I'm a full-time YouTuber and Twitch streamer, and this is day 4,987. It's January 23rd, 2025. I just filmed four crypto videos today, and yesterday I filmed at least four crypto videos too, while I was recording the vlog for today. I also filmed a couple of music videos yesterday. I'm just obsessed with my new dance music right now. It's so good. And I'm really grateful that after all the turbulence at the end of last year in 2024, I feel like I'm really rooted and solid, and everything is just in the right place right now, which is awesome.
I went to my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting out in the cold last night. It was something like 40-some degrees, and I wore a hoodie, a jacket, pants, and a blanket. I still ended up cold by the end of it, but it was really nice to share. We talked a lot about prayer and meditation and finding some kind of higher power.
What I believe: I am God, and so are you
Some of you have asked what my religious views are. For me, the ultimate truth is that I am God. Whatever you think of as a God is me. That's who I am. I'm the creator of this whole reality, of everything. This body, all bodies, everything is my creation in real time. I'm making this now. And you are also creating. Your point of view is just another point of view in creation. If you're live on Twitch with me, we might be in the same now, but from a different point of view. In some sense, if you're on YouTube, I'm talking to you in your future, but as you listen to this, this is already in your past.
Having a higher power is a big part of getting sober and going to Alcoholics Anonymous. The opposite of that is feeling disconnected, feeling like life doesn't make sense, or having a faith that just frustrates you. A lot of religions are very frustrating because they set you up to fail. They tell you, here are these things, now don't do them or you're a bad boy or a bad girl and you're going to hell. Or they tell you that life is just suffering and you'd better get used to it. Or they set you up inside an imperial hierarchy where you have to listen and do what other people are telling you or else you're bad. To me, this is all one big game that I've created for myself.
The thought that really makes everything else make sense, for me, is that I am the creator of my reality. I am. The religions often just frustrate and confuse people, even though there's a hint of truth in there. To me, Jesus's message was that I am God and so are you. The second part gets lost and turns into "he is God and you're not," which I believe is the opposite of the message he was sharing. Something like Buddhism carries the message of "look what I can do, and you can do this too." And people turn it into "he's God and I'm not." That, to me, is the game we're playing.
Feeling connected instead of adrift
I'm grateful today because I feel very connected to all of reality and creation. I used to feel very disconnected. At least when you have a religion, even one that has parts that are uncomfortable or annoying, you often do feel a part of something bigger. A lot of us who shun religion end up feeling very adrift and alone and isolated, like nothing makes sense and we're all by ourselves. I'm grateful that through Alcoholics Anonymous and through investigating the concept of a higher power, the ultimate thing I've come to is this: when you take away this body and this mind, all that's left is perhaps a soul. And what happens when the soul dissipates? All that's left is creation, is God, is the creator. Therefore the creator is one with everything.
I like a story I believe comes from Eckhart Tolle, where a boy walks into a village and people are trying to catch him out and confuse him. One of the men he encounters says, "If you can tell me where God is, I'll give you some money." And the boy says, "If you can tell me where God isn't, I'll give you some money." That, to me, is the whole thing. God is either everything or nothing, but really it's both.
The downside of being God is that you can't really know yourself. As God, I make everything, but nothing in particular is me. The basic delusion with God is to say this is God and then other stuff isn't God, because then you've separated yourself. And from that separation, to me, it's all falsehood. I love A Course in Miracles. I went through the whole workbook day by day. That which is real never changes. That which is unreal doesn't exist. And that's the peace of God.
An unshakable foundation
We were talking in AA last night about having an unshakable foundation for life. Some of you wonder how I have so much energy, how I show up here all the time when there are so many haters and critics, when the ICP price seems to thwart me on a daily basis. How have I been able to keep going as a creator through being banned, demonetized, and irrelevant? I'd argue that being irrelevant is probably the worst of those. I'd rather be demonetized or banned, because at least then people are talking about me, than be irrelevant where nobody's watching my videos and nobody cares. That's how I started, irrelevant. When I first made all these videos, nobody watched them and nobody cared about what I was creating. I'm glad so many people care now, even if sometimes they hate.
To me, divine love is to know yourself as love. The most frustrating part about being God is that you can't create yourself, even though everything you create is yourself. This body is not God. It is a part of God, a molecule in the ocean. As God, everything you create is your creation, but none of your creation specifically is you. By creating all these things, though, we get to see ourselves. The magic of life, for me, is when you can look in the mirror and instead of just seeing a body, you see a little bit of yourself as the creator. You go, "Ooh."
Loving yourself as the creator
I remember I was laying in bed one day with my wife, thinking about how much I love her and how grateful I am to have her in my life. At the time, I was very antagonistic toward the idea of any kind of higher power or God. I was more science-oriented. Then I had the thought: wouldn't you love whoever created all of this equally as much as your wife, if not more? And I thought, wow, yeah, I would. Whoever created me to have this wife and created this house, yeah, I would love them. That, to me, is the ultimate self-love, to know yourself as the creator and to love yourself as the creator. From there you can look out and love everybody else as the creator too. And then you can even see that, at the deepest level, you're creating everybody else. You're creating me. From your point of view, I am your creation. You've created me to say this. You've created me to be here now. Everything and everybody else in your life, you're creating.
If you wonder why all these bad things happen, why the world is this messed up, my answer is that you create it that way because, on some level, you want to. Think about the desires you have. I remember listening to these books about monstrous people who kidnapped and hurt people, and I felt really sad and frustrated with the world. Why is it like this? Well, why did I want to listen to those books? Because I wanted a little something different. I'm in this nice, peaceful, happy environment where Laura and I love each other, the kids are safe, everybody's taken care of, and nobody's getting abused. I sometimes wonder what the kids will criticize me for in the future. They'll probably say my dad was addicted to his work. If that's what it's going to be, that's fine. But I desired listening to these books with the darkest, sickest things you can imagine because I wanted a little something different. I wanted some perspective. I wanted to understand some of these horrible things better.
From there, you can see why you, as God, would create war and famine and natural disasters, because you're making a story. Harry Potter sucks without Lord Voldemort. There's no story in Harry Potter without Lord Voldemort. And when you can bring this knowledge into your life, it changes how things feel. When the hurricane came and my house was flooding for the first time since it was built 50 years ago, I remember thinking, I'm God. On a human level, I was annoyed. But looking at it from an "I'm God" point of view, it became, this is going to be fun. This will be entertaining. I'll be doing something different today. How nice. How fun. Thanks for this adventure. If you want to see more of how I live this out day to day, I share it on my Life playlist.
So to me, the ultimate prayer is simply "thank you," and the easiest meditation is to look around and listen.