How To Stop Criticizing and Judging Others

Complaining is a basic instinct that every human baby is born with. That’s how you let your family know you’re hungry or you’re not getting your needs met.

I took a long time to grow out of my basic baby instinct. I thought that if I yell and scream, everything will be better. It took me a long time to realize I didn’t have to yell and scream all the time to get my way and to get things better. My six-month-old daughter is learning that there are situations where she doesn’t have to scream. She’s learning that she can have patience and know that everything will work out for her.

How many times as adults do we end up doing the same things we did when we were babies? How many times do we have basic fears of not getting our bottle? I see in this game I’m playing in particular, there are a lot of people putting up complaints. Their teammates aren’t playing well. They are critical of what’s going on in the game. They are frustrated and they’re saying things like you did certain things wrong.

To me, that reflects  the basic state of living we’re programmed with as a baby. There’s nothing wrong with it unless you’re the one doing it. If you’re the one doing it, it hurts. If you’ve hurt enough by now in your life then you don’t have to keep going as long as you can see there’s another way to live.

There’s another way to live where everything’s okay just as it is. You don’t have to complain about everything, you can see that all your basic needs are met. You can have peace about how everything is right now. That’s something that my daughter’s getting a hold of at 6 months old. It’s amazing to see the patience she already has in some situations.

Today, I try to be aware of how I’m behaving and how it compares to how I’ve behaved my whole life. The difference is when you’re a baby, you can’t communicate it all. My daughter doesn’t have anything else but complaining that she can use if her needs aren’t being met.

As adults, there’s something we can do when our needs aren’t being met. However, we often resort to the same things we’ve known how to do our whole life. We still resort to the exact same baby methods we were raised with. There’s no shame in that it’s just simply we weren’t taught anything else. We were only taught how to live a certain way. When we lose at the game of life sometimes, our basic instinct is to complain. To me, it’s possible to live another way.

It’s a miracle that we all have a chance to live another way. We don’t have to go through life being a baby from the time we live to the time we die. I learned a lot as a child about different ways to live.

I didn’t realize that if I wasn’t aware of my basic programming to complain I would continue leaning new ways to do the same thing. I learned that I could say no about things I didn’t like that weren’t relevant to my actual needs. My daughter doesn’t complain about anything she doesn’t have an absolute need for. She needs food, she needs to be changed, she needs companionship and she needs sleep. Those are the only things she complains about. As adults, we complain about so many different things.

We take that same basic baby behavior into all different methods. I’m lucky that I have the chance to live a different way today. I’m lucky that I can play a different game and I don’t have to participate in the complaining.

You might say that you just play terribly and you can say whatever you want to. If I’m not complaining about you, then it doesn’t matter what you say about me. If I’m okay with how you’re acting, then it doesn’t matter what you say. You can complain all you want, if I’m okay with your behavior, it doesn’t matter. I don’t suffer on account of it. The person who complains, is the one who also suffers.

I’m here because I also see lots of my fellow human beings suffering. I want to do all I can to show that there’s another way to live. I want to show that there’s a chance to do something besides suffer.  You don’t have to complain about everything in life. Complaining hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.

If I were to start talking back with people in that game and getting upset, then I hurt on account of it. I love everyone I just played that game with. I’m okay with their frustration. We lost the game and I understand why they’re frustrated. I made a couple of plays that weren’t good, I get why they’re saying that. I get why they’re criticizing me, that’s fine. There’s no me to criticize. There doesn’t exist any Jerry Banfield being to criticize. There’s a lot more to me than whether I click right or left at the correct time on the mouse. That’s one thing that I’m doing at the moment, it doesn’t affect what I’m doing for the rest of my life.

Most of my life all I could see was how other people were wrong. All I could see is what other people could do better. In seeing what other people could do better, then I was blind to what I could do better. I was blind to the suffering and to what I could do myself.

Today I pray to not force more suffering on myself. I pray to understand that when I don’t force more suffering on myself, I can then not force suffering on other humans. I pray to you in the face of complaining, frustration and shame that I can maintain a loving presence. I pray that this presence can heal every person in the entire world by allowing me to send the love our creator.  I’ve hurt and complained enough. I pray that you have the same chance today to share your life with another human being in the world. Thank you for reading this. Have a great day today.