This is my journal entry from December 24, 2025 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
Back to stuffing fucking envelopes in this bitch today. I got another 100 envelopes done. That's 300. Holy shit, it took about four more hours. I finished Tucker Max's, one of his first books, I guess, called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. My God, that shit was funny. Some of the stories in there are so crazy. It leaves me thinking, you know, I think I need to change my approach to women a little bit. I'm being way too serious, way too high stakes, like I need to be more playful, more fun, more joking around, and more honest and upfront about what I actually want, including being clear that desire and physical chemistry matter to me instead of tiptoeing around it.
And I went in on Hinge today and signed up for Tinder Platinum again, dropped $50 a month on a subscription. ChatGPT talked me out of doing a three month subscription for $180, even though I'd save 70% instead of 50, but fuck it. I got back to swiping on there. No action, no likes, it's fine, whatever. It's up to me to put the work in. I'm putting all these envelopes in and I'm not getting any action, but at some point I may. It's up to me to do the work and I feel good about my work ethic.
I watched Dave Chappelle's new comedy special on Netflix. And I love Dave Chappelle. It's just funny as hell. He had me fucked up laughing at that one. If you love Dave Chappelle, I would definitely watch that on Netflix as soon as possible. It was great because it was live too. Like some of the comedy specials, they do like three tapings of it and then kind of cut them all together for the best laughs and stuff. But this one was just straight through. I love his more deep and thoughtful stories as well.
Let me back up to this morning. I went to play tennis with a friend this morning, which was great. I actually won the first set. We both held serve until I managed to win 7-5. I was down 4-5, and then I won three games in a row, which was awesome. Then he fucked me up the second game, beating me 6-2. But then he didn't feel like a third set, so we did a tiebreaker. And I managed to knock him out in the tiebreaker 7-5 after starting off 0-1. And that felt really good. I think that's only the second time I've beat him. I signed up for singles ultimate. I think he signed up too. So it'll be cool to be playing ultimate and we'll both be in the same league at 3-5, I think. Had a good talk with him as well, as usual. Really grateful for my man friends, especially today. I'm so grateful for my friends in recovery, and if you're looking for people to grow with too, I'd love for you to join the Jerry Banfield Family.
I went home and I had an hour and a half, hour before the kids came over. So I had a salad for lunch. I put lots of lettuce, my own dressing, everything as usual. And I figured I didn't want to quite get into the dating apps too much until the kids came over because I'd have plenty of time later. I've been feeling good on a dating app, swiping, hoping something will happen. It's like these letters I'm sending. These letters, I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm setting myself up for great opportunities.
The kids came over a little after 1.30. They rode their scooters around. We played the Harry Potter Monopoly. I fucking destroyed them today. I mean, my son literally gave all his properties. My daughter gave all her properties to my son, and I stole one. I got just all the shit went my favor. I got a cancel hour postcard. I got two stealing and a trading card. So I literally took one before my daughter gave everything to my son. I took the one so he didn't have a set. Then I took two other properties for the set I wanted. I had over 1,100 house points for the win. It was crazy. I felt bad. I was shitting on them so much. But you got to play the game for real, right?
Then we went down to my mother's house. She was all pissed off about something with the scheduling. She wished I had let her know earlier. She wanted to come over to Christmas tomorrow, first thing in the morning, but my ex-wife said, you know, I'd like it after divorce and stuff, just the four of us, can we just hold that space? I'm like, sure, that sounds great to me. My mother can have her time with the kids later and be grateful for it. But my mother was all mad about something, the scheduling. I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to fucking probe this. Her moods are her choice, her issue. If she didn't want to ask for help about it or, you know, get help about it or try and talk about it in a way without, you know, can I talk to you, which my mother's not usually one to do that, which is nice. So I let her have her mood and took the kids back to my ex-wife's house.
They were then going to church with my ex-wife and her family. I haven't been to church with them in years because. Why would I go to church? I go to church for enough AA meetings. I don't need anything else there. I'm good.
I went back after that. I'm like, it's go time. We're going to stuff some fucking letters. I listened to the rest of Tucker Max's book, listened to some more music, made sure to play a song that gets me going, and stuffed the shit out of some letters. Watched Dave Chappelle's special. I think maybe one comedy special a day will be enough. That's enough laughter. I heard a guy — I heard this, I obviously didn't witness it — I heard that a guy once cured himself of cancer by listening to an hour of stand-up comedy a day. I've come to believe that shit 100%. Best fucking cancer cure ever. I think laughter is absolutely essential. We're going to bring some more of that. That's why I'm doing these motherfuckers. Like this now. We're just talk that shit, blow it out my mouth, fucking go at it.
And if you don't like my attitude, then I don't know why the fuck you're here. And I realized I need to lighten up too. Like when I went out with a woman I'd gone out with to the beach, I was way too reserved out there, just talking to her like it was some goddamn tea conversation with some old lady. I should have been more playful and direct, actually flirting instead of being so stiff. Like, shit, I think she's older than me. This girl doesn't have time to be fucking wasting with people. But what's your boy going to do except fucking do better the next time? Yeah.
Then when I went to the AA meeting tonight, there was only three of us there total. I took the opportunity, since it was me and a couple of dudes, all of us single, talking shit. I read the promises but fucked them up and riffed on them with some raunchy, irreverent jokes, which was awesome. I was fucking the promises all up. It was awesome. I'm like, good, this is shit I need to be doing. If people have a problem with it, fuck them. People don't like my attitude, people say I have a bad attitude, I say fuck them. Yeah, I think a lot of motherfuckers have some bad attitudes in this world. You know, my attitude has got to be fun going forward. It's got to have some fun, especially with girls. Way too serious with girls. So desperate for them to like me and sleep with me. And ironically, if I'm not desperate for them to like me, it's much easier. Assholes finish first, baby.
Okay, had a nice chat. One of the guys showed me his gun after the meeting. I got to actually touch it. I hadn't held a gun in a while. It felt good. He unloaded it before he let me feel it. He was carrying it concealed. I'm like, nice. That's good shit. I want to get back into having some guns. I need to get some guns in this bitch. Get a gun safe in this motherfucker. Get a nice big rifle and a shotgun and a fucking pistol.
I don't have any guns myself right now, though, because, as I told the guy tonight, if you own guns, the main person they're going to get used on statistically is you, like three times or something more often than anyone else at all. Then from there, your partner. I think we should be able to joke about everything. To me, if you can laugh about anything, you can heal about anything. I got home from the meeting tonight. I can just see ChatGPT right now. Jerry, you shouldn't be talking about this. I'm like, I need some kind of AI that'll transcribe anything without giving me shit. Just like fucking transcribe what I tell you without having a fucking problem with it. Can I goddamn joke without you taking it fucking seriously? The AIs need to lighten up and laugh more.
Then I got into swiping through the dating apps, and I'll be honest, I caught myself being way too harsh, roasting profile after profile in my head. I felt like a nasty person doing it, and I know it's not a good look. Even mid-roast I'd catch a flash of compassion, like, you know what, I bet she's actually a nice person. One profile said she didn't want kids, and that genuinely bugged me, because I believe in having children and doing your part to keep the human race going. I even joked I should write a whole book just roasting dating profiles. But it got me thinking about something real: a lot of the time, the most attractive people get away with the worst behavior, because some dude will always put up with them. And then I guess I'm not any better, am I? I'm some good looking dude, smart, you know, funny, sexy, and I just think I can get away with any kind of shit too. So it's worth checking myself. Catching myself in old patterns and choosing a little compassion is something I'm still practicing, and if you're working on something similar, I'd be glad to talk it over on a private Zoom call.
I know some people will be shocked by the language and the jokes in here. Part of why I talk this way is that some of it came straight from the title of Dave Chappelle's show, and at the same time, somewhere inside I identify as Black, even if I look white. See, we need more humor though. This is intended to be funny. It's intended to make you laugh. But I want to get past the part of me that has a fucking audience of Karens. Can't we just have a little more fun? Really? I think the main thing we need on this planet is more fun. Like, we were doing a St. Francis prayer tonight. It's like, wherever there is seriousness, let me bring some light, because I'm tired of being the fucking serious guy. No more. All right, good night.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.