The Three Parts of Step 12
Let's talk about Step 12 in Alcoholics Anonymous. Step 12 reads as follows: having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. There are basically three parts to the 12th step that we want to analyze. First, it says having had a spiritual awakening. That means that what we did in the previous 11 steps has awakened our experience of life to a new and different way of looking at things. We've had that miraculous psychological transformation — we are no longer the same person now that we used to be when we came in at Step One. That new person goes forward and tries to carry the message to alcoholics that there is a way out, and to practice the principles of this new person, of this awakened spirit, in all affairs.
Practicing These Principles in All Our Affairs
Let me give a practical example, because I find working these steps is so much easier when I hear other people's exact experience with the step in detail. For example, let's talk about practicing these principles in all our affairs. My wife and I, when I was about six months sober, were at her family's house. I had the spiritual awakening. I had done my first attempts at all of the steps. I had that miraculous spiritual awakening. My life was going fantastic, and I was just feeling zen and enlightened and like a new person. And when I'd come over to her family's house, then often the old person would come up a bit, and those old reactions with it. And my wife said one night, why can't you treat my family the way you treat all those people at those AA meetings? Why can't you love my family the way you love the people at AA? And man, that really hit me. Because that's practicing these principles in all my affairs. When I go to an AA meeting and I'm giving people hugs and being nice, and they say things that are offensive and they don't bother me, and I accept people as they are — then the chance to practice that principle of love and kindness and tolerance and all the things I talk about and say that I'm doing at AA, the time to practice that principle is with my wife's family. It's in my work. It's in my marriage. It's in my parenting. It's in my driving. The idea is that we take all we learn from AA and then put that into practice through the other 23 hours a day we're not at a meeting. And that is what makes Step 12 something where, in my opinion, you haven't ever worked the steps in the past. The steps are something you're living and working and doing now.
Carrying the Message to Other Alcoholics
So we've covered practicing these principles in all our affairs in a little bit of detail, and we talked about having had the spiritual awakening, which especially happens going through the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th steps, really deepening into the 12th step. Let's look at trying to carry the message to other alcoholics. Trying to carry the message to other alcoholics, to me, is easiest when I'm at an AA meeting. I don't need to go hunt people out. I don't need to go hunt people down in bars or try to convert all my family members into getting sober. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every day give me a chance to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That means especially the newcomer — especially the guy that comes in drunk who still barely maybe even has a desire to get sober. That means the people who are in meetings who are sober and have had the spiritual awakening continue to carry the message back and forth to each other. The easiest place to keep carrying the message is in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
That said, I carry the message absolutely anywhere I can when I'm not at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. And this is why I make these videos on YouTube — because I see there are lots of alcoholics searching for good information on Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm in a position to make it. Therefore, this is also part of me trying to carry the message to an alcoholic, because you likely found this by searching for it, or by it being suggested, or by going through my Alcoholics Anonymous playlist. And this is a part of carrying the message. I see that we have the chance to carry the message in many different ways, and each of us has unique opportunities. You can carry the message by writing a post on Facebook. You can carry the message by talking to somebody in person. You can carry the message just by being an example that people start to ask questions about.
Balancing the 12th Step with the 11th Tradition
Now, I've seen some comments asking about how the 11th Tradition works into this, and I suggest that you balance carrying the message in the 12th step with the 11th Tradition as follows. I can talk about anything from my own experience and my own life and my own results in Alcoholics Anonymous anywhere I want to, because that's my story, and there's nothing in Alcoholics Anonymous that's intended to stop me from talking about my own life and my own story. It's an anonymous program in that I don't talk about other people who go to Alcoholics Anonymous with me unless I have their explicit permission, or unless they've passed on. And I also don't talk specifically about which AA meeting I go to, and I don't name any group members or places that I do go to. That, to me, is how we balance the 11th Tradition with the 12th step. I see some of us in AA get a bit hung up on, well, I can't share and post anything that tells people I'm in AA. And the 12th step very clearly says try to carry the message to other alcoholics who are still suffering. That means through any means that's practical. And that is an opportunity each of us has today. Even something as small as leaving a comment can help carry the message.
Am I Practicing This Every Day?
The key question for Step 12 each day is: am I practicing this? Am I living in a spiritually awakened state? And how do I even tell that? I tell that if I'm in a loving, accepting place for both myself and other people. It's important for me to notice when I'm working the steps backwards — when I've started to drop out of the 12th step, where I'm not in the spiritually awakened state anymore, and then I don't have the best message to help other alcoholics with, and then I'm not likely to be practicing the principles in all my affairs. The 12th step is a place where I continue to deepen my experience, because what I've found is that often when I'm struggling and when I'm suffering — and the Big Book says that there's nothing that will so much ensure immunity against a drink as working with another alcoholic — I've found no matter how my day's going, when I go to an AA meeting every day, I feel better. And it's because that's my chance to go help someone else.
I remember when I was first getting sober, still on my last hangover. I had just desperately prayed to God, I'll do anything to stay sober. This was six and a half years ago. And the thought crossed my mind that, well, going to one of those AA meetings might be a part of the anything you just offered. And I thought, okay, I can do that. That doesn't sound so bad. What got me really excited was thinking that I can go to Alcoholics Anonymous and I can help other people get sober and stay sober. That's what really made me want to come to Alcoholics Anonymous, and that's what leaves me wanting to keep coming back. Because when I first showed up at Alcoholics Anonymous, there were lots of people there — maybe 10 or 20 people almost every day, and then a lot more who came less frequently — who had been sober five, 10, 15, 20, 30, even 40 years. And they kept coming to meetings, and I needed all of them to be there for me and to lift me up. I see this as a lifetime commitment for me personally, to continue to show up and lift others up who have gotten into the depths of alcoholism. At the same time, I recognize that this is my path. That doesn't mean it's the path for everybody else who comes to AA or everybody else in the world. Some people come to AA, get sober, and are called to service in a different fellowship or a different way in life. There are lots of ways.
A Life of Service
The 12th step is all about service. It's about serving others. I'm carrying the message to others out of service, and I'm practicing these principles in all my affairs to be of service to other people. That is something I'm very grateful to be doing, and my whole life is about service. I find staying sober is very easy when I'm thinking about how can I help you? Because for me, it's a default to think about how can I help myself? So where I need the effort is to think about how can I help you? Who can I lift up today? And AA gives me a place to do that every day. Now, some people aren't wired the same. My wife — her default is how can I help you? And she needs a little help sometimes to think about what do I need. For me, AA balances out my life just perfectly.
Therefore, my 12th step looks like making videos like this. It looks like talking about Alcoholics Anonymous with anyone, anywhere, and not caring about what the consequences might be. When I'm trying to carry this message to other alcoholics, lots of times I don't know who's another alcoholic when I'm not at an AA meeting. So I share my sobriety openly. I share that I go to Alcoholics Anonymous openly, because I have no idea who I might help. I trust God to carry that through. And if there's some opportunity I don't get because I talk about how I'm sober and I go to AA, then I don't want that opportunity. I don't want any opportunity that's conditioned on me having to act different than what is true. What is true is that Alcoholics Anonymous is a huge part of my life. My sobriety and my health are more important than my family, than my friends — because I'm not going to be a good family member or a friend, and I'm not going to have anything good to carry in my work, if my sobriety and my health are all messed up. It's up to me to make sure that I keep that number one. And that's why I talk about things very openly with everybody, anytime it seems right and appropriate.
What If I Stay Sober the Rest of My Life?
The last thing I'll address here: some people say, well, what if you get drunk? You're making these videos, and all these people are watching your videos about AA on YouTube, and you tell everybody on Facebook and when you're live — what if you get drunk? That's a fear-based scenario. From what I see, let's ask a better question. What if I stay sober the rest of my life and successfully carry this message for 100 years? How many people can I lift up? How many people can I help? Let's think about the scenarios we want and take action on those. What if I stay sober the rest of my life? How many other people can I carry this message to? That's what we're here to do today — think about what kind of life we want to have. I want to have a sober life where I'm practicing the 12th step every single day, and that's why I made this. I hope it's helpful for you.
Thank you very much for reading this. If you'd like me to make a video about a very specific topic — anything related to AA, or even not AA — please leave that in the comments, because I read every comment on YouTube, and I consider the comments highly for what new videos I'll make to try to serve you. You can also see more of my story anytime in my Life playlist. I love you, you're awesome, and maybe I'll see you in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting one day.