This is my journal entry from September 9, 2025, part of my daily autobiography The Kind Divorce — my real, unedited days, published in order.
Today was my second day of massage school, and it felt every bit as good as the first. We spent the day focused on study skills, which I found both enjoyable and affirming. I felt grateful for how engaged and enthusiastic I was again, although the morning didn’t start off that way. Sitting in a regular chair, I noticed my energy slipping downward, almost as if I were sinking into a dull, sad heaviness. It surprised me because I had walked in feeling good. Then I noticed a classmate sitting on one of those large exercise balls, gently bouncing and shifting, and immediately thought, That’s what I need. A classmate encouraged me to speak up and claim my space, reminding me that my natural self is valuable and wanted in this environment.
After so many years as a content creator, constantly trying to dominate space, seize attention, and be sensational, I tried swinging in the opposite direction here. The last thing I want here is to be the loud ex-YouTuber everyone feels they must pay attention to. I’ve been overcompensating by staying too quiet, almost hiding, which left me feeling bad about not fully participating. When the teacher asked us to share a big success, the honest answer was obvious: over a billion views on my work, years of being known online, becoming famous on the internet. It’s the one fact that blows people away every time I mention it. Yet I hesitated, not wanting to drag that history into this new classroom or risk being seen only as a former influencer. I wanted to be just another massage therapy student, an equal among my peers. A classmate’s encouragement helped me see that hiding isn’t authenticity either.
Switching from the chair to a bouncing ball changed everything. The constant fidgeting and movement lifted my energy instantly. A classmate said she always needs to shift and adjust, and I realized I’m the same. Unless I’m intentionally relaxing, sitting still feels stifling. I’m used to working at a standing desk, but since standing in the classroom isn’t practical, the ball gave me a way to move and stay engaged. From that point on, my day turned around.
The owner of my massage school, the owner of the massage school, taught the study skills session. Having already earned a master’s in criminology, completed the police academy, and finished a bachelor’s degree, I’m confident in my ability to study and succeed here. High school was a different story once video game addiction kicked in, but ever since, studying has been one of my strengths. Today gave me the chance to feel genuine gratitude for that—gratitude for knowing with certainty that I can succeed in this program. Picking up small tips was useful, but the biggest gift was remembering my confidence and realizing I’ve done this before.
I had several good conversations with classmates during breaks, and we mixed up seating to meet different people. Although we haven’t done hands-on work yet, I expect that will start soon. Getting to school went smoothly thanks to leaving early. Even with traffic adding fifteen minutes, I still arrived fifteen minutes ahead of schedule. That small decision made a big difference in how calm I felt. On the way home, my ex-wife told me her mom was picking up the kids, which freed me to come straight home and work on my books.
I dictated for an hour and a half toward a dating book I’m putting together for a friend, and the process felt amazing. Using AirPods, I captured everything and then ran it through my ChatGPT workflow to transform raw dictation into professional-quality text. It works quickly, which is satisfying. At the same time, I realized my I Was Famous on the Internet book still needs a better workflow. It’s frustrating to reprocess transcripts again and again, but one day that project will be finished. Today was not that day.
Later I made it to a power flow yoga class, which felt grounding after all the newness of massage school. I loved seeing familiar faces, including a longtime friend who used to attend morning classes with me. She can’t make them anymore because of work, and now I can’t either because of school. When I told her I had started massage training, she responded with pure enthusiasm: “Fuck yeah.” That simple validation meant so much, especially since my ex-wife had the same reaction. It feels incredible to sense that the universe supports me in this new direction and that others are genuinely happy for me.
In the evening, I went to a local theater to watch my friend an older friend, who works security there. A neighbor of his, a local producer, is producing a local talk show called Oh Yeah, modeled after something like The Tonight Show, and tonight they filmed it live. Tickets were free, and an older friend got to participate on stage. His material was hilarious, some of the funniest in the show. I went primarily to support him and left deeply grateful to have been invited into his world for the night.
I had also saw my homeless friend a man I know who lives on the street today. At first, I drove past him walking in the rain given I had no area to pull over, but then I circled around two blocks, stopped at a stop sign to intercept him, and gave him twenty dollars. He quickly tucked the bill away, moving on to wherever he needed to be. Later, at a local theater, I tipped the server fourteen dollars for my Perrier water. Those small exchanges felt meaningful, ways of circulating energy where it was needed.
The night ended with a conversation with my mom that touched me deeply. For the first time, I truly grasped how much effort she invested in her own education. In her own medical training, she studied anatomy intensely, and I cried with joy as I felt new respect for her. Our talk ventured into areas she had never shared before about her training and experiences with animals. It felt beautiful to connect on that level.
I closed the day feeling proud of the work I am doing—writing books, coaching, speaking, and now preparing for massage therapy. For years, I trudged through a half-decade of discouragement, feeling weighed down by dissatisfaction with my work. Tonight, I finally feel different. I feel proud, energized, and aligned with something meaningful.
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.