Are you ready for some big helpful life advice because I’m going to share it right now based on my experience?
Valuing a Willingness to Fail, Get Rejected, and Be Told No!
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Place a value on getting told, “No.”
Place a value on failing and being rejected because that’s proof you are trying.
For example, in my business, lord I get rejected so much. I’m consistently applying to something new, asking for something else and I get rejected most of the time.
I look over here.
What does it say?
“Top quality hand-picked professionals trusted by the world’s biggest brands.”
Well, where is the thing to go apply to that?
Let me hit “Read more.” Let me see where I can apply.
“Want to become a pro seller? Apply to Pro.”
Sure. I will apply to that.
Hardly anybody says yes out of all the people I asked.
I say, “Sure. Become a supporter today.”
Almost everyone says no and the great thing about this is that I place a value on getting told no and failing because that’s proof I’m trying.
When I used to try to date, I hated failing so much and I didn’t value failure. I often would not even ask girls out. I would see girls that I’d like to go out with and I wasn’t willing to get told no, so I wouldn’t even ask.
What I’ve learned today is that being willing to fail, being willing to get told no is something worth me placing a value on, that when I’ve got told no that means I’m making a good effort.
I ask for things I would like to try, to experience, to have, and therefore, if I’m getting told no, that is proof I’m asking, that’s proof I am willing to show up and fail.
That’s courageous to get told no when you ask the girl you really like.
Well, I am married now, so I haven’t done any of that for a long time.
But I’m grateful I had the courage to be willing to get told no by my wife. She said no to being my girlfriend the first time. I used to deal with that really poorly and I’m grateful I made it to the point I asked my wife again when we were first dating to be my girlfriend.
She said no the second time and I had never ever gotten past that many rejections.
Then the third time, she said yes.
You see, valuing failure is a good way to make it okay to get told no and to fail. You wouldn’t believe how many of us avoid doing things because we don’t want to hear no.
“Well, Jerry, I want to make more money.”
Okay. Do you have a job?
Go in and ask for a pay raise at work. What are they going to do? Say no?
“Well, they might fire me.”
If they fire you, do you want to work at a place where if you ask for a pay raise and they tell you no, then they fire you at the same time, is that a job worth having?
No. That’s not.
I’m grateful today I have the courage to ask people over and over, “If you want to play with me, become a supporter on my page.”
Universally, not completely universally, but probably 95 percent of the time, people either say no directly or say no by not doing anything, and I’m okay with that because I am grateful there are 43 people who are supporting me on Facebook, who are giving money every month out of the generosity of their heart, and to get in-game with me and to get a response on my message.
I’ve got it set up so if you send me a private message on my Facebook page, I respond to messages from supporters.
What do I lose?
I don’t lose anything by getting told no.
For example, I’ve got a 28-day next level mentorship I just put out, and another way of getting rejected is things like dislikes and negative comments. There have been thousands of dislikes and thousands of comments.
I’m almost immune to criticism and people are shocked. There is a guy yesterday who said, “I can’t believe how good you handle that negative feedback.”
My practice makes perfect.
I’ve gotten so much negative feedback, so much criticism, so much rejection that it rarely bothers me today.
“Oh, eight people dislike that I’m doing a next level mentorship program.”
Darrel Brian just drops down here like, “I want to do this,” and the first thing I thought was, “I want to do it with you.”
So, I just put that out there and typed it in.
That’s what it’s all about because it doesn’t matter who dislikes it.
It doesn’t matter who says no.
It’s all about who says yes.
With dating, this is huge.
If you can really internalize this with dating, it is not scary anymore. It’s just a matter of making smart choices about who you ask to say yes, because one of the worst things that happens to us in life is people who say yes to things we didn’t really want.
For example, that might happen with Fiverr. They might say yes. They might say, “Yes, Jerry. Let’s do a Fiverr pro gig with you,” and I might hate doing it, but sometimes the only way you know that is to give it a try.
They might say, “Yes, Jerry. Sure. You can be a sponsor here on Anchor. You can promote your podcast.”
I might blow tens of thousands of dollars advertising and hardly anyone will end up listening to my podcast.
I’m grateful today that I value being willing to fail and get told no, and then I would rather deal with yes problems because you are going to catch it one way or another.
You can tell if you are not getting rejected or failing at something, and no one is telling you no, that’s a good sign you are not putting yourself out there, that’s a good sign you are not taking risks, that you are playing it too safe.
If you are bored, I almost guarantee you it’s because you are not getting told no enough, because it makes it interesting.
Who is going to tell me no today?
Who is going to reject me today?
Who is going to turn down my offer today?
Who is going to be all excited to work with me and play video games with me until I say, “Oh, join and become a supporter for $5.00 a month on Facebook and I’d love to game with you and get you on my friends list?”
Well, I guess you didn’t want to play with me that bad, did you?
This helps me today to say that I’m willing to strike out over and over again as long as my purpose is to help someone. If your purpose is to get over and take advantage of people, getting told no will often be very painful.
But when you get told no and you are trying to be useful and help people, it can be painful sometimes.
For example, in Alcoholics Anonymous where I go every day, I get really excited. I want to help people. I’ve got great advice and I sometimes ask, “Hey, you want to talk to me?”
“Do you want to call me”
“Do you want my number?”
People reject my help very often in Alcoholics Anonymous and I reject other people. A guy came up to me, he said, “Hey man, do you want to be my sponsor?”
I said, “Look, let me be real with you. I’ve got a lot going on right now with my family. I come to an AA meeting every day, but I’ve got a very full life thanks to the gifts of sobriety. I recommend you go ask this guy. He’s retired. He can afford to talk to you every day. He has time to go to lunch with you. He has time to really do a good job with you. He was just saying how no one asks him to be a sponsor anymore.”
I’m willing to reject others now, which is nice because I very rarely now get into situations where I say yes to something I didn’t want to do.
The nice thing is when I have the courage to get told no, when you are willing to step up and get told no, you are also willing to lay down the boundary and say no when you want to say no.
Do you hate Jerry?
Do you want to help me move today?
“No, I don’t want to help you move. No, thank you.”
And not to say no nasty, but to just say no with love and kindness.
“No, thanks, man. I’m good. I’m sure you’ll find somebody else to help you move.”
I’m all good with that.
“Jerry, do you want to do a co-stream?”
If you are not willing to become a partner with me, no.
No, thank you.
I don’t want to do a co-stream because I’ve got enough stuff to do with the partners I’ve got already, and with the things I already want to do on my own planning, a co-stream is that much of an additional challenge for me.
I’m grateful today to have this message to share with you because this is one of those little tips that make a big difference in my life, and then it’s kind of entertaining sometimes.
I put another video up and I said, “Oh, that one got a lot of dislikes on it. Oh well. Oh, Fiverr’s rejected me from being a pro seller. Oh, well. Didn’t lose anything.”
Now, I have the opportunity to not waste my time with that.
“Oh, Anchor didn’t respond to my advertising request.”
Won’t be spending my money on that.
“Oh, another person canceled on Patreon. Another person said no to Patreon.”
“The 180th person who wanted to play with me says no to becoming a supporter in order to be on my friends’ list.”
Now I’ve got more time for everybody else who already is on there today.
This has been a big step for me and a big challenge and I’m thinking about how much this can help you whether you are trying to go through dating frustrations or your business frustrations, or you are feeling stuck. The solution to getting unstuck and getting out is usually being willing to be told no.
Willing to fail and get rejected is tough because each time I fail, I often, not always, often learn stuff.
That’s ten minutes and I’m done.
Thank you for listening and watching this.
I love you.
Thank you for being one of the people who said yes.
I will tell you that the more I get told no, the more I appreciate every single yes that I get in my life.
Edits from video transcript by Michel Gerard at www.michelgerardonline.com.