January 18th, 2025, and I am doing a little vlog today. I am closing in on 5,000 days on YouTube. I just went to an AA meeting, and we talked about asking for help, which is a really important thing to do in life. Kids ask for help so naturally, but often as grownups we have the pride and the ego and the self-image, and we don't want to ask for help, be vulnerable, and show people a different side of ourselves. We are also scared of the help we are going to get sometimes. People are going to tell us things we don't want to hear.
When I blew my finances up in 2019 and 2020, I asked for help, and people told me, get a job. I said, no, that's not the help I want. I'm not doing that. And when I was depressed and anxious and crazy, and now five years sober, people said, go to a doctor and get on some medication. I said, no, that's not the help I need. What I'm grateful for is that today I very naturally ask for help. I ask for help in my videos. I ask for help in every aspect of my life. I'm constantly asking for help, for feedback, for guidance, for thoughts, trying to see how what I'm doing is affecting everybody else.
That's one thing that's a little difficult on YouTube. Sometimes you don't really know how what you're doing is affecting someone else unless the comments are there. But once you get to a certain level of popularity, you can't even read the comments anymore. You need to have more of an inner circle that tells you the truth. You get viewership, you get numbers, but how do you know what you're really doing? It's hard to tell what experience you're having on the other end.
The power went out
Last night I was going to record this vlog, but the power went out. It reminded me of a few months ago, and I was having flashbacks of the hurricanes when the power was out for almost a week. Thankfully it came back on in an hour or two. It was nice not having any distractions last night. We had several thousand homes without power. In some countries they don't have power at night all the time. From what I've heard about North Korea, they never have power at night. The power goes off and it's 6 p.m. I haven't lived there personally, but I know there are places on Earth, or I've heard there are, where they don't have running water and they don't have clean drinking water. I sure would love to do whatever I can to help with that. To me, the key thing is to have awareness, and to work together and help each other out on this planet.
Making music with joy
I've been thinking a lot about asking for help and looking for help on things like my music. I listened to my new dance song, the 300th song I made, yesterday in the car with Laura and Jack on the way to soccer. Then I listened to this interview with a couple of guys, and one of them was talking about how he plays music and feels like music is one of the things you can most easily use to enter a higher frequency, so to speak, or oneness, and to change your life by listening to it. Music that is expansive, that is created with joy, and that's created with love.
It was kind of a non-linear process, where I ended up finding this random interview with a musician I'd never listened to before, and he's talking about how he creates his music with joy. He avoided learning and being told how to do his music, and he creates it with joy. And I thought, that's what I'm doing. I'm just in my studio playing around, having fun making my music. A lot of times my mind says that's not worth anything, that I have to make money or get viewership or fame off my music. Other times I think my music is my future.
The crypto videos are very hot right now. I don't know, the bigger ICP gets, I don't know that my voice will be needed as much. My voice in ICP was needed when hardly anybody was talking about it and it's the best technology. But when everybody's talking about ICP and there's all kinds of stuff built on it, I'm feeling like the path of joy for the future is learning music, doing a vlog, and continuing to help people in Alcoholics Anonymous, yoga, and tennis.
Knowing yourself
I played tennis yesterday morning, and I had a great conversation with a guy after the meeting too, about sex and relationships and more open-minded practices. It was great. It left me feeling like my mind often thinks more like a freak, so to speak, and thinks it'd be great to have a bunch of multiple wives and girlfriends. But if I remember back to my childhood, and even being a teenager, 19 or 20 years old, I was a guy who wanted a relationship with one woman. I didn't want to be with a whole bunch of women. Back in first, second, and third grade, I wasn't fantasizing most of the time about being with a bunch of women. I just wanted one woman. I wanted a wife. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted one woman to love and to be loved by.
Then with all our culture, it encourages a lot of promiscuity, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that you need to know thyself. It seems that this body and this mind generally lean toward monogamy, and some of the thoughts I have otherwise are distractions. Sure, some of the stuff I talked about yesterday with the guy who has experienced some of these things that I haven't, it sounded interesting, but more of it sounded gross than something I'd really like to engage in. No judgment against anybody else. You've got to know yourself. I've often had all these thoughts that I'd love to be with a whole bunch of different women, but now I'm really glad I'm settling in. I really enjoy just being with my wife, the two of us with each other. When you start bringing a bunch of other people in, it gets complicated, and life is complicated enough. There's enough complexity.
Genius is simplifying complexity
I talked to the guy about internet computer last night. He has at least 10 times as much internet computer as I do, and he had an entire single-spaced page of questions to ask. That's how complex just internet computer is, and that's only a fraction of the total questions you could ask about it, but those are the ones most relevant for investing. Our world is complexity. To me, genius is being able to take a bunch of complexity and simplify it, because anyone can fragment things and make them complicated. Anyone can create all these terms and try to make things complex. A lot of science is made complicated to prevent you from understanding it. There's a lot of science that could be explained very simply.
Things like gravity could be explained as a law of attraction. We're all here because we choose to be here. You don't have to use all these forces and stuff. We're all attracted to this planet because we want to be here. I had a dream a while back where I was in a levitation class, and we were all practicing levitation. Some people were floating way up, and there was a building, at night, with no roof on it. Some people were floating out of the container of the building, and I could barely get my butt off the ground. But that's the expansive reality I love living in today.
My calling is expansion
What I'm always seeking is to expand my reality, and my intention with my vlogs is to help expand your reality too. I hope to introduce you consistently to new ideas here, new ways of thinking, and to expand it. Like the musician was saying, a lot of times we're obsessed with one direction. I want to ascend, to get into higher and higher frequencies. But expansion means lower frequencies too. It means sideways, the same frequency in a different way. To me, it seems like the number one calling of my soul is expansion and growth.
A lot of us think that we stop growing as kids. What I see is that our physical body's growth is heavily prioritized in the first maybe 20 years of life. But in my experience, after that, there should be constant mental growth and expansion. I believe that is essential for good health as well. I see that people whose minds get stuck and don't grow anymore, who get rigid, also tend to experience poor health. I'm glad I came with a clear intention for my vlog. That's my goal here: to create something every day that records my own expansions and gives that to you. You can follow more of these reflections in my Life playlist. Thanks for experiencing this with me.