On January 29, 2023, I was back at the Sunday Power Flow again. That is, I was there, and the girl I have a crush on at yoga was also there. And she was here with her girlfriend today. This makes things even more interesting.
But her girlfriend didn't have a place where they could have their mats next to each other. And I, of course, had a space open next to me. So her girlfriend put her mat in the back of the room, and she put her mat down next to me. And we began talking like her girlfriend wasn't even there. I have to admit, this was almost as awkward as if I had brought my wife there.
And after class, we walked out and talked a little bit together at first. But her girlfriend just kind of stayed away while she talked to me. And then she didn't introduce me to her girlfriend or anything. I ended up just walking off, realizing, you know, maybe it's my time to go. And we already talked quite a bit. And she is here with her girlfriend after all. So it was just pretty awkward and funny at the same time.
The hotel song stuck in my head
And the hotel room service song is all over my head now. I'm trying to make my own version of it. I'm thinking about making music again, even though I haven't made music in a long time. I want to make a song that goes something like this: forget about your girlfriend and meet me at the hotel. I've been trying to make a remix of it, but nothing clear is coming up yet.
Talking it out at my home group
I'm talking again about this girl at my AA meeting with my home group. And I am wondering, like, where we go from here. And I'm also really grateful for this experience. As much as I'm afraid of this, as much as it's exciting, this has encouraged me to open up and ask people for help. Ask people for their opinions.
And I think any experience in life that helps us connect with each other and learn and grow — this has been helping me learn and grow so much as a person. Because I'm starting to see that I've really been wanting this experience for a long time. And this girl is finally the one who's going to give me what I've been wanting. All the attention I've been wanting, and to make this whole crush thing happen. So this has been a really hot and heavy month and a half since we first talked.
Wondering where the line is
And still, I'm wondering constantly whether I should push any further, whether she wants me to push any further, and at what point, if any, I step over the line. Because some people are already telling me that I'm over the line at this point. That this is definitely emotional cheating. That I'm already being unfaithful to my wife by thinking about this other girl so much.
But I completely reject that viewpoint. In my experience, there's no emotional requirement as long as I'm present. And I am very present with my wife and my kids and my family, at least physically. Sometimes mentally I'm checked out, either thinking about this girl or thinking about my work. But I am around. I'm doing all the stuff I usually do for my family. I'm washing the dishes for an hour every day. I'm at family dinner with my wife and her parents and her sister. And I am there hanging out with my mother. I go see my mother every day for an hour. I talk to my brother. I'm on the phone. I'm doing everything for everybody else in my life. I'm not letting my responsibilities slip anywhere.
My mom's caution
But I am starting to talk about this girl with my mom almost every night. And my mom is encouraging some caution. And my mom is bringing up all these tales of things with other men. Because she was in the military, and there were a lot of attractive men that would pay attention to her, and there were not very many attractive women, especially — and there were not very many attractive officers in the military. So my mom's bringing all these stories up that I hadn't heard in a while or haven't heard before. And, man, life.
Twelve years of staying faithful
I remember as a teenager thinking, as my dad was struggling with my mom — he was really resenting her at the time — I had this horrible thought when I was going up the stairs, as a teenager, that I could never be faithful to one woman. Now I've managed to pull it off. My wife and I have been dating and known each other for 12 years now. I have managed to be faithful to her. Once we had our exclusivity agreement firmly in place and clearly specified, I've been faithful ever since then. Although it's definitely gotten close back when I drank. And this emotionally feels as close as I've got before.
If you want to follow more of these everyday moments and dating reflections, you can watch my newest videos in my Dating playlist. And if you want how this particular crush played out, I tell more of it in the yoga girl date story.