Where I'm starting from
I've spent tens of thousands of dollars this year dating, and absolutely nothing has worked. So I've got a new plan. I'm going to start using YouTube as a dating app. I'm going to tell you exactly how I'm going to do it and explain why I think this will finally be the thing that works.
If you're brand new to me for some reason, here's the background. I just got out of a 15-year marriage and relationship that includes two children I have 50/50 custody of. I see them almost every day, and I'm a big part of their lives. I still get along with my ex. I've been in a relationship for most of the time since 2011, and I got divorced last year, with part of the reason being that I want to have more kids and my ex didn't.
I am looking for a wife that I very much intend to support, despite what I posted about my net worth on my Jerry Banfield Money channel earlier. I showed my exact net worth on that channel, and despite that, I have huge earning capacity, huge earning potential, and I'm paying for everything right now just fine. I'm very interested in finding a second wife who is healthy, who wants to have kids, and who really loves me for me, who wants to be a part of the Jerry Banfield show.
Everything I tried this year
And my dating. I can't believe how much I've failed at dating in person. I've spent thousands of dollars on Hinge and Tinder. I paid for premium on all of them. I paid for Hinge and deleted it at least four times in the last year. I paid for Tinder Platinum and deleted it. I paid for Bumble and deleted it. I've spent $7,500 on matchmaking. I've had 10 matches, went out with nine of them on in-person dates, and not a single second date. Ghosted. "There's no chemistry."
And I've been wondering, what is wrong? I'm a good-looking guy. And yes, I am aiming high, but I'm not demanding the perfect-looking woman or anything like that. I just want a woman who is healthy, who wants kids, and who is really into me. I want a woman who's obsessed with me. Not one of these avoidant women where I have to text them five times and they barely get back to me. I want a woman who's obsessed with me.
And for some reason, everything I've been doing to date has failed. I've met women in person. I've met women through friends. I've picked women up at work. I've picked women up at the yoga studio. I've cold-approached women in the park at night. I wouldn't recommend that. That was probably the worst idea I've had. But I've tried everything in dating. I've managed to date one woman exclusively for a couple of weeks. It was awesome for the first week, and then it really went downhill, and I sent her a video called the Jerry Banfield Queen video, either to end things with her or to get back in line.
And I keep asking myself, how is it possible that I'm failing this hard? I've sent thousands and thousands of likes on Hinge. I've gotten one date that I actually enjoyed on Hinge. I spent at least $500 on Hinge roses, and none of them worked to get a single date.
Find your unique angle
What I've learned is that you've got to find your unique angle that you can work with in dating. You've got to find what you uniquely have to offer that will keep people interested, especially as a man these days, but it's really the same thing for women. What do you have to offer that is going to really get somebody excited? And it seems like I am utterly failing in person, on dating apps, and in matchmaking to deliver that.
Whereas I know people whose job title alone gets women over to their house on the first date to get laid. Literally their job title and their car. Other guys are able to meet women at work. Some guys are just willing to be patient and sit on dating apps for years. Other guys get chased down by women in grocery stores who give them their phone numbers. In all these cases, I've found people have certain things where they're doing really well, and they're able to focus on that and attract from there.
And it seems that, as a YouTuber, hardly any women want to go out with me on dating apps. Especially as a guy who already has kids and wants more. Take the single moms: being a YouTuber is totally putting the single moms off. I've just struck out so hard with single moms. And women who don't have kids are put off that I have kids, at least on dating apps, and often in person.
Being different is a liability in person
What my friends tell me is, "Jerry, you're an anomaly. You are not like most guys." And it seems, according to some people who know me well, that me being different from most men is often creeping a lot of normal, basic women out. "Ooh, this guy's different. That's weird. That's bad." And I'm shocked at how much this happens, because I look good enough to pick up very good-looking women in person, and I've done that. But then, when they start watching my YouTube videos, they just want to be friends.
So I've realized I've got to find a unique strategy for me. And I've realized that YouTube, what I do, has been a major liability in dating on dating apps, in person, and in matchmaking. I've had women literally tell me, "I watched your YouTube videos and I'm not interested anymore." It's because my weirdness, my difference, my open, heartfelt communication is often not appreciated, at least in my local area in St. Petersburg, Florida, or on dating apps.
But I've just realized something. What makes me almost undateable in person, on dating apps, and in matchmaking, what makes me special and different, is exactly what makes me succeed on YouTube. Me being different is what gets people to react to my videos and watch my videos, and it has helped me start six new YouTube channels from scratch and get millions of views on them in six months.
What works on YouTube
For example, I just documented that in a video I made on my Jerry Banfield for Creators channel. I called it The Most Valuable YouTube Training Ever for Small Channels. It breaks down exactly what I've done to get people to react to my videos for free. Tens of thousands of views, actually, we're over hundreds of thousands of views now, on people reacting to my videos for free. So me being unique, me being different, is what is leading me to be successful. I'm successful on YouTube, but it's destroying my dating life.
And I realized that there are women on YouTube all over the world who watch my videos. Some of those women are single, and some of those women may be fantasizing about me or crushing on me. Especially if I lean into this as a strategy and make my videos with the message, "Hey, I am single."
The plan: Zoom dates through jerrybanfield.com/date
So I'm going to set up a page on my website before this goes public. It'll be at jerrybanfield.com/date. And I'm going to invite women all over the world to have Zoom dates with me on my Jerry Banfield Dating channel. I'm going to use YouTube like a dating app.
Here's what I've been seeing. I've been getting a lot of views because of what I've been talking about on Jerry Banfield Dating. That channel is only three or four months old. What is it, September? So the channel is four months old, and it has gotten 112,000 views. And other channels reacting to my videos are getting even more views than my channel is. This channel is just me getting wrecked, me getting absolutely destroyed in dating. Look at the titles on the channel page:
- "I Paid $750 to Get Ghosted"
- "Dating Was Easier When I Was the Worst Person"
- "I Get Dates on Hinge, In Person I'm Invisible"
- "I Paid $625 to Argue With a Woman"
- "She Said Her Date Was a Waste of Time and Walked Out"
- "I Dated 22 Women After My Divorce"
- "I Spent $5,000 on Matchmaking, Zero Second Dates"
- "I Lost Two Dates by Waiting Two Days"
The channel has blown up because of that pattern: she's into me, and then I date a woman I'm not that into, and the whole thing goes sideways. My entire channel has blown up from me failing so badly at dating.
But I know there are women out there on YouTube who can't find a man either. They're different, too. Maybe it's you. You're different, and you feel like all the men you go out with are not right for you.
I just had a call with a woman yesterday who has such a positive opinion of me from watching my YouTube videos. She said so many nice things to me. She said, "You're beautiful. You look so attractive in your YouTube videos," which is me just showing up and being authentic. She said, "I love how open and honest and heartfelt you are." She said, "I have a hard time finding people that I like, and for some reason, I really like you."
And I realized I need to be using YouTube like a dating app. These videos I have are going out to hundreds of thousands of people. I've deleted all the dating apps. I need to stop approaching women in person. I need to stop even thinking that I'm going to meet a woman in person. I need to completely forget about anything in person with my dating and lean into YouTube.
So I'm setting up a page at jerrybanfield.com/date where women all over the world can go fill out an application on my website. It's totally free. They apply to have a Zoom date with me that will be recorded. If things go well, it will be edited if needed to take any personal information out, and then I'm planning to publish these dates on my Jerry Banfield Dating channel.
How getting destroyed built the channel
For those of you who have watched me talk about how I've gotten wrecked: I've even gotten into the Dabbleverse because of getting destroyed in dating. The Dabbleverse is really cool, and I got into it because of my dating, just utter destruction in dating. I met this woman I nicknamed the Queen, because I told her she was my queen. Nobody was watching this new vlog channel back then. But when I started talking about this woman I was dating, and I was so into her, I did a video crying. I was so excited. "This is it, I hear." And then she's gone. The Queen's gone. I posted that video and sold it for a few thousand. The dating going so badly in person is what got views on my channel and what got people interested.
And now I want to show you what an actual first date with me looks like. If there's some other woman out there who feels like she's different and can't find anybody, I think the most beautiful love story for me would be that a woman found my videos on YouTube. Then she scheduled a Zoom call with me. Then we had our first several dates directly on Zoom. Then those dates were literally published on my Jerry Banfield Dating channel. And from there, we met up in person.
So I have been working with the AI to figure out what I need to have on my application, checking for any potential problems, what I should have, what I shouldn't have, and how I should do my workflow. I've got a workflow set up that I think works pretty well at jerrybanfield.com/date. Any woman will be able to submit an application.
What I'm looking for
What I'm looking for is a woman who is healthy, who wants kids, and who is into me. Who actually likes me and likes my character, and who wants to do a Zoom call and have a few dates with me on Zoom to see if there's chemistry. There was one woman from matchmaking who was really toxic, and I didn't want to do a Zoom call with her. If I'm not going to get to use the Zoom call for content, I sure don't want to do a Zoom call when I can meet you in person.
And the final thing is that a woman would need to be willing to relocate to St. Petersburg, Florida, because I'm rooted here until my children are adults. I'm kind of stuck where I'm at. So I'm opening my heart, I'm opening my Zoom calls, and I'm opening my applications to any woman anywhere in the world who would be willing to relocate to date me.
Abundance over scarcity
I'm going to have as many Zoom dates with as many different women as I can, and I'm going to be totally transparent. Every woman will be able to see the other Zoom dates I'm having. What I really hope I'm sharing is the abundance mindset. I notice that in person, where I've been getting crushed, it's the scarcity mindset. I meet the woman I call the Queen, and then, "Oh my God, it didn't work out with her. I have to use dating apps. I can't meet anybody."
And the truth is, I know there are thousands, if not tens of thousands of women, maybe even more. At least tens of thousands worldwide, maybe hundreds of thousands or millions, optimistically, if we get into every country in the world. But there are at a minimum probably 10,000 women who watch YouTube who would see my videos and say, "I love this guy. I would love to date this guy. I would move to be with this guy."
I was just hearing a story about a woman from the Bronx who met a guy in Pakistan online. She went to Pakistan to try to be with him, and his family immediately said no. Then she was kind of stuck and broke in Pakistan, and she demanded money, and Pakistan ended up flying her back to the US. There are women like that all over the world who would see me and say, "I've got to date this guy, because I feel like I'm different, and he's obviously different." That's what I'm looking for.
Let her obsess first
I was talking to one of my guy friends, and he said, "You need the woman to be obsessed over you. You've got to stop obsessing over these women. The women want to obsess over you." And when a woman obsesses over me, I want to obsess over her back. But it seems like it doesn't work if I try to obsess over the woman first. It's been putting them off.
That's where my YouTube videos come in. A big part of dating seems to be anticipation and fantasy, and a woman watching my videos over and over has a chance to anticipate and build some fantasy about me. Whereas in person, I guess I'm ruining the anticipation and the fantasy somehow by being so honest, so direct, and so available. I'm completely emotionally available. I'm not dating anyone right now. There are women, certainly, where things could potentially go somewhere. If the Queen reached out and changed her mind, for example, and there are phone numbers. But there's nobody I'm talking to who has expressed clear interest in me and wants to date me. So I'm completely open and available, and I'm imagining something amazing is going to happen on YouTube.
I'm enjoying demonstrating this abundance mindset I have. Using dating apps like Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble felt like such scarcity, like the odds were stacked against me. And I realize that on YouTube, the odds are stacked in my favor, because most people in my position who are single would not be broadcasting that to everyone on YouTube. Although this guy Lord Hec on Hec Speaks talks about how he's single right now, and I'm surprised he doesn't set up a dating show like this for himself. He goes through all kinds of stuff with women in person, like I've been doing. But I want women all over the world to be able to reach out to me.
Transparency as a filter
What works well for me is my transparency and authenticity, and yet my YouTube videos have been putting women off in person. Part of that is that I haven't had a chance to introduce myself to that many women in person. I've gone out with around 25 women in person in 2026. On YouTube, it's a different scale. I said I imagine tens of thousands of women would love to be with me, but obviously there are billions who wouldn't be. And what's nice is that my authenticity and my transparency filter. On YouTube, I can afford to filter. On Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, in person, and in matchmaking, I'm filtering almost every woman out immediately. "He's too honest about his divorce." "Oh, his financial situation. I'm not interested in that." "Oh, he's divorced and has kids. No, that's not going to work." Because I'm so forthcoming and transparent, it's filtering out everyone in person.
But what's beautiful is that on YouTube, I can find outliers. I can find women who will have an unusual reaction to me. Perhaps 90-plus percent of women, maybe even 95 or 98 percent of women, are going to be filtered out by my radical, energetic, open, loving approach to life. At least in person, it seems that's filtering almost every single woman. And I want a queen. I want a woman where we can have a deep, beautiful relationship. I don't want a surface-level hookup relationship. I want marriage. I want family. That seems to filter out a bunch of women in person, too, because they want to fantasize about that stuff or something, and they wonder if the man's just there to get laid or whatever. I don't know what's happening. A lot of women just keep saying that they're not feeling the connection, that there's no spark there, that it's just not right with me, that they watched my YouTube videos and they're not feeling it anymore, that we could just be friends. I'm getting every kind of filter in person.
But on YouTube, I can reach an outlier. Hundreds of thousands of women have already watched my videos and are going to see more of them over the coming months. What happens when there are 10 or 20 women who are single and have a very unusual response? An unusual response would be, "Oh my God, I love this guy. I've got to date him." That's an unusual response. So I'm really excited for this part of my journey.
What my ex never liked
I love the idea of meeting my future wife on YouTube, because one of the big things in my marriage that ended was that my ex did not like my business, or me being an entrepreneur, or me doing YouTube, even when it paid all the bills. She at least tolerated and appreciated that, but she never liked it. She would have preferred, and is now dating, someone who's a regular corporate guy with a regular job and a regular paycheck. She thought I was going to be that guy when she started dating me. But then I became an entrepreneur and a YouTuber after we started dating. So I kind of bait-and-switched her. I didn't know I was going to do it either, to be fair.
What I'm really interested in is this: I know I could do so much with content creation if I had a woman who loved my content, watched my content, supported me, gave me feedback, and said, "Look, you're killing it in that one. Do more of that." Or, "This title was really good." Or, "Hey, let's do this video together where we talk about dating."
Where this could go
I'm imagining for the long term, too. What happens when I do meet a woman on YouTube? Then I'm not going to be having first dates with women on YouTube anymore. But then I could roll my channel over into a matchmaking service, where I could interview men, and women could come on my channel, and they could present themselves to everybody on YouTube. We could help all of us who love YouTube and are a little different connect with each other. It seems to me that YouTube should be facilitating connections better than Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, because there's so much more depth you can get to on YouTube.
So this is my current plan. I'm so excited to see who's going to be the first woman to come on my channel and do the first Zoom date with me. I'm really looking forward to this.
The shirts on eBay
If you're a big fan of the show, I am actually selling this shirt that I'm wearing right now. I wore this shirt on Who Are These Podcasts for the first time, and now it's on eBay. I want a woman to appreciate the business sense I have. There are six days left in the auction, and you can bid on the shirt right now. If you have any special requests, like you want it autographed in a certain place, I'll accept those special requests for whoever wins the auction. You can tell me if you want it autographed in a certain spot, or cut the sleeves off, or whatever. That's for whoever wins the auction. So I've got this shirt up there, the one I'm wearing right now, and then I have the shirt I met the Queen in. This is the shirt I was wearing when I met her, and it's also up for auction right now. We've got six bids on it already.
I want a woman to appreciate that this guy is so creative: he's wearing shirts in videos and then selling the shirts on eBay. I want a woman who is going to inspire me and help me get to the top of my YouTube game, who's going to be obsessed over me, and who wants the Jerry Banfield experience. I'm very empathic. So a woman who's obsessed with me and just loves me and wants all she can get of me makes me want to give that back. I love being obsessed with a woman and just being all over each other and thinking about each other all the time, having a ride or die partnership. That's what I want.
So I think YouTube is going to be the very best place to attract that. And the Zoom dates, regardless of how they go, will be great content. Thanks for watching. I'm so excited to start seeing who applies at jerrybanfield.com/date.
You can follow every Zoom date, and everything that led here, in my Dating playlist.