This is my journal entry from January 25, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
Wake up with the kids here today, which is wonderful. So nice to have them overnight. But I'm in fear this morning. I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do? I tried all these envelopes yesterday, hundreds of envelopes with my letter in them. Nothing, not one call, not one text, nothing. Hundreds of envelopes out to people. Now, my ex-wife was a bit toxic yesterday saying that, well, who knows if this guy is actually delivering them or not. Let's stop this guy from just throwing those fucking letters in the trash and then sitting there on his phone or, you know, hanging out at the gas station or something. And then he comes back and takes the money. I'm like, well, I'm not going to keep paying him if I don't get some results. And I explain that I'm not going to keep hiring him. Now, if I get some results, he could potentially have a lot of ongoing work if I got results from them. I'm committing to trying one more day because I already prepared all the letters yesterday. He's coming over this afternoon today, so I'm going to give him about 300 more letters and $100 more to deliver all of them, and we'll see what happens. But all morning, I'm just kind of on edge. I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do, man? I got like $16,000 in cash in a bank right now. My rent's $2,700 a month, thousands of dollars a month in other bills. Times pass and will I last through another day? I hope so. Rent's due in a week. I'll be $2,700 out. And I'm going to figure something out, though. I'm going to keep working at it. And I keep coming back to books. Books, man. Books. Fuck.
I play the Harry Potter deck building game with the kids this morning. We have a lot of fun and we whoop their ass. We're on game six and we use the spell, the proficiency where if you discard two spells, you can give everybody a coin and draw an extra card. Holy shit, we went nuts drawing cards and giving everybody coins. And we whooped the Death Eater's ass today. It was nice because my son really wanted to play that yesterday, but he gave in to everybody else to play Harry Potter Monopoly. He said it'd be too much to introduce Grandma to the deck builder right before bedtime. So my son was really excited. I'm so proud of my daughter for cooperating and playing that this morning. The same time, the floor cracked a little below the chair while we were playing, so we moved the dining room table.
My ex-wife rolls in at 10 o'clock right after we finish the game. She brings a dog over. We go walk and hang out at the dog park. I love getting to hang out with my ex-wife. At the same time, though, I'm like, damn, it looks like I'm together with her. We see several people at this little vintage market pop-up a neighbor has down the alley, and she's like, oh, when did you guys move in a neighborhood? I'm like, well, you know, it's just me, really. Like, I ain't with her, you know what I'm saying? I also reflect, I'm like, maybe I shouldn't talk like that when I'm just getting to know a girl. Because while I do identify at least as half black at this point, and perhaps whatever the opposite of an Oreo is, white on the outside and black on the inside, I've definitely seen girls visibly react when I start swearing too soon. You know, like when I've just met them and I refer to the tattoo as, what is that shit on your back? Ah, oh, well, it's an abundant world, right?
I did forget to mention yesterday, too. I went to the AA meeting all dressed up my clothes and everybody couldn't stop talking about my clothes. I'm like, all right. Yes, I realize I dressed like a fucking bum before, but it's amazing how powerful the effect the clothes is. So I can wait till I pick up a woman. And I reflected I asked the guy yesterday in his story to him, like, what were you wearing? He's like, well, I just, when he picked the girl up in the store while she chased after him in the parking lot. I said, what were you wearing? He's like, well, I just got off work. So I had on, you know, a collar, dress shirt, you know, my slacks, khakis from work. I'm like, of course you were dressed up. Like if you'd have dressed like a bum, there's no way that would have happened. Like if you were in there wearing like the kind of shit I wear, it doesn't matter about the conversation. You would have got judged and screened out as not somebody to be taken seriously. There's no way she chases after you if you don't have nice clothes on. Like, all right, well, we're just basically right off the last few months and start over with nice clothes. How about that?
We go to the dog park and have a nice talk and the dogs play. And I end up spending an hour and a half hanging out with my ex-wife and the kids, which is a nice start to my morning. They say hi to one of the little girls and her mom that they met yesterday. And then I go to the hot flow at my yoga studio, I find one of the women who looks like she might be single and put my mat down next to her in the front row. Another woman right behind me. And I talk a little bit to this woman next to me. She starts like licking her lips when I talk to her, which is nice. I get in a little playful flow, but not too over the top like the other day. And at the end of the class, I talk to this woman a little bit more and say, you know, maybe we'll see each other again. The woman that was behind me walks up when I'm at the cubbies and she's in my way when I'm going to grab something and she's like, oh, I'm sorry. I wait like maybe two seconds and then I say, you have a right to take up space. She just seems kind of mystified by that and just like walks off without saying anything else. I'm tired of people apologizing all the time for existing. Stop. I don't apologize, you know, unless I really blatantly fuck something up. It's like I have a right to be here by my locker. I'm not going to say I'm sorry that you have to wait two fucking seconds while I am here doing what I need to do.
I head out after that and get home and have a nice big salad, but less lettuce and kale this time, and I throw some beans in. I think my meta from now on should be two salads a day with a little less lettuce, and then just throw all the shit in there. Throw all the beans, the artichokes, or nuts, or whatever I want. We'll just basically have two salads a day will be my nutritional meta, because then I can get my beans in but I did it just right today too so I don't end up dragging ass and feeling tired afterwards which is perfect. There's an amount that's nice and filling and replenishes energy and it helps me build muscle and then it's like if you go over that you're gonna just be a sloth. I take a shower and I am then figuring what do I do with my time next.
The guy after I get home from yoga that's delivering arrives and picks up more letters. I talk to them about the strategy. I'm starting to think that what I need to do is put Jerry Banfield books or something on the outside of the envelope. That way, if somebody throws it away, at least I got branding. Because right now, the envelopes just say open or help on them. So if somebody throws it away without reading it, then I didn't get any branding. And there are households that know me or recognize my name, either from the internet or from meeting me in person or from hearing about me or something like that. So if I have Jerry Banfield on the outside of the envelope, that gives me an increased chance that they'll know who it's from. And if they see me again or they've already heard of me, then they'll open and read it. I'm thinking maybe what I need to do is put something like that. And I asked ChatGPT, it recommends I put Jerry Banfield local author on the outside of the envelope. And that way the branding is accomplished as well as the positioning. ChatGPT thinks that will work better than Jerry Banfield books. That's exactly what my ex-wife said too. And I take it up a notch further saying I think I should put Jerry Banfield author in St. Petersburg on the outside of the envelope. And then on the inside, I start talking about my book, Speaking and Coaching.
The letter is basically an introduction to me. Instead of the letter asking, hey, I need some help, well, you know, I don't know what to do with myself, or a letter saying, hey, I'll help you, I need a letter presenting myself as someone who's figured things out. Thus, we again come to the crossroads. Is it just all in on books? I'm like, fuck. I keep having this same epiphany after going round and round. Yeah, same epiphany. Like I just need to go all in on books. Books and then promote Jerry Banfield, author in St. Petersburg. Then I'm wondering what's the call to action? What do I need to do? Well, with that in mind, what I need to do is finish my book, Uneffin Myself. I need to finish that. That is my gateway book. I was thinking it'd be I Was Famous on the Internet, but that's kind of more of a niche book. Whereas Uneffin Myself is kind of my entire life story and transformation. And then that book could be used to sell all my other books in it. That book mentions author in St. Petersburg, The Kind Divorce, I Was Famous on the Internet, Officer Banfield, Speaker Meeting 2017. Eventually I can spawn other books like un-effing my body, un-effing you know my whatever else I'm un-fucking, right? So that, and that'll be the prequel for the daily autobiography series, which would be perfect.
So I can pass that out and then do a letter because the letters, I ordered 500 more envelopes for like 50 bucks, so the envelopes only cost 10 cents each, and if I print a one page out it only costs about two cents in ink. And if I deliver them myself, that's the whole cost. So basically for about 12 cents a letter, I could just blanket this area with Jerry Banfield, author in St. Petersburg letters. And then maybe I could sell some books or get some speaking opportunities or coaching out of that. I definitely, then I was thinking I'd combine that with Jerry Banfield, author in St. Petersburg shirts and have that on my car as well for maximum branding. But the shirts and the car stuff will wait while I figure out the letters first. I finish up submitting a friend's Kindle book as well and get that done, which I feel great about. And then the last thing to do for tonight is my AA meeting.
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