This is my journal entry from December 18, 2025 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
This is my first day being divorced. We got it done yesterday and finalized yesterday. So this is the first day, like, I've woke up. I'm starting my new life. Formerly divorced, fully on my own, fully separated, not entangled, no wife, only an ex-wife. The last book is close to 150,000 words, and I'm really proud of it. I ended it really strong and hardcore, standing in honesty and playfulness and courage. Today, I've been wondering where to go forward. I've been seeing kind of three basic paths in my life I could take right now with my work, where I could focus just on writing books on Kindle and Amazon, print, audio, just grinding out books. The problem with that is, doesn't look like there's a whole lot of sales to be made. And it could take me quite a while to get some decent royalties and I'd have to write books on certain subjects where there's demand. That doesn't seem like it's going to be very satisfying and I could easily be two months down the road earning almost nothing. After all, all the books I've published now, my royalties are pretty tiny. I don't even generally check them because it's fucking depressing.
But when I do, even though I've got my videos promoted on channels, my royalties are damn near non-existent. So, you know, holy shit, like it actually looks like I've earned $23 in royalties this month, which is impressive. But at the same time, I did get, you know, thousands of views on videos that people put out and I've earned $23. You know, that's not looking like it's going to be a sustainable business model, then I am happy. You know, that's cool. I get some royalties. Great. Last month and the month before, I think in the last several months, I earned about $100 total. So not much happening right now there.
Second possible path is I could go into other people's books. Like the main thing I would do is get other people to pay me to write their books. And this morning, I was thinking, you know, that would be really nice because I could make $10,000 or $20,000 a month. Even if I just got one client to pay $3,400 a month to go write their book, just literally one client could pay my rent. Like, it's that easy. And I'm sure if I, my plan to market for that would be to hustle a letter into the door crack of everybody's house in the neighborhood and, you know, end up eventually getting thousands of houses, and put a letter in the door and have a free consultation with people, then also reach out to places and see if I could go speak places about having your book and pay my nephew a few hundred bucks to reach out to bookstores and stuff to get that going. That looks really promising. The thing with that is, though, we're facing the unknown. Can I actually get clients for several thousand a month? But if I had like five, six ghostwriting clients, I mean, I could be making like 20 grand a month. And especially at the last couple, I could charge more because like, hey, I'm full. I can't take any more, but I'll take you for $4,500 a month. You know, in the last one, like, all right, I'm absolute max capacity, $5,600 a month for you. There's a big leap of faith there, though, because it's like, I don't, you know, yes, I know people have that kind of money in this area. I see the cars people are driving, and my demographic is people who have money and need meaning in their life. Nice combination. 60s, 70s, 80s, and they've got money. I mean, there's people filthy rich around here. They could pay me a few thousand a month and not miss it at all. So that's the second option. There's a lot of unknown in that option, though, but that seems to be the highest potential. And in that option, I could still write my own books too, but I don't have to depend on my books for any sales.
Third option I can see would be to get a job. Especially today, I have a call with a startup at 2:30, and something like that could be a great job. Now, they'd have to pay me at least $120,000 a year to make it worth it, but that would be guaranteed income. I take the kids to school today and then come back to my house, record the entry a little late for yesterday, then send a friend her audio files and get ready for a friend to come over. He comes over at 10, and instead of recording his book, we get to talking, and I ask him about my situation. Based on his 78 years of experience on Earth, having a bunch of different jobs, making a lot of money, etc., he recommends that I take the job. He said I could have a financial situation come up if I don't start making some money soon. Now, my ex-wife sent me some money yesterday, with more coming from her from the divorce. After she sends the rest of the money, I'll sign over the car and the house to her.
I also asked Discover if they would give me a $12,000 advance, and then I can balance transfer that for a 3% for like 21 months. It's crazy. So you're looking at I could have as much as like $20,000 in cash. That said, $2,700 a month rent, that could go out pretty quick for not making income. It says my transfer with Discover is processing, so there's no transfer fee on that. I've got two credit cards that I have $20,000 in 0% for like a year and a half. So I've got, that's like 30,000 almost. So I've got runway, but at the same time, you know, you're looking at that's five, six months of runway where I don't have to make any money where I start borrowing money. But at that point after that, we need to have some shit working. You know what I'm saying? So the job, even whether it's a job with that startup or somewhere else, like it's a template. Like I have experience where I could get a really nice chief marketing officer job somewhere.
However, after talking with my friend, we have a great conversation. Then I go to a yoga studio I used to go to. I haven't been there in a while. I have a class with the studio owner. She's gorgeous. I actually bought the yoga mat I've used for four years there, and I'm happy to bring it back. It's a hot class, but it's not really heated. It's just sweaty in that bitch. Like, Jesus. It's sweaty. There's just no air conditioning in a room with a bunch of people doing yoga. But I really enjoyed it. Also happy to not be at my other yoga studio, to have all new people, I didn't know anybody in there, although the one dude looked familiar, and I might have seen the studio owner before, but I enjoyed the yoga class, fuck me, there were a lot of chaturangas, so many goddamn chaturangas, up, mountain pose, chaturanga, up, mountain pose, chaturanga, warrior one, chaturanga, I'm like, if this instructor tells me to chaturanga one more motherfucking time, I'm not gonna do anything about it, I'm just gonna keep doing it, and appreciate the arm workout.
It was a nice flow, though. It was a different flow, and I really enjoyed her voice. And the studio owner came over at one point, and she asked us if we'd be open to having her assist us. She just put her hands on my hands while I was in Downward Dog. I'm like, that's nice. It just felt sweet and really nice. Like, mm, that feels good. Thanks a lot. After the class there, I bought a $50 unlimited, so I got a month of yoga. I'm going to be up there a lot of days. There's a woman there I remember from like four years ago. She was friendly to me and I'm hoping to see her again. She said she had a fiancé. Like, I hope I see her there again. Odds she'd read this anyway.
I've been thinking I might need a new strategy with my books. Just don't even market them. Like, you know what? It's better if people don't read this. Like, let's wait five, ten years till people read this. Right? Then it doesn't matter what the fuck I said. Wait till there's like 50 or 100 of these books. Millions of words. Tens of millions of words piled up about my life. That shit will be epic. My mom was talking about how Tolkien took like 14 years to write Lord of the Rings. I'm like, let me have 14 years to write a daily autobiography. Maybe I shouldn't even tell anybody about these books. Then I can just say whatever the fuck I want. And then, you know, maybe someday it'll get read. But it's good for me to do these.
After yoga, and I didn't want to tell you all the part about that woman I remembered, but that's honest. And I ended the last book, I'm like, I'm tired of being a fucking liar. Tired of it. Tired of always censoring the shit that should really be said. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm saying it. You're thinking it. Just fucking say it. Because this body's going to die one day, all right? It's not going to be here. And to me, too many of us live too afraid. To me, the main thing you should be afraid of is what if you don't go all out in this life? What if you live like a whiny little cowardly bitch or motherfucker or whatever? What if you live that way and die being like, damn it, I should have went for it? Some of the dumbest shit at the time, like the relationship with the dispatcher I describe in Officer Banfield instead of, you know, pursuing my career in law enforcement, I'm so glad I did that. It looked like a really stupid idea at the time, but god damn that was fun. That was so fun. Go for fun. If you're done playing it small and you're ready to go all out in your own life, I'd love for you to grow alongside us in the Jerry Banfield Family.
So after the yoga class I stuff a big ass salad down. And then I hop on a call with the team from the startup, which I'm grateful they got the founder. Another member of their team is also there. And, you know, of course, I'm watching the founder's body language, too. Like, he's crossing his arms. He's a little defensive. I'm like, I'm going in. That's what is nice. You know, you got to tell people the fucking truth. Because if you set up a relationship based on lying and telling people what they want to hear, then you deserve that relationship. But if you set up a relationship based on telling people the truth, you can't handle the truth. If you set up a relationship on lying, then you deserve lying. If you set it up on the truth, you're in a position to be honest. And I'm thinking that's what's really important.
So on the call, the founder and CEO, who I imagine by a lot of standards is very successful, a guy people would be intimidated to talk to and want to cow down to and try and get their approval. So he starts going on and telling me about the company, and I listened for like a minute or two. I'm like, all right, I need to interrupt right now, because I already know all this shit. He's wasting our fucking time. I respect this guy's time. So in respect of his time, I'm going to go ahead and cut him off right now. Because I asked him a question about what's the growth market, and he starts going all over the place. That's not the kind of answer I need, the kind of answer you should have. If I'm asking you what's your growth niche, what is the thing you're going to do? You're making an Amazon competitor, right? What is the thing you're going to do that is going to get you that traction? And he's giving me paragraphs of an answer. I'm like, it shouldn't be paragraphs. It should be like one fucking sentence. And I didn't swear much with them on there, but I'm like, let me stop you right there. The answer I'm looking for should be like one sentence. It should be simple. It should be obvious. And the other guy stood up for me because, you know, I guess the founder of the company is probably not used to being interrupted that much. And I'm like, the answer should be one sentence. Like you should tell me like Amazon, what did Amazon start out doing?
Books, one fucking word, books. That's how Amazon started. They started off selling books and then they expanded from there. Facebook, you post fucking pictures. You post pictures and then text on a page. You know, and that shit is simple. Like that's what you do. It should be simple, easy to understand. He seemed to appreciate that because I lasered in on, what is your thing that people are going to go to your website and buy because it's better to buy on your website than it is on Amazon. That's what you need to have figured out. And that is an important thing to figure out if you're trying to scale a company and use venture capital funding and get an IPO. Like, you need to have your thing. You should be able to tell me. And by the end of the call, he's like, well, on Amazon, selling things like ammo is, you know, a real pain in the ass. You can't do it. I'm like, see, there you go. If you can sell ammo on your website, you need something that a certain group of people are going to come buy on your website, like ammunition, for example, that you can't sell on Amazon. So people can't buy it on Amazon. Therefore, there's an opening there. Because if I can buy that, I told him I shopped for a blender on their website and I'm like, I fucking bought a blender on Amazon because you had a shitty selection of blenders and the blender I wanted was on fucking Amazon. So I bought it on Amazon. And it came to my house today. That's why I bought it on Amazon because it was fast.
So I went through that with them and I talked to them about their content strategy. And I was kind of wishy-washy on like a job. I'm like, what you need is someone like me. You need someone who can create video content for you, education, edutainment, explain the shit you do, explain why your website is worth using. You need your niche product lined up that is your growth angle. You need to hire somebody that can ideally do all that stuff for you and have a great social media presence and get you stuff that way. Then the guy texts me afterwards, thank you, appreciate any of your advice. I'm like, just read it, hire somebody. Hire somebody to do that stuff, it's important. Then I thought, do I want a job? I don't want a fucking job. Do you think I'm going to be able to talk to the founder and CEO that way if I work for him? Do you think I'm going to be able to interrupt him when he starts going off on a rant? You see, I'm not the kind of motherfucker that wants to be in a situation where I need to bow down and be somebody's bitch. Somebody signs my paychecks and has power over me. You see, if I got clients, shit, I can dump a client. I can dump a fucking client. We can drop them if they're being a pain in the ass. But if you got a boss and you're looking at being all in on one place.
So after that call, I'm like, I just, I don't see that me working in a corporate environment is going to work. Because anybody can do that. There's, you know, tens of thousands of content creators they could hire. They'd be happy to have a fucking job that could go do that. How many people in St. Pete are going to start a business like ghostwriting books and stuff? Like that's really specific. And if I don't do it, probably nobody's going to do it. I like to think about how am I serving earth? What can I do to help earth? And to me, helping the people around you is often the best you can do to help earth. So after that call, I don't think a job is going to work for me. You know, it's cool. But I mean, they'd have to offer me at least one hundred and twenty thousand a year to even consider it.
And ChatGPT, I asked it about the three things. And it's like, I think you should be doing your book ghostwriting. Like that's where you're going to make the most money. That's where you're going to be the most happy. So afterwards, I'm like, okay, I downloaded this tool for kindle keywords. It's called KD Spy. And what it does is KD Spy helps you look at the keywords and do research to, you know, be a kindle direct publishing author, which is what I'm doing now. And I spent an hour or two fucking with KD Spy, and I read a book yesterday evening that was talking about that. And after a couple hours messing with it, like, you know what? I don't think I want to be researching niche keywords and then having to pay somebody to ghostwrite a book for me on a subject I don't know about. And I'm publishing that book because I already did that shit with courses. It seems there's too many people already doing that, too. Like, I want to add value. And based on what I saw, there's not that many sales to fight over in a lot of areas.
I want to build legacy with my books. I want my books to be a legacy that 10, 20 years from now, you're like, look at this crazy fucker. Like this guy has 200 books, fat ass books, most of them too. You know, where you could spend hundreds and hundreds of hours listening to this shit. And I'd rather say, thank you, I'm sorry, I tricked you into listening to this shit. But I mean, this could get listened to indefinitely too, which is amazing. Books should be my legacy, not something I'm out here trying to hustle and trying to get sales off of. And I know what that's like on you to me, trying to always make shit for sales. I want to do stuff that really transforms people's lives in a big way. And I think one of the best ways to do that could probably be helping my neighbors write books and really giving them that. That could be life-changing to do that. It could really transform somebody's life and transform other people's lives. And I'll have time to write my stories. If you feel pulled to build something that actually lasts, come build it with us in the Jerry Banfield Family.
So after, thankfully, even though I kind of felt shitty while I was using KD Spy, it was a good activity. It's like, okay, I know I don't want to be doing this kind of keyword research all the time. I don't want to be sitting here scrolling keywords, finding books and being like, fuck, I don't know about that. Now I need to pay somebody. I don't want that to be my life. I've known a couple of guys that have been big on Amazon Kindle and one of them got banned, because he made book summaries that people were reading more than the books themselves, and the publishers pressured Amazon to take his books down and to literally create a policy to get rid of his books. Another guy, you know, was having people ghostwrite all these fiction books and shit, and he was always stressed out and trying to make more sales and live in his mom's house and shit. I'm like, yeah, I don't think that's for me.
Right at the same time, a woman I went out with messaged me. She said, hey there, I had a last-minute work trip come up last night, and I'm truly disappointed to miss it, but I won't be flying back till Saturday evening. And she says, I truly value your presence, so I hope we can reschedule and connect another time with some emojis. Heart emoji, prayers, little stars. And I've been taking a minimalist texting approach lately because there's less to fuck up with a minimalist texting approach. You know what I'm saying? And I was too excited with these women that I met before, like a woman I'd been interested in and another woman I'd met, you know, sending off this exciting message with exclamation points and all these words indicating I'm so excited. I'm like, fuck that. We're going to be minimalist from now on. You know, I don't need to be flirting on text message all the time, you know? I messaged her. I'm like, how about rescheduling on a Sunday morning or Monday afternoon? She's like, Monday afternoon works great. I'm like, great. I moved the event on my calendar and hope you enjoy your trip. She said, thank you. And then after that, I'm like, I need more options, man. I'm too focused on her. I'm like fantasizing about her and shit. And I'm like, man, I need more people to be focusing on. The two girls from AA didn't text me back yesterday. It's cool. Whatever. Maybe I'll try them another day. Maybe they'll text me one day. Who knows? Maybe it's better not to mess with them.
After all that stuff, I went to tennis. I got a couple of text messages from the guys. I went to the tennis clinic tonight being like, hey guys, I'm dropping. This will be my last one. The guys said they were going to miss me. At the same time, the tennis club I don't think is a good environment. I mean, it's nice in lots of ways. But the tennis club's not the environment I want to keep being in going forward because I always want to keep up in my game. It's an environment where there's a lot of good players where often I don't feel like I'm good enough, and they don't feel like they're good enough either, and everybody's taking tennis lessons, and there's mostly doubles at the tennis club anyway, which I mostly want to play singles, and there's people they play with that don't want to play with me, lots of them, because I'm not good enough to play with them. And then the tennis clinics, you got all these dudes on one side that, you know, are pretty good. They don't want to play with us beginners most of the time. And it just leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.
So I went to the tennis clinic, talked to some of my friends, hit with one of the guys afterwards. He showed me an app on your phone where it'll keep score of the game for you. It'll call line faults and shit. I'm like, wow, that's pretty cool. And then he headed out. I went and had dinner at the restaurant at the tennis club, and they had this delicious-ass sandwich that they made for the charity event a couple of months ago. Turns out that fucker's not on the menu anymore. Like, God damn it. I came here for one thing. I smelled all the delicious food. I wanted that one sandwich that I had five of. I think it was a couple books ago. It was a month or two ago. It was on my ex-wife's birthday. And they're like, well, why don't you just get this burger and stick some cauliflower in that bitch instead of a meat patty? I'm like, all right, fine. Fuck it. Let me get this cauliflower burger for $25 fucking dollars. It's okay. I got it. Fucking Tourette's. I don't actually have Tourette's, but it just seems like I do sometimes. I'm just blurting off the top of my head, though. So I sat and ate dinner by my goddamn self, like that Ying Yang Twins song back in the day, by myself. I sat and ate dinner there and asked ChatGPT about my plan for my life and work.
And it, you know, then it's like the books, man. And I got a letter written out today. Let me read this shit to you, because I might as well. I got you here right now. Fuck it, right? Already going on 25 minutes narrating this.
It says: Hi, neighbor. My name is Jerry Banfield. I live nearby and I'm a local author who helps people turn their life stories into real published books. I focus especially on legacy books, projects for parents, grandparents, and thoughtful adults who want to preserve what they've lived, learned, and experienced so it doesn't disappear with time. I want to share a short story that explains why this matters to me. A friend of mine, 78 years old, for six years tried to write a book on his own. He bought software, attended a writing conference, and collected a few thousand words in a document, but no finished book. And yet his life story is incredible. Like many people, he kept thinking, I'll get to it someday. When some health issues came up, he began talking about dying. I finally told him something most of us don't like to think about. When you die, your stories go with you unless you've captured them. Your children, your grandchildren will never hear most of them. The wisdom, the mistakes, the lessons, the context of your life, often lost. So I invited him into my home here in the neighborhood. I gave him a microphone and asked him to simply talk. I listened and handled everything else, organizing, writing, editing, and publishing. Soon, a real book under his own name, available in print, digital, and audio formats. His children and grandchildren will be able to read his life story long after he's gone, and even better, he gets to share it with them while he's still here. To me, that's real legacy.
I'm a parent myself. I have a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son. My own father died when I was 29, and if I could have anything back, it would be his story, written for me as an adult, and eventually for my children to know him as well. I have many pictures and videos of my father, yet I rarely look at them. They mostly make me miss him, and many were recorded so long ago they're now pixelated or tucked away in albums. Meanwhile, there's so much of his life I never knew. If he had written a book during the thousands of hours he spent at home in the later years of his life, I would have something I truly treasure today, and we could have talked about it while I still had the chance. That's why I write an ongoing series called Daily Autobiography, beginning with Author in St. Petersburg. I write about my life in honest detail so that years from now my children can understand who I really was, what I was thinking, and what their childhood looked like through my eyes. It helps me to process my life now, and it gives them something meaningful later.
I've also seen how sharing books like this can deepen real relationships by giving people a safer way to move beyond surface-level conversations. Not everyone needs to write daily. Not everyone needs their entire life public. But almost everyone has a story worth preserving. Some people choose to share their book publicly, while others create a book meant only for family and friends. Just having one book instead of none can make a lasting difference. How would it feel to have your life story captured in a book, something you could give to the people closest to you or leave behind as a way to be truly known? If you're thinking, I couldn't do that or I wouldn't know where to start, that's exactly who I help. You don't need to be a writer. You don't need to be organized. You just need to talk. I take care of turning your stories into something real. If you'd like help writing your book or helping someone you love preserve theirs, I invite you to text me to schedule a free initial conversation. We can talk about your story, get to know each other, and see whether working together would feel like a good fit. You can text me anytime. Warmly, Jerry Banfield.
That's the letter. I dictated what I wanted the letter to be, and I grinded back and forth with ChatGPT to get that letter into a shape that fits nicely on one page in 11 font, Times New Roman, narrow margins, in Microsoft Word. I can print it out, stick it in people's doors, and if I hit 1,000 houses, I'll be reaching thousands of people. Should be at least 10 that want a free consultation and it should be a handful that are willing to drop some money either on coaching for like maybe $1,200 a month or ghostwriting the full package starting at $3,400 a month. Literally one ghostwriting client rent paid, two ghostwriting clients all my bills paid, three ghostwriting clients we're saving money and paying down debt and maybe we got a little bit to give to my ex-wife also. Three people. And if I grind a few thousand houses handing out letters, which should take 20, 30, 40, maybe 50 hours to do, shit, there you go. That's the business right there.
So I talked and I did KDP spy and got that letter written out. I was thinking like, man, it's kind of a leap of faith to think I'm going to get clients just passing a fucking letter out, isn't it? I thought about sending it in the mail, but people throw shit out in the mail. What I'm really good at doing is thinking of every detail of a system and then executing it. And I'm excited. I would love to be making 10 grand a month helping three people write their books. That would be good shit. I could easily keep publishing my books, have my overnights with the kids. And then I got into thinking about dating apps. I walked to this AA meeting from the racket club, which I walked there. And the AA meeting wasn't happening tonight. So I walked back, talked to my mom. If you're staring down a leap of faith like this one, I'd be glad to think it through with you on a private Zoom call.
And, you know, thinking that, shit, I got to wait a whole like two more days to see her. So I start talking to my mom, and we have this great conversation. I'm telling her, look, you know, I'm reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book, All the Way to the River. And she's talking about taking care of her friend Rhea, that's just in the middle of drug addiction, dying of cancer. And I'm like, look, I'm not a caretaker. Like, that much is clear. If you need caretaking, that's not me. And my mom's like, well, what if you're in a relationship with somebody who does? I'm like, I'm going to leave that relationship. I'll go find one that's healthy. She's like, what if it's you? She mentions she's dealt with health struggles much of her life. But I'm like, I have no intention of living and taking care of somebody or being taken care of myself. I'm never going back to being a baby again. To me, I'm here because I choose to be here. And yet I'm so excited in full life, like to me that's non-negotiable.
I realized talking with my mom, like the only two non-negotiables for me are a woman who's attractive, and a woman that's healthy. I'm not dating some hot girl that's, you know, not well. If you're not mentally and physically healthy, I don't think we're a match. Those are the only two things I really, really care about. I want a girl that when I'm out at the beach, I feel like, damn, I'm so happy to be here with her, because she's so beautiful and because she's so healthy and there for me. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who's not taking care of themselves. You know, maybe that's a character defect. But in a world of options, why wouldn't I want a partner I'm genuinely attracted to and who's healthy, right? I think that makes perfect sense. Yes, beauty's in the eye of the beholder. I love a thin blonde girl, just like my mom when I was born, you know what I'm saying?
Dude, I heard a joke the other day. Somebody was like, all right, listen to this. Something you've never thought about with Sigmund Freud. How hot was his mom? Like, how hot was Sigmund Freud's mom that he comes up with this theory that every boy basically wants to get rid of their father and be with their mother, and when he presents this theory, other people are like, oh yeah, that makes sense. They look at Sigmund Freud and his mom and they're like, yeah, I can see that. Oh shit, I'm glad I'm laughing. It's good to laugh.
All right, so I was thinking about getting on the dating apps again. I know, ChatGPT fucking roasted me over that. I know I sound like my teenage nephew talking like this, but you know what? It feels better to talk like this than to be a whiny little bitch or to try and censor myself and be so appropriate. Let me tell you this prompt I sent to ChatGPT today. I'd put it in a long dating thread, talking about all kinds of dating profiles. Here's what I said: I've been pretty toxic on dating apps and I've got a date with a girl on Monday. But it's got me thinking about what I really care about, which is if a girl is attractive and very healthy, but I especially mean sober. No alcohol, no drugs, marijuana. I deleted the dating apps a bunch of times, but I'm wondering if I set the criteria very narrow, it wouldn't take much time to use them, and I could occasionally find a girl that's hot and sober without being a big distraction. Does this seem reasonable, or am I being a bit delusional? Because, see, ChatGPT will often rationalize the shit you ask it to, but if you ask it straight, as soon as I saw its first few words here, it says, I'm going to be very straight with you. I'm like, all right, it's going to tell me some shit I don't want to hear right now. It says, you asked an honest question. You're already seeing the pattern. This is mostly delusional. A small kernel of truth that still doesn't make it worth it.
ChatGPT says, the kernel of truth: yes, in theory, if you set your criteria extremely narrow, like hot, athletic, sober, you might occasionally surface a compatible woman on the app. Why it doesn't work for you in practice: your nervous system does not use apps occasionally. Yep, I'm not the motherfucker to just scroll on an app occasionally and look. Nope. ChatGPT says, you don't casually browse. You invest creative energy, rewrite messages, track outcomes, ruminate, feel rejected or distracted. Even when you say, I'll just check it briefly, it costs you willpower and mood. You've said this repeatedly. Goddamn, you actually listen to me, ChatGPT. What a great little AI you are. And it says number two: sober and attractive and female equals usually not on apps. That's true. And the hottest sober girl I've ever met before, I met her at a meeting, got her phone number the first time I met her. And if I had to do it over again, I'd divorce my wife if that girl would have me. And your boy would be living in Tennessee today.
So after ChatGPT roasted me a bit more, and I needed a bit more roasting, I'm like, okay, I almost fucking downloaded Hinge today and I'm so glad I didn't. So glad I didn't. You know what? It's designed to be deleted. I deleted that bitch. And we never need to install it again. And you know what? There's enough dudes on that app that I don't think the women are exactly in scarcity on there. There's a lot of dudes. There's no shortage of dudes on that app. I'm not missing anything. Where there's a shortage is often dudes in person. Like that local spiritual community event I went to a week ago, there were two or three times as many girls there as dudes. And probably most of the dudes already had girls lined up. Fuck me. 38 minutes of dictating again. I'm hypnotized. If you're trying to untangle a pattern like this in your own life, I'd be glad to talk it through one-on-one on a private Zoom call.
All right, last random shit before we tie this up. So this morning, I was thinking about Tupac for some reason. And I looked his Wikipedia up. And I'm like, how many times does Tupac go to jail? He went to jail a lot of times. There's always some arrests, getting pulled over and shit. And one of the most fucked up things, there was a six-year-old boy riding his bike that got shot and killed outside one of his concerts. How fucked up is that? And then there were the sexual assault charges he faced. I mean, you're hanging out with rappers in the 90s, I guess that seems like it's part of the territory. And now there's criminal charges, there's some dude in jail for Tupac's murder right now. How fucking late is that? Shit, it's almost 30 years. It's too late. Why don't you just put somebody in prison for Kennedy's murder at this point? Oh, because we already got the dude that did that. Uh-huh. Bullshit. You didn't get the rest of them motherfuckers that were shooting. There were probably three or four motherfuckers out there shooting at him. One shooter? Dumbass idea. All right, I spent 40 minutes on day one of this. We need to wrap it up.
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