This is my journal entry from December 21, 2025 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
I went nuts doing the letters today. I spent hours and hours hand-addressing 100 letters to my neighbors today. I pulled up Google Maps on my laptop, went all the way down the street I'm on, and filled out 100 letters. Fuck! I'm like, this felt like it was taking forever. It does really make me appreciate my hustle and grind, though. Like, this is amazing I've got this much dedication. And the uncertainty is part of what makes it hard. Like, if I was absolutely certain that for every one of these letters I addressed, on average, I'm going to make at least $10. If I thought about it that way, like, hey, you're spending a few minutes plus, like, a dollar on every one of these letters, and you should get back $10 or more in return. I'm going to think of it that way going forward.
I did listen to the rest of Leslie Jones' stand-up comedy special and all of Bill Burr's Live at Red Rocks comedy special as well, which was good for some laughs. I did go to tennis today with a tennis partner and my tennis coach. I told them I'd be leaving the tennis club. And it feels right. Let somebody else get in there. Sometimes it's hard to leave, even when it's like you can see my life's going to be better when I'm not at the tennis club or in that space. I want to put something new in that space. So I'm looking forward to that.
I also committed today to not fucking overeating. I know I read that book before about, you know, trying to eat fewer meals. But when I eat only three meals a day, like plant based, I cram so much shit at once into three meals, eating to the point of being bloated and low energy. And I just hate that, which means I need to eat smaller amounts. So my digestive system doesn't overload. And at the same time, I feel like the intermittent fasting is a good way to go about that. Like if I just kind of consistently eat like today, I had a couple of Larabars, which I'm going to try doing some fruit instead of Larabars in the morning after I run out of these Larabars. But I had a nice Larabar and banana for breakfast, a couple of them. Then after tennis, I had some hummus and carrots. Then I had a little salad later. And then I had some popcorn I made for the kids at my mother's house. And it was nice. At no point did I feel like super tired and bloated because I ate so much. Except after the salad, I did feel like I was in a little rest and digest.
But I feel so accomplished today that I got 100 out of 1,000 letters done. 900 more to go. But I just do a few letters a day. Even if it's only 10, 20, 30, 50 letters, I don't have to do 100 every day. But if I just keep writing out some letters every day, keep progressing on it, I feel like I should make at least 10 plus grand back. And I love the idea of having some income coming in now. I love helping people with their books. And it's time to do the outreach and start doing some free consultations. It'll be a great way to meet people in my neighborhood too. I keep wondering all the unknowns. Are 10% of people going to respond? 1%? Is anybody going to be a client? But that's what's fun. I'm so curious to see how this turns out. If building something meaningful like this speaks to you, come build it with us in the Jerry Banfield Family.
The kids came over at about 4 today, which is great. Because I was feeling kind of lonely. I was in my house just a lot. I cleaned the shit out of the house today. And right before the kids came over, my ex-wife called and said, hey, there's a dining room table available nearby. I immediately got in my car, drove over, figuring I might need to take some of the table home with me. And I got there to find that, yes, there's a nice oak dining room table there. And it comes with four chairs. It's an antique. And it was only $75. I gave her $100 and she gave me a $20. And her husband delivered the table in his pickup truck right into my fucking house. I'm like, let's go. $80 for a kitchen table. But then I talked to the owner next door and she said she's going to keep the couch, which is fine. This couch doesn't have recliners. I really prefer a couch with recliners. So a dining room table, I'm really happy to have one of those.
The kids came over and we played the Harry Potter Monopoly again. My daughter cleaned me up. She just barely won out at the end. We all did trades to try and make it a little more interesting, and I'm proud of how much fun we had and that there was no fussing. We just played and had a good time. Then we went down the street to my mother's house to watch A Christmas Story, and I made popcorn here at my house. I used the silver bowl my mother had, used the air popper down here. According to my son, I put too much salt and not enough olive oil, and I sprayed the shit out of the fucking olive oil. On the popcorn, I mean, I must have put four or five plus tablespoons of olive oil, but it was a big-ass full air popper load. Oh, shit, full load.
I woke up this morning thinking about my own relationship with sex. It reminds me of Dr. Robert Glover's dating book, about taking some time to really be playful, to not just always do the same shit and go straight to orgasm. I'm like, yeah. I do need to explore my own sexuality more and see more of what's playful and fun, and not obsess over women doing it so much, but really enjoy what I've got with less compulsive masturbation and fantasy.
I was listening to his dating FAQ book for an hour today. I also listened to an entire book today about building your personal history business, which is essentially what I'm doing with writing books for other people. I'm essentially building them a personal history business. I enjoyed her insights. The book was on Kindle. I listened to it via audio, and I skipped through a lot of the parts that I didn't need to hear, like your website. Your boy doesn't need to hear how to make a website these days. Got that?
When we went to watch A Christmas Story, it's funny to watch that now. That movie just fit in so well and I loved it. But now I look at it and I'm like, okay, so we're learning just go ahead and lie. Basically every situation calls for lying. Shot yourself in the fucking face with your BB gun? Lie and say it was an icicle. Broke your husband's lamp? Oh, I was trying to water your plant. Just go ahead and lie. Dad says fuck 10 times a day and the kid gets his mouth washed off with soap for saying it once. Sure, just lie and say it was your friend Swartz and his mom will beat him. And then you get pissed off, fucking punch somebody. Get a kid's tongue stuck to a pole. Like, that's so funny to watch this now versus how normal it used to seem versus now it's like, this is kind of sad, yeah, lie, hit people, beat that kid up, yeah. I mean, I see the underside of it. I know watching it is not looking at it like this. It was so interesting to see this point of view. I haven't seen that movie, I don't think, in a year or two at least, which makes sense.
After having the kids at my mother's house for a little less than two hours, I had the kids for about three hours today, which was really nice. Dropped them off at my ex-wife's house. And then I started feeling kind of sad and lonely again. I went to my AA meeting and all my peeps were there. And I shared, it was on anger. And I was like, I'm fucking angry to be sharing right now when I feel so toxic and ungrateful. I feel like I should just sit here and not be outing myself for how fucked up I am. And then I shared how I got upset with a woman for getting up right when I shared. And then we had the business meeting. My share got some laughs and people liked it and found it relatable. And I feel like I share so euphoric sometimes. You got to balance it out. So we had the business meeting, which the guy leading it did a great job keeping it not too long. We went through everything. Then after the meeting, I ended up talking. And so the one guy I talked to was actually texting her about me. And in the course of talking about other stuff, she ended up saying that she hoped I wasn't mad that she got up during my share. And I was like, that's so crazy. Like, what are the odds of that? He's like, oh, you know, you called her a bitch in your share.
And I'm like, the way I use words like that, the cussing and the crude names, they're really terms of endearment to me. You know, that we're all in this together, that from a certain point of view, somebody is looking at us all like we're worthless, like we're nothing better than slaves, trying to run our lives like that. And we're all in this kind of common human struggle together to be respected and loved and joyful. From a certain way of looking at it, like stand-up comedy being funny, those crude names are actually terms of endearment. Like how friends greet each other, hey, what's up. These are terms that, yes, can be used to put people down. But when I'm using them, I'm not trying to put anybody down with my books either. I'm just being real, saying what's on the top of my mind. But I hope it's understood that underneath all that is a love and a joy and a mutual shared experience of being human. And yes, sometimes I fucking hate it and hate everything, and it's nothing personal in that case.
After the conversation about me, and I reflect too, it's like, man, sometimes I feel bad that I get so fucking flipped at people so easily. It's like people do the smallest goddamn thing, like get up and go to the bathroom, and I share, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? I can't believe this shit. I'm not talking to you. Fuck it. It's like, all right. And I guess I'm the other way though. Sometimes your girl can do the littlest shit. I'm like, oh my God, I love you. I want to marry you. So I guess that's just normal human shit, right? I had a great talk after a meeting with the guys tonight. And tonight was something, it's 11.28 PM when I'm recording this, which is a little late. Well, what I really appreciate is, you know, this is something that back before when I was married, I just didn't do. Like I didn't stay out until 10.40 PM talking to the guys after the meeting. It was really good.
There was a really attractive woman fairly new to sobriety at the meeting tonight, too. And she was greeting people, and I was not in the fucking mood when I walked up. And I walked up and said hi to a few people. She's like, oh, hi, all flowery and cheery and shit. And I'm like, hi, thanks. Just, like, walked in, shook her hand. Like, oh, hi, what's your name? All right, bye. And then I made sure to be a little more cheery with her after the meeting. Just, you know. She's really attractive. But at the same time, like, you know, you got to reverse psychology it sometimes. Every guy is like, duh. And I'm like, all right, sometimes I'm going to be the guy that gets right in there and gets a phone number. Other times I'll keep some distance. I'm rooting for her sobriety, but at the same time, I'd like to see more sobriety from her first. And especially now that I'm divorced, your boy's not safe anymore. Your boy's not this safe married guy anymore. I'm single now.
All right, so that was really good talking to the guys after the meeting, and they all wanted one of my books. It was so nice. I gave out four copies of my books. I didn't even have enough Author in St. Petersburg anymore in my damn car, so I gave a couple of I Was Famous on the Internet, and that was really nice to feel understood. They talked about how I changed my race, too. Like, you're black? They didn't all know that. We had a great conversation about it. It's like, look, I didn't ever change my race in a normal fucking situation locally. It was some sensational shit to do online. Do I feel black inside? Absolutely. I'm like the opposite of an Oreo. Black on the inside and white on the outside. That's how I feel. I feel like I got an inner black guy that's a big dominant figure in my inner world. I love that part of me. That's my boy right there.
I'm black so I don't have to worry about being racist, right? Or is that not how it works? Because now I hear black comedians saying stuff like that too. You know, if we can all come together and realize we're on one fucking planet and we're all cells in a body of this planet, then I think we can chill about offending each other. And we can appreciate, hey, I love your blackness. I love blackness. Blackness is so beautiful to me. But I find a lot of other shit beautiful, too. Whiteness is beautiful. I had a friend sitting next to me who's half Asian, half white. You know, I love her. We started a meeting together. She's beautiful just as she is.
You know, I think I could date her. She says she's thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. I'm like, I could. He's probably thinking about breaking up with her, too. But I'm like, you know, I could date her. I probably could date her. Dr. Robert Glover was giving it to me in the book today, though. He was talking about not being so superficial and how you don't have to have a super hot fucking woman all the time. That's some ego trip bullshit. And you shouldn't be settling for these girls with terrible personalities just because they're hot. It's like, you know, looks fade, but a lazy, mean personality is forever. Now, I know people have personality changes too, but looks change much easier than personality, I would say, and much more guaranteed. Like, you might be stuck with a personality a lot longer than looks. If you're working through a decision like this in your own life, I'd be glad to talk it over with you on a private Zoom call.
So I'm intending to open my mind a bit and realizing, look, let me figure out, do I really like a girl for her looks and her ego and what it means when guys see me out with her? Or do I really like a girl for who she is as a person? I would like to be more open, though I know I have my preferences and I want a partner who takes care of herself. But what can I deal with? That's what I'm interested to find out. What can I deal with? What I can deal with right now is wrapping up and going to bed. Hope my date goes well tomorrow. We shall see. You'll be the first to fucking know. Actually, you'll be like the last to know because who knows how long it'll be until this book's published and you even fucking read it. But yeah, I also worked on my audio book today too. It was a day where I felt like I had a motherfucking job in this bitch today. I must have worked four or five hours. I'm like, shit.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.