How To Love Others More Through Self Love

You can’t love anyone else any more than you love yourself. The reason for this is your love for anyone else must be delivered through you. If you treat yourself bad, any love you deliver to another person must come through how you feel. I share this with you with the hope that you can love yourself as much as possible today. Then I know you can love everyone around you that much too. We all benefit so much from that.

I can’t be any nicer than I’m being to myself. I can’t treat anyone else any better that I treat myself. I hear people say they love their kids or spouse so much more than they love themselves. While that’s easy to say, it’s impossible to practice. Those are things your mind will say to try and make you feel better about yourself.  When you look at it, how well are you loving the people around you?

I used to think I could love my wife more than I could love myself. When I realized I couldn’t treat her any better than I could myself, I was motivated to take better care of myself. It’s easy to look at the things you do to yourself and say you don’t do them to other people. If  you’re treating yourself with disrespect, it’s easy to say that you’re not doing it to others.

I’m not calling my kids names or my spouse names or my partners names. I’m not hurting or punishing them. The trick is if you’re doing it to yourself, you often can’t even see how you’re doing it to other people in your life. When I used to hurt myself a lot through addictions, I couldn’t see how it was hurting other people in my life. I couldn’t see how much I was hurting myself. Of course I couldn’t see how much other people were suffering.

I might see that they were a little unhappy. I might see little moods, but I couldn’t see the depth of the pain and suffering spreading to the people around me. This motivates me. I want to love everyone else so I have to take care of myself. That means I can’t have negative self-talk. In other words, when I have negative thoughts come in I have to accept them. I do accept them. Then, what I do is I produce positive thoughts. I thank god and take time to appreciate my life. I can’t control a negative thought that comes into my head. What I can do is produce lots of positive ones. I can’t be perfect for everyone in my life, I know if I take care of myself though. I will be a lot better for everyone in my life. I’ve seen a lot of that in the  last year.

If you want to be a better person, the idea that you can’t love someone else more than you love yourself will help you to take care of yourself. Both of my parents said that they loved us more than they loved themselves and more than they loved each other. Yet, what did we get? My brother and I both got parented through how they felt about themselves. If they were hard on themselves, they were hard on us. They were strict and expecting. The same things they did to themselves, they did to us. Once they both took better care of themselves, they were able to love us also. My dad had a lot of addictions and when he stopped hating himself so much he was able to love us more. He started being a better father and a better husband. My mom’s got lots of things she’s struggling with, but the better she’s taking care of herself, the better she’s been as a mom.

I know that applies to me. I know that if I want to love my wife more, it starts by loving myself more. You can look around and say look at what I’m doing for other people. The people doing the most for other people are also taking care of and loving themselves. There’s a big difference between gestures and genuine daily love and affection. If you’re giving yourself genuine daily love and affection, then you can be a good parent, a good husband, a good wife. If you’re not loving yourself, it’s hard to be good to anyone else because you’re beating yourself up. You’re hurting yourself, you’re putting yourself down. No one can be as mean to you as you can be to yourself. No society or nation can be as cruel to you as you can be to yourself. This is evident because no matter what you think is hurting you from outside, it does not have as much time or energy as you have to hurt yourself.

I used to get so mad at various people and organizations about what they were doing to me. I would look around and show how victimized I was. Whatever they were doing usually resulted in maybe a letter they would send in the mail. It could’ve been a bad day I was having at school or maybe I didn’t get the promotion at work. Meanwhile I was battering myself every moment I was awake. I was talking down to myself every moment I was awake.

I tried to build this false sense of self that was all premised on my negative thoughts. Now I accept I have some negative self thoughts. If I accept those thoughts and see how ridiculous some of those thoughts are,  I would see they’re not true. I am not a terrible person and I know that. I do want to be a good husband deep down and I know that. I do want to be of use and service and I know that. If you produce more positive thoughts about yourself, then you can love other people more.

As long as you think you love other people more, it will distract you from how you’re treating yourself. That’s why a lot of people do things that way. The idea is to distract from what you’re doing to yourself. I’ve done that a lot of my life. The funny thing was I went through my life trying to understand everyone but myself. Finally I could see I didn’t know myself at all. When you don’t know yourself, you’re powerless over yourself. When you’re powerless over yourself, who’s controlling you?

If you don’t know yourself, you can’t change anything. You just bump around on autopilot. Everything you do will be off as long as you don’t know yourself. You will look for things outside of yourself to put your hopes and dreams on. You’ll put everything outside of yourself, you will get that back at some point.

It’s sad to see people that say they’re such a great friend and the next time you hear them they say they’re such a jerk. When you love yourself, you learn to not expect anything from others. Expectations poison relationships with other people. Expectations are subtle things that you put on other people. You’ll think you’re loving them, but you’re cramping someone into an expectation. That’s not love, that’s manipulation.

People do best when they’re allowed to just be  and just exist. When you try and cramp someone in somewhere with expectations, that’s not love. That’s the opposite of love. If you can expect things out of yourself, then you can take better care of yourself. If you can expect to take better care of yourself, then you can live a better life.

I expect today to take good care of myself. I expect to not punish myself when things don’t go exactly how I thought they would at some moment in the past. I try and it’s not always easy. I struggle too, but my struggles don’t take as long as they used to. My family doesn’t suffer as much as they used to.

I know now when am upset, I’m not loving myself and I must handle that before I can be a good family member, a good friend. If I’m in pain and I’m frustrated, everyone else will get it in some form or another. It may not be obvious, but I’ve learned by being a husband for a few years now. My wife and I communicate non-verbally now. She can feel when I have a bad mood. She can often feel it over the phone in the first few words. My mom knows immediately what kind of mood I’m in.

When I make mistakes in my videos I have a great opportunity to do negative self talk. Instead I think it’s okay; I’m not perfect. There’s no reason to expect yourself to be perfect. You make up all these ways that you’re supposed to be and then you fail them all.

The error was to set them up to start with, not that you didn’t get there. Who says I  should be able to make a video straight through without editing it? That’s ridiculous. You can look for the same things in yourself. You can see how you set yourself up for failure and then fail. You can see that you don’t have to set yourself up. You can just go forward and if you don’t create expectations for yourself. If you don’t set yourself up, you don’t fail.

I’ve set myself up for failure thousands of times. Now I have the freedom to not do that. I have the freedom to love myself. I have permission to take care of myself first because I know I can’t be a good husband if I’m not taking care of myself. If I’m angry, mad, pissed off, lonely and tired, I won’t make a good husband. If I don’t talk, my wife will feel how I feel and she’ll have to do her best and not hurt when I’m hurting. That’s a perfect example. If you’re in sync with people in your life, when you hurt, they hurt.

The only way you can love them more is to do your best to love yourself and not hurt yourself. When you do hurt yourself you will hurt the people around you. That motivates me to take care of myself. To get sleep, to eat right, to exercise, and forgive myself when things go wrong. It’s not easy getting started, but it’s worth it. It’s worth learning how to love and take care of yourself.

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate every minute you spent here. I pray today that I will love myself in every situation. I pray that when negative self talk comes up that I will let it go and not believe it. When that nasty thought comes up about how worthless I am, I won’t believe it because that’s the choice I have. I can’t control the thought that comes up, but can choose whether I believe it. I cannot believe thoughts about how negative I am. I pray that in sharing this with you, you have the same opportunity to love yourself and take care of yourself. Then, through a good relationship with yourself everyone else in your life benefits.

Everyone in your life receives more love and support through the relationship you have with yourself.  People will say nice things to me today and you might be one of them. What you see and feel is a product of how I’m interacting with myself. If you see this love and support, if you see these good things directed at you, it’s a function of how I love myself. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you have a good day today.