This is an excerpt from my memoir, Officer Banfield — the honest story of my years as a corrections and police officer, hitting bottom in alcoholism, and the long road to recovery.
I asked, "Why don't they share like people do in AA? Why do they keep most of all the best details to themselves? Why are there so few really good stories that I've read at least that get into this level of detail?"
Then, I had what I call a God thought, like, "Well, we see an opportunity for this. Why don't you do one?"
I said, "No, no. Come on. Someone else should set the example.
Someone else should do that, not me. Me? My stories aren't good enough. My stories are too bad."
Then, I've had the epiphany.
I said, "Just do it. Do it so people know what it sounds like. Do it so it inspires more people to do it and that when we do things like this, we can make a huge difference in the world."
All we need to heal as a human race is for people to feel safe sharing their truth. When we hear the stories from people who have murdered and done the worst things, we will be able to connect with the common humanity.
The answer to not having all these violent awful things happening is to have the people who have done them share their experience with it.
"Yeah. I remember getting so mad that my mind went to a truly dark and violent place. That was one of the worst things I ever lived through in my own head. I remember how mad I got, and here's what I've learned: when you get in that initial mad state, you need to get some help right then and not keep it to yourself."
You see, when we have all these people who have done all these things that are horrible that can actually share their experience, then we can learn from them.
Right now we have a culture of ignorance basically, where we have the same things happen over and over again because we don't understand how they happened in the first place.
When you don't understand something, it keeps happening again and
again. It seems like we are here to become godlike where we understand everything. It's easy to love as God loves unconditionally when you can understand everything.
I'm grateful for all the dumb stuff I've shared in this book. I have a massive capacity to understand. When I see someone that's done something horrible on the news, but for the grace of God there go I.
I understand the exact mind state one can get in to do the most atrocious things in life, and I see the way out of that mind state is prayer.
I see that we can help each other avoid doing the very worst things, that no one does something horrible alone. Everyone, we are all connected at all times. Everything I've talked about in this book, I did with other people.
The things I did in a strip club, I did with other people. I couldn't have done that by myself. All the pornos I watched and was so ashamed of, there were people who made and distributed those, and people who failed to take those offline, so I couldn't download them.
For all the worst things I've been involved with in my life that I've talked about in this book and in "Speaker Meeting 2017," all of them involved other people.
And even if I was alone, it involved me learning from other people at some point, or getting the idea from someone else, or other people leaving me alone or rejecting me, or not helping me or listening to me through their behavior.
None of us are ever truly alone and every single thing we do influence other people.
In fact, I would go so far as to say, every thought we have, affects all of
humanity. If we hate someone, that hateful thought affects all of humanity. All we need to do to not have war is to go around in a persistent state of loving and accepting understanding.
When I am able to walk up to someone in an AA meeting who is drunk, who is just walking literally off the sidewalk from living on the street into the meeting, I shake their hand, I look at them in the eyes and I see them as a human being, that makes a difference.
That is what those guys did for me when I came in weighing 70 plus more pounds than I do now, feeling like a piece of shit inside. Those men and women in AA shook my hand and loved me until I could love myself.
The best of what I got out of those meetings was the courage of men and women to really open up and share their stories at a high level of honesty, and to some degree, a disregard for how other people will judge based on that.
I told my sponsor in Alcoholics Anonymous about some of the worst that I would share in this book and that I have shared since narrating it.
He said, "I wouldn't narrate that book."
I understand his point of view, because sure, when you put it all out there, you risk something.
I got news though.
No one's getting out of this life alive.
This body will pass away so completely it will be as if it never existed.
But all the love, all the good, all the service, all the understanding and kindness I have, all of that will persist in everyone and everything else.
Therefore, I act upon the world I intend to create today. I intend to
contribute to creating a world of love, kindness, happiness, understanding and connection.
That's why I've created this book, to share stuff like that.
As an entrepreneur online whom many people call successful, with millions of followers, I've earned millions of dollars online, sold hundreds of thousands of courses, have 22 million views on YouTube, 100 million people have seen my ads on Facebook, blah, blah, blah — in this position, you might think it's very tempting to just sweep all this stuff under the rug.
What if someone gets a hold of this thing and gets upset about it?
What if in 10 years, I'm up for president of the US or something, and people get a hold of this book?
"Whoa, we can't be electing this motherfucker to President."
It takes courage to just step up here, tell the truth and say, "Look, I know I've shared it for the right reason and if they don't like it, that's their problem."
When we face these fears in ourselves, we say, "You know what? I'm going to share my truth with the intention to help people, and I will go forward in courage and take the life of my dreams on. I will take the leap of faith and share courageously."
Because my real purpose in writing this book is to inspire you to write a book like it.
I would love to read your book.
The girl who shares in Alcoholics Anonymous in such generic detail, I would love to listen to a 10-hour book of her life in its most detail in the very
worst parts of her life.
I would love and that's why I get so frustrated. It is because I see her, and I would like to say, "Just share your whole truth with us," but a lot of us don't feel safe to share at this level.
I feel safe because the men and women of Alcoholics Anonymous have shown me what it looks like. While it took many of them to get to 70 plus years of age to feel safe sharing at that level, and confronting the fact that some of them have died since they have shared, from my point of view, there is no time to waste.
I would like to live in a world where I actually get to listen to and read lots of your books like this. There are lots of police officers I would love to hear their version of "Officer Banfield." I would love to hear their stories. I would love to hear all the dumb shit they did as a police officer.
I would love to hear my coworkers’ versions of this book. I would love to hear the dispatcher's version of this book and I would probably get upset because I would have such a small part in it, while she got two hours in mine.
But it is fine, I would probably be a two-hour chapter in the security guard's book too.
That's how this thing peaks so loud, isn't it? I get to laughing.
This is my real purpose here.
It is to share my truth with you, and then give you the courage. You know what?
The world can handle your truth, and sure, while individual people may get mad and frustrated, the people who get inspired by it will energetically wipe out the ones who don't like it.
What I found in sharing at this level online has helped me build a massive following of people who come to me and see something that is not the usual, a level of sharing that involves trust.
So, I'm not talking about how great I am any more than I'm talking about how great you are, and how great every man and woman in Alcoholics Anonymous has shown me what this looks like.
Every compliment I get today, people say, "Man, I love how you share."
I say, "You know why you love how I share? Because I learned how to do it from those who inspired me the most. So if you really love how I share, I imagine you'll start sharing like it."
It is not how I share, it is how we share in a world where we are loved and connected, where we love and trust each other, realize and remember our divine connection to each other, remember our eternal life, our immortality, and remember our afterlife the next time we think there is no life after a relationship or a job, or the physical death.
I thought that about being a police officer and it's not true. There is always an afterlife, and as proof of that, we are here right now.
Thank you very much for experiencing "Officer Banfield" with me. I trust that if you have got this deep into it, you are one of the most enthusiastic listeners or readers of this book.
You are one of the very few, the elite, that has gone all the way through this massive testimonial to my life as a police officer.
Will you please help carry the message by leaving a review on this book?
Because that will help more people find it and you will feel good about that, especially if there is something you really liked about it.
What I do with most of the audible books I listen to, or if I buy a book on Kindle, I just really quickly, if the book was helpful, I drop a five-star review on it.
If not, I often just don't leave a review and figure by not paying attention to it, that it is my review.
I often share books that I love with other people. I trust if you have loved this book and you got this far in, that you are empowered and that you will want to share this with someone else who will get the same experience.
I imagine by this point, I hope that you have had a lot of laughs listening to this book, especially the things you never would have expected to hear in it.
All right.
You have listened to me talk this long. "Please, God, just let him finish the book." I think that's about it.
Almost.
There is probably like one more thing I could add, but once you submit the book on Audible, then it's really final.
So, it's kind of a lot of pressure.
Like, where do you just end it?
Thank you very much for reading this book!
You can read more books written by Jerry Banfield at https:// jerrybanfield.com/books.
We appreciate the time you spent reading this! If it has been helpful for you, I hope you will let others know that in a review.
Love,
Jerry Banfield
http s://jerrybanfield.com
If you connect with how I live and think, you can follow the rest of my days on YouTube in my Life playlist.