What is step three in Alcoholics Anonymous in practical terms? I'm Jerry Banfield. I'm an alcoholic and my sober date is April 2014. This is my understanding of step three.
In the most basic form, in the first two steps we've realized that we are operating at an insane level of thinking, and we've come to believe in something that's greater than ourselves — whether that be a person with more sobriety, a religious figure, God, or the AA group. We've come to believe something can help us be restored to sanity. What we do in step three is we open ourselves up to letting whatever higher power it is guide our life.
A Higher Power in Practice
If we have some atheist or agnostic leanings, the higher power might be a sponsor. A sponsor has demonstrated the ability to maintain sober time, and that might mean just taking suggestions from a sponsor, taking guidance. For me, it meant trying the suggestions I heard in meetings. It meant for me buying the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It meant for me, when I was stressed out and struggling, taking recommendations from people who'd been sober in the meetings as to how I could get some relief instead of going to the liquor store.
The Massage That Might Have Saved My Life
One of my most powerful step three experiences was when I really wanted to drink bad one day. I knew I was insane. I was praying to God or Jesus or my dad or whoever would listen to please help me stay sober. I remembered that in a meeting, one of the ladies with 25 years of sobriety said, "Oh, when I'm stressed out, I just go get a massage. It helps me relax so much." When I first heard it in the meeting, I thought, that's dumb. It'll cost too much. They probably do weird stuff with you in there. I can't be any part of that.
My opportunity to practice step three, when I was absolutely crazy, stressed out, and wanted to drink, was to say, okay, this is a time where I try something else. I was scared to go try getting a massage. I didn't want to spend the money on it. I went and did it anyway. To me, that's what step three looks like — just trying some suggestions from others who have proven they are staying sober.
Because if you believe in God or you have a connection or experience with a higher power, to me, the guidance from God is usually delivered through the mouths of other people. That lady in a meeting who shared about that massage might have saved my life that day. When I pray to God for guidance, what I often find is a greater ability to listen and take the suggestions of those around me.
Not Every Suggestion Is a Good One
That doesn't mean take every single suggestion. For example, a guy shared in a meeting one day that he thought doing mushrooms was really helpful for his sobriety. That's the kind of thing where it's okay to say, I'm not doing that one. That's also the kind of thing where, if you've got a suggestion and you're not sure about it, it's good to ask other people. Say, "Hey, sponsor," or "Hey, partner" — whoever you trust in your life to give you good advice. If you get a suggestion and you're having a hard time with it, ask other people about it and say, does this seem like a reasonable suggestion?
Turning My Will and My Life Over Today
For me, turning my will and my life over to God today means thinking constantly, how may I help? It means looking around for those opportunities to help. It means consistently going to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous every day so that I can get more suggestions and be available to help others.
When we've practiced step three enough, then we are ready to jump into step four and get into an inventory of our lives, and then the fifth step and all that. Step three is a key transitional step where we are actually taking some action. In steps one and two, we just really need to look around, see that things are a mess, and believe something can restore us. But step three is where we start to say, okay, I'm going to take these suggestions, I'm going to try something to live a better, happy, sober life today. I'm going to go through and work the rest of these steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and see what happens.
Thank you very much for reading all of this — I hope you enjoyed this with me. I'm a full-time YouTuber. I love you, you're awesome, and I will be sharing more as I go through all the steps in living sober. If you'd like to follow along with my journey, you can find more in my Life playlist.