This is my journal entry from January 18, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
It's a nice slow Sunday morning today. Got nothing scheduled to do in particular for now. I'm going to take today off of yoga or working out. My arm was a little sore after tennis last night. So we're going to just let everything relax and get back in the groove. I get a call from the kids saying they're up and ready for me to come over today. So I get up and go see them at my ex-wife's house. They just want to hang out there. I'm still trying to get my help letter iterated, and I'm struggling to put it all together, which is a bit annoying, but I persist.
After I get there to see my ex-wife and the kids, I bring over my daughter's watch, and we get that all set up. She's super excited, as you can imagine, to now have her own number and the ability to text, and we get everybody into her contacts and set it all up.
After that, my ex-wife goes into work while the kids are hanging out with me, but then my sister calls. It's tough to get her on the phone, and the kids are already reading books, and I answered a call from my sister. She has some very interesting news for me. When I was there a couple months ago, I suggested that she should start dating. I'm like, you should date. Like, now's the time. Like, look for a guy. Approach a guy. This dating, it can be a very healthy part of your life. And I've told my sister that I thought her life would be much more complete if she had somebody she loved dating. She was a bit resistant at the time, but she did have a little bit of openness to it. And after I left, then one of the text messages I got like a week or so ago was that she had been going out with somebody.
I then asked her for more details, and she told me how it went down: she saw a guy she liked, took the initiative, gave him her number, asked him out, and they've been getting along great ever since. I'm like, hold up. So you did everything. Like you literally took the lead the whole way. Wow. And what am I missing in this equation? And she says she's really happy with him. They get along great. And I'm intentionally being a little more general since it's my sister's life and I'm already describing enough here. But the key thing I take is, I need to start dressing better. Out of that whole equation, the one point I'm weak is the dressing. Because I've had this idea in my mind that I don't like to spend money on clothes and girls shouldn't be so superficial about how guys dress. Listening to my sister, it's like, well, maybe you should accept reality that most girls are going to judge you on how you dress.
After I get off the phone, I hang out with the kids a little bit more, then I head home and get ready to go to this AA birthday party with a friend. Now, with my conversation with my sister in mind, I decided to put on, it's also cold so it makes sense, but I put on a pair of blue jeans and a black dress shirt along with a belt and some tennis shoes. I drive over an hour because the guy who's hosting the birthday party used to live here, but he moved to get a much cheaper house with much more space. So he moved over an hour away. And I get there and people are impressed with my jeans and dress shirt because I usually dress with shirts that have my kids' writing all over them from the thrift shop, or $3 white t-shirts, and then I have a pair of like workout shorts on, and I rarely dress up any more than that. People are impressed and they tell me I look good. And I talked to my friend, the same one who gave me negative feedback on my letter saying that it should be more emotional and that brevity is kindness, that it shouldn't be so long. I asked him about my dress and he says, this is nice, but you can go further. He said, if you have your shirt tailored, it'll look so much better on you. And he says what you should do is go to the mall and get yourself some dress slacks and a tailored shirt.
I listened to that. And while I was there, I also enjoyed talking with several people and even ate a roast beef sandwich. It was one of those quarter, like three inchers, so a quarter of a foot long. The roast beef was nothing to write home about, but I just felt like this is the time to give my body a little bit of meat. It's a good opportunity. I was in the mood for it. So I ate it and I ate some chips and even had a couple of donut holes. But I drew the line at the nasty fucking disgusting grocery-store butter cake, butter cream frosting abomination. The cake looked nice. I'm like, I'm not even tasting that nasty shit. That's what she said. I had several conversations and reaffirmed. I talked to this other woman that I've known for years. She's in her 50s, similar to my sister. And she said that she currently has a friend with benefits that's this millionaire guy that's in great shape. And I'm like, see, there it is. If I want to have girls coming on to me, I need to dress nice. And have my work together. And have my body taken care of. Like I've got the body taken care of. And I'm working on the work. That shit's gonna be in perfect order, especially once I start promoting. Literally the dressing is the one easiest thing to immediately address. Like fuck it. Fine.
As I leave the party, I look at the mall, it's right on the way home. It'll only take maybe 10 or so extra minutes to go to the mall instead of an hour round trip that it normally takes since I drove by Tampa. I'm like, well shit, this is the exact time to do this. So I drive to the mall. And the friend specifically said go to a department store. So I went to the department store. I looked at the shirts there. I didn't see anything I liked. Which, when people give me guidance, I look at it as a starting point. It's like, okay, well, I started at the department store, then I'm going to go out and see what else there is, because I don't see anything I like there. As soon as I walk out of the department store, on the left there's a store, a menswear shop. There's a shirt out in front that's open that says, feel the fabric. I feel the fabric and it's this nice dry fit fabric, but it's dress shirts and dress pants like chinos. I'm like, damn, all right. So I walk into this store.
There's a salesman there with a great attitude, ready to serve me. I'm like, this guy's about to clean my wallet right now. I liked this guy as soon as I saw him. And I started talking to him. I ended up hanging out in the menswear shop for an hour. I bought five shirts and five chino pants. First buying the shirts because they had a four for five deal. Then with the pants, you bought five, you got 15% off. I dropped $1,000 in the store, and I had a great conversation with the salesman. And by the time I left, there was another guy there, and we were all laughing and talking shit. And there was a girl there that was very friendly too. A bunch of people walked in and out, but I was the only one I could see that even bought anything. But I bought 10 things for over $1,000. And I threw that shit on my 0% Wells Fargo card. We'll go ahead and let that ride on there for at least a year. And I'm gonna wear the clothes in the meantime and get the benefits.
I looked at these clothes and I realized that the salesman knows a lot about dressing and style, and I know very little. So I asked the salesman a shitload of questions. Since this guy was there and ready to be so supportive, I'm like, which of these shirts look good on me? What size should I get? I tried on a medium. He's like, no, you need a large, these shirts are a little fit. And I was like, damn, the medium was just a little tight over the belly and on the pecs and stuff. But I got a large. And he's like, yeah, that fits perfect on you. Good. Then I asked him, I need some pants for this. He's like, look at those chinos over there. You see my boy in the store, he's wearing those, you see how they look on him? Like, yeah, those look good. So I said, what do I need, how do I pair these up? So I literally took pictures on my phone. He took all five of my shirts. He picked out all five colors of the pants. And then he set them all up and he said, you wear this one with that one. He said, you can wear any of them with black, any of the shirts can go with the black pants. I'm like, but I just get the feeling I probably don't want to do black shirt, black pants. He's like, no, that's too much black. I'm like, unless I'm at a funeral, right? And he's like, yeah, then you could wear it. I literally took pictures. He paired all of them up. He'd lay out like a primary one and a couple of secondary options. And then off to the side, there'd be like a don't wear this with that. And he laid all of it out.
And I asked him about the details. I'm like, look at this Invicta watch, like this is a swish watch. He's like, that'll do for jewelry, because it's not just a watch, it's jewelry, and that'll do for jewelry, it's just flashy enough, it looks good. I'm like, okay, what else do I do? He's like, you need to wear a belt and your belt needs to match your shoes. I'm like, why the fuck does my belt need to match my shoes? He's like, because it looks bad if it doesn't, you don't wear a brown belt with black shoes. I'm like, huh, never knew that, always did that, what do you know. So I said, I got a black belt on right now and I got black shoes. He's like, good, you wear the two of those together. I'm like, nice. So I asked him all these questions and he got me all dressed up. He's like, now you look good in that. I'm like, thank you. And I left the store.
I'm like, wow, that was easy. I literally did the exact advice from my friend who told me to go to the department store, didn't see what I wanted, walked out, found a store immediately, dropped $1,000, which is about how much I had a feeling I'd spend. And while these shirts are not tailored, they fit well enough that they feel really good, the fabric. Like, I don't like how restrictive dress shirts normally feel. The fabric on these feels good. I like it. My legs look good in it. I was checking myself out in the mirror. I'm like, goddamn, this fits a little better, this looks nicer. And the shirt fits nice. It clings, but it's not too tight. So this athletic fit looks really good on me. And I can always go get some tailored shirts and drop another grand if I need to. But I walked out and I'm like, now I got clothes I'm proud to wear. When I go out, women will look at these clothes. And then the rest of my grooming, I'll get a haircut. This bump on my head feels good, I think I can get a haircut now. I'll grab a haircut, keep my nails clipped, keep my body in shape, keep my face shaved. And I'll have some shoes and a belt on. And when I go out, women are going to be coming up to me like my sister did when she took the initiative.
So I got all these clothes and I pushed through my belief that I don't spend money on clothes. I'm like, I would much rather spend money on clothes and look good than be dropping money on these dating apps. And I could tell, if I'd had these clothes and pictures in these clothes, the women on the dating sites would have responded a lot different. They were judging the shit out of me for my cheap ass clothes. But now I got nice clothes, and that's going to make a difference.
So I get home and I have a little hummus. Then I go to the AA meeting. That's my home group. It's amazing how many people are up in this bitch. Like there's so many people. I can barely save a seat. But then my man is there with his girlfriend and she's getting a seat right next to the one I saved. But I'm like, go ahead and take my seat. So I end up standing up in the back of the meeting. The topic person brings up some decent topic, but people with their generic, yeah, I got this great opportunity from being sober. You know, there's this girl there that I swiped on on Hinge and dropped a comment and she didn't respond. She's pretty, so I'm hoping she'll notice me, but I'm not going up to her. Fuck that. I'm not playing that shit anymore. I'm gonna look nice, and you want this, you can come get it. All right? Because I know what I got to offer. And I'm tired of, oh, I don't feel safe, in all this bullshit that women do today. Fine. You come hit on me. You hit on me or make it really clear you want me to come up to you. You signal me. Otherwise, I'm going to hang with the boys and focus on my business and making money and hang out with my kids. And I'll be friends with my ex. So, you know, if you want this, you can come get it.
Toward the end of the meeting, I feel obligated to share. I'm like, god damn it, this lame ass meeting, I gotta bring some life into this bitch, as people are just going on about the book. And there are some shares, my one boy, he shares, he doesn't usually share, and he shares right away, and it was a good share. So I wrap up, I'm like, you know what, listen, what matters is how you're working a program today, in real life, not what you did 10 years ago, but what are you doing today to practice this shit? So I go through talking about how the thing with getting sober is smashing through these dumb old ideas. Things like, oh, I don't know how to stay sober, drinking is so much fun, being sober is boring. Just smashing through all these ideas and doing things to get the results you want to. So then I describe what I just described to you here, except I do it in about a minute and a half with the clothing. And when I get to the pinnacle of it, where I'm like, and then I went to the mall and dropped over a thousand dollars on new clothes, the girl who does the lead goes, seriously? I'm like, yes, seriously. Gotcha. I got such an emotional reaction. She vocally exclaimed when I said it.
After the meeting, I felt disgustingly vulnerable after sharing that, because that was so real and so raw and so recent and so far above what almost everybody else shares in terms of realness and rawness and vulnerability, that afterwards I just felt gross. I'm like, ew. I felt like I wouldn't have felt as vulnerable if I'd walked around naked in the front of the room. This felt real vulnerable because this shit, I was working on it today. I was powering through my own resistance, my own ideas today. And my boy next to me afterwards, he said, hey, I could feel all that vulnerability on you, and I was trying to hold space for some of it. I'm like, thank you. And then three of the women come over and say at various points, like, yeah, you look nice tonight, keep going. One of the women walks up to me and she says, my sponsor told me when I got sober that I didn't get sober to keep dressing like I was in a bar. And that really landed with me, because yeah, I'm still dressing like I'm sitting at home playing Call of Duty Zombies and drinking, not giving a fuck about my appearance.
Which, when I was married, my ex-wife got annoyed with how I dressed lots of times. And I got annoyed with her dressing, but both of us were dressing down. My ex-wife dressed up and looked nice much more than I did. And she really appreciated it when I looked nice. And now I'm like, yeah, you know what? I should have been dressing nice for my woman too. That's kind of fucked up that I didn't. But part of why I was dressing the way I was is because I was scared if I dressed nice, I might get more offers than I did even not dressing nice. Like even there were so many girls that were attracted to me, even with my minimal-effort clothing, I still got girls that are very interested in me. And it's probably good I didn't dress too much nicer because I might have cheated. But who knows, cheating might have worked out better than where we're at right now. It's not a big deal.
So after the meeting, I talked with the boys for a little while and it was great. We had a nice conversation. We had a business meeting, then we talked for two hours after the meeting. And one thing I noticed, I'm like, man, I'm pretty harsh and roasting and judgmental. There's only so many people I have time to pay attention to. And afterwards, I'm like, damn, this doesn't sound like a very nice, kind person. But that's okay. Because one of the tricks of this world is that you're supposed to be this nice, kind, loving, generous person all the time. Fuck that. Right? Because the people who are willing to be an asshole in this world are often the ones who run shit. You should be willing to be an asshole and own that some of your personality fucking sucks and don't act like it doesn't. The thing with me, I just own that, yes, I see that my approach can be ugly and judgmental, and I'm partially scared of changing it.
We're talking about how the girls at the meeting are often protected. Like there's this one girl who's in her early 20s, and there's like an offensive line. It's like she's the quarterback and there's a line of friends that go around blocking every dude that tries to even talk to her for more than like a sentence or two. And I recognize that, yeah, some people think that's closed-minded and rude, okay? And I used to be fat, and I love where I'm at today. I get home, and after sharing something that vulnerable at the meeting, I'm wiped. I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to shower and go to bed.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.