Fewer matches on dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder is actually better. I know that goes against the usual advice — make your profile broad and mysterious, set wide filters, match with as many people as possible, and narrow down through messages and dates. The problem is that wastes enormous amounts of time, and my time is valuable.
Why the funnel approach backfired
I tried making my profile more mysterious. It did get me more matches and dates quickly. But then I'd be out with someone, mention I'm a YouTuber, she'd go watch my channel, and not want a second date. So now the top of my Hinge profile is a video stating I'm Jerry Banfield, a YouTuber, with my website in the background — so she can look me up before we ever meet. Don't waste my time if you're going to decide you don't like my videos.
Polarize to attract the right person
I deliberately polarize my profile toward the specific woman I want. I'm sober 12 years in AA, so I'm not going on drinks-and-bar dates. I put right on the profile that I have two kids and love them, that I'm very healthy, and where I live. Some dating advice says never mention kids — but then I'd be on a date with someone who doesn't want kids, wondering why I wasted the time setting it up. State your deal breakers up front.
Fewer matches, warmer leads
What's beautiful about fewer matches is the leads are warmer, so you go straight to meeting in person without grinding through messages — she already knows the things that usually kill a date, and if she still wants to go out, I'm focusing on someone with real potential. It's hard, because we get validation from match counts, and there are stretches where you see nothing. I've quit the apps before because of that. But what feels worse than no matches is wasting time on dead-end conversations and first dates that go nowhere. I only need to find one amazing woman, and the way to isolate her is to show exactly what makes me unique. I treasure my own time — I'd rather sit home and play video games with the guys than sit through a first date that fizzles over something I could have put on my profile. I met my ex-wife through online dating and we had 15 great years together; now I'm dating again at 41, divorced, open to more kids. If you want help, watch my dating playlist here.