On January 20, 2023, finally, after almost two weeks, the yoga crush girl is back today, and we are talking as much as we can again. Yoga next to her is just as incredible as it always is. I make sure to comment that I notice she has her nails done differently, so she knows I'm paying close attention to every detail of her, and she lets me know she appreciates it. And we discuss the basic things in our lives in further detail about jobs and how things are going with relationships, and I tell her I'm trying to get my wife to come to a yoga class, and she says she would love to meet her again, which I think is really funny because this girl is dating another girl, and I'm wondering in what context she wants to meet my wife. Is she trying to say she's supportive, or what's going on with that?
Lingering after class
Now I am definitely lingering after class while she lets me know also that, hey, she'll go to the bathroom and then be right back in a minute after class. So she lets me know to wait for her. So I sit out in the lobby and make sure to talk to her more. Now we're going out together and talking in the parking lot after class as well. I ask about her tattoo, and she says it was something she got back when she used to drink a bit more. And I start to think, wow.
One of my deal breakers, in my mind, is ever being with somebody who was an alcoholic or who was big into drinking, even just somebody who had a glass of wine every night or was very into drinking.
Feeling powerless
As I say goodbye to this girl, while I love so much about her, I think how little I really know about her, and if she's a big drinker, then I wouldn't even want to have her as a friend more than likely, or do anything more than carry the message of AA. And I feel kind of powerless right now, like this could be a person I'm totally incompatible with, all other things like my marriage and kids aside, and yet I'm still pouring my energy into this. It feels really wasteful in a lot of ways, and I'm starting to feel as out of control as I felt in a long time.
I share about it some in the AA meeting later, that I'm having a lot of fun with this, but I'm also getting a bit scared, and I'm going through a couple of things, and I'm starting to feel like I'm in a combination of appreciating my wife better and starting to resent her, like she's in the way of letting this thing fully happen with this girl at yoga.
Is this lust, or a lesson?
I wonder if this girl wants me to get her phone number or not, because in the past, I used to just ask for phone numbers all over because I could. It felt like, hey, I can just ask for numbers all the time. I'd get moms' phone numbers at the park for a play date with the kids or whatever, and I felt like it was totally harmless. But now, with this girl, it feels like it'd be a bit dangerous to get her phone number, because I want it so bad.
And she mentioned that she was thinking about taking a trip to Japan at one point for an extended period of time, and I had the most horrible feeling inside, like I couldn't stand to go a year without seeing her, and that would be horrible. How ridiculous. I barely know this girl. I don't understand this. Is this lust? Is this just something of the past? Is this a body? Is this a lesson I'm trying to learn? It definitely is really opening me up and encouraging a lot of growth. And at this point, I feel like I'm on a ride that is kind of taking a course of its own, and yet I have the ability to get off anytime I want to.
This wasn't the end of where things went with her either — I shared more of it in the yoga girl date story. If this kind of honest, in-the-moment reflection on attraction and dating is what you're here for, you can watch more of it in my Dating playlist.