’re here watching this video. You’re here because I love doing them, I don’t get bored. I do the same thing almost every day. Don’t get bored because I’m happy to be alive. I’m happy to be here and I’m happy to exist. That’s enough. I don’t need anything else.
I can never have anything more than this. I can’t add anything on top of that. I lose money. Money is not something I can have. I can’t have money because when I die, I don’t have any money then. Someone else is getting all the money I had when I die. I can’t have money. I can use money, I can earn money, I can spend money. I can’t have it as a part of who I am. The same thing houses, boats, wives.
I love my wife so much, she is an amazing part of my life. Yet, I can’t have her. We can share the joy of living together, but I don’t own her. At some point in my life, I looked at the idea of having a wife with the idea that owning a wife is such a great accomplishment. It was something I can add to my definition of me. Jerry has a wife, he has a family. We should be having a daughter soon. You can look at it and say they are great accomplishments, but they were things given to me. The creator gave these things to me to experience today. I wore God down. God tried to offer me a lot of different nice girls to spend life with. Finally he gave me a nice girl I couldn’t say no to. That’s not an accomplishment, that’s a gift. I didn’t accomplish that. In fact, I struggled against the world, the universe. I fought against all the girls who did want to be my wife. I fought to be the husband of a bunch of girls who didn’t want me to be their husband. I fought against what you might look at as an achievement and then it was given to me.
I did the same thing with my business. I struggled and did all kinds of dumb things that didn’t work. I was quite unproductive. I got bored with many things. Then I had more of a spiritual awakening and realized I’ve been given this way of life and everything in it. I can’t have anything more than I’ve been given. When it’s time for me to be given something else, I have everything I need now an I’ve always had what I needed. I suffer a lot when I don’t think I have everything I need. I suffer in the form of being bored, not having enough achievement. I suffer in the form of procrastination. I suffer in the form of feeling like a loser. I suffer in all kinds of forms when I don’t see that I have everything I need right in front of me. Any of the things I’ve been given that are right in front of me can also be taken away for any reason that I may see. I have been given this nice computer right now. You could say you bought this.
Well, I got a company to let me have it in exchange for making 10% of the payment on it every month for a year. I didn’t buy it, I got it financed. I company gave me this computer on faith. It’s not mine yet. Here I am using it. The same thing with the house. The house was given to me. We looked for it, but the bank went through and did the work and gave it to us on faith that we would pay them at some point. It’s not even my house. It’s not my computer. You own these other things at some point these will all fade, they will need to be thrown away. This shirt will get worn out, turn into a rag and then get thrown out. When you see the transparency, how everything comes and goes. The sun comes up and it goes down. The sun is always shining, but even the sun will die.
Everything comes and goes, there’s no need to accomplish things to validate who you are. You are enough already. That’s what drives a lot of the questions in my productivity course is not feeling like enough. Feeling like you have to add something on to who you are to be enough. I know about that.
The “not enough” shame trigger is one of my big ones. Feeling like I didn’t do enough today is something I still struggle with. I will have made several videos and a bunch of other things and I’ll be feeling like it wasn’t enough. I know all I have to do is remember that I am enough already. When I feel like enough I will be a good person and get joy out of living and I will accomplish in the moment. I will not grow bored with what I’m doing because I’m supposed to. There’s no boredom in doing what I’m supposed to. I was vacuuming the house the other day. I was thinking it’s an honor to have this house and have this vacuum to vacuum right now. I wasn’t bored vacuuming because there was nothing better I needed to do.
What’s amazing is if you go through and apply all these spiritual principles or practical life lessons. When you apply them to whatever you do you will be amazed at how much better the quality of anything you do is. Before I had a spiritual awakening through suffering, pain, and all the miserable things that I see posted in the course over and over again. Through those things taken to the extreme where I didn’t want to live anymore. Now I have great peace in my life. Now, I produce more than I ever produced before because I do it out of love. I enjoy doing this. That love I have for doing this talks to the love you have for whatever it is you’re here to do. Whatever you’re here to do this moment could be to watch this. Then it will be something else in the future, it was something else in the past. When you do it with that love and joy and not out of that I need something in the future to validate me.
Anything you do with trying to discover yourself in the future has this poisoned quality to it. It has this hollow empty quality to it because you don’t care about what you’re doing. You’re rushing to get to the future because you’re running away from your past. You don’t like who you are. You don’t like who you’ve been and what you’ve done. You’re trying to run to a place where you will like who you are and what you’ve done.
The problem is the past and the future are both imaginary. When you run in the present is you’re missing all the beautiful things right here, right now. You may have the sky, the sunset, the trees, mountains, sand, beach, or water. I can tell you there’s beauty to be discovered where you live every single moment. If you see that, you’ll never get bored. You’ll never need some achievement to validate you in the future again. You’ll feel like you’re doing the right thing.
I pray that I remember what I’ve shared with you. It’s important for me to remember what I’ve shared with you so I don’t fall into the same trap I’ve fallen into in my life where I’m doing things out of an interest in what can come out of them. I pray that I remember where I started if I want to use the past and the future. I pray to use them in a helpful way to remember where I started with nothing before my mom and dad even met I was nothing. Far enough in the future, I will be nothing again. I don’t need anything else. Nothing else that I can add in the future or did in the past gives more to me than this moment right here. I pray that in sharing this with you, you have the same opportunity today. Thank you for spending this time with me. I hope this is useful for you today.
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