This is my journal entry from February 1, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
I woke up late this morning. It was cold. So I slept in, took an extra hour nap and didn't even get up till like nine o'clock. And when I did finally get up at nine o'clock, I was fired up to knock out and get us all the way to 2025 in my book Un-effin' Myself, which felt great to have it almost done. At the same time, I started spinning out thinking, shit, am I going to have issues with compliance? I don't want to have another Udemy or Facebook where I build something up and then it all comes crashing down after I do all this work on it. I ended up reading this book on Amazon KDP compliance and finding some couple of minor issues in my books that were surprising. Some things I'm doing, you know, like, I don't want to make any of my stuff an easy target because the average person wouldn't think of this. So I'm not going to mention anything specifically. But basically, there's some small fixes and tiny adjustments I can make that should make my books where there's no clear issues. I should just be able to create books. I know the boundaries. They're reasonable. I'm happy to work within them. Much more leeway for free speech than on social media. And thus, I've got a plan to go forward that feels really good.
I paid my rent today, $2,700. I'll still have over $20,000 in my main checking, and then I got a couple thousand in my business checking, which is nice. I got plenty of money for the foreseeable future, and I'm really excited to see what kind of money comes in.
I go to the noon yoga flow at a yoga studio today, and I find a spot to put my mat. And at first, I don't think the girl next to me is very hot, but I start to realize like, OK, she actually is pretty cute. It's funny how you looked at her first, but a few more looks. I'm like, oh, all right, she's cute. After I take her block back, one of my standard moves now, it's like, hey, I take your block back for you and girls like that. But I don't end up chatting with her at all. After that, I pick my stuff up and I'm going to walk out. And this girl that's pretty looks at me and smiles and says hi. And I just dumbly look at her and smile and say hi back. But I'm already, my autopilot is set to go out the door. As I'm continuing to walk, I'm like, who the hell was that? Why didn't I slow down? I felt like I recognized her. Why didn't I just stop? Like, here's what I'm looking for, a girl to pay attention to me and talk to me in a room full of girls that mostly don't even make eye contact. And then out of the ones that do, here's one that looks, smiles, makes eye contact and says hi. Like, shit, I should have investigated that.
I'm thinking on the way home, like from now on, I'm going to make sure to investigate that. I'm going to make sure to see if a girl actually looks at me and smiles, says hi, like, hi, I see you here. Do we know each other? What's your name or whatever? I just start talking about like, hey, oh, hi, you're pretty. Nice to see you smiling at me. You know, just start some conversation up and see where things go. Like that's an invitation that happened to me the other day, too. This girl looked at me and said hi and smiled and I wasn't even ready. I reflected on when I was in Mississippi back in 2010 when I was living with my parents and they were out of town. The one time there was this bar within walking distance of their house that I could actually go to because they were out of town. I went there and I knew the DJ and I was up on stage with the DJ talking with him and picking songs and things like that. And this girl that's just gorgeous just walks up to me and starts talking to me. And I was totally like confused. I didn't even get it. I'm like, why is this girl just, what does she want out of me?
I reflected on that tonight as I was talking with some of the guys after the AA meeting. It's like, damn, when I'm in one mindset that I'm in hunting mode, I'm not prepared to get shot. Like when I'm out there hunting them, I'm not prepared when they're hunting me. And then I'm frustrated because I don't seem to be finding any girl to hunt, but then I'm missing the ones that are trying to get my attention. I'm intending going forward to be very ready for those ones that are trying to get my attention. And I know this could sound mean, but I want to be with someone I'm genuinely attracted to. And maybe I'm reading a book about love and, you know, I want to open my mind and be as loving as possible. It's called The Mastery of Love that I found because of ChatGPT. I started listening to this book called Secret Slave and that didn't feel very good. It started to get dark and, you know, bad things started to happen. I'm like, you know, I think I need to stop listening to books like this. I need to start listening to books that get me into love.
So I was listening to this book, you know, a practical guide to the art of the relationship. And it talks about being so loving and stuff. And yeah, I love the idea in theory of being so loving to everybody. But at the same time, I'm attractive and I want somebody else attractive. And I think that's fine to just admit that I don't want to be with somebody that's not attractive, because I'm not interested in doing that. I did enough of that in my 20s to know that I want to be with a girl that's beautiful, because I can. All right, because I can. After yoga, I was thinking I got to make sure to do that next time I get home.
I have a little salad and my ex-wife brings my son over. My daughter's still resting today. My son immediately goes across the street to play with his new friends. And I'm so glad that they're having fun. I researched more on Amazon KDP. I talked to ChatGPT about it. It says that, you know, my thoughts are reasonable, but at the same time, there's easy things I can do to make sure my books are compliant. And it's got really reasonable guidance. I'm like, this is a really nice resource. I take my son back to my ex-wife's house at five. And I go to a grocery store after dropping him off there. And I got caught slipping. I didn't have my nice outfit or anything on. And I just run up in there in like sweatpants and my Facebook star shirt. I bought lettuce and bananas and went through, the actual lady actually checked me out, which was nice. Bought some tahini.
I thought about actually buying a multivitamin supplement, but I talked it through with ChatGPT and put in everything I'm doing, and I've come to believe that with the way I eat, I'm getting all my vitamins naturally out of food, so for me there's no reason to use a multivitamin supplement. I'm like, nice, that's cool. And I did get some seaweed snacks, though, because in my experience those have iodine I'm not getting anywhere else. I went back to my house and just worked on the laundry and stuff and then went to my AA meeting.
At the AA meeting, there was the usual big book lead and the room was full of people. And tonight I was kind of feeling down on the meeting. I was feeling really happy and euphoric beforehand. I started to feel kind of down in the meeting. Like, I'm tired of this fucking meeting. I want to go somewhere else. But yet, I'm kind of scared to go somewhere else, or I'm in my comfort zone. Do I need to change my home group if I go somewhere else? I'm all up in my head about going somewhere else. But I'm frustrated at this meeting, how the girls just talk to the girls, and you can't hardly even talk to them because they're all talking to each other all the time. I'm getting kind of tired of that vibe. I loved the meetings where everybody talks to everybody and it's not just little cliquish circles. And I also feel I've been so vulnerable and shared so much at this meeting. People kind of know me too much, especially the girls. They've got too much information. And there's some cute ones that are there sometimes. But I think about how some people meet someone new at an AA meeting.
I'm like, I got to get out to some other AA meetings. So I talked to some of the guys afterwards. And then I go home and I call my sponsor. I'm like, I need to get out to some other AA meetings. Like I need to. And he said he's lived with women that he's met in AA. And I'm like, see, that's what I want to be set up for. But if I just keep going to the same meeting on Sunday and I keep going to these same meetings all the time, you know, I'm not meeting hardly any women at these meetings. And I should be. And I need to be the new guy at a meeting too. Like a guy a girl hasn't seen before, especially if her first impression of me is that I'm dressed up. And what's nice is it's easier for me to kind of share generic positive shit, you know, about my sobriety and stuff at a meeting I've never been to. Whereas I tend to get deeper when I go to meetings that people know me at. And I tend to have very good experiences going to meetings I've never been to lots of times. Whereas this meeting, the meeting I've been going to on Sunday night, I burned it out and got tired of it a few months ago. I went back to it and I've enjoyed it, but I'm kind of tired of it also. So maybe I'll see if my sponsor, he's been meeting me there, maybe I'll see if he can switch it up and we can try somewhere else.
And I'm paying attention to also, what I seem to notice is that, when I'm kind of aligned, I'm very happy. And when I slip out of alignment, it seems like my emotions are sending me a signal to make adjustments. So I'm interpreting the signals tonight as like, hey, why don't you make an adjustment and stop going to that meeting? It doesn't need to be a big deal or a resentment. It's like, just explore. Go out there and play. Explore. Try some other meetings. There's so many other meetings I haven't been to. And go to some other meetings because that's going to set up things to happen. It's going to make things happen. Like right now, this AA group, you know, I don't have anything going on with any of the girls there. There's just like nothing that is even on my radar at all.
Now, some people say, well, your attitude, your intention going to yoga should be just to go to yoga, or going to an AA meeting should just be going to an AA meeting. I'm like, no, because I'm not using dating apps. I need to be putting myself in situations where I can find a woman to date in my natural environment. Because what I don't want to do is go into unnatural environments to try and find a woman to date. Like speed dating. Speed dating is one of those things where if it doesn't connect you with someone, it just feels like a waste of time. Whereas I go to an AA meeting, and the AA meeting is useful by itself. What's ideal is if there's also women that I might want to date. I go to yoga. The yoga practice is helpful by itself. And what's nice is if there's also women to date at yoga. That way, I don't have to be making any separate effort. I'm just naturally doing something that's good for me and putting myself in a position to meet women. And then I don't have to be like trying to pick girls up at the grocery store or going to speed dating events or using dating apps. I'll just be in position for things to happen.
And I'm planning to write a book about dating without apps. I want to be able to suggest that. It's like ideally you should set your life up so you naturally run into the kind of people you'd want to date. And for me, this means it's time to stop going to the same AA meetings where I'm not finding people to date and go to meetings like on Saturday night, there were a couple of girls that I hadn't seen before and they're pretty. And that's a situation where something at least had the potential to happen. And I had a fun time being there. I got to meet new people. So that's my plan right now. I am enjoying going to the same yoga studio because there's so many women there. I can barely even take inventory of them or keep them straight. I'm aiming to go to that yoga studio like every day if I can, because if I keep going and I keep going, you know, if I find some AA meetings where there's some more girls, something's going to happen.
And I'm a big believer in, yes, I can't control somebody else making something happen, but I can put myself in position where something does happen. And that is totally up to me. I mean, for example, if I went to men's AA meetings and went to like jujitsu or boxing classes all the time, yeah, I would cut down my potential dating opportunities huge by doing that. Now, of course, you can always meet some girl. The book I read, I Forgot to Die, he was talking about how he would go to this juice place to flirt with the girl behind the counter and to talk to her. Now, sure, that can happen. And I'll be on the lookout for that. But I don't go out to eat that much. I don't go to juice places that much. So to me, it's about figuring out how the places you naturally go can turn into a dating environment. And I'll keep you posted on how that's going.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.