I have quit gaming at least three times for more than nine months, and every time I came back it was for the same reason: gaming is genuinely fun for me. The part I keep having to relearn is why it so often stops being fun. It happens when I turn gaming into something else, like a way to get my self-worth from playing, a source of income, or a second job, and then I grind a game I no longer enjoy until I resent it. My answer now is simple: keep trying new games, including ones that don't look fun, and protect the time I spend in them.
That is the view I hold today, and it took me years to get there. The posts below show how it developed. Read in the order my life happened, the story starts with I Jumped Back Into Gaming and Bet It All, an excerpt from my memoir about 2018 and 2019. I had quit gaming at the end of 2016. I came back in the summer of 2018, when Facebook Gaming launched and the Blackout mode in Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 pulled me in, and I streamed on Facebook chasing their partner program. For a while it was fun again. Then the bills started to matter, and gaming became the thing I was supposed to make pay.
By the start of 2019 I had borrowed heavily on credit cards to fund a course platform I called Uthena. I spent close to $100,000 paying freelancers for courses that mostly were not good and did not sell. By the middle of 2019 something had to be cut, and gaming seemed like the most expendable thing I did, so it was the thing I cut. Looking back, the lesson I took from that period is that I had turned gaming into a means to an end, and a hobby that has to justify itself stops being a hobby for me.
My thinking changed in The Hardest Thing in Gaming Is Starting a New Game, published June 15, 2026. I argue that the real difficulty in gaming is not the boss fight, the ranking up, or the 100 percent completion. It is sitting down with a game you have never played. Most of us keep playing the same games because the first few minutes of something new feel uncomfortable, so we don't bother. I describe new games as a workout for the brain, and I say that if a game can't hook me within about 10 minutes, it isn't going to. I also explain that I deleted my older gaming videos after nine months of thinking about what my best work was, and the best of it was the stretch where I played a new game every day.
That idea gets tested in I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again, which I published on June 24, 2026. I first played Crusader Kings III a couple of years earlier, found it so deep that I couldn't make sense of anything I was doing, and avoided it since. Going back in, the advanced tutorial alone runs two hours and 13 minutes, and I spent much of the video stuck inside the tutorial, unable to work out how to fabricate a claim on a county outside my borders. The question I took from that video is the test I now use for every game: what is fun enough that I would play it off stream? If a game can't pass that test, I don't want to keep grinding it.
Put together, the arc runs like this. In 2018 I came back to gaming because it was fun and because the platform offered money, and then money turned it into pressure. In 2019 I cut it to chase a business that failed. By June 2026 I am playing new games on purpose, for the fun of it, and treating a grind as a warning sign. None of these posts says gaming is bad. What changed is how I hold it, and whether I let it become the thing that carries my self-worth or my bank balance.
Each member post is below in full, starting with the newest. If you recognize yourself in quitting and coming back, my pages on video game addiction, quitting, and relapse and on leaving pro gaming and streaming cover parts of this story that I don't have room to repeat here. If you want me to look at your own relationship with gaming, I offer a personal video review at jerrybanfield.com/review/.
On this page
Every post I have written on this subject is below in full, newest first, each under its own heading.
- I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again (June 24, 2026)
- Back to Gaming After Quitting: Why I Keep Coming Back (June 21, 2026)
- The Hardest Thing in Gaming Is Starting a New Game (June 15, 2026)
I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again
From my video published June 24, 2026.
I'm scared to play Crusader Kings III again. I first played this game a couple of years ago just to try it, because I love strategy games. I love medieval books, things like Ken Follett, Pillars of the Earth, World Without End. I love that stuff. And I thought, man, this game looks like so much fun, I've got to try it. But I tried it and I'm like, my God, this is difficult. It's so deep. It's amazing. But I've been scared to play it again, because I couldn't even make sense of anything I was doing when I played it before.
So today I'm facing my fears. I'm going to jump in. I'm going to start a new game fresh, because I don't even remember what I did in my last game. Facing a brand-new game is hard, because you're so ignorant going into it. This is why most of us just play the same kind of games all the time. If you want to see what else I get into, this is all part of my Games playlist.
The tutorial is a humbling admission that I don't know what I'm doing
Right away I have to do the tutorial. I swear I did the tutorial last time, and I don't want to do the tutorial, but I need to do the tutorial. It's just hard playing a new game. Just sitting through the tutorial is a humbling admission of, I don't know what I'm doing at all. It makes me want to jump into my other game and flail around, just so I can tell myself, oh no, I'm not that bad at this.
Then I open it up. Oh my God. The advanced tutorial is two hours and 13 minutes. Two hours. "Your medieval ruler, your reign may be brief." There's a two-hour advanced tutorial and a shorter 13-minute one. This whole experience of starting over from scratch is exactly what I get into in the hardest thing in gaming is starting a new game, because the hardest part really is just beginning.
So I start going through it, and at first it feels a little too simple. I know how to move on the map. I know how to use the scroll wheel. Come on, man. Then it tells me to put my cursor over the highlighted blue text to open a tooltip. Where is that at? Oh, here we go. Hover over it to read inside a tooltip, and it actually uses the word "neat" inside the tooltip. I can't get over the word neat. I'm so bad at this I actually did play this one already, and I still can't get over it. "Do not show me again." I swear to God.
Kung Fu Classics, nice to see you. Thanks for watching live. I played this once a few years ago too. This is my character. I remember the spouse, just choosing the spouse was crazy. Here you see yourself and your closest family. These are your traits: temperate, gregarious, and impatient. Look how this is just getting started, and I'm already going, huh? Diplomacy, martial, stewardship, intrigue, and learning. Okay. Let's take a look at your domain. This is my little kingdom. Who wouldn't want to be an emperor in this setup, right?
My real question is, will I ever actually play this again? I love trying different games, but the real question is, what game is so much fun that I'd play it off stream? That's always the test for me, and it's the same reason I'm careful about the games I let take over my life, which is something I dig into in why I treat video games like alcohol.
This is a coat of arms. For those of you that have played this a long time, I did enjoy the game last time, but I was scared. I was scared to play the game last time because it was so hard. It was so hard. I played for an hour or so before and didn't hardly figure anything out, and literally the advanced tutorial is two hours. You currently hold three titles, which represent territories on the map. Your primary, most important title is the leftmost one. Even the tutorial has me going, huh? Wait, is this it? Now I'm literally struggling to even understand the tutorial.
Oh, here we go. Title: Barony of Lumenniche. This is a Rome capital, and I'm also the Barony of Innis, and I guess that's mine. You also possess titles. Okay.
Someone asked about my question on a YouTube video about Lee, the captain who makes ICP videos as well as tens of videos a week, and why I think quantity doesn't work for him. I don't know. I need to check his videos out and see.
Choosing a spouse, and why that hits close to home
So we have other characters. You have a kid. This is cool. There are more games out there than I even have time to play. Parents, grandparents. Why do they look dead already? Are they dead already? Are y'all dead already? I think like a terminator. You're dead already. Secondary spouses. I'm trying to get a secondary spouse. I got divorced last year. I'm trying to get a secondary spouse.
This includes your family. Can you believe a guy like me having zero? Well, not zero luck. I mean, I've been on like 20 dates. Someone said it'd be interesting to see what I think, that his work rate is insane but he gets nowhere. I'll take a look at that. Children, siblings, anyone you have a special relationship with. Oh man, 26 courtiers. This is just the initial tutorial. My spymaster, my vassal. Family, relationships, wards. Lovers. Got no lovers, ha, just like real life.
What if I found a woman that watched my YouTube videos on gaming? I'd be like, oh my God, I've got to marry this woman. The game says it's usually a good idea to have a spouse. Yes, it is a good idea to have a spouse. You're right about that. I just talked to my ex this morning. We've been really friendly, and she's like, we need to stop being so friendly, I've got a new man, you need to move on with your life. Well, you're right. I do. I do. My ex telling me to move on, and me finally hearing it, has been one of the hardest parts of this divorce, and if you're trying to let go and move forward too, I'd be glad to talk it through with you in Jerry Banfield Family.
So I've been courting the goddess, the feminine goddess, all day in my mind. That's right, I remember now. I'm like, I wish I had a selection of women like this. I guess you could set it up like that. Where's the oldest one? Can we sort by age? I like how the women are sorted in terms of relevance. Can we get a YouTube dating thing like this? I want to sort it. Why is the age zero? Are we scheduling this in advance or something? Can I sort top to bottom?
Let me get old Elvira who's 45. I remember the tutorial was funny. Let me marry this 45-year-old. Chance of children: low. I bet she'll accept. Nah, give me somebody else. Let me get relevance. Let me get this nice Prince Inger and I'll just take the recommended spouse, born in House Burien. Chance of children: medium. Come on, why can't we have a chance of children high? Can you sort by that? Some of all skills. Damn, your girl Stella's got a lot. Chance of children: high. All right, Stella's getting it. Stella's getting a marriage proposal. Let's go. "The charming petty King. I accept your marriage proposal." Nice. The King sent me back instead of his daughter. How nice. Let me just send out a marriage proposal. I'll watch some woman's YouTube video and send out a marriage proposal. "Congratulations on getting married." Thank you. I was married last time I did this tutorial too, and it was still funny. "The union between you and your spouse has forged an alliance between you and their ruler." Nice.
This is an awesome game so far, but it's so intimidating. How am I going to keep playing this? Abrar, welcome. Thank you for being here for the live stream. How did you end up on Jerry Banfield Gaming? Nice to see you today, Abrar Khan Coach. What's up?
Realms, titles, and a dating tangent I can't get out of
Let's take a look at the bar on the right side of the screen and open the realm view. Remember the titles we saw earlier. They represent more detail. So I've got two titles, an earldom. They're counties, but they have a different unique name because of your Irish culture.
Someone asked, did your wife know her current boyfriend? No. It was completely through dating apps, totally dating apps. That's how she found me too, 15 years ago. And I'm not going to get much more information about him until I meet him, because she doesn't want to talk about anything anymore, which makes sense. Being too close to my ex has made it harder to date another woman, for me. I'm like, man, I'm such a loyal guy. After getting divorced six months ago, I'm still holding on to ideas of getting back together with my ex. And I think I finally released the depth of those in the last couple of days. So we're going to get another goddess up in here and send out marriage proposals, just like this game.
In this view you can expect the lands they represent in more detail. They're counties. Counties are made up of smaller pieces called holdings, and a holding can support several buildings. Vassals. Ormond is included in the outline but not showing up as the main view because he's a vassal. Let me look at my vassal.
I was so jealous. I've been out with at least 15 different women in the last six months. I've spent thousands on matchmaking, you can see that on my dating channel. I had a third or fourth date with a woman that I don't think I'm going to see again on Monday. And now, nothing for me. Nothing. Maybe I'm more picky. She literally, first date, she's still going out with him. Someone asked, are you just not picky, or did you just have that many guys to choose from that you could easily pick out a good one?
China Curious, nice to see you, thanks for being on live. I'm planning to do all my gaming videos and live streams live now. This is a vassal who assists the ruler of your realm, and you receive payment in the form of taxes. That's a nice deal. I need some vassals online.
"Better the devil you know," and getting ready for the next woman
Kung Fu says it's a case of better the devil you know, but she was fundamentally bad for you. Yeah. Our dynamic, especially the last year or so, was not working for us. And I'm really excited to find the next woman. What I'm tapping into today is, I want to laser in on just thinking about the next woman, what her energy is going to be like, and being prepared for her. I had a lot of distracting thoughts yesterday, like maybe I should just forget finding a great woman and just take any woman. Getting clear on the energy I actually want in a partner, instead of grabbing whoever's in front of me, has changed how I date, and if you want to get that clear about what you're looking for, come join Jerry Banfield Family and ask me on a weekly call.
Back in the game. The domain is the land you personally hold, where your realm also includes vassals. Your domain limit greatly discourages you from holding an unlimited amount of titles yourself, meaning you'll need to rely on vassals. Okay, that makes sense. Fortunately, you don't have to manage your realm all on your own.
Someone said I should move out of the US. Well, I've got two kids, and if I didn't find a woman in the next decade, I certainly would move outside the US when my kids were grown up. But I'm kind of stuck here by choice, because if I can't parent the kids I already have, there's no point in trying to find new ones, you know? So I agree, though. I think outside the US I'd have some amazing opportunities, and I'm willing to explore that if I can't find something here.
Someone pointed out I sent my live dating video to a 23-year-old who has other men on the roster. It certainly seems like she's got a handful on the roster.
Counselors, and getting completely stuck on the tutorial
Fortunately, you don't have to manage your realm all on your own. This game is so cool. There are more awesome games than I could even play. A lot of games bore me through the tutorial, but this is so deep. This is your council. You have six counselors, your spouse included. They can collect taxes. Nice. Let's try using a counselor. The game asks, wouldn't it be nice if you had another county within your realm? You'll need a claim, so you need to have a realm priest fabricate one.
China Curious, what country do you think I should move to, China, or would you suggest somewhere else? Vietnam looks pretty nice. Thailand looks pretty nice. China Curious, do you play this too? Did you find me a while ago? Your name looks familiar. Were you the one with all the girls, the China channel that I looked at, that found me through the YouTube Coach channel? Yeah. I love doing these videos live instead of recording them. This is so much more fun. I really appreciate you all chatting.
Okay, fabricate a claim on a county outside your borders. Like over here? The priest is going to fabricate a claim. How do I do that? Do I need to go to the priest? There's a marshal, chancellor, steward, bishop. To accomplish that, you need a claim, and you can have the realm priest do it. The realm priest is a counselor. Unlike their lazy clergy, affluent realm priests automatically lease all temple holdings in a ruler's domain. Okay. A realm priest with a low opinion of their liege will not provide them. Oh, that's unfortunate. How do I do that, dude? Is it trying to tell me how to do this? I'm trying to figure out how to do this. One title. Oh my God, this game is so deep. This is why I was scared.
You changed your channel name from Asia Curious to China Curious. Nice. Jay Fon asks, when are you going to play some Hearts of Iron IV? Maybe I'll give that a shot and try playing Hungary. Y'all seem to want me to play Hungary instead of Canada or Germany, so maybe I'll give it a try soon. I'm intending to prioritize trying different games, because trying different games is really challenging. But I will try a Hearts of Iron IV live stream soon, especially seeing all the enthusiasm on my last one. If you want a head start on that one, I put together where to begin in Hearts of Iron IV.
I really wanted to try Crusader Kings III again today even though I was scared to. I wanted to face my fears.
So it's flashing here, that's cool. It can help to get more specific. The game even tells you if a character is celibate. That's interesting. Wow, this is so detailed. No holding, but they can theoretically be rulers. Where do you make him do something? Right-click to interact. What does he do? Oh, you can murder him. You can't just murder. Here are grant titles. He's a theocratic bishop, so he can't do titles. Where do you go? Where do you see the realm priest? I don't see how to do this.
Someone said you don't have to move permanently, just get a girl and then plan how to bring her to the US. I'd be down with that. How do I even do this? I'm literally stuck on the tutorial. I'm literally stuck in the tutorial. How do I fabricate a claim on a county outside of my borders? I don't see how to do this. Counselor tasks. So it looks like I need to use somebody on the council, chancellor, steward. Holy crap.
Kung Fu, I see your message, I just saw the last one now too. Are you square at the moment with dating? Do you have any woman still lingering? Nope. I don't have any women I know that are interested right now. I messaged just one that seemed to flame out pretty quickly. She just confirmed she wasn't interested today. I asked her if she wanted to meet up, and she's like, nah, I'm busy. All right. The last one, did she tell you that? No, she didn't tell me that, but I realized I should have asked her a lot more questions.
I cannot figure out how to do this. It says a council task. Oh wow, it highlighted it. Oh, finally. That took so long. Yeah, I'm at square one. I'm at square one. As far as I know, I have no prospects even on the horizon. I do have six more matches from my matchmaker. The next 10K I spend on dating will definitely be a nice trip outside the US if this matchmaking doesn't work, which I'm interested to see. I was really hopeful when it started. I keep weighing whether to pour more into matchmaking or take that money and start fresh somewhere new, and if you're facing a big fork like that in your own life, we can talk it through in Jerry Banfield Family.
Nice, the counselor's working on getting a claim.
Resources, and wrapping up a wild tutorial
Let's look at the bar in the top right of the screen. We've got resources here. Gold is the measure of personal wealth. Sounds good. Generally speaking, a stewardship skill will get you good gold. Nice. Prestige, glory, and renown. Piety, I thought it said petty. Piety is the resource for how virtuous your character is. Nice. Renown is how influential your dynasty is, and renown is tied to your level of splendor. What is that? Oh, my total soldiers. Time.
Now that we're talking about resources, let's wrap this up, because this tutorial has been wild. I've literally been in the tutorial for 20 minutes. Right now the game is paused, and you can control how fast to unpause by pressing the space bar. I think the last time I played, all I did was go through the tutorial too. "Congratulations on completing the tutorial. From this point, it's up to you to shape your reign." Right now, okay, this is intimidating, isn't it? Now what do I do?
My son can marry. Now late at night an acquaintance came knocking on my chamber door. We'll speak to him. You just started a scheme. Schemes are long-term goals aimed at another character. The days are progressing one at a time. Nice. Let me see how close the kids are to getting home. Let me check my daughter's location on her watch. You just started a scheme, that's cool. You can have hostile goals like murder or abduct, or you can befriend. Open the intrigue view. Where is that at? I should probably pause this right now.
It looks like my daughter's home, so I'm going to wrap this video up. If you'd like me to play some more Crusader Kings, please let me know. This was fun, and I'll be happy to do it again.
Kung Fu says, awesome, you're studying the game while playing and bringing us learning points. He also said most dating channels talk as if they're successful and give advice, but you don't see proof. Yeah. I'm really excited about starting my dating channel totally single, and then seeing where we go from there. So thanks a lot for watching this, and if you'd like more, let me know.
Back to Gaming After Quitting: Why I Keep Coming Back
Originally published June 21, 2026.
I have quit gaming at least three times for more than nine months, and every time I came back it was for the same reason: gaming is genuinely fun for me. The part I keep having to relearn is why it so often stops being fun. It happens when I turn gaming into something else, like a way to get my self-worth from playing, a source of income, or a second job, and then I grind a game I no longer enjoy until I resent it. My answer now is simple: keep trying new games, including ones that don't look fun, and protect the time I spend in them.
That is the view I hold today, and it took me years to get there. The posts below show how it developed. Read in the order my life happened, the story starts with I Jumped Back Into Gaming and Bet It All, an excerpt from my memoir about 2018 and 2019. I had quit gaming at the end of 2016. I came back in the summer of 2018, when Facebook Gaming launched and the Blackout mode in Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 pulled me in, and I streamed on Facebook chasing their partner program. For a while it was fun again. Then the bills started to matter, and gaming became the thing I was supposed to make pay.
By the start of 2019 I had borrowed heavily on credit cards to fund a course platform I called Uthena. I spent close to $100,000 paying freelancers for courses that mostly were not good and did not sell. By the middle of 2019 something had to be cut, and gaming seemed like the most expendable thing I did, so it was the thing I cut. Looking back, the lesson I took from that period is that I had turned gaming into a means to an end, and a hobby that has to justify itself stops being a hobby for me.
My thinking changed in The Hardest Thing in Gaming Is Starting a New Game, published June 15, 2026. I argue that the real difficulty in gaming is not the boss fight, the ranking up, or the 100 percent completion. It is sitting down with a game you have never played. Most of us keep playing the same games because the first few minutes of something new feel uncomfortable, so we don't bother. I describe new games as a workout for the brain, and I say that if a game can't hook me within about 10 minutes, it isn't going to. I also explain that I deleted my older gaming videos after nine months of thinking about what my best work was, and the best of it was the stretch where I played a new game every day.
That idea gets tested in I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again, which I published on June 24, 2026. I first played Crusader Kings III a couple of years earlier, found it so deep that I couldn't make sense of anything I was doing, and avoided it since. Going back in, the advanced tutorial alone runs two hours and 13 minutes, and I spent much of the video stuck inside the tutorial, unable to work out how to fabricate a claim on a county outside my borders. The question I took from that video is the test I now use for every game: what is fun enough that I would play it off stream? If a game can't pass that test, I don't want to keep grinding it.
Put together, the arc runs like this. In 2018 I came back to gaming because it was fun and because the platform offered money, and then money turned it into pressure. In 2019 I cut it to chase a business that failed. By June 2026 I am playing new games on purpose, for the fun of it, and treating a grind as a warning sign. None of these posts says gaming is bad. What changed is how I hold it, and whether I let it become the thing that carries my self-worth or my bank balance.
Each member post is below in full, starting with the newest. If you recognize yourself in quitting and coming back, my pages on video game addiction, quitting, and relapse and on leaving pro gaming and streaming cover parts of this story that I don't have room to repeat here. If you want me to look at your own relationship with gaming, I offer a personal video review at jerrybanfield.com/review/.
On this page
Every post I have written on this subject is below in full, newest first, each under its own heading.
- I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again (June 24, 2026)
I'm Scared to Play Crusader Kings III Again
From my video published June 24, 2026.
I'm scared to play Crusader Kings III again. I first played this game a couple of years ago just to try it, because I love strategy games. I love medieval books, things like Ken Follett, Pillars of the Earth, World Without End. I love that stuff. And I thought, man, this game looks like so much fun, I've got to try it. But I tried it and I'm like, my God, this is difficult. It's so deep. It's amazing. But I've been scared to play it again, because I couldn't even make sense of anything I was doing when I played it before.
So today I'm facing my fears. I'm going to jump in. I'm going to start a new game fresh, because I don't even remember what I did in my last game. Facing a brand-new game is hard, because you're so ignorant going into it. This is why most of us just play the same kind of games all the time. If you want to see what else I get into, this is all part of my Games playlist.
The tutorial is a humbling admission that I don't know what I'm doing
Right away I have to do the tutorial. I swear I did the tutorial last time, and I don't want to do the tutorial, but I need to do the tutorial. It's just hard playing a new game. Just sitting through the tutorial is a humbling admission of, I don't know what I'm doing at all. It makes me want to jump into my other game and flail around, just so I can tell myself, oh no, I'm not that bad at this.
Then I open it up. Oh my God. The advanced tutorial is two hours and 13 minutes. Two hours. "Your medieval ruler, your reign may be brief." There's a two-hour advanced tutorial and a shorter 13-minute one. This whole experience of starting over from scratch is exactly what I get into in the hardest thing in gaming is starting a new game, because the hardest part really is just beginning.
So I start going through it, and at first it feels a little too simple. I know how to move on the map. I know how to use the scroll wheel. Come on, man. Then it tells me to put my cursor over the highlighted blue text to open a tooltip. Where is that at? Oh, here we go. Hover over it to read inside a tooltip, and it actually uses the word "neat" inside the tooltip. I can't get over the word neat. I'm so bad at this I actually did play this one already, and I still can't get over it. "Do not show me again." I swear to God.
Kung Fu Classics, nice to see you. Thanks for watching live. I played this once a few years ago too. This is my character. I remember the spouse, just choosing the spouse was crazy. Here you see yourself and your closest family. These are your traits: temperate, gregarious, and impatient. Look how this is just getting started, and I'm already going, huh? Diplomacy, martial, stewardship, intrigue, and learning. Okay. Let's take a look at your domain. This is my little kingdom. Who wouldn't want to be an emperor in this setup, right?
My real question is, will I ever actually play this again? I love trying different games, but the real question is, what game is so much fun that I'd play it off stream? That's always the test for me, and it's the same reason I'm careful about the games I let take over my life, which is something I dig into in why I treat video games like alcohol.
This is a coat of arms. For those of you that have played this a long time, I did enjoy the game last time, but I was scared. I was scared to play the game last time because it was so hard. It was so hard. I played for an hour or so before and didn't hardly figure anything out, and literally the advanced tutorial is two hours. You currently hold three titles, which represent territories on the map. Your primary, most important title is the leftmost one. Even the tutorial has me going, huh? Wait, is this it? Now I'm literally struggling to even understand the tutorial.
Oh, here we go. Title: Barony of Lumenniche. This is a Rome capital, and I'm also the Barony of Innis, and I guess that's mine. You also possess titles. Okay.
Someone asked about my question on a YouTube video about Lee, the captain who makes ICP videos as well as tens of videos a week, and why I think quantity doesn't work for him. I don't know. I need to check his videos out and see.
Choosing a spouse, and why that hits close to home
So we have other characters. You have a kid. This is cool. There are more games out there than I even have time to play. Parents, grandparents. Why do they look dead already? Are they dead already? Are y'all dead already? I think like a terminator. You're dead already. Secondary spouses. I'm trying to get a secondary spouse. I got divorced last year. I'm trying to get a secondary spouse.
This includes your family. Can you believe a guy like me having zero? Well, not zero luck. I mean, I've been on like 20 dates. Someone said it'd be interesting to see what I think, that his work rate is insane but he gets nowhere. I'll take a look at that. Children, siblings, anyone you have a special relationship with. Oh man, 26 courtiers. This is just the initial tutorial. My spymaster, my vassal. Family, relationships, wards. Lovers. Got no lovers, ha, just like real life.
What if I found a woman that watched my YouTube videos on gaming? I'd be like, oh my God, I've got to marry this woman. The game says it's usually a good idea to have a spouse. Yes, it is a good idea to have a spouse. You're right about that. I just talked to my ex this morning. We've been really friendly, and she's like, we need to stop being so friendly, I've got a new man, you need to move on with your life. Well, you're right. I do. I do. My ex telling me to move on, and me finally hearing it, has been one of the hardest parts of this divorce, and if you're trying to let go and move forward too, I'd be glad to talk it through with you in Jerry Banfield Family.
So I've been courting the goddess, the feminine goddess, all day in my mind. That's right, I remember now. I'm like, I wish I had a selection of women like this. I guess you could set it up like that. Where's the oldest one? Can we sort by age? I like how the women are sorted in terms of relevance. Can we get a YouTube dating thing like this? I want to sort it. Why is the age zero? Are we scheduling this in advance or something? Can I sort top to bottom?
Let me get old Elvira who's 45. I remember the tutorial was funny. Let me marry this 45-year-old. Chance of children: low. I bet she'll accept. Nah, give me somebody else. Let me get relevance. Let me get this nice Prince Inger and I'll just take the recommended spouse, born in House Burien. Chance of children: medium. Come on, why can't we have a chance of children high? Can you sort by that? Some of all skills. Damn, your girl Stella's got a lot. Chance of children: high. All right, Stella's getting it. Stella's getting a marriage proposal. Let's go. "The charming petty King. I accept your marriage proposal." Nice. The King sent me back instead of his daughter. How nice. Let me just send out a marriage proposal. I'll watch some woman's YouTube video and send out a marriage proposal. "Congratulations on getting married." Thank you. I was married last time I did this tutorial too, and it was still funny. "The union between you and your spouse has forged an alliance between you and their ruler." Nice.
This is an awesome game so far, but it's so intimidating. How am I going to keep playing this? Abrar, welcome. Thank you for being here for the live stream. How did you end up on Jerry Banfield Gaming? Nice to see you today, Abrar Khan Coach. What's up?
Realms, titles, and a dating tangent I can't get out of
Let's take a look at the bar on the right side of the screen and open the realm view. Remember the titles we saw earlier. They represent more detail. So I've got two titles, an earldom. They're counties, but they have a different unique name because of your Irish culture.
Someone asked, did your wife know her current boyfriend? No. It was completely through dating apps, totally dating apps. That's how she found me too, 15 years ago. And I'm not going to get much more information about him until I meet him, because she doesn't want to talk about anything anymore, which makes sense. Being too close to my ex has made it harder to date another woman, for me. I'm like, man, I'm such a loyal guy. After getting divorced six months ago, I'm still holding on to ideas of getting back together with my ex. And I think I finally released the depth of those in the last couple of days. So we're going to get another goddess up in here and send out marriage proposals, just like this game.
In this view you can expect the lands they represent in more detail. They're counties. Counties are made up of smaller pieces called holdings, and a holding can support several buildings. Vassals. Ormond is included in the outline but not showing up as the main view because he's a vassal. Let me look at my vassal.
I was so jealous. I've been out with at least 15 different women in the last six months. I've spent thousands on matchmaking, you can see that on my dating channel. I had a third or fourth date with a woman that I don't think I'm going to see again on Monday. And now, nothing for me. Nothing. Maybe I'm more picky. She literally, first date, she's still going out with him. Someone asked, are you just not picky, or did you just have that many guys to choose from that you could easily pick out a good one?
China Curious, nice to see you, thanks for being on live. I'm planning to do all my gaming videos and live streams live now. This is a vassal who assists the ruler of your realm, and you receive payment in the form of taxes. That's a nice deal. I need some vassals online.
"Better the devil you know," and getting ready for the next woman
Kung Fu says it's a case of better the devil you know, but she was fundamentally bad for you. Yeah. Our dynamic, especially the last year or so, was not working for us. And I'm really excited to find the next woman. What I'm tapping into today is, I want to laser in on just thinking about the next woman, what her energy is going to be like, and being prepared for her. I had a lot of distracting thoughts yesterday, like maybe I should just forget finding a great woman and just take any woman. Getting clear on the energy I actually want in a partner, instead of grabbing whoever's in front of me, has changed how I date, and if you want to get that clear about what you're looking for, come join Jerry Banfield Family and ask me on a weekly call.
Back in the game. The domain is the land you personally hold, where your realm also includes vassals. Your domain limit greatly discourages you from holding an unlimited amount of titles yourself, meaning you'll need to rely on vassals. Okay, that makes sense. Fortunately, you don't have to manage your realm all on your own.
Someone said I should move out of the US. Well, I've got two kids, and if I didn't find a woman in the next decade, I certainly would move outside the US when my kids were grown up. But I'm kind of stuck here by choice, because if I can't parent the kids I already have, there's no point in trying to find new ones, you know? So I agree, though. I think outside the US I'd have some amazing opportunities, and I'm willing to explore that if I can't find something here.
Someone pointed out I sent my live dating video to a 23-year-old who has other men on the roster. It certainly seems like she's got a handful on the roster.
Counselors, and getting completely stuck on the tutorial
Fortunately, you don't have to manage your realm all on your own. This game is so cool. There are more awesome games than I could even play. A lot of games bore me through the tutorial, but this is so deep. This is your council. You have six counselors, your spouse included. They can collect taxes. Nice. Let's try using a counselor. The game asks, wouldn't it be nice if you had another county within your realm? You'll need a claim, so you need to have a realm priest fabricate one.
China Curious, what country do you think I should move to, China, or would you suggest somewhere else? Vietnam looks pretty nice. Thailand looks pretty nice. China Curious, do you play this too? Did you find me a while ago? Your name looks familiar. Were you the one with all the girls, the China channel that I looked at, that found me through the YouTube Coach channel? Yeah. I love doing these videos live instead of recording them. This is so much more fun. I really appreciate you all chatting.
Okay, fabricate a claim on a county outside your borders. Like over here? The priest is going to fabricate a claim. How do I do that? Do I need to go to the priest? There's a marshal, chancellor, steward, bishop. To accomplish that, you need a claim, and you can have the realm priest do it. The realm priest is a counselor. Unlike their lazy clergy, affluent realm priests automatically lease all temple holdings in a ruler's domain. Okay. A realm priest with a low opinion of their liege will not provide them. Oh, that's unfortunate. How do I do that, dude? Is it trying to tell me how to do this? I'm trying to figure out how to do this. One title. Oh my God, this game is so deep. This is why I was scared.
You changed your channel name from Asia Curious to China Curious. Nice. Jay Fon asks, when are you going to play some Hearts of Iron IV? Maybe I'll give that a shot and try playing Hungary. Y'all seem to want me to play Hungary instead of Canada or Germany, so maybe I'll give it a try soon. I'm intending to prioritize trying different games, because trying different games is really challenging. But I will try a Hearts of Iron IV live stream soon, especially seeing all the enthusiasm on my last one. If you want a head start on that one, I put together where to begin in Hearts of Iron IV.
I really wanted to try Crusader Kings III again today even though I was scared to. I wanted to face my fears.
So it's flashing here, that's cool. It can help to get more specific. The game even tells you if a character is celibate. That's interesting. Wow, this is so detailed. No holding, but they can theoretically be rulers. Where do you make him do something? Right-click to interact. What does he do? Oh, you can murder him. You can't just murder. Here are grant titles. He's a theocratic bishop, so he can't do titles. Where do you go? Where do you see the realm priest? I don't see how to do this.
Someone said you don't have to move permanently, just get a girl and then plan how to bring her to the US. I'd be down with that. How do I even do this? I'm literally stuck on the tutorial. I'm literally stuck in the tutorial. How do I fabricate a claim on a county outside of my borders? I don't see how to do this. Counselor tasks. So it looks like I need to use somebody on the council, chancellor, steward. Holy crap.
Kung Fu, I see your message, I just saw the last one now too. Are you square at the moment with dating? Do you have any woman still lingering? Nope. I don't have any women I know that are interested right now. I messaged just one that seemed to flame out pretty quickly. She just confirmed she wasn't interested today. I asked her if she wanted to meet up, and she's like, nah, I'm busy. All right. The last one, did she tell you that? No, she didn't tell me that, but I realized I should have asked her a lot more questions.
I cannot figure out how to do this. It says a council task. Oh wow, it highlighted it. Oh, finally. That took so long. Yeah, I'm at square one. I'm at square one. As far as I know, I have no prospects even on the horizon. I do have six more matches from my matchmaker. The next 10K I spend on dating will definitely be a nice trip outside the US if this matchmaking doesn't work, which I'm interested to see. I was really hopeful when it started. I keep weighing whether to pour more into matchmaking or take that money and start fresh somewhere new, and if you're facing a big fork like that in your own life, we can talk it through in Jerry Banfield Family.
Nice, the counselor's working on getting a claim.
Resources, and wrapping up a wild tutorial
Let's look at the bar in the top right of the screen. We've got resources here. Gold is the measure of personal wealth. Sounds good. Generally speaking, a stewardship skill will get you good gold. Nice. Prestige, glory, and renown. Piety, I thought it said petty. Piety is the resource for how virtuous your character is. Nice. Renown is how influential your dynasty is, and renown is tied to your level of splendor. What is that? Oh, my total soldiers. Time.
Now that we're talking about resources, let's wrap this up, because this tutorial has been wild. I've literally been in the tutorial for 20 minutes. Right now the game is paused, and you can control how fast to unpause by pressing the space bar. I think the last time I played, all I did was go through the tutorial too. "Congratulations on completing the tutorial. From this point, it's up to you to shape your reign." Right now, okay, this is intimidating, isn't it? Now what do I do?
My son can marry. Now late at night an acquaintance came knocking on my chamber door. We'll speak to him. You just started a scheme. Schemes are long-term goals aimed at another character. The days are progressing one at a time. Nice. Let me see how close the kids are to getting home. Let me check my daughter's location on her watch. You just started a scheme, that's cool. You can have hostile goals like murder or abduct, or you can befriend. Open the intrigue view. Where is that at? I should probably pause this right now.
It looks like my daughter's home, so I'm going to wrap this video up. If you'd like me to play some more Crusader Kings, please let me know. This was fun, and I'll be happy to do it again.
Kung Fu says, awesome, you're studying the game while playing and bringing us learning points. He also said most dating channels talk as if they're successful and give advice, but you don't see proof. Yeah. I'm really excited about starting my dating channel totally single, and then seeing where we go from there. So thanks a lot for watching this, and if you'd like more, let me know.
The Hardest Thing in Gaming Is Starting a New Game
From my video published June 15, 2026.
The Hardest Part of Gaming
The hardest part about gaming is not being a boss or ranking up or completing some challenge or 100 %ing a game, but it's actually playing a game you've never played before. And that's why most of us play the same games over and over again. And that's why I'm challenging myself to play a new game every day on my brand new Jerry Banfield Gaming channel. If you're new here, I've been a professional gamer before. You might remember me from Call of Duty Warzone on Facebook or Retro Games or League of Legends. I've played hundreds and hundreds of games over the last decade. But what I noticed is where I put most of my time in gaming was grinding out the same games, trying to level up.
You can follow along with every new game I try on my Games playlist.
And it would often turn into this ego thing where I'm getting my self worth and my validation out of playing a video game. Then I would often be bored with the video game or hate the game, but keep playing it anyway because I felt like that was a part. Then I'd try and find new games to play. But I found this weird thing that happens when I go to play a game I've never played before. There's this weird resistance where it's like my brain is thinking, well, this might be uncomfortable, might be painful. You're going to go into an environment you don't know. Don't bother.
And then what I did for a while is I tried playing a new game every single day.
Deleting Everything and Starting Over
Out of all the thousands and thousands of gaming videos I've created, I deleted everything last year. And I took nine months to think, what was the best content I created? And out of that, I see that the gaming videos where I played a new game every day, a game I'd never played. It doesn't have to be actually new. Could be one that was made 30 years ago. But I played a game I'd never played before. And just for 10 minutes, because I often would try and play these games for like 30 minutes or an hour, and they would be so boring that I couldn't stand it.
But just playing a new game for 10 minutes is enough to get taste of a game. And this is just a game. And it's changed how I even think about gaming and watching gaming videos. And I've been thinking, what's the best kind of gaming content I can make for you is to show you that how it actually feels to play these new games. Because if you watch videos about a game, you might think it's fun. But I've found I've watched a lot of videos about a lot of games. Then I played them and they're pretty boring. And then there've been games like Blueprints. Blueprints, I saw a few videos about it and I didn't think it was that exciting.
I just was in a habit of playing. I was playing a new game every day and I'm like, let me try this one real quick. It doesn't look like a lot of fun, but I'll just give it a shot. And then I played it and I kept thinking about it. I'm like, that game was so fun. Why was that fun? And what I found is if I want to really have fun gaming. Now, yes, there are games I love that I want to keep playing. Like once I played Blueprints the first time, then I had to beat it. But I didn't know beforehand that it would be fun.
I'd actually try it for it to be fun. And a lot of us. I know most gamers I know don't play hardly any new games unless it's like a major new release that everybody's hyping up, especially games that were out like 10, 20, 30 years ago, unless they're in nostalgia. We just don't play that.
A New Game Is a Workout for My Brain
What I found is it's a workout for my brain to play a new game. It's like going to the gym, but for my brain, because my brain struggles and tries to go through the discomfort of like flailing around being like, how does this game work? And it's just like to me going to the gym. If you go to the gym. Which is why I, I'm not super big because whenever I went to the gym, unless I had a personal trainer, I would just end up doing the same exercises with the same reps on the same weights or I'd increase the weight too quick and hurt myself.
Whereas if and when you do that working out, if you do that working out, you're not going to build much muscle. Same thing to me with my brain. If I want to make my brain stronger and become a better gamer, what really helps is to do a little bit of a new game every day. And then occasionally. I get surprised by these new games that I wouldn't have suspected would be fun. And I consistently am disappointed by games that people think are so much fun. And I play and I'm like, that wasn't fun. Another game, Hades. I was playing a whole bunch of new games, just a new game every day.
One game I played was Hades. I played it and then returned the disc, the PS5 disc. And I'm like, whatever. I didn't see anything special even the day I played it. But then weeks later, I kept thinking, I'm like, I got to play it. I got to play that game again. I don't know what it was about that game, but I got to play it again.
A Decade of New Games
I'm thinking that what my content could do over a period of years and what value could I offer you as a viewer. That's not the same as what you get on other channels because most other gamers play the same games all the time. And then there's all these games that hardly anybody plays, but there are audiences that watch them. And what I want is over the next 10 years of my content. I've been a full time YouTuber since 2020. 12. That's 14 years. And what I want is the next decade of my content. Imagine if I had 3 652 games that I'd played over the next decade.
How amazing would that be to look at all these games and remember that, oh, I played that one. And to see my first reaction. And then to do some live streams on the games that are my favorite. I did get locked into a while for a while thinking that I just have to play new games. And I'm not going to play any games more. The. But that was no fun. Because when I found a game I really liked, I felt bad that I couldn't play it again. So I've got this strategy going forward for my channel I'm really excited about. Where I'm going to play a new game that I haven't played every single day.
And then whenever I live stream, I'll play games that I really love.
Breaking Out of Gaming Ruts
My hope is to encourage people to play more kinds of video games. Because what I see is a lot of gamers are in gaming ruts. I know somebody, they just play the same game over and over. They're not even that good at it. It's one of those competitive shooters. And they complain about the game. And they're frustrated with the game. And they dump money and so much time into the game. They told me, and I quote, I play the game like it's a second job. And I think that's crazy. Like what's the fun in spending 20, 30 hours a week playing a game when you already have a family.
And a full time job. And you're not even having fun most of the time. You're just grinding it. If you see yourself in that grind and want to talk honestly about what a healthier relationship with gaming could look like for you, you can schedule a one-on-one call with me and we'll work through it together.
I Never Want to Grind a Game Again
What I don't want to ever do again is grind a game. I want gaming to be fun. I'm tired. I'm tired of quitting gaming because I get myself into a place where gaming's not fun. I've quit gaming so many times over the last decades. At least three times for more than nine months. And what brings me back is because gaming is truly fun. When, for example, I'm a single dad right now. And what's really nice when I go out on a date and it doesn't go well. And there's not going to be a second date. To come home and I've got my video games. And I just love being able to like play a game for an hour and escape and forget about it.
Keeping gaming fun instead of compulsive is the same work I describe in Long-Term Emotional Sobriety in Action (12 Years Sober).
And then go to bed. It's really nice. And where I've gotten the past, I've gotten into these ruts where I made gaming not fun. And to me, the secret is to break out of, to keep trying new games all the time. And to try games that don't even look fun. I've tried games to where I'm like, there's no way that's fun. And lots of times I'm right, but occasionally I'm wrong. And it's so interesting to see when I'm wrong. But what's even more interesting is you might think, well, there's no value in playing. Let's say I play 50 video games, which I tried hundreds. And hundreds of new games over the last few years.
And sometimes I'd try a new one every day for months. And that was the best thing I did. But I made two mistakes. I play the game too long. Like you only need about 10 minutes. If you've played as many games as probably you and I have. I only need about 10 minutes to get hooked by a game. If the game can't hook me in the first 10 minutes, it's not fun. Right? Like they've got 10 minutes. And if they can't hook me, I'm not coming back. What I've noticed is if I try and play a game too much that I don't like. It really sours me out gaming altogether.
So if I just taste a little bit, then that is enough to see if I want to play it again. And sometimes I need to sleep on it. I need to think about it later to know that I want to play it again. But the side unexpected benefit I found is that when I play 50 games and I don't like 48 of them. Like 48 of them are boring. Like y 'all kept telling me, I don't want to put any games in particular down here. But so many games that my viewers told me, oh, you're going to play this. It's so fun. I played this for 100 hours.
I play it. And I'm like, that's so boring. And the benefit of playing 48 boring games is that the two games that are actually really fun for me. Those really stand out. And it provides a contrast. A lot of us with our gaming, we play the one game we really love all the time. But we get bored. We get burnt out on it. Now, it makes sense if you're having like a relationship. You're married like I was for 13 years. It makes sense to like have certain areas of your life where you stick with one person or one job. But boring. Gaming to me is a place to really explore.
Like it doesn't make sense to get locked in to a game like you're married to it or like they've hired you to play the game. And even when I was getting paid to play Call of Duty Warzone and getting paid really well to play retro games, I got bored being locked into playing only the same kind of games.
Building a Healthier Gaming Community
I have a desire to break out and play other games and enjoy the diversity of playing all these different games. And what I notice is even when I play a bunch of new games that I, I don't even like, then I appreciate the game I do like so much more. When I play a new game every day, I'm really excited to then play the game I'm really into at the moment. Thus, I'm looking at this video and my community with Jerry Banfield Gaming being a gateway to have a healthier outlook on gaming and to make gaming much more sustainable. Because a lot of us game addictively where we just play games all the time and then we feel bad about it.
And then we end up trying to quit or minimize it. I don't want gaming to be something I ever quit again. I want gaming to be a positive part of my life. I want gaming to always be there. And I figure no matter how busy I am, I can always try a new game for 10 minutes a day. I can always have time to play an hour or two a week at least if not five or ten hours of some game I'm really into. Because I look at it that if true wealth is having time to do the things I love to do and no matter how much other money or anything else, relationships, house, car, no matter any of that stuff.
If I don't have time to try a new game for 10 minutes a day and if I don't have time to play a few hours of game I really like every week, then how good is my life? What truly quality of life do I have if I'm so busy, I don't have time to have fun playing games. So I'm really excited to build a community around this idea of gaming being something we do for fun, for joy, of breaking the monotony, and the ego and the habits that we fall into gaming of consistently using gaming to exercise our brains to expand our minds to challenge ourselves and a community of people that are on the hunt for the very most fun games.
If this way of approaching gaming resonates with you, you can book a private call with me and we'll talk through your own gaming.
That are willing to look through all the games throughout history and find which games are the most fun today to play right now. A community of people that's interested in my unusual things that I share. I deleted the last four and the beginnings of what I envision of being my most sustainable gaming and the best gaming community I've ever had.