This is my journal entry from February 4, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
Wake up with the kids today and we get them off to school for their early arrival. My son and I play in the back seat for like 20 minutes. Then I head out back home to get to work. I was thinking I might go to an 830 yoga, but I thought I'm a little more sore today. And I had a funny dream last night. I had a dream that I was like with the kids. And this velociraptor is like stalking us. So I jump on top of this velociraptor and choke it out, trying to kill it. And I succeed. And I wake up like, that's a funny ass dream. I then get to work. I'm like, today is the day to dictate I'm Seeking a Wife. I dictate my book, I'm Seeking a Wife. It comes out to be about two hours long. And it's very honest, very raw, very vulnerable. And afterwards, I'm so glad that I got it done.
At the same time, though, I'm like, it's two hours and 19 minutes dictated, three chapters. At the same time, I'm like, I don't know if this makes me look very good. I talk about my ex-wife way too much in it. I repeat things a lot that I want at least two kids. And sometimes I sound a little bitter or defensive. I'm like, man, maybe I should rerecord this. But I don't think that's the right thing to do. I think this book honestly captures where I'm at and what I'm looking for right now. And it'll filter nicely. And I realize sometimes I'm in a position to help girls with certain things in their lives. And perhaps a girl might listen to this and be like, you know what, I really love this part of him and I could really help him with being nicer to people and more compassionate, at least in my mind, and not judging people so much.
After I wrap up, I was going to go to noon yoga today, but for some reason, they don't have noon yoga at my yoga studio today. I don't know what happened with that. And I could have went to another yoga studio, but I didn't think in time, so I ended up going to an AA meeting at noon instead. At least there is one attractive girl I haven't seen there, which means if I'm seeing attractive girls I haven't seen before, that often means I'm out going to meetings. I'm doing good getting some different meetings. I went to a different meeting I don't usually go to today. I didn't get called on in this meeting either, which is fine. I could have raised my hand if I really wanted to share. But I talked to some guy. I met a new guy there. I really like his slicked back hair. I think he's in his late 50s. And he has this long, slicked back hair. And it looks great. I'm like, man, I need to do my hair like that. But my hair is kind of curly, which makes it difficult to slick it back like that. And now that I'm thinking more about it, I don't know if that's the solution. I also saw a guy that was bald earlier, like shaved down to the skin. And I'm like, you know, I could rock that look too, like Wayne Dyer did, but I haven't went bald like they did. I then see there's a guy there. He's like so high or drunk or whatever he's on. He was talking to himself. Then he threw up outside the meeting. I'm like, damn, this is keeping it real. I don't approach the girl who's attractive. I'm like, I'm not generally going to do that. She didn't sound like she was fully on my wavelength anyway. And that's all right.
I head back home, grateful to have time to have lunch. And then a friend who helped me move into this house a little less than a month ago, I've enlisted his help today because my ex-wife says she's going to give me the couch. She sees at my house that I could really use a couch. And this gives her space to get herself something new if she wants it also. She says she's not really using the couch. It's old. She's kind of tired of it. She's slowly kind of remaking the inside of her old house, replacing the old thing she's tired of. And the couch, I could definitely use it. And she's happy to get rid of it. So it's perfect. I rent a U-Haul for like 30 bucks. Drive over to her house. She's also giving me the window unit and the $2,000 battery I bought as a battery backup for us. And I start trying to work on getting the window unit out. But I went so hard with the spray foam, I can't get it out of the window right away without some more work.
I then knock over this piece of glass that the kids had put like a rock farm in or something behind the couch. And I kind of, you know, irritably ask my ex-wife to please clean it up because I'm so busy trying to get the window unit out, even though she's working and she has a call. She cleans it up and I feel the tension. And before I go to pick my friend up, I ask, you know, if she's doing OK, because sometimes I can feel these like sad feelings coming off her while she has a happy face, you know, which is, I'm not so good at putting on a happy face when I feel bad, but I also am good at detecting people. You know, I am good at bypassing people's happy faces when they actually feel bad. So I then leave my ex-wife's house wishing that I could have kind of done that a little better or something. I pick my friend up. My ex-wife goes into a work meeting.
My friend and I break the sectional up, as he puts it. I told him we were moving a couch. He said, Jerry, this is not a couch. This is a sectional. It has six different pieces. And that's a lot different than moving a couch. Like, OK, thank you. I'll keep that in mind. So we load the sectional into the U-Haul. Then I drive down to my house. I park. My friend has me park up on the like drive up into the yard a little bit, so that I'm not so far in the road. I work with my friend to unload the sectional into my house. And I have him dropped off back at his house at 5 p.m. It was a very smooth operation. I'm so happy to have the couch. And I give my friend $80 as a thank you for helping me, as to me that's a fair rate. He took an hour of his time helping me move a couch and his expertise made it very easy. And I really appreciate it. Last time I gave him $200. He's happy with 80 bucks for an hour of work. I mean, shit, I'm happy for 80 bucks for an hour of work that I enjoy and I'm good at. That's why I charge 200, because I'm really happy with 200.
After I drop my friend off, I take the truck back to U-Haul and return it. I ride a little dirty without refueling it, but I only drove 11 miles in it. And last time I overfilled it by like a quarter of a tank, which ended up being like, I don't know, $10, $15 overfilling it because I was just autopilot going to refill the whole thing. So I'm hoping that karma will balance out there. I drive back to my house and I want to grab that window unit out of there. I like half got it. So I asked my ex-wife if I can come over and grab that window unit and the battery because I didn't want to bother adding that to my friend's to-do list since he wanted to get back home.
Then I get to my ex-wife's house. My ex-wife's preparing dinner for her and the kids. I get some tools out like an exacto knife and like a paint, the thing you'd use to open a paint bucket. I get that out and I start scraping the spray foam off everywhere. I get outside and start thrusting into the window unit and I crack the spray foam finally. And then I spend like 20 minutes at least scraping spray foam just so my ex-wife can close her window. I aired on the side of sticking that thing in there real sturdy so it wouldn't blow down in a hurricane and the air wouldn't leak. And that means there's still spray foam on the outside right now. My ex-wife's kind enough to invite me to dinner. And she made steak, potatoes, and mushrooms and Brussels sprouts. I actually have like five, six pieces of steak. The steak's tasty. It's a meal the family likes. That's the time if I'm going to eat meat to have a little meat. I felt like it tonight. I ate it. It tasted great. And the kids and my ex-wife were happy to have me there.
It is an interesting feeling at the dinner table, like a nostalgia that we're all really grateful to be together eating here again. But like a grief that this is not normal anymore. This is a special occasion that dad's here having dinner. It's nice to recognize that shared experience for all of us, as we're all happy, and at the same time, there's a sadness. But I think, too, this is good for the kids. It teaches them flexibility, sacredness of life, and I'm so proud of how they're doing with this big change in their life. They've been amazing. And my ex-wife, too. My ex-wife's been amazing. I mean, I have all the beds in my house, my ex-wife gave me. The couch my ex-wife gave me. The dining room table, my ex-wife told me about a garage sale where I got that for $80. I mean, my ex-wife's taking real good care of me. She bought the stuff for the kids. My ex-wife's made this transition so easy. And I'd love to pick up now. All I need to do is pick up on the income. And everything's going to go great. And I trust that my intuition has guided me to the right place.
I started listening to this book today called The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav with a preface by Oprah Winfrey and Maya Angelou. And at first I'm listening to it. He's going into this karma and stuff. I'm like, yeah, I'm not really feeling this. I don't see that every little thing you do creates this practically infinite karma loop. I think things are much more flexible and giving than that. Like that you could be a mass murderer in one life and you could have a really happy marriage and a nice life in the next one. I don't see that there's this constant, almost like pendulum swing of karma all the time where everything you're doing is, it's funny because he's talking about not judging people, but then there's this clear framework of judgment that everything's surrounded in about what's good or bad or you create this karma and that karma. Fortunately, I'm thinking about not listening to it anymore, but I get through that section. Then some of it's really helpful about listening to the intuition and dealing with the feelings because I have a lot of intuition. To me, my feelings guide me when I've hit intuition. My feeling that I want to write this book, that I'm seeking my second wife, the feeling, the excitement behind that, that's intuition.
Sometimes, though, the feelings are going different directions. Like after I dictated the book, I've kind of had a vulnerability hangover and been kind of down the rest of the day. It was a sharp contrast to dictate a book called I'm Seeking a Wife and to talk about exactly what I want in a woman and mention my ex probably a hundred times in it. And then I go over to my ex's house and see how loving and nice she is. And my mind tries to throw up these things like, here's what you lost, here's what you gave up, here's a marriage you ruined. It's like, no, I enjoyed that marriage. And yet, we both chose to get divorced because it'd be more of an adventure. It'd give us more room to grow, to replant ourselves, for me to have a wife with more kids, for her to have space. And I practice my gratitude. Thank you. I forgive you. I forgive her for wanting to divorce me. I forgive myself for wanting another woman. And I go through all that, and I listen to Gary's book, and I put the couch together, and I vacuum, and the space heater comes in the mail a day early, and I say, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I walk around Crescent Lake, and a woman I'd been talking to sent me an audio message today. And her message is so nice. It leaves me wanting to be such a nicer person. You know, her message really is honest and discusses the things I said in my message. She said she's available to be a friend and said she doesn't have time to really be a good friend with what's going on in her life and that she likes to move slow with romance. And she acknowledges that the kind of woman I want to be with, you know, may be OK with moving at the speed I want to move at. And I agree. I picture some woman reading my book, you know, that I'm seeking a wife, and paying to talk to me and then paying to come meet me in person and being ready to move fast, like, hey, I already read your book. I picture seeing her and she's very attractive and it's like I'm ready to move. I don't need to do a whole bunch of research when it feels right. I got a couple of days behind on these diary entries and I'm super grateful I could catch up today. And I'm super grateful I did the work. And I'm looking forward to getting this book published. I got ads set up for my book. I created 55 courses online and for my Twitch book. And I tried some ads for my 42 Influencer Secrets book. And I'm just interested to test these out. Just playing around with all these, seeing what they do.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.