This is 30 lame coins that are going to waste your time and ruin your gains, especially compared to what I see as the best opportunity in crypto, which is ICP. The simple truth is that you can't handle the truth. The simple truth, the way I see it, is that ICP is the only thing in crypto that matters. The only tech that matters. The only thing the world actually needs. The rest of crypto is prototypes at best, and junk, lies, hype, and extracting value from naive fools at worst. And if you can handle the truth, I'm going to give it to you straight. Jerry Banfield never chased that. What? This is not financial advice. This is entertainment. You see that? Complete with singing.
I hold ICP because it's the only thing real in crypto as far as I'm concerned. All the rest of these coins are lame garbage that's going to fuck up your returns, all right? We've got far enough in. I think we can swear now. I don't want you to have your returns fucked up.
Bitcoin and Ethereum Are Already Sinking
Bitcoin. Did you just see that hack? That happened. A hundred million dollars lost on a cold wallet. It's all coming down. ICP is the only thing I've found that solves for this, with a fully on-chain blockchain wallet you can access right in a web browser. All these others are going down. I'm yelling, timber! It's going down. They're all shit. They've all been created to extract value from you. That's why they were created. They did the minimum engineering possible and then paid everything into marketing. ICP put everything into the engineering instead. In the short term ICP looks bad, because all the other ones are marketing, but the game is about to flip. The next bull market, in my opinion, is going to be all ICP.
Now, Bitcoin may stick around because it has some naive collector's value. It has that whole, oh, it was the original crypto thing going for it. But still, Bitcoin has had diminishing returns consistently from bull market to bull market, and at this point we'll be lucky to get back to all-time highs, because Bitcoin can sell off a lot.
Ethereum is way overbloated. The layer twos. I did a deep dive on Bitcoin, and a deep, deep dive on Ethereum. Ethereum is fucked. This is so bad. It's like the Titanic just hit an iceberg and everybody doesn't realize it's sinking. But it's going down. The layer twos have extracted all this value from it. You've got ICP now that's going to take the dominant position in crypto, which makes Ethereum useless, and all the liquidity will flow off of Ethereum into ICP. That's the only thing Ethereum even has going for it, is branding. When a better brand comes along, Ethereum's finished. Everybody sells all their shit. And the last one to figure this out gets stuck holding a fucking empty bag. So I hope it's not you.
XRP Has the Worst Tokenomics in the Top 10
XRP is some of the worst shit on the market. It disgusts me. I was listening to this conspiracy theory woman a couple of years ago, and I was all into it. She was talking about aliens and messages and channeling shit. And then she's like, yeah, buy $500 of XRP and you'll be set for life. I'm like, the fuck? You just ruined everything. Because now I know you're bullshitting about everything else too. I could sit there and fantasize for a minute that you were telling the truth about all your alien contacts, but I actually know crypto.
XRP has the worst tokenomics of any of the top 10 cryptos by far. Right now it still has damn near $40 billion that hasn't been dumped yet. This is the opposite of a fair launch. This is a fuck you launch. It's been over a decade, and Ripple still has $40 billion of token unlocks. No way this works out. One of the absolute biggest shit turds in the top. Minus 95 percent is my minimum hope for this one. Because all the videos on it are just pushed by bots that say empty shit, when the fact is, look this up. I did a video roasting it with all the research. AI can show you and back up all the stuff I'm saying.
The AI Already Found the Outlier
AI is figuring out that ICP is the real deal. ChatGPT Pro, I asked it to go through the top 100 and find the outlier. Find which one's different. It found ICP, guys. When AI can do that, the humans are going to catch up. The people who have paid $200 a month like me for ChatGPT Pro already have the research. We don't have to look at fucking dumbass price charts anymore and listen to dipshit influencers that have been sold out. Because unlike them, I haven't sold out. I've actually done my research, and I care more about giving you the simple truth than lying to you and making a bunch more money like most of the rest of them do.
Or some of them may not be lying. They're just copying everybody else and they're not thinking for themselves. They're like a fucking zombie that's just on autopilot, shilling you shit and telling you what you want to hear. But I'm not here to do that. Because somebody who really loves you is going to tell you the truth, even when it pisses you off. And then you'll be like, damn, thank you for waking me up from this crypto matrix.
Solana Is a Great Crypto Matrix Token
Solana is a great crypto matrix token. Useless, useless pile of shit Solana. Useless pile of shit, all handling inflation. I watched an interview with Dominic Williams, the founder of DFINITY and ICP, and he's talking about moving the world onto the blockchain, revolutionizing the infrastructure of the internet. And the founder of Solana is like, well, we're going to make great products. We're going to make great products for our customers. I'm like, what the fuck? You, what? Great products for your customers? This shit wouldn't pass business school. And you're sitting here at the head of the foundation, and that's what you have to say about Solana.
Old Meme Coins Do Not Age Well
Guys, meme coins have come and gone. People have got ripped off on those. The market, crypto, has gotten to be such bullshit that people can't even stand meme coins anymore. And you want to talk about that? Well, that puts Dogecoin right in the shitter, doesn't it? Because nothing's worse than an old, stanky ass meme coin. On an unrelated note, I'm looking forward to seeing Super Troopers 3 in the movies as soon as I can. That's what reminded me of the stankiness.
Dogecoin and old meme coins do not age well, because it's the new, hot, sexy meme coins, if you can get out of them before they rug, that get you the instant high multiples. Why hold Dogecoin when Litecoin and Dogecoin are literally sharing the same mining pool? That's like two dudes being married to the same woman. Ha ha. Oh, shit. And it sucks. I guess if she puts out enough to satisfy both of y'all, it could be fine if everybody gets along. But it's like, come on, man. Dogecoin and Litecoin are literally sharing the same mining. How lame has this shit gotten? And Litecoin, the founder exited in 2017, guys. And you're still here?
Polkadot Is Finished and the Founders Know It
Polkadot. I did a video saying Polkadot's finished, and all the haters want to talk about it. Polkadot's shit. Look at the metrics. It's fucking destroyed. It's just destroyed. There's nowhere to go from here, guys. The founders of these projects know it's over. All they're doing is trying to tread water. They know the ship's going down. Some of them know it so much that they're faking and lying like they can do what ICP can, like Near talking about AI.
Near, you can't do shit with AI, except put out a fucking token, hand it to somebody, do everything else off chain, put tiny ass little bits of data on the blockchain, and say, we did something with AI. Bullshit. You misled everyone that's investing. That's what you did with AI. ICP can run AI directly on the blockchain, including some basic models fully on the blockchain, and they have AI nodes that are plugging in with cloud engines. This is the thing, guys. The insiders know that ICP has already won the future, and they're just trying to sell their shit before you figure it out. This is the future. All the rest of them know they're fucked, and they're just desperately hoping you can't figure that out before they dump all their bags.
Tron, Gambling, and What You Can Actually Build on ICP
Tron. What do you need Tron for? To transfer USDT across the world? You can do that better and faster on ICP. People are trying to gamble and shit on Tron. You can gamble fully on chain on ICP. You can use AI to build your own gambling website with anything built in. You can use AI right now on ICP. You can use Claude, or Codex with ChatGPT. You can build your own gambling website, fully on chain, provably fair, clearly auditable. You can put Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, and I hope not, Litecoin, but some of these other ones, ICP, USDT, USDC, in it. You can build that shit fully on chain yourself right now with AI. That's how advanced ICP is, that you can build the entire thing on chain. The whole website and everything can be provably fair. You can make your own gambling website right now on ICP, take all these cryptos for it immediately, and start printing money for yourself.
Now, I'm not going to do that, because I had a gambling addiction before, which is why investing in crypto was so shitty for me back when I didn't understand the simple truth. This is like the gospel I'm preaching right here. ICP is the future, and all the rest of these are shit, liars, extractors.
Avalanche Staking Is a Miserable Experience
For example, Avalanche. Have you tried staking with Avalanche? Because I have. What a shitty experience. Trying to move between the P chain, the C chain, the X chain, you've got to get in this website, and then they change it to another website, lock it up for a year, shitty APR. And what is all that based on? It's based on limited ass computation that can't hardly do anything on the blockchain. That's what it's based on.
And look, I know ICP's price chart has sucked over the last year. Avalanche's is giving it some competition for who sucked more. Now, in some circumstances I'd be really excited to know who sucked more, but not when it comes to crypto prices. Shit, this went from $35 to $6. And here's the thing. ICP is the only one of these where the price could go to zero but the tech is so good somebody is going to keep using it and buy all that shit up. None of the rest of these have tech that anyone gives a shit about. They can all go to zero, because nobody's going to buy the bottom just to use the tech. ICP, from what I see, is almost impossible to kill. Maybe 99 percent of the time it can only go down so far, because people are going to buy it and use the technology to host websites, to build entire applications on, to build your government infrastructure on.
Near Protocol, Absolute Loser
Near Protocol. Near Protocol, absolute loser, whose team I just ripped in a previous video. They go around talking about AI like they're doing something, like you ought to know, like maybe you know something I don't. This is misleading marketing. They market Near like it can do anything. AI on chain. Then they say that on-chain AI doesn't matter. What the fuck is that? Seriously? Go on, young man. Seriously.
You market that you're doing AI on chain. You make people think you're doing AI on chain. Then, when somebody calls you out on the bullshit, like I did in my Near video, and then Bobbio piled on, and then Dominic Williams piled on and called out all their bullshit, they say, ooh, look, they're making retail think they do AI on chain. They've got themselves bullshitted into the AI category somehow, off of handing fucking tokens and money to other people to go out there and do off-chain AI stuff. I'd rather buy stock in an AI company than have a bullshit AI coin for off-chain stuff that the coin can't even own.
Near Protocol handing out money to AI coin projects. Great job. Wow, what an accomplishment. Holy shit, you might record some transactions on the blockchain. Wow, you've really made some major innovations. And then your marketing says it's on chain, and then your team says on-chain AI doesn't matter, and that what ICP's doing doesn't matter either. And then you put all of that into AI, and the AI says that's bullshit.
The AI Found the Singularity in the Top 100
That's what you've got to get. AI is rapidly changing this world, and AI has already found that ICP is the singularity in the top 100. Now, the basic AIs are still fucking stupid. Duh! Well, which project do you think's the best? ChatGPT 5. Well, Grok. Fucking stupid ass Grok. Duh! Well, it's Near. Well, you don't know shit. I'm not asking you any other questions.
ChatGPT Pro was the first one. It isolated it, pulled out huge research, read all the documentation, and on the first try, ICP's the one. My prompt was: go through and read all the documentation, tell me which of these blockchains is truly the best opportunity, I want you to look for an outlier, something that's different, something that's not like all the others. Boom, it found ICP. Guys, if AI can do this, you better be able to fucking do this too before everybody else does. Just saying.
Chainlink Is a Coin, Not a Blockchain
All these others are basically just shitcoins. Chainlink. Shitcoin. Total shitcoin. It is a coin. It's not even a fucking blockchain. It is a coin that is not directly tied to the off-chain business. Holding the coin gives you no legal ownership and no ownership by code over the business. And oracles are becoming irrelevant, especially as AI continues to grow. You can build AI and the AI will just pull all this shit for you. On ICP you don't even need oracles anymore. ICP can go make HTTPS outcalls and grab the data itself. Chainlink, irrelevant in the future.
Cardano and Charles Under Pressure
Cardano, absolute shitcoin. I roasted that in a dedicated video. I've roasted most of these in dedicated videos. I've taken 10, 20, 30 minutes to destroy these coins. Cardano is awful. Charles Hoskinson was out there shilling something with Filecoin, then he complains and takes a break. It's like, dude, he's under pressure. I get it, Charles. You're under pressure, all right? Because you know this is going towards zero. You know you've failed. You know ICP's coming in. It's coming for everything else in crypto, especially you. And you know it's over. So I understand, Charles. That's stressful. And I feel you. I would take some time off. I'd sell your Cardano too, not financial advice, before everybody else does.
Why You Can't Sell Your Bag
Because these videos are going out to a lot of people. And I'm getting people that are watching them that are joining the Jerry Banfield Family, scheduling an hour-long call with me, and they're saying, dude, look at my portfolio. What the fuck am I doing with these coins? Why can't I sell them? I know they're trash. I hate them. Why can't I sell them?
And I said, because you're psychologically tied to them. You've made this coin part of your identity. This coin's part of me. And you just want to be right about it. But if you miss ICP, none of that matters. All the other coins are an opportunity cost. It's like if you have a shitty relationship in your life, it's hard to have an amazing relationship. If you're single, you might be able to get an amazing relationship, but if you're in a shitty relationship, you don't even have space to have something better. If you've got all these shitcoins in your portfolio, you don't even have space to be ready for the best opportunity.
And there's no guarantees. Anything could happen. This could be a horrible world ruled by the devil, and maybe the devil wants XRP to be the new world currency. So if that's the case, then maybe I'm out of position. All right? I'll admit that. If the demons, the archons and all that shit want XRP, and I swear they try and slip it into my brain sometimes. I'm trying to say ICP and they're like, XRP, XRP. And I'll be like, XRP's got, fuck, ICP. So there is that scenario. To me, if the devil had a coin, it'd probably be XRP. So if y'all are down with that, fine. But I'm not.
Stellar, Sui, and the Rest of the Me-Too Pile
So Stellar XLM, literally a shit fork copy of XRP. Do I even need to say anything else? Litecoin, I was super bullish on it years ago. Sui, just another me-too blockchain. And I don't need a me-too blockchain in my portfolio.
Then we'll scroll down through, because I said 30, and how many have I done off this thumbnail? That's 15. So we're going to go through and finish this up, and then I'm going to call this girl I'm hoping to have sex with. So hopefully it'll be a nice Saturday night, everyone. Let's go down and look at some of these other shitters. Who do I really want to focus on?
Zcash. Damn, we're still fooling around with Zcash. Stupid ass privacy coin that is, well, I'm not going to say anything. Monero, XMR. All right, it has a decent privacy lane, but you've got Zcash above it. ICP can do privacy so much better and fully on chain. Monero, irrelevant. Wrapped Bitcoin, this is some of the worst shit in the top 20. If XRP didn't exist, Wrapped Bitcoin might be my least favorite coin.
Hyperliquid's $19 Billion Problem
Oh, let me hate on Hyperliquid for a minute. Have any of you that have been bullish about Hyperliquid thought of these little numbers here? Fuck all their talk about buybacks. They've got $19 billion in token unlocks. Give a fuck about some buybacks? Buybacks are not going to offset gigantic token unlocks. And everyone trading perps is wasting your time and ruining the world. What are you doing trading perps? Especially if you don't have some conspiracy theory, psychic, looking-into-the-future-from-near-death-experiences ability to try and read the future. What the fuck are you doing trading perps? Don't you have something better to do with your life than to gamble on future shitcoin prices? Woo. I said this was entertainment, not financial advice, so I'm doubling down on that.
Bitcoin Cash, Gram, Canton, Hedera
Let's go down to Bitcoin Cash. Come on. This is still in the top 22. Zombie coin. Gram. I can't stand this one, because it's just taking advantage of Telegram's branding. It's some kind of leech, essentially, that again fraudulently promotes what it does, talking about future Web3 bullshit. Your fucking cheap ass coin that sends transactions. That's not the future of anything. Canton, completely useless. When an institution's got ICP to build their infrastructure on, Canton is completely useless. Hedera, completely useless. And it makes no sense for a crypto retail investor. Why would you hold something that makes no effort to look decentralized and is literally governed by companies? Just buy fucking stocks. And that wasn't financial advice, because I don't have stocks.
Cronos Cost Me Thousands for $100 in Rewards
Uniswap. And then Cronos, one of the worst investments I've ever made in crypto. My boy Joe Paris got me into the debit card. It went to shit from 35 cents, and I sold it at six cents. And I don't feel too bad, because it's five cents now. But I lost, do the math on that, like $3,000 on that dumbass debit card for like $100 fucking dollars in rewards. A good example of what not to do.
Bittensor and Fake Decentralized AI
Bittensor, TAO. Boy, this one's easy to criticize. The top guy left and said the marketing was bullshit, that it was totally centralized. And then you dig deeper into the details, because see, when you dig deeper into the details, all of these keep getting worse. Bittensor TAO is basically a blockchain that provides a scorecard for off-chain AI stuff that can completely be circle jerked and just extracted from the blockchain. I don't see one single reason that anyone would try and do anything with Bittensor TAO. And all the partnerships are probably just paid hype narratives at this point, because centralized AI has all the processing power. I don't see why I'd use Bittensor for anything, because it's more expensive and wasteful compared to using centralized AI. And if you want real decentralized AI, guess what's your only option? ICP is the only thing that can give you any validity in terms of any real decentralization with AI. And this is the infrastructure I build on every day. My website is hosted on ICP, so I'm not just taking this on a leap of faith.
MemeCore, a blockchain based on meme coins. Even if ICP didn't exist, I'd say this is totally useless, because you already have Solana. Why would anybody do anything on MemeCore unless they're getting paid to do it? And as soon as the money runs out, good game, everyone.
The Whole Point Is to Hide ICP
What you need to understand is that the whole point of all these other shitcoins is to hide Internet Computer Protocol. That's the point of all these other coins. They're all trying to hide ICP. And they're desperate to do anything they can to bury ICP down here so that all the simple motherfuckers don't find it. But I'm trying to do the opposite. I'm trying to help simple people find the one real thing in ICP. Every one of these roasts is a full video of its own if you want the research behind it, and they all live in my Crypto Reviews playlist.
I could just keep this to myself. It seems like lots of other people are finding this and keeping it to themselves. They're like, why would I tell anybody else about this when I can buy ICP at all-time lows and set myself up to be rich, and then if I tell everybody else about it, that's going to mess up the opportunity for me, isn't it? I don't care about messing up the opportunity for me. I care about building a loyal following, so that when ICP goes where I think it's going to go, I'm going to have thousands and thousands of true fans.
People hop into the Jerry Banfield Family to hang out and be there with me. Right now you're just a number reading this, and I would love to get to know your face and your name, and you can message me at any time. You can give me feedback. The last feedback somebody messaged me, they said, bring back that crazy shit swearing comedy, I missed that. So I did that today. I roasted all these losers.
And you can't handle the truth. Or can you? Can you handle the truth? This is the truth as I see it, which is obvious to me at this point. It's checkout time. We gotta go.