This is my journal entry from March 12, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
I drop the kids off at school, and then I go play tennis with a tennis partner that I met on the local tennis center Team Reach app. He was the one who was supposed to play with my tennis partner yesterday. He is about old enough to be my dad, and he whips my ass in a match. I win a few games, but he wins easily, and yet I had fun. I got a good workout. I went to a local park to play with him, and I enjoyed talking with him and the conversation with him. I also realized that I don't want to use the SwingVision app anymore, so I canceled that, which is a nice point of clarity to have. My tennis partner's kind enough to message me in the morning and say that she'd love to play on Saturday, but let's arrange it on Saturday based on the weather and such. So I say, have a nice Thursday and Friday. Talk to you Saturday.
After I play tennis with him, the whole day stretches out in front of me with just a recovery meeting before I've got the rest of the time to myself. I come home from tennis. I don't feel too defeated or anything. I'm just glad I could get out and work out and play tennis. And I was studying the game as much as I could. I shower and then I head to the recovery meeting. One of the women there that I exchanged numbers with, the prettiest one who used to be really friendly and always wave and be enthusiastic to see me. She's there and my entire mood just goes down the shitter. Like I'm not even looking at her except if she shares and someone calls on her so she shares. But I don't acknowledge her in any way other than that. I feel bad just being there. I'm like, I don't know what happened. Like what happened with the enthusiasm, you know, and the happy to see each other. I asked her to go do something, and it's like all of a sudden, it's just, where'd that good energy go? What the hell is this here now? She talks about how she's struggling in her life and disappointing people, and I'm like, well, yep, you sure disappointed me. But maybe I shouldn't have had expectations that she should respond to my text messages. Maybe I shouldn't have got her phone number in the first place, and this wouldn't have happened. I don't know, man. I'm so confused. I just, I don't know. I don't even know what's right and what's wrong, what's up and what's down anymore. I hear, you know, people telling me that they got numbers of girls at meetings and they're dating them and that's going well. And then I just feel like shit.
I go home hoping that work can help me feel better. Today, I have so much time. I'm bound and determined I'm going to deliver as many letters as possible. So it's time to get to it. Over the next several hours, I deliver 180 letters door to door, dropping them on doorsteps, going finishing south of my neighborhood. And then I go over to some really nice houses, dropping letters. Absolutely. Just do an entire long, you know, mile long blocks doing the whole all of the houses there. It's a lot of stimulation dropping these letters. And I keep thinking, is this the best thing I could be offering or dropping? Like, is there any better offer I could have? In the middle of the day as it rains and I drop about 120 letters and I take a break while it rains to stuff some more letters and eat, I ask ChatGPT for a reality check. And it can't think of anything better I could do with myself than this. So I go out and drop more letters at night. And by the end of the day, I've worked so hard, but I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I feel utterly defeated. And I hope things will be better tomorrow.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.