On October 26, 2024, I'm doing my diary later than usual today because I'm at home right now on my own with my son and my wife is out. Normally, I'd be in bed at 10 p.m., but my wife is out babysitting for the family tonight, which is very nice for her. I'm glad we can help out that way. I had a bedtime with just me and my son tonight, which was lovely. We had a great conversation, and he got to bed a little bit later.
A day of small, ordinary tasks
I walked to my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting today and stopped at Whole Foods on the way home. I spent most of the day putting together this trash can container, which was made in China along with half the rest of my house. I spent a lot of time thinking about the people in China that make all this stuff, working at factories, drilling these holes. I was impressed with how accurate this whole piece of furniture was.
It took so much time screwing. Oh, you like time screwing, Jerry? There was so much screwing. I wish I'd used my drill, but I just did it by hand. Oh, you usually do it by hand, right? No, not anymore. I took all this time screwing the screws. I thank God for the Allen wrenches on this thing today.
The book that put my life in perspective
I also started listening to this book called A Mother's Reckoning. This is written by one of the parents from Columbine. Getting into the beginning of that book was intense, as she gets a phone call that her son is involved, and that it was actually her son who was one of the two boys that was responsible.
I love listening to books that really expand my mind and let me hear what other people have been through, because it gives me such great perspective on my life, leaving me feeling very grateful for being home today, having a nice day with my family to just change the sheets and put furniture together. It really leaves me feeling extremely grateful and expands my mind and helps me have compassion for other people as well. It's really nice to get an idea of what your life is like compared to other people's. I like listening to people who've had really difficult life experiences because it leaves me feeling like my life is very easy, very manageable, and that I'm very willing to just ask for help.
Telling my AA meeting "I am God"
At the AA meeting today, they're talking about God. I said, I am God. When you strip away this body and this mind, this is a reality I've created and you've created. We've all created it. To me, this was Jesus's message: you all are gods. You're all creating this reality. That belief leaves me feeling very powerful and also very joyful most of the time, except sometimes it's like, I'm God, everything's boring and pointless, I hate it. There is that aspect of it as well. It's the same ground I keep coming back to when I talk about owning my reality.
Learning to enjoy my moods, even the sad ones
I felt a little down yesterday and woke up feeling much better today. I had a surprise night with the wife last night, which was not our usual every other day, but two in a row, which I thought was really nice. She wanted to help cheer me up going to bed, and that definitely worked. I've been in a much better mood today.
I love how I just accept where I'm at in my life. I love that I can have down moods like yesterday. I can handle that. I love being a grownup that can handle different moods. I can be sad and depressed and there's nothing wrong with that. I can be sad and depressed and there's no story behind it. It's just a mood. The mood's coming. The mood's going. I don't need any stabilizers. In fact, I enjoy the ride. I'm like, ooh, this depression is so tasty. Sadness is so human. I love it.
Why I'm calling these "Dear Diary"
I'm so fired up about doing these diaries. I'm going to call these Dear Diary from now on, because I feel like that communicates the vibe we're going for here best. I've had my song stuck in my head today, Feeling Weakest. I'm on my way to AA. I go every single day. I love when it hits and it's like, but really, I'm a fool, acting like she don't know me. That's one of my favorite songs today. I love having my own songs stuck in my head. It's so cool. I'm going to put up a music video as well. I am so grateful for the chance to share these and to document this process of living my life one day at a time. If you enjoy these, you can follow along with more of them in my Life playlist.