For all my deep thinkers out there, today I have a big one. The biggest thing I can possibly think of. What if the soul is the trap? What if every single belief system we have is just a way of confining ourselves? What if the thing we're really trying to escape from is the idea of infinity? I'll tell you what, there's nothing that scares me or terrifies me as much as contemplating infinity. I've looked back at my whole life since 1984, and the thing that's left me screaming in bed at night sometimes is not dying. It's trying to comprehend infinity, trying to take in the idea that I am immortal, that I am eternal, that no soul, no belief system, no experience, nothing can confine me.
I watch all kinds of videos these days about this. The soul trap, the reincarnation trap, I've been into lately. New age, spirituality, don't go into the white light. I was just watching a guy named Tony Sayers who was reviewing Elizabeth April, who I used to watch for a little while. She's just going on about the most ridiculous stuff. And I have a friend I was talking to on the phone recently, and he was saying, well, Earth is a school, and we're trying to learn. And I'm like, no, it's not. That's a trap. That's a belief system. To me, all these things are just here to kind of hook you.
But then I think, well, what is the alternative? What do I do if I'm not here? There's a certain comfort level to being here in this reality. There's a certain comfort level to knowing and feeling how this works. I think I've been here a while because I'm pretty comfortable with how everything works. I'm pretty able to successfully interface. How long have I been here? But even that idea is limiting. How ridiculous is it to think there's some past version and future version of me and there's anything but me now? The more you try to think about this stuff, the more it just gets crazy.
What to me is something to avoid? Avoid any dogmatic belief system. Avoid having anyone else be an authority and ever tell you what to do. Avoid being anything besides the creator of your own reality, even though that could be a trap as well. I hang out with a lot of love and light people and there's always this new age vibe. It's gotta be all good. It's gotta be all love. No, that's ridiculous too, because then there's all this hidden darkness and shadow that comes exploding out. People are talking nice and loving and sweet to your face and then they're backstabbing you or ignoring you or not texting you behind everyone else's back. Every single belief and every single idea is so limiting that the more you get into all these things like reincarnation and everybody's belief system and all these people trying to tell you how it is. Near-death experiences, hypnotic regression, Destiny of Souls, past lives. David Icke trying to tell you about Archons and Loosh farming, and Elon Musk says it's simulation theory. It feels like we're in some kind of matrix lots of times, or some kind of video game. But what does it all mean?
To me, if there is some kind of trap here, the way out is to be comfortable and to be excited and to be ready to get into infinity. Because for some reason, the only way I could expand my consciousness anywhere is to be comfortable with infinity. There have been so many nights where I've laid in bed and no idea will torture me more than the idea of immortality. I can't die. Now, this body certainly will not be here for all eternity. Well, or will it? Will there be a memory? Will there be a record? But the idea that I can't stop existing. And yet even that, I can stop existing. Even when I go to sleep, there are times where it seems like I fade out of existence and then I come back into it. But I can't stop fading out of existence. And why would I want to come back into existence if I wasn't in existence? So if I can do that, then am I really not out of existence?
I remember I was at Disney World one day like 10 years ago and I started thinking of these ideas. I looked around at all these waves and waves of people and I thought, I'm going to live every single one of their entire lives out. People talk about how they're tired now. Oh man, I'm so tired, I went to this job. Picture living 10 billion people's lives back to back. Picture doing hundreds of billions of years on this planet. One life after another, after another. You see, once you start thinking of infinity, things get so unimaginably horrible. Can you imagine doing a billion lifetimes on this planet again and again? And there's trillions of different living things. Picture having a life as an atom, or going through and living every life as an ant or a bunny or a fish or a whale. Do all of them. That's infinity, that you could do all of that. And it would be so small in the scale of everything, it'd be like you hadn't even noticed it. This starts to break the mind down.
And then you can see how the mind kind of begs for a belief system. Please, Jesus or Muhammad or David Icke or Dolores Cannon or somebody, tell me how to think. I watched this video of Tony Sayers showing Elizabeth April channeling Jesus. And she's talking about how he has these octopus arms. It's so ridiculous. And he's like, these are all the people that believe in me. And then I run into these people, especially on dating apps, which I'm not on anymore. There are so many women on dating apps that want a man to have a belief in Jesus. I'm like, how could you expect me to be such a simple person? I have a hard time even understanding how you could believe in this one person who lived a couple thousand years ago. Except the opposite of facing infinity is then turning over your entire consciousness and mind and your way of thinking to someone else. It's so hard for me to comprehend how you could think at that level that is so utterly basic. But at the same time, I get it.
It's hard for me to picture anyone as a savior at this point, and it's hard to picture that I'd respect anyone more than me. I have a real problem with authority, where I think it's really important that this entire life, to some degree, prepares you to make good decisions in the afterlife. It's amazing how, once you start thinking about infinity, everything else just falls apart, like good and bad. My friend was saying, well, everything's a learning opportunity, and if you feel bad or you feel guilty about something. I'm like, that's a scarcity idea, because guilt and right and wrong and shame and remorse make no sense in infinity. Literally, just do whatever you want forever. To some degree, it makes absolutely no difference at all. You're just infinitely creating. You can infinitely create whatever you want, and who cares? Your mind just starts to break all over the place. If this, then that, and it's just, boom. Nothing even makes sense anymore.
The soul trap, I've been on the soul trap lately. It gives you a role. You're this trapped soul stuck on Earth as like a prison planet, and you're trying to escape. Even that is kind of comfortable, because there's a they, there's a them. But what if you just made all this? It's kind of ridiculous to think that a soul could get stuck on a particular planet. And what was it doing before? And where is it going after? That's a certain level of ridiculous. None of us were there, so I've never understood people's faith in it. Exactly. I have a hard time believing stuff that supposedly happened today around the world and other places, even when there's camera footage. I'm like, well, that could be fake. I don't know if I can really believe that happened or not. I have a hard time even believing stuff that supposedly happened today that has all kinds of video. And then I don't even pay attention to that stuff either. I ignore almost everything that is supposedly happening in all these other places because I know what a filtered reality that is. There are things that are much more interesting than whatever is being shown to me through authority channels. I don't even want to watch the authority channels because they're boring compared to what else I could know about. But then you try to get into some of that other stuff and you get all these people with these crazy theories and misleading information. It's nuts. How do you even put all this stuff together in a way that makes sense?
With the new age, I run into so many people who are into the new age religion, but I think so much of it is crap. It's just like religion all over again. Religion says, follow God, or rather Jesus, angels, scripture, heaven. The new age says, follow spirit guides and ascended masters and galactic federations and channelers and soul contracts. It's the same thing. It all comes back to external reality. You're always trying to follow someone else. To me, what does feel very true and intentional is that I'm not following anybody else, unless I'm interested in learning about something you have right now, right here in this reality. Nobody is in charge of me. Nobody has any authority over me. And sure, it's theoretically possible for some of that to be exercised, but that's all short term.
I do think it's funny how almost all of this stuff that you're taught throughout your life seems to prepare you to try to follow some authority figure in the afterlife. I have been really annoyed with all these near-death experiences, with what these NDEs have in common. They always have some authority figure, like Jesus or some relative or some voice that says you have to go back here. And I had a big problem with that. You have people that are injured really horribly and they're in a lot of pain. They're trying to pass on. And some authority figure tells them to come back here. I hope I'd have the courage in that situation to be like, no, I'm not coming back here. You see what happened to my body? I'm out of here. I don't need that anymore. That to me is the outlook. I'm big into treasuring and taking care of this body and seeing the power it's capable of. At the same time, when I'm done with it, I'm out.
And I hope by the end of my life, I'm ready to face infinity, because how many more times can I come back here and do the same thing again? But then it's like, well, what else would I do? If I wasn't here right now doing this, what else would I be doing? It's even difficult to think of anything beyond a lot of this human stuff that I guess I narrowly chose at some point. I remember choosing, but that's just a memory that's happening now. I am embracing the uncertainty today, because what's amazingly scary about infinity is the unknown. You're going into infinite possibility, which kind of makes me want to throw up a little bit, even thinking about it. Infinite possibility?
Reincarnation to me seems extremely logical. The fact that I'm here now, what's special about whoever I really am that is in this body that wouldn't be able to be in some other body? It seems so obvious. Reincarnation seems like the most natural thing possible. Then I think of Buddhism and Nirvana and wanting nothing. That does seem like a good way to escape the soul trap, because the way you end up continuing to come back here is by wanting things. I want money and I want views on my videos. I want to help people. I want to make the world according to my ideas and my creation. But where did I even get those ideas? Are they really somebody else's ideas? How can I separate what I think versus what other people think? And I want money. I want sex. I want a new woman. I want more kids. I want, I want. And what would happen if for some reason I didn't get that stuff? I'd be like, well, let me come back here and have another life and want it again.
I kind of vibe with some of Buddhism saying, if you want nirvana, you have to stop wanting anything. Part of me thinks the best way to pass, whenever it comes time, would be to want absolutely nothing. Because as long as I want something, I'm going to get sucked into what some people call the soul trap, and I'm going to come back here again. Because if I want something, then, well, I would get offered an afterlife. I've also gotten pretty toxic on the idea of heaven lately. At one point, I was really into the idea of heaven. You read these near-death experiences, like The Color of Heaven or Proof of Heaven or all these heaven stories I've read. It sounded really nice at times, but now it sounds kind of toxic. Seriously? I'm just going to go somewhere and everything's going to be awesome, and I'm just going to love it? How fast until that gets boring? Am I going to be hanging out in heaven and everything's going to be going my way and every woman there is going to want to make love and just pop children out immediately and rainbows are just going to be coming out of me? And maybe I won't even need to use the bathroom anymore. Do you even have buttholes in heaven? Can we just seal some of these up? I'm just going to have all these experiences and all these ideas and they're all just going to instantly materialize. How long until I get tired of heaven? And then what's going to happen? Some authority figure is going to come along and say, well, okay, Jerry, you've had enough time in heaven, why don't you go back down there on Earth and help? Help with what? What is there to help with? Is this even real? What does real even mean?
The afterlife ends up turning into a shitshow. A lot of these near-death experiences involve all these beings and guides and lights and councils and relatives and religious figures who tell people to come back. And then even that, you chose this. Am I choosing to be here right now? Well, I guess I think I'm choosing, but am I just running on autopilot, on momentum? Am I just doing what made sense? Am I even making a choice? It's nuts. And then with the new age, well, you chose your trauma, you chose your suffering and your abuse, you chose your illness, you chose your pain for a lesson. Then it's like, what lesson? That I'm an infinite being that didn't have anything better to do than come down here? Sometimes I wonder, okay, out of infinity, out of all of eternity, this is what I'm creating?
I've been sitting in AA meetings, and I'm cutting back to one AA meeting a week now, which I guess is important, just don't cut completely. I've been sitting in these AA meetings thinking, okay, out of all of infinity that I could create, I'm creating the same room again with the same people again, quoting the same book again. How is this different from going to church? This is the same thing. I want something new. And one idea I hope I can communicate is, maybe we're not really afraid of death. Maybe death isn't our biggest fear. Maybe it's infinity. Because I have no fear of death compared to infinity. There's a certain part of me that would feel incredibly comfortable passing away into the afterlife. And then running into heaven, whether it's some authority figure or not, an ancestor or my dad. Oh, it's so great to see you again, Dad. Oh, it's great to see you, son. Yeah, I reincarnated down here, why don't you incarnate down here again with me? Sure, okay. And my dumb self would be back on this planet again for another round. But then even that, it's like, okay, well, what else are you going to do? You're going to go do something no matter what. You talk about sounding exhausting. I can't stop creating reality. But then I've had dreams where I passed on and I was in the gray void and then I popped back in here and I'm really happy to be back here. It's like, who do you trust? Who has information?
I'm looking, where's the absolute best, most powerful information? It seems like a lot of us do not actually want freedom. And a lot of information is just people trying to upgrade their authority. I want the best. I want the highest level of freedom. I want the most power. That's what I want. And that means I never get to have anyone else tell me what to do or what to think. That means I've got to create this stuff myself out of infinity.
I was on the massage table earlier this week. There's a massage technique where she puts, I forget what she calls it, but it's some specific technique where you touch certain points of the body, like trigger points, neuromuscular, NMT or something like that. So she touched the top of the pelvis tips, just with her finger. And I just felt this huge, absolute explosion of emotions. Anger towards my ex, love towards her. I started having all these spiritual visions of phoenixes and birds flying. I felt these huge energy movements within my body. I was like, I'm close to levitating on this massage table right now. I'm so close. I swear I could just float off this table right now. I would love to levitate. I want to teleport. I want to totally break down all this stuff that you think you can't do in this reality. But then is that going to be fun? Or is infinity just one damn thing after another to some degree? That was a great experience. It was like a spiritual experience, fully embodied, fully sober. I don't need any plant medicine or anything like that. I'm grateful.
I'm in a place now where I do not want a better authority. I don't want somebody to tell me what to do. I want somebody to inspire me, to help me go within and face things like infinity. I want to conquer within myself the fear of infinity. Maybe it's not even there. Maybe it already has been conquered. And that even comes down to, who am I? Even the idea that I have a soul, that I have this secondary body, even that is so limiting. Why do I even need a soul? Why can't I just be undifferentiated consciousness or awareness, where you can't differentiate where it's in me? Why does there have to be some God and then a soul and then me, and then God, and then I'm not God, but I am God, and we're all one? It's like the Law of One. I've read so much of this stuff. And to me, the ultimate trap seems to be the identity. As soon as you take on an identity, like I'm a soul, I'm a human, I'm a race, I'm a gender, I'm a person of this country. The more identities you take on, the more you get put in a prison. And I'd like to be able to take all the identities off. I'm not human, I'm not a soul, I'm not anything in particular at all. But then you're truly in the middle of infinity, right? Once you take off all the identities, you're not anything, but yet you're a part of everything. It's like, whoa. Then what are you? What are you without a story, without a body, without a soul? How do you even operate then? How do you operate in whatever this is without having any type of identity at all? It's wild.
These are the things I'm thinking about because it's fun. These are the conversations I'm having. These are the things I love to talk about. Yet on some level, it seems kind of pointless. How does having this conversation make you money or get you laid, handle some of those basic human things in life? To me, these are the conversations where you start to break through the barriers. These are things you can do fully sober without anything. These conversations start to unlock additional areas in the mind, drop filters in certain places and open up. These are conversations that matter. I want to have a talk about this and not the weather, because I can look up and see the weather. But then I encounter someone like this woman on a dating app I'd matched with a week or two ago, and she's into this new age stuff. And she was just so condescending about any of my beliefs coming from this place. That's so common with the new age love and light crowd, feeling like they've transcended religion somehow, but then everything you're saying sounds like you're putting everybody else down.
I don't want to put anybody down either, although it might have sounded like it earlier, because I've believed a lot of very limited stuff throughout my life as well. So I'm wondering, how do you navigate in this reality, kind of putting all this stuff together? Because, for example, David Icke has a lot of people following him. He talks a lot about interdimensional control and fear-based reality control. But I can't help but feel, when I read his books and watch his videos, what is he doing except selling more fear-based reality control? I don't want to be one of those people who's telling you to be sovereign, but then encouraging you to follow me and think how I think. It's ridiculous.
Now, I got into past life regression, read some Dolores Cannon books, and a bunch of others, like Journey of Souls, Destiny of Souls, and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss. And I got into that a lot for a while and that was fun. But then that gets tiring after a while too. Why can't I just be here now? Why do I always have to be thinking about some past life or future life? Why do I need to explain my life now in terms of some life before? It's like, whoa, isn't there, there must be some kind of way out of here. Whenever that Hotel California song comes on, I hate it. That song symbolizes to me how stuck I am in the middle of infinity. But then being stuck in the middle of infinity is the most ridiculous thing ever, right? You can't be stuck in the middle of infinity. It's all relative.
Then there are people talking simulation theory, manifestation, law of attraction. A lot of these people that are out there seem to be controlled opposition. Like Elizabeth April, David Icke, very clearly controlled opposition. Gaia and Gaia TV have some really cool things on them, but are they just more time-wasters where you might as well watch a fiction book or watch Star Trek? What the heck is going on? And I think that's part of it, the confusion. I feel like I've gotten stuck here, but I also sometimes feel like I don't want to be anywhere else. The idea of going somewhere else sounds horrible. I have this car that's 20 years old, and I love driving it. One big reason is because I've got all these memories, and I've had it for a long time, and I'm really comfortable in it. I'm so comfortable in that car. Even if I could have a nicer car, I like the car I'm in now.
We're not here to fit in, we're here to establish the law. That's how I feel. The people here that set the rules are the ones that don't have the idea of any rules in their own life. Somebody said that Hotel California is a metaphor for America. I hadn't thought of it that way, so I'm grateful for that. I'm always trying to push the bounds of what my mind can handle thinking about. I'm trying to expand and make sense of all this stuff, all these creators online. And I wonder, I don't know how accurate the soul trap theory is. I don't know if I'm stuck in a reincarnation cycle. I don't know if I even want to go toward the tunnel of light or not. It certainly seems like part of this reality is loosh harvesting, karmic debt, and soul contracts. But a lot of that stuff seems to be nonsense too. It also seems reasonable that I have no reason to feel anything about any of the experiences that I've ever had. Good, bad, or indifferent, especially not guilt, shame, or remorse.
My intention today is to operate with no guilt, shame, or remorse, because those are just control mechanisms that are applied by authority, unless they seem to come from within. But where did you even get the ideas of what's right and what's wrong? You got those from other people, usually parents. Authority figures in childhood installed the idea that this is right and that's wrong, and then you judge yourself by it. I certainly know what I'm not going to be told is what to think or how to live by somebody else, especially not based on a dogmatic belief system. But then again, we do all need to cooperate somehow, and it helps us to have some belief systems we can share. I go to these sober events with Sacred City. For those, it's a love and light vibe. And it doesn't help to argue with that. It does help to be a part of the community, to kind of fit in. And as human beings, we need to have belonging. But am I even a human being? When I go to sleep and I forget about being a human and I go other places and have other kinds of bodies, what am I then? Is that just a dream within this brain? A lot of the people taking psychedelics and stuff tell us there's a much bigger reality out there that we often filter out.
A lot of people before passing are kind of slipping out of this so-called reality and slipping into another one. I often hear that it's beautiful. People will say it's beautiful, it's beautiful, weeks before death. And I'm glad I can go through life without being afraid of death. But at the same time, I treasure life. I treasure taking meticulous care of this body. I'm going to go to hot yoga in an hour and a half and exercise and be among my people, people who care enough on a Sunday night. And I intend to have the courage to face infinity in the future, to not be afraid of infinity and infinite possibilities and infinite being. These are exactly the kinds of conversations I keep coming back to, and if you want to go deeper down this road with me, I've gathered a lot of them together in my Life playlist.
Ironically, it feels like we're nothing in these bodies a lot of the time too. We both are infinity and we're so small that we don't even matter. I am God and I'm creating all reality, and then I'm not God and everything's being done to me. I think truly hitting another level of thought is being able to operate with all kinds of different opposites at the same time. That I'm God and I'm not God, and you can operate with both of those at the same time. That I am infinity and I'm so tiny and small and I'm nothing in particular, but I create infinity. That I love and I hate. I'm nice and I'm nasty. I'm mean and cold and I'm warm and loving. Being able to hold all these opposites and not get stuck on one or another of them. That's the quantum breakthrough, isn't it? I'm not zero or one, but I hold space. I can see zero and one, but I flip back and forth. I exist between zero and one. I exist between extremes. I might be on one, then I'm off one. I'm on everything. Religion, new age, old age. I'm off that. I'm off all of it. Who knows? It reminds me of Pulp Fiction. Marvin, what do you think about all this? Man, I don't even have an opinion. Well, you gotta have an opinion. Boom. So how's that for a little mind-bender today?