This is my journal entry from March 8, 2026 — my real, unedited day, shared just as it happened.
Daylight savings time got me good this morning. I didn't set my clock that's in my room that's my alarm, and I get a text message a little after 6 a.m. Like, why the hell did that go off already? I'm like, oh shit, because it's 7 a.m. My Do Not Disturb turned off. I forgot about daylight savings time. I get up, adjust all the clocks, have my usual Larabar, banana and seaweed snacks for breakfast. Then I go over to my ex-wife's house after taking a little walk around Crescent Lake Park. I arrive there and hang out with the kids for about an hour. They're going to be out the rest of the day. So this is the only time that I'm going to be able to see them. I get lots of snuggles with my son in his bed, which is really nice. And I get a chance to talk with my daughter and my ex-wife a bit. I snuggle with my son a bit on the couch as well.
Then when I go to leave, my ex-wife tells him he has to eat his burrito before he goes. He starts crying and fussing. And I'm like, you know, that's such a manipulative strategy there of like trying to, I'm leaving my ex-wife's house, walking the kids over, feeling very grateful that we're not married anymore. Like, I can't stand how she does little shit like that to like offload feelings and manipulate and control. I'm glad my son and I don't have that dynamic together. And I leave her house feeling kind of like, that's ugly doing that. Like she didn't need to do that at all. Just let me have breakfast without interfering and trying to control him. Like it's so unnecessary. She even, you know, she realizes she killed the mood with my time over with the kids. She gives me a hug and says she's sorry. And I'm kind of close hearted. I'm like, I got to get out of here. This is why I'm very happy to be out of this marriage because she did that kind of thing to me all the time, too. Like so gently and subtly manipulative that like you don't even realize exactly what's happening. You just suddenly feel bad. And then it feels like your fault, too.
All that said, my ex-wife is an amazing woman. And I did enjoy most of our marriage. And it's very easy to miss the marriage and the things that were good in it. And I'm very grateful for a reminder of why I'm not in the marriage anymore also, because sometimes it can feel like I wish I was in the marriage again. I get to my mother's house and say hi to her and drop the kids off, but they're ready to get rid of me. And I head to tennis.
I get to the tennis courts with a tennis partner, who we're playing ultimate tennis with. The guys that beat me also beat him. So I'm like, all right, I might have a chance against this guy. He, as I get to know him, he's 72 years old. So this guy could easily be my father. And he's out here. We start at 11 a.m. The match wraps up at 1 p.m. His whole shirt sweated out. He can still move and get to most of the balls. His shots, he has a nice hard serve that screws me up returning it lots of times. I get started winning, and I'm feeling pretty good, like I might actually win this one. I go up quickly 2-0, but he manages to win the first set 6-4. Then I go up again in the second set to start out, and then my fucking tennis game just unravels, and he beats me 6-3 in the second set. I can't even be very mad at my game, though. Because I'm so proud of this guy and inspired by him. I'm like, this is awesome. This guy is at least 30 years older than me. He's 31 years older than me. And he just beat me like it's hot outside. It's in full sun. It's close to 80 degrees. And he just beat me in singles tennis and it wasn't like just because he stood there and hit all accurate shots, like he ran around the court and played with me. I'm like, this is so inspiring. Like this is exactly where I want to be in 31 years, is out here still playing singles tennis beating guys that are 30 years younger than me.
I talked to him a bit more and it turns out he got divorced when he was 41 from his first wife, and then he had more kids with his second wife. His youngest son and his first grandson were born within nine months of each other. I'm like, man, sometimes I doubt and think, oh, you know, my life's fucked. I'm not going to find another woman to have kids with. And I look at this guy and I'm like, he is literally living what I'm doubting is possible for me. Like, this is exactly what I want. I want a woman that I can have several more kids with. And here's a guy that's already done it and is in great shape. Like, I want to be in the same kind of shape that he is in my 70s. I go home feeling so inspired. I'm like, this is awesome. This is the second guy I've ran into with a bunch of kids from two different women who beat me at singles tennis in the heat of the day and could be my father. Meanwhile, my late father's been dead since 2014 because he lost his passion for life and mostly sat in front of the TV in his later years. I'm like, these guys are like my new father figures. It's awesome, but they're healthier than the guys in the meetings.
I head home, and I look that I've got five hours now before my recovery meeting, and I'm going to absolutely go to work on my work. I remember back this morning, though, when I was walking around Crescent Lake, I ran into an acquaintance who I've known for a year or two. She's nice and lean. She's attractive. She's in her 40s. I ran into her walking around Crescent Lake, and we talked for like 30 minutes. We had a great conversation. I told her why I don't go to my old yoga studio anymore. And she shared, you know, what's new with her. And one thing I said to her was like, I don't want a fuck buddy. Like that's what so many people do, especially in my demographic, like, you know, a dad or a single parent in their forties, like people are just getting fuck buddies. Like, you know, having somebody they see a few times a week just to have sex. And there's like almost nothing more to the relationship. I'm like, that's horrible. That's the last thing I want. And I don't want to be distracted by a fuck buddy either. Like, I want a partner, a teammate. I want the spiritual growth together. I want, you know, what I had with my ex-wife, but with somebody else where we grow together and make it work better for even longer. Like, that's all I want.
And I leave talking to her. She's like, well, I guess, you know, we'll see you around or something. I'm like, well, I don't go to my old yoga studio anymore and I don't know where we'll see each other. I leave thinking we should have exchanged numbers that way we can meet up. But then I'm thinking, well, why would we bother exchanging numbers like we have so little in common? It seems kind of pointless. I end up running into her again on the other side of Crescent Lake right when she's getting in the car. And I'm like, you know, why don't we exchange numbers in case you want to meet up, because we're probably not going to run into each other much anymore going forward. Like, I haven't seen her in months. So I get my phone number to her. Then I walk away thinking, fuck, I shouldn't even have bothered exchanging numbers. What is the point? Why even bother doing that? It's just unnecessary complication. I don't think we are people that will have each other in our inner circles or anything, be that great of friends. It's just a passing acquaintance, man. You should just let it go. I'm like, all right, I'll keep that in mind for next time.
I blast through stuffing 200 letters while I'm at home. Now, so fast forward, that was first thing this morning. Then let's go back to like 2 p.m. I've showered. I've had some bean nachos for lunch. And now I listen to the book Cloistered, which is an interesting story of a nun, read by the author Catherine Coldstream. Cloistered, my years as a nun. Like this is just so interesting to get into a world that's, you know, actually has a lot in common with the way I live. And yet, you know, so different on the surface. Like in a lot of ways, I was at a similar place after my dad died that she was, but she went and became a nun, and I got sober. Well, often the same kind of baseline desire for more to life, but we found it in different ways. I'm listening to this book for two hours as I stuff envelopes, and then I get to work on my journaling. There's only three days left, which still is like 20,000 words. But I stuff 200 envelopes to get ready for when I get my stamp, and I can deliver these door to door. I edit about 15 plus thousand words from my journaling. I can see the end in sight. And it's good motivation to keep these entries shorter. Like, damn, I can't believe I rambled like 30, 40 minutes.
I wrap all that work up. I feel very good about getting all that done. I love that I just work like crazy when I'm at home now. And I also look up my credit score for a little more motivation to work. I'm like, fuck, I tanked my credit score 150 points in the last three months. It was over 800 before and we're down to like 650. I still can take another balance transfer for like 9,000 and I got 8,000 more coming from the IRS and I have over 15,000 more in the bank. So even if I'm blowing through eight grand a month, still should have at least four months left where I don't have to make money and any money I do make extends that timetable. So I'm going all out, baby. Let's hope this book shit works in the next four months.
After I do all that, I get dressed and go to my recovery meeting to chair. There's a girl that got sober a few years ago there that's doing a topic, which is great. The pretty girl who's newly sober and in her early 20s, I make sure to give her a big hug as she's greeting tonight and take a couple of minutes to pay attention to her, talk about the jewelry she's wearing, make some good eye contact. But after the meeting, the meeting itself goes very well. And there's laughter and a lot of good shares. I don't even share because I'm getting so much attention just sharing the meeting. Sharing seems unnecessary and I don't even feel the desire to talk. But after the meeting, I noticed this girl who comes in late that I hadn't seen in at least a year. I used to see her at some of the other meetings. And she's very pretty. I'm like, I am not quite sure if it's the girl I'm thinking of, though. So right after the meeting, I jet over and established that, oh, it is her. It's really nice to see her again. And then I talked to this other girl who actually often would dress in like sweatpants and a hoodie. But she dressed up and made up tonight. And I talked to her for a while and acknowledged, you know, like, hey, I noticed you got all dressed up tonight. That's cool. And she said something like, you know, how I inspired her or something like that. So I have a nice talk with her.
Then I talked to my sponsee and his throat's sore. So he's ready to go home anyway. So I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to get this girl's phone number if she's single. I was thinking because she moved away and moved back, maybe she'd have ditched a boyfriend. But as soon as she goes outside to talk, I grab her and talk for five or 10 minutes to her. And it turns out she's still got the boyfriend. I'm like, fuck. But she's moving right into my neighborhood now. So I'll maybe see her walking around. I'm like, OK, I'm not going to go after a girl that I know has a boyfriend. I'm not going to try and exchange numbers with her. And that just makes it awkward. But just keep an eye on her. Then the girl in her early 20s I talked to at the beginning who was greeting slips out. Somehow I'm so distracted talking to this other girl that she slips out of the meeting. I don't even get to say goodbye to her. I think about texting her, but I'm like, nah, again, let's, you know, it's better. I'm clearly best in person and my text game has been pretty weak lately. So I'm thinking we'll just see what we can do with her in person.
Then after all the girls leave, me and a couple of the boys get to talking. Me and two of the guys that were there last week talking a while. And then this new guy that the one other guy brought to the meeting. We all get to talking. This one guy goes off telling all kinds of stories about his past, and most of it is from back when he was using drugs or drinking a lot, meeting up with people off of dating apps when everybody's messed up. And it's just crazy. You get in the stupidest things with people that you don't even know or like because you're so desperate and lonely. And I know I don't want to do that again. I have kids. I have what I hope is going to be a successful business. I don't have time to be getting into situationships with women I barely know who are messed up. As critical as my mind was of my ex-wife this morning, it's like, I don't want to get into a relationship with a woman that's not at least as awesome as my ex-wife. Like, for, you know, the character faults that we all have, I could find a woman that her faults are a bit more compatible with mine, but at the same time, I could do a hell of a lot worse too, and I don't want to do that.
So I go home feeling good about like, hey, I'm holding space for a real commitment, a real woman, a family, marriage, a spiritual partnership. I don't have time for all that bullshit. Sure, some of it, we're laughing our asses off talking all kinds of shit, which is great, because if I did have a woman, I wouldn't be exchanging all these stories with the guys afterwards. It felt really good to enjoy being single tonight and talking with all the guys. At the same time, between talking with the acquaintance this morning and the guys tonight, it's like, I know what I want. I want a real woman, a real partnership, family, not that stuff. But I do want a woman that is very interested in having a great life together. I'm really grateful. As I go to bed about 11, I read some of, you know, one of the Seth books, The Unknown Reality, Volume 2. And I was really happy to have a little bit of time to read before I went to bed. And looking forward to tomorrow.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.