How do we give up our fear of losing those closest to us that we love, especially when it comes to our infants?
I’m recording this while I’m here with my infant son and he is the second born. What I can say is the experience is a lot different with him than with my daughter who was our first born, and I hope sharing this for you is as helpful as it is for me.
How to Stop Being Afraid an Infant Child Will Suddenly Die!
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What I’ve noticed in parenting my son and learning several new belief systems that I now am mostly free of fear of losing him.
With my daughter, I used to have lots of time with her in the carrier or in her snuggle bunny. Basically, any time I was with her, I had this fear in the background of losing her, that if I didn’t constantly check on her and make sure she was breathing in the infant carrier, and if we weren’t just continuously watching her, that she might suddenly just die and leave us behind, and then we would be horrible parents.
This wasn’t made any easier by having a friend whom his child did pass away in the crib and just all those warning symbols and labels you see everywhere that your child could suffocate, this is a choking hazard, all of these things are intended to help us stay in a state of fear because in a state of fear we are easy to manipulate, we are easy to control.
A person who is scared will often do what they are told without much question.
Now, I’m not suggesting we throw caution to the wind.
What I’m sharing here is that today when I have my son in the carrier, I trust that if for some reason he can’t breathe for a minute, he will throw a fit or I will just notice it at the right moment.
I’m grateful today because of fear you always need to be constantly checking. You always need to be verifying for yourself.
With trust, you don’t have to be in the middle of anxiety and worry.
These books have helped me get an expanded set of beliefs about how in fact my child got here based on stories from hundreds of other people.
I think Wayne Dyer has a book called something like “Messages from Heaven.” There are stories from people all over the world who say their children have told them how they got here. Children remembering before being born, children remembering being in the womb and being born, and able to talk about it often at a very young age.
The children consistently say things like this, “Mom and dad, I was watching you from heaven with God. We were looking at potential families to go down and join, that our soul would go down and be in the mother,” the way for me I kind of have a vision of a vortex watching my mother and father, and talking with God, and God saying, “Are you sure you want these two for your parents?”
I had complete clarity. I could see their lives. I could see everything exactly.
I was in spirit form. I could go anywhere. I could do anything in terms of seeing and witnessing.
I looked down at my mother and father and I said, “Yes. Those two. Those two need my help and that is where I will incarnate in form. We will have a beautiful life together. I will learn so much by being their son.”
Then, my spirit kind of goes into a vortex that I wind up in my mother’s womb just in one cell, and then I build the body up from there.
My soul goes into one cell, splits and goes into what becomes a baby.
My mother had a dream shortly after this of me being born, and then from there, that’s how we got here.
Now, I’ve made this whole body from scratch and when I’m done with it, I can go around do whatever I want after that.
You see, when I see a bigger picture like this, when I don’t believe that my life started at birth and ends at the death of the body, then there is not so much pressure either. I understand that my son chose to be with me and if for some reason the worst happens, then he needed to do that.
For example, something just tragic happened that only would happen if it was absolutely necessary for all of us, for him, for me, for my wife, for all of our family.
There is a story in “Many Masters, Many Lives,” the author had an infant son that died just a little bit a few days younger than my son is now. The author was a psychiatrist who was extremely skeptical about any kind of messages from the dead and supernatural spiritual things.
One of his patients under hypnotherapy delivered a message from his son that had died when he was just about the same age as my son. That was a sacrifice his son made. His son chose to die when he was a newborn and it came up medically as some kind of heart problem, but his son made that sacrifice and his son made his body just like that on purpose.
He made that sacrifice because he knew it would help his father and in helping his father, his father would be able to help people get the exact message that I’ve got now.
In other words, his son’s sacrifice has been delivered to me and that helps to see that even if the worst did happen, it is part of a much bigger plan and with that in mind, there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
There is nothing that can possibly go wrong.
I trust that my son is well taken care of.
Now, that means I still pay good attention also. I do keep an eye on him. I look down and see what he’s doing. I feel where he is at while I’m filming these videos. If he leans his head out of the carrier, I support his head with my arm. I try to do my best as a parent.
The difference is there is not that background of fear and anxiety consistently, and when it comes up I notice it and I say, “Oh, I’m in fear right now.”
I can see when another body is in fear almost immediately.
There is just this kind of nervous. It’s not always vibrational, you know, where you are shaking, but you can see there is this nervous energy, there is this fear-based energy.
You can see it immediately. You can see if a person is at peace and in love or if a person is in fear, and so many parents as you go to Disney who are just in a constant state of fear with their children.
“Stop that. Don’t do that.”
Not that they are bad parents, they are in fear and I know because I was in fear a lot with my daughter.
“Oh, my God. Is she breathing? Is she breathing? Is she breathing? Oh, my God…”
That was kind of my default state and it was very uncomfortable, and I’m grateful today that learning some of these things and just obviously getting my daughter to three years old makes me a bit more relaxed about the second child like, “Well, I helped one daughter get to 3 years old, I probably can do the same again with my son.”
The beliefs I’ve shared from “Many Lives, Many Masters,” from “Sole Survivor,” an incredible story of a World War II pilot who was shot down, and then reincarnated as a son of two parents who were completely skeptical of his story and what he was telling them, and they researched it so well that they ended up indisputably verifying his story because they were so skeptical.
That story even made the news, that was even on Fox news and these stories help us see that there is a bigger picture, there is a bigger plan, and that we don’t have to worry about temporary judgments.
A lot of us as parents, the thing we don’t want is to be negatively judged by other parents, and the more we get out of fear we see that other people’s day-to-day judgments of us don’t matter.
I imagine there are tens of thousands of people that if you asked them about me, about Jerry Banfield, which is not me, if you ask them about Jerry Banfield, which is an idea I’ve contributed a lot to, there are lots of people who would have negative opinions and judgments of Jerry Banfield, and do you know what difference that makes?
It doesn’t make any difference at all in the big picture, and it doesn’t make any difference in my daily life.
So, when we are not worried about how people are judging us, we are not worried about our infants or the people we love dying on us all of a sudden, then we are opened up to fully experience the joy of today.
I’ve had an absolutely amazing day in a string of just thousands of many amazing beautiful perfect days.
That’s not to say there weren’t times I was laying on the bed feeling hopeless and crying. That is saying that’s part of the full experience of life and those growing pains are relatively small compared to the just many days in heaven.
I’m extremely grateful to have this message to share with you because everyone who has shared these messages with me has made a huge difference in my life. This is why I’m motivated to show up every day. This is how I have so much energy because I’m excited to share these same things with you that have made such a big difference in my life, that have given me the ability to be patient and relaxed as a parent.
I realize that I could do helicopter parenting and try to protect my child from absolutely everything and that the one moment I slip or I’m not paying attention the worst could happen, and I also realize I could do almost nothing and my child can end up being fine.
I try to do a balance. I try to be very active and participate, but at the same time, I think most of us do pretty well in that.
Well, at least that I’m familiar with.
Most of us either show up a lot or don’t show up at all.
The trick for me has been learning to have a little more trust and faith.
For example, my son is an infant. He trusts so much that he doesn’t have all these fears in his mind. In fact, he teaches me about living a life of trust and faith. He’s not constantly afraid that something might happen to me.
If you think about it, he could be constantly afraid something might happen to me, but he doesn’t sit there in fear that Dad might suddenly stop breathing, because if I suddenly had a heart attack out here and collapsed, that probably wouldn’t be very good for him either, especially in this carrier, would it?
He doesn’t go around in fear all the time because if he felt that way, he would cry and scream. He has zero tolerance for being in fear. The amazing thing most of us have done is that we have built up a tolerance for being in an uncomfortable state and I’m grateful I’ve had so much help of lowering that tolerance.
I don’t do well in the state that many humans exist in on a daily basis as I used to exist in. I can’t stand that anxious fear state: “Oh, my God. What’s going to happen? What do these people say? What is it? What is my baby doing?”
I know one parent who has, I don’t know, I think it’s their father goes in and checks to make sure the baby’s breathing several times at night.
That’s what the purpose of this post is right here.
You don’t have to do that.
In fact, that’s more than likely lowering the quality and joy, and posing a challenge for everyone else in that household.
I sure wouldn’t want my wife’s father, if we lived with them to be opening the baby’s door several times at night to make sure the baby’s still breathing.
That looks insane to me because it’s not necessary, from a point of view of trust, to see the bigger picture that if the baby is that fragile they are going to get taken out one way or another. If the baby has decided on a karmic scale that they are going to leave and use this as a lesson and opportunity to help, then it’s not going to matter if you check, the breathing will stop between checks.
If you have a baby monitor, you will fall asleep or it won’t work. No matter what you do, you can’t interfere with the destiny, that bigger plan. We each can make our own choices and we can learn our own lessons. In a bigger sense if my child has some destiny that they have signed up for, I might as well just relax and enjoy every single moment for them because that is the only guaranteed way to win.
Often my daughter has had some hard falls, she got bit by our dog, and it gets easy, often 5, 10, 15 or 20 times a day, my mind will switch to fear state.
My daughter will be jumping on the couch and one night she put her blanket over her head and instead of jumping from one couch cushion to another, she jumped over and landed like a foot or two down on the ground right on her knees, and she screamed and cried for thirty minutes or an hour, and I thank God she didn’t have anything more than some bruises.
There is nothing I could have done to prevent that. I was sitting on the couch and she jumps on the couch all the time.
Now, we told her to stop jumping on the couch, but she jumps on the couch anyway.
Now, what are we supposed to do?
Just constantly fight with her like some parents do?
Then, she still could have done that with just one jump even if we had successfully prevented 99% of the others.
Fifteen or twenty, sometimes thirty times a day, my daughter will be jumping onto the couch. My brain will be like, “Oh, my God. She’s going to jump off again,” and that every single time it’s up to me to notice that and say, “I trust God’s plan.”
I’m not going to let her jump off if she’s in arms reach of me, but sometimes things just happened so fast there is no opportunity to do something ourselves, to intervene. Even if we are paying very careful attention.
I was sitting right there looking at my daughter when she put her blanket over her head and suddenly turned and jumped, no warning.
Our dog, we had been hanging out and she had been around our dog a lot. All of a sudden the dog just dominated her, knocked her on the floor.
These things happen so fast, even if you were hovering.
My wife said that something happened with her and her daughter similar with the dog, except she was right there.
We never have to go around and be afraid of losing the people we love again because we never really lose them either. Our souls live on and even if we have a breakup or something like that where it’s not even a death, it’s just you don’t talk anymore, our souls forever have to mingle with each other.
I’ve read a bunch of amazing stories of souls getting back together after hundreds, sometimes thousands of years apart. Souls, all the sudden, are born together and get to have a new life together again. I read a story of a mother and child who both died and they both reincarnated as a mother and child again.
We never really lose our loved ones and if you would like to learn more about this, I highly recommend “Many Masters, Many Lives” and “Sole Survivor,” I recommend “Miracles from Heaven” or “Miracles Happen,” and then I think Wayne Dyer has some kind of heaven or stories book too.
There are so many books out there that have so many stories from people who have been courageous enough to open up and say, “Look, this is what my child said at 3 years old and I couldn’t explain it.”
Or, “This is what I remember.”
I have an aunt that remembers being in heaven and choosing to be in our family, and she told the family that when she was 5 years old, that she remembered looking down on our family and joining us. These things are common place today.
I’m grateful I think I’ve shared the message sufficiently here.
I’ve recorded this for a video on YouTube and I’ve done a Facebook live stream on it, so I appreciate you watching this.
I’m about to go live right after this on Twitch.tv where I do my music streams, so if you would like to keep hanging out with me, I will be on Twitch.tv.
I recorded this for a YouTube video that you can watch at the top of this post.
If you have enjoyed the video, will you please leave a like on it because you will feel good knowing you are helping other people find the same thing that I hope was helpful for you?
I enjoyed sharing it, so there we are.
Edits from video transcript by Michel Gerard at www.michelgerardonline.com.