Why is it we think it’s okay to do things we hate? Why do so many of us torture ourselves?
I’m thinking of this as I read the comments on the last video I made. About 10 people said that they couldn’t stand listening to my voice. It was unbearable to listen to me talk. I like that someone called me a “fake-ass Dr. Phil”, that made me laugh.
It is interesting to see people watch my videos even though they don’t like them. I don’t watch anyone’s stuff that I don’t like to listen to. If I don’t like your videos, I wouldn’t watch your videos. I don’t have any desire to torture myself any more than I already have.
How many times In my life did I sit through and watch things I hated? I watched the whole video Friday even though I hated it. I watched a whole TV show and then say I hated it. That looks like what’s happening with a lot of people watching my videos. They hate watching the video, but they keep watching.
Why do you do it? There’s a mute button. There’s an easy way out from listening to my voice. It’s simple. If you like the game play but don’t like the voice, there’s a mute button. Why is it that so often we don’t hit that mute button in life? Why do we take unnecessary pain and suffering?
From my experience it’s because I thought I deserved to be punished. I thought I was a bad person and anytime I get into shame now, those feelings come back. I feel like I’m stuck with them. I end up dragging everyone into that reality with me because no one likes to be miserable alone. Misery loves company and miserable people want other people to be miserable with them. I get that because people that are happy want the people to be happy with them, too.
We all are out to drag everyone else into our own world. I can’t say I’m any better or worse than that and I’m telling you about my world so you can have a chance to join me in it. The difference is I’m saying how things are rather than trying to harass you. That’s what a lot of us tend to do in our lives. When someone is hurt, they often attack you instead of admitting they’re having a hard time. I realize most of the people posting ugly comments are people just like I’ve been most of my life – angry young men.
I’ve been an angry young man most of my life. I look at my Facebook posts and I’m ripping one person after another. I talked about politicians, social systems, people, places or things. I can understand if people feel the same need to do that to me today because I’ve done that so many times. I’ve been there and I still am willing to work to help others with my videos.
You might ask why am I willing to put these up and open myself to more suffering and negative comments. That seems just as crazy as watching videos you don’t like without muting the audio on it. If I’m doing things for the right reason, it’s worth taking some of the pain. I’m here. I know I’m doing it for the right reason. I’m doing it out of love and generosity. I’m doing it for myself and you and your world. That’s why I’m doing it. I’m willing to take any pain that’s associated with anything that I’m doing. I’m okay with that.
A lot of the greatest figures in history also took a lot of pain, misery and suffering to get there. Everyone has pain and misery to go through. The real question is what reason are you going through it for? Are you doing it because that’s what you think you deserve? Do you deserve to be punished today? I spent a lot of days in my life believing I deserved to be punished. On the surface, I attacked other people all the time because I thought if I put everyone else down then I’d be on top.
If I could just step on other people enough, then I’d be on top and I felt that I wouldn’t have to be punished. The problem was that if you attack and tear other people down, you can’t build yourself up at all. The insults that thrown at me don’t tear me down at all. They don’t lessen anything. They don’t take anything real away from me. There is nothing to hurt here.
When you try to attack another person, all you can hope to attack is their feelings about themselves. You can only hope to remind them of the things they don’t like about themselves. You can’t attack anything else.
That’s why people in relationships are the most successful at attacking each other. When you’re with someone, you know what they don’t like about themselves and you can push those buttons. I’m aware of a lot of the things I don’t like about myself. When other people bring things up, I’m already conscious of them and it doesn’t cause any pain. In fact, it often can help me.
Now I know if I’m hurt by something it’s because I’m not aware of it. It’s there under the surface. Things that are there in the subconscious come out in weird ways. Someone else’s comments to me make me feel bad for the person that posted it. I can see exactly what they want me to be because that’s who they feel they are deep down.
I don’t want anyone to be anyone else outside of what I am. Why would I want to label anyone else as something that deep down I didn’t feel was true about me? I like to label you as a loving, caring person because that reflects on me. If I label anyone else as a hateful, nasty person, then that comes back to me too. I can’t give out something that doesn’t come from the source being the same. If I give out hate, that must come from a source of hate also. That must be inside me. That, to me, is enough punishment and justice in and of itself. A person who if giving hate already is feeling the hate inside first before it comes out.
If you can become aware of the hate and frustration you’re feeling, there’s a chance to be free of it. I make these videos like a journal for myself. I share them online because I find when other people do that, it’s helpful for me. I like honest thoughts shared from the heart. I share with you because I feel good about it and it seems a lot of people feel good about it, too.
Do the words necessarily make sense all the time? No. Sometimes they don’t make sense to me and I’m the one saying them. The spirit the words are shared in, though, that’s what I hope is communicated. I hope you see the loving, caring, understanding spirit that they’re created in. That’s the message I want to get back, too. It can be hard to see love and understanding from a place of hate and resistance. It can be infuriating to see acceptance from a world of rejection. I understand and accept that and I know what it feels like to be in each world.
Today I pray to remember that everything I create and share reflects what I already have inside. If I create and share loving things about people then that’s what I have inside. I pray to remember today that I don’t deserve to be punished for anything. I am the forgiveness that can bring peace to every mind in this world. I pray that you have the same chance to live a life where everything is fine and everything is accepted just the way it is. You don’t have to punish yourself for anything that happened before. You are how you should be right now.
Thank you for reading this. I value your feedback on it and I hope you have a great day today.