Would you like to know how the book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” helped me see that I needed a change in my life because you may see it too?
The First Jerry Banfield Show -- The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
I was listening to the book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”
Has anybody read that?
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It’s a fantastic book. It’s fantastic because the author did elder care for lots of years in her life, and she took the lessons from people on their death bed saying, “This is what I wished I’d done in my life differently,” and for them it’s too late.
One man’s story touched me. He really loved his work. He worked hard and made great money, and him and his wife raised kids, and then she said, “Okay, the kids are out of the house. I’d really like to travel now.”
And he said, “Well, I got this deal at work. Just give me a little more time to retire. We’ll save up some more money.”
He kept doing that with her for 15 years, “Yeah, we’re gonna, we’ll do it next year.”
After 15 years, she’s like, “Please, we’ve got plenty of money. The kids are all set, they don’t need us anymore on a daily basis. Now’s our chance.”
He’s like, “You know what? One more year. I’ve got one more big deal I’m working on, and then I can retire.”
You can see where this is going. During that year she got cancer and died, and they never got to take any other trips.
He told the author, “I wish I hadn’t worked so much. I wish I hadn’t worked so much.”
There’s a bunch more stories like that in the book.
A woman wanted to again, travel and go out and explore the world, and she didn’t like her husband anymore. If she got a divorce, she was going to get plenty of money to go do whatever she wanted, but she didn’t want the judgment that would come from people in her mind, if she divorced this man that she’d been with for 20 or 30 years.
She got sick and died, and never traveled.
She said, “I wish I’d lived my life the way I really wanted to, and that I hadn’t waited for other people’s approval and I didn’t care so much about what my mom might say when I tell her I’m getting a divorce.”
There was a question in that book that got me, I was in my office.
The question was this: “If you knew you had five years left to live, what would you change in your life?”
My first thought was, “Nothing, my life’s perfect. I wouldn’t change anything. I’m doing great.”
Then one little thought came up, “I’d refuse to come in this office and film videos anymore.”
I’m like, “No, no, that is inconvenient. That is inconvenient. That is my whole job. That’s all I’ve done to make money for a long time. I don’t know how I’ll do anything else,” but that thought would not leave me alone that I would quit coming in this studio, I would stop that immediately.
Then I had a breakdown.
I said, “I will not go in there anymore. I will not do that anymore” because I kept thinking that I can make this gentle transition. I can just start something in person, but keep doing things online.
But that’s kind of like if you’re dating someone and say, “Well, you know, I don’t really like who I’m with right now. I’m gonna start looking around. Then as soon as I find the right person, then I’m going to dish this other person. That way I won’t have to do without at all. I’ll just have that perfect person the whole time. You know, I won’t ever have to be alone.”
Thankfully for me in dating, I realized if I’m tied up with somebody else, that is not a good time to look for another person as I’ve got that baggage, and that feels dishonorable.
I remember I had this girl I really wanted to break up with, but it was hard. She said, you know, “I can’t live without you” and all this and I said, “I’m sure you can.”
I went to put my Match.com profile up, but I’ll still be with her and I thought, “You can’t do that because that’s dishonorable. You wouldn’t want that done to you. You must break up with her before you put that profile up.”
I’d been dragging my feet. I go, “Alright, you can’t live without me. Well, have me for a few more days or whatever.”
But once I had that, like you can’t have something new while you’ve got something old, I called her up right away.
I said, “Look, this is not working. I left you at home with your parents, so that you could get through this transition safely. I’m going to be on my own now and you’re going to be on your own. You’re going to find a man that’s way better than me.”
As soon as I hung up, my profile is back up, “Here I am, ladies!”
I met my wife not long after that, and thank God I cleared out what wasn’t working for me because it wasn’t working for her either. It wasn’t doing either of us any favors that we were still together.
I love you.
I appreciate the chance to serve you today and I will see you again soon.
Edits from video transcript by Michel Gerard.